“I have to do an internal ultrasound. It will only take a moment and it shouldn’t cause any discomfort, but if it does, please let me know. Would you like to insert the wand yourself or shall I?” – Ultrasound technician to mother who was not expecting to have a transvaginal ultrasound.
“I really hope it’s not ectopic. I don’t think I could handle that right now.” – OB as they walked out the exam room door, after requesting an ultrasound to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. The mother was being seen for ovarian pain after a positive pregnancy test.
“Nope, no baby there.” – Radiologist immediately upon walking into a dark ultrasound room, where the parents had been waiting 20 minutes after the ultrasound tech left abruptly without a word.
“Oh, some women like to get *comfortable*.” – Midwife was referring to the panties worn by the mother during an ultrasound. The mother had worn the only underwear that fit her belly at the time.
“I have no reason to document the baby’s sex, and I’ll tell you before I look at the lower part of the baby’s body so you can look away if you want.” – Ultrasound tech to mother who didn’t want to know the baby’s sex.
“Don’t worry about the weight estimate. It’s almost impossible to get an accurate measurement at this point, and I only do it because the doctors want it.” – Ultrasound technician during a late-pregnancy ultrasound.
“I don’t know why you are bleeding but with an ultrasound like this the baby has a 95% chance of living for a week.” – OB after a normal ultrasound scan was done on a mother who was 16 weeks pregnant and bleeding.
“You’ve been charting for four years. We’ll just go with your date.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to mother when discussing conflicting measurements taken during the 11 week ultrasound.
“If your baby is that big, it means you have gestational diabetes.” – Ultrasound tech to mother during an ultrasound.
“Oh, your baby has 3 legs!” – Ultrasound Tech to parents at 20 week ultrasound. This was the ultrasound tech’s idea of humor to indicate that she the baby was a male and the “third leg” was a penis, but the parents did not understand that she was joking.