“You have a tight pelvic girdle…you’ll just be spinning your wheels.” – OB to mother who inquired about the possibility of a VBAC after an unplanned cesarean.
“You’re getting drugs whether you want them or not. You should have though about that before you had sex.” -OB to a mother who stated she did not want narcotics.
“Oh, I’m glad she’s not MY wife!” – OB said after a mother yelled at her husband to grab her leg to help during a contraction.
“Well you see, sometimes patriarchal medicine is a good thing because we work with a lot of non-English speakers and too much information is just confusing.” -OB to mother who spoke English as a second language when she asked if the OB informed his patients prior to the admittance of pitocin.
“Your baby has a hydrocephele.” – OB stated the results of the ultrasound and then turned around and walked out of the room.
“I know this isn’t want you wanted….but I will be RIGHT here the entire time. We’re going to get you in the tub, run a pit line, your husband can nap, and we’ll Hypnobaby it up together while he rests. It will be okay, we won’t crank it, and you’ll be done birthing this stubborn little girl in no time!” -OB to mother who had been at 6 cm the entire night and was exhausted after 3 weeks of contractions.
“Breech births aren’t even done in America anymore. In fact, they don’t do them anywhere….except maybe in Africa. Your baby could become decapitated. If she’s still breech at 36 weeks we’ll schedule a cesarean for 39 weeks. It’s not the end of the world. Women come in asking for cesareans now!” -OB to mother with a breech baby at 29 weeks.
“You are reading too much, we don’t even do those here!” -OB to mother who inquired if walking epidurals were available.
“Don’t touch anything blue, that’s *MY* space!” -OB to mother when asking her not to touch sterile drapes arranged around her abdomen, legs, and other body parts.
“I don’t feel it.” -OB shrugged and responded to mother who asked if pain medication was available during a version for breech.