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“Well, you can’t nurse her after she gets teeth, and she won’t stop on her own, so make sure you have some bottles and formula on hand before she’s three months old.” – Lactation Consultant to new mother when the mother said that she planned on breastfeeding until her baby weaned herself.
“You’re waiting too long between feedings. You need to feed him more often, and offer both sides with each feeding if you can, or alternate every other feeding otherwise.” – Lactation consultant to mother who had an oversupply and a significant overactive letdown reflex.
“Why did you bother calling me, you’re doing just fine.” – Lactation Consultant to new mother two days *after* the mother had requested help. The baby had lost 11% of her birth weight and the mother’s milk had come in just before the lactation consultant arrived.
“Man, I’d have given up ages ago and just gone to the bottle if I were you. You have a slow let down, that’s why he’s screaming. You’ll just have to go home and pump for him.” – Lactation consultant to mother with newborn who was having breastfeeding difficulties.
“Wow! You’re getting colostrum out with the manual pump, I bet if we get the electric in here we could get enough to feed your daughter while we work on getting her to the breast.” – Lactation consultant to mother who had been separated from her newborn for several hours and was having breastfeeding issues.