Feb 042013

“Then why are you here?”  - Nurse to patient that just had to explain that she was in the middle of miscarrying her baby and therefore had no due date.

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 February 4, 2013  L&D Nurse, pregnancy loss  Add comments

  17 Responses to ““Then Why Are You Here?””

  1. “For medical attention.”

    This annoys me: read the chart. Listen to the patient. Remember that even if you see this every day at your job, it’s still a monumentally huge deal to the patient and she’s scared and in pain and her emotions are zinging all over the place. So go back to steps one and two (read the chart, listen to the patient) and assess her medical needs.

    Why should that be so hard? Isn’t that the nurse’s job?

  2. What an insensitive cow.

  3. Dear Nurse Numbskull, is this about The Box in the paperwork next to the question about due date that MUST be checked or else the patient cannot be treated? If it is, you’re just going to have to figure something out on your own, maybe write “unknown” and we can move on. And if you can’t, I’m sure your supervisor will be happy to help you out.

    OP, I’m so sorry you were treate in such an insensitive manner.

  4. I am so sorry you were treated this way, I want to punch that insensitive b nurse

  5. Compassion – you’re doing it wrong

  6. Even if the nurse HAD to have a due date or date of the last known period, and assuming this was done electronically (so she HAD to put some sort of date), this is NOT the thing to say. Explaining why you NEED the due date, or asking if you could have a guess at the month, are better options that what came out of his/her mouth.

  7. This is just like when I miscarried my baby. Stupid doctor said “well, you’re still young. Try again.” Sorry OP.

  8. Oh, no reason. I just thought someone here might be able to provide some medical care. Is there a nurse or doctor at this medical establishment?

  9. Unfortunately this is mine,and the rest of the visit wasn’t much better. A little background I went for a dating ultrasound only to discover the baby had died at 12.5 weeks.The doctor that said I was miscarrying said if i had heavy bleeding call my doc, otherwise they would let them know what happened and to just keep my appointment in two weeks.i did exactly that and when the nurse called me she immediatly took me to the scale…I’m already thinking oh great she doesn’t know.Get to her cubicle to take my bp and she says to me oh did you confirm your date? At which point I had to let HER know that I was miscarrying.After she asked why I was there and I told her because the doctor told me to keep my appointment,she takes off into the main area and asks someone where it is in my chart..mind you I can hear her because I’m in a little cubicle with only 3 walls! She comes back with this look on her face and says ok follow me.Into the smallest room in that practice.I had my daughter with me in a stroller.After I almost break a stirrup manuvering my daughter into a corner,she tells me to strip from the waist down and then leaves..DIDN”T PULL THE CURTAIN SHUT!!! I’m not extremely modest but when you put me in the smallest room in which if the normal door opens and the curtain is not in place everyone will see my ass,the curtain kind of becomes important!
    The midwife I saw wasn’t much better, it seemed like she just didn’t know how to act with someone experiencing a loss. She walks in and says oh I hear we have bad news? And then does an exam on me and proceeds to tell me that she couldn’t tell anything by the exam and I was suppsed to make an appointment with a doctor anyway and I need surgery.This was Friday.I was in shock to say the least,then the more I thought about that whole visit the angrier i got.There is slightly better news though.My OB appointment was yesterday in a different office.The nurse was awesome.My doc walks in and before even talking about anything hugs me and says I’m so sorry.I was thinking about switching practices but really he’s the reason why I stay.He gave me meds btw and said if I don’t pass the baby then we need to schedule the D&C.Sorry so long but this was like a therapy session for me, thanks for reading!

    • Oh, JP, I’m so sorry for your loss. And for the insensitivity of those medical “care” providers. I find it interesting how people in medicine are not taught how to deal with a patient’s loss. It’s like they are so uncomfortable or don’t want to feel the emotions that go with it, so they shut all that down. Turn into robots just going through the motions. At least you have an OB who WAS taught how to comfort his patients. You’re lucky for that, but he needs to do some grief training with his other staff asap.

      I hope that your family and friends were there for you to help you grieve. And don’t worry about long explanations. This IS a kind of therapy zone, and part of that is understanding everything you’re going through. So, write away!

    • I’m so sorry for yoir loss, and sorry you have been treated insensitively. Prayers and best wishes for your healing.

      • I’m still shocked it was a midwife,I feel like that practice hired some of these people just to make it more appealing to some women. I can’t say enough times how my OB visit changed my outlook on everything!Mentally I feel stronger and now I’m able to set goals which 3 weeks ago was impossible. My biggest obstacle right now is getting the nerve to call and schedule the D&C.Thank you for your support ladies!

    • I’m so sorry for your loss.

      At some point, when you feel stronger, please do tell the nice OB about the shoddy treatment you got from the nurse and the midwife. The OB needs to know about the rest of the staff, and if you can speak to the practice manager, that might help get the staff some training in helping women dealing with a loss.

      The practice itself doesn’t sound all that friendly — cubicles? Really? *sigh*

  10. :( I’m so sorry. What a mess. :(

    There needs to be some kind of training for how to relate to mothers who are experiencing a loss. Even the midwives I know who are fantastic and empathetic normally seemed totally at a loss when I came in to get confirmation that I was miscarrying. They were no help at all and I ended up going to a low income clinic to find someone to do bloodwork and let me know why I had been bleeding for 6 weeks. (Turned out it was a miscarriage and not just random fat people hormonal issues that everybody was trying to tell me it was).

    I only went in because I was trying to be responsible and take care of myself. :/ But nobody seemed to know what to do with me.

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