“The doctor told me I had to supplement for jaundice because formula binds to the bilirubin better than breastmilk.” – Pediatrician to mother of a jaundiced newborn.

32 people dislike these words.

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“Her height to weight ratio puts her in the 50th percentile, but if we get her on a higher fat diet she should get up to normal.” – Pediatric Nutritionist

34 people dislike these words.

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“Well, it’s not that bad to be only breastfeeding.” – Pediatrician to mother whose three month old baby was in the 95th percentile.

35 people dislike these words.

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Mother:  ”Can my mother-in-law pick up the prescriptions?”

Pediatric  Nurse: “Yes, as long as she is 18 years or over.”

Mother: “I’m pretty sure she is, since she’s my husband’s mother!”

18 people dislike these words.

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“Since clearly you didn’t have any prenatal care, he’ll need to see a cardiologist for a heart ultrasound just to make sure there’s nothing wrong with him.” – Pediatrician to mother of a home birthed baby, who did have a Level II u/s at 22w gestation.

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“We don’t recommend nursing anymore at this age.” – Pediatrician to mother of an 11-month old who had lost some weight.

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“If you stop gaining weight, and start losing weight, the big one will stop growing and the little one will have a chance to catch up.” –  Pediatrician to an insecure, scared, overweight, pre-teen girl who was seeing the pediatrician because one of her breasts was growing much faster than the other. Her mother suspected a tumor.

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“All vaccine reactions will happen with two days of receiving the shot. There’s no way her fever could be related.” – Pediatric nurse to mother ten days after her toddler had a vaccine. The informational form given to the parents by the pediatrician said that reactions were typical 6-14 days after the shot.

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“I have never seen a baby and mother so comfortable with nursing but this is just beautiful and amazing with a 4.5lbs 33 weeker.” – Neonatologist to NICU nurse and doctor who delivered the baby, after reluctantly letting mom try nursing when baby was alert and rooting soon after birth and was deemed strong enough to try as long as her vitals stayed normal.

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“I cannot accept you or your daughter as a client unless you are fully vaccinating. I don’t want you to sue me when your baby dies of whooping cough” – Pediatrician to pregnant mother at a pediatric meet and greet after being told that the baby’s father is highly allergic to vaccines and she wanted to wait on vaccination until the child was at least 2.

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