“What do you have against pitocin?” – OB to mother when discussing her birth plan.
“We can’t just stop because you’re tired.” -OB to mother after the seventh application of cervical prostaglandins in an attempt to start labor.
“We don’t do water births here. However, sometimes women don’t *make it out of the tub in time*. But, no, we don’t do water births here.” – OB to mother discussing mother’s desire to birth in water, while nodding and winking at the mother.
“You have nothing to worry about…she knows what she’s doing.” -OB to dubious father after mother announced she was now planning to birth at home with midwives.
“You can have a cesarean now, or you can wait until the baby goes into distress and THEN have a cesarean.” – OB to mother who was dilating “too slowly,” but baby showed no signs of distress.
“You really should rethink not having a Hep-Lock or IV because when you’re bleeding to death is a really bad time to place an IV.” -OB going over birth plan with mother.
“Oh God, this is why I hate doing internals on pregnant women, they are all soft & mushy in there & i can’t find the cervix.” -OB during a pelvic exam on a woman 30 weeks pregnant with her 5th child.
“Well, that depends on what you mean by natural? We require an IV be placed upon admission, and we need to have continuous monitoring so you won’t be allowed to move any further than the length of the wires, and we prefer you stay in bed so we can get the best readings.” -OB to mother expressing her desire for a natural childbirth.
“What are you so worried about, there’s nothing down there they haven’t seen before.” – OB wanting to invite students to watch a birth, during the pushing phase, after the mother had already said no.
“I’m going to let you stay pregnant, but you’ll have to follow up with your doctor next week.” – OB to 35 week pregnant mother with slightly elevated blood pressure and labs that were all normal.