“Well then maybe you need therapy.” – Certified Nurse Midwife when the mother stated that she didn’t like needles and did not want an IV or pitocin unless absolutely necessary.

33 people dislike these words.

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“If you want delayed cord clamping, we have to hold baby between your legs until we clamp the cord or the blood while flow back into your placenta.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to mother.

53 people dislike these words.

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“I really care about you. Let me give you my phone number in case I’m not in the office. I won’t hear my home phone during the night, but I sleep with my cell phone right next to me.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to woman who was experiencing a miscarriage.

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“If you haven’t gotten pregnant yet, it’s because you’re still breastfeeding. No need to do bloodwork or check prolactin levels. Just wean and come back if you’re not pregnant in six months.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to mother who had been trying to conceive for a year and had very irregular cycles.

37 people dislike these words.

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“That’s not a problem. We do this all the time!” – Certified Nurse Midwife, reviewing a low-intervention birth plan.

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“Well, that works too!”  - Midwife to mother when she kneeled on the hospital floor to push after the midwife suggested kneeling on the bed. The midwife grabbed a blanket for mom’s knees and a pillow to lean on and laid on the ground to catch the baby.

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“If you need to transfer to a hospital for your birth, you are no longer under the control of your midwife. You become our patient at that point and then WE have the control.” – Hospital midwife to mother when discussing if or when a transfer became necessary.

47 people dislike these words.

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“I’m supportive of home birth but it still won’t ever be a safe option for you.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to mother at the 6 week postpartum visit for after her second VBAC in the hospital.

24 people dislike these words.

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“You can push while hanging from a chandelier if you want, I’ll be there.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to mother when discussing pushing positions.

3 people dislike these words.

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“You’ve been charting for four years. We’ll just go with your date.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to mother when discussing conflicting measurements taken during the 11 week ultrasound.

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