“Sure why not? While we’re at it, I will pull out my collection of Playgirl and we can all have fun.” – Female OB to mother who asked about nipple stimulation for labor augmentation.

107 people dislike these words.

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“Stop smiling, you’re making me nervous.” – Resident OB to mother who had numerous birth orgasms while squatting and pushing.

54 people dislike these words.

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“Besides, Its Your Child.” -OB to mother who was facing an early miscarriage, after an insensitive nurse had called on the phone with poor blood test lab results, delivering the information in an unkind manner.

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“Sometimes its like a key in a lock. If the key isn’t turned just right, it simply won’t fit” – home birth midwife after mother transferred to the hospital and had a cesarean, after laboring 48+ hours, being fully dilated for 24+ hours, pushing in several positions for 6+ hours and being unable to move an OP/asynclitic baby. This statement acknowledged that this baby, this time, truly didn’t fit through her pelvis but did not make her body sound “broken” or “too small.”

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“If being on that side of the curtain makes you puke, you should see what I’m doing over HERE.” – OB to mother mid-cesarean.

66 people dislike these words.

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“It’s going to feel like I am trying to grab your tonsils through your vagina” – CPM to mom when explaining what stripping her membranes might feel like.

29 people dislike these words.

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“Babies come out upside down this way, which is not healthy for mom or baby.” – OB to mom who has been pushing on hands and knees and the head had already been birthed.

48 people dislike these words.

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“She can’t possibly be pushing, we just checked her and she was 5 cm.” -L&D nurse to partner, after he called frantically for the nurse on the call bell.  Baby was born 15 minutes after vaginal exam indicated mom was 5 cm.

35 people dislike these words.

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“If I can’t see what is going on in there, I don’t know how to help you. If I don’t know how to help you, the baby can’t find its way out and you might as well go home.” – CNM on why she needed internal fetal monitoring on mom at check-in to the hospital.

65 people dislike these words.

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