Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
21
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…Obese Women Have No Business Getting Pregnant…”
“You’re so fat, what did you expect? Obese women have no business getting pregnant anyway.” – Nurse at OB’s office, following a miscarriage at 14 weeks
There are 44 comments to this post.
arzt4empfaenger had this to say,
Dec 21, 2012 @ 5:15 am (Quote)
If the world was fair, this nurse would have been fired right after making this comment. I’m so sorry, OP.
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Becca Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 5:45 am (Quote)
fired? I’m saying struck down by a bolt of lightning.
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Sheva Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 5:58 am (Quote)
She said fair, not perfect!
Yes, people who kick other people when they’re down are a special kind of sick.
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Jane Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 6:02 am (Quote)
Ah, but people who are so nasty are probably surrounded by people as uncaring as themselves, right? So when someday this nurse experiences a tragedy, and tragedy happens to everyone, this nurse will be surrounded only by people who will say garbage like this. It takes longer, but it’s just as effective as a lightning strike.
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Gaevren Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 6:28 am (Quote)
Takes longer? Pshaw. I am part of the INSTANT GRATIFICATION generation.
I would have punched her. And then said “You’re such a jerk, what did you expect? Mean, nasty women have no business being nurses anyway.”
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Jane Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:29 am (Quote)
I don’t think violence would get through to people like that. They’d just write it off as “those stupid patients, getting mad when you tell them the truth.” It cuts much deeper when it’s Life teaching the lessons.
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Gaevren Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:35 am (Quote)
Frankly, I don’t think even “life lessons” get through to people like that. Especially if there’s enough time between the two events, what’s to say they’ll even remember what they did and associate that with their present misfortune?
The punching wouldn’t be so much to “teach her a lesson” as it would be to satisfy ME. And also, because maybe even if it wouldn’t change her mind or viewpoints, she might think twice before opening her trap again with such rude remarks.
(Of course, I *say* all of this but in all likelihood I wouldn’t do anything violent. However, I would give her a verbal rake-down like no tomorrow- I have zero issues doing that).
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Jane Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:44 am (Quote)
This comment cannot have come out of the blue, though. This woman doubtless thinks similar things all the time and has developed an iron-clad loathing of the women who come to the practice. Over time she probably started by thinking “It sucks that we can’t help” and then felt helpless, then as a defense against feeling helpless began blaming, and after the blaming comes the recrimination: not only is the woman to blame for her miscarriage, but now the woman should be ashamed that she feels sorry it happened! In fact, this woman shouldn’t even have wanted to get pregnant in the first place, because if she hadn’t the nurse wouldn’t now feel helpless.
Put this nurse into a helpless position herself and when people treat her like she’s been treated, she has two choices: get mad and blame them because of whatever reason she concocts, or else grow as a person and realize that the patient on the receiving end of that treatment doesn’t deserve it — and that includes when she’s the nurse.
At that point, the nurse’s choices are to improve herself or to wither away into a husk of a human being.
Sometimes, the worst possible punishment for a person is to be who they are. Imagine all the chances this peson must have missed to become helpful, generous and kind-hearted. She temporarily hurts her patients, true, but the one she most consistently hurts over time is herself.
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HOW COULD ANYONE SAY SOMETHING SO HEARTLESS!!!!
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Mom of One had this to say,
Dec 21, 2012 @ 6:44 am (Quote)
So, I’m guessing it’s not Thursday anymore?
I’m sorry for your loss OP and for the way you were treated 
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“Obese women have no business getting pregnant”?! Really?! Then why do we have periods and ovulating? Ugh! What a bitch! OP, I know your pain. I’m sorry.
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Kristin Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 7:46 am (Quote)
(Technically, drug addicts, raging alcoholics, homeless, murderers, impoverished, and child abusers still ovulate too. )
No one should be told they have no business having children though.
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Michele Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 7:59 am (Quote)
I get your point, and I hate how sometimes this site becomes very attack-y, but I want to point out that the impoverished and homeless do not belong with the others in your category above.
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Your Name Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:39 am (Quote)
I was talking about medical-wise. Not all the others you mentioned. BTW: skinny/normal weight women can be all those things, too. Normal weight women aren’t talked to this way. Normal weight women aren’t blamed for their miscarriage.
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Jane Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:46 am (Quote)
Normal-weight women who have miscarriages can be blamed for getting pregnant too young, getting pregnant too old, getting pregnant out of wedlock, not being married long enough before starting a family, waiting too long to start a family, getting pregnant in their current economic situation, having too many kids… If a nurse wants to blame a woman for her miscarriage, there are a thousand ways to do it. (And in all likelihood, all of them wrong.)
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UGGGG!!!!! I should have called for my first prenatal before going to this site, cuz now I really don’t wanna call!!!
Very sorry for your loss OP.
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Jane Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:33 am (Quote)
Most OB practices don’t have this degree of nastiness. If you’re worried, though, a midwifery practice, or an OB practice with CNMs, will probably not start screaming “OH HEAVENS NO THE SCALE!!! THE NUMBERZ!!!” 
And if you do get a comment like this, then it’s perfectly reasonable to gather your things, proceed to the front desk, and inform them that your care will no longer involve that particular nurse, either because they ensure it or because you’ll be leaving the practice, and they get to choose which option they prefer.
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JP Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:58 am (Quote)
My practice was borderline with my daughter 2 yrs ago…toward the end when I swelled up like a balloon and showed concern they just told me I had to stop eating so much..this one is VERY unplanned so I haven’t had time to research or interview with anyone else, I just want to check on the bean and get my vitamins and my records because i don’t think I’m comfortable letting them deliver me this time around.
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Jane Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 9:11 am (Quote)
Then it might be worth finding the new practice initially, rather than changing. They’ve already proven they’re not a good match for you, so why give them another chance?
If they were unconcerned about sudden extreme swelling at the end of pregnancy, they’re not actually a good match for anyone…
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Jenny Islander had this to say,
Dec 21, 2012 @ 8:43 am (Quote)
What the hell does BMI have to do with uterine tissue health and genetic viability?
What the hell does BMI have to do with uterine tissue health and genetic viability?
WHAT THE HELL DOES BMI HAVE TO DO WITH UTERINE TISSUE HEALTH AND GENETIC VIABILITY!
I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again: fat fear is the new phrenology.
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Steph in Lex Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 8:57 am (Quote)
I’m afraid you’re right, especially in obstetrics.
I had no idea fat-shaming was so high in obstetrics until I experienced it myself–although in the form of “you can’t attempt a VBAC if you were obese when you got pregnant.” I was upset enough by that.
OP, I’m so sorry that you had to have this experience. I can’t believe someone would think this, let alone say it out loud.
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Christie Reply:
December 25th, 2012 at 12:02 am (Quote)
oh dear god are you serious? im obese and there was no issue with my vbac, although im sure if id had a bmi over 45 (requiring me to go to another hospital) there might have been a few more ums and ahhs. so sorry they gave you that excuse to get you under the knife did you get you vbac?
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Steph in Lex Reply:
December 26th, 2012 at 11:23 am (Quote)
Yep, unfortunately, I’m serious. My BMI was exactly 30.0 when I got pregnant with my daughter. They found another reason to ditch me (said they couldn’t let me VBAC since my son would be eighteen months old five days before my due date and “hospital policy” wouldn’t allow them to “let” me VBAC with less than eighteen months and they didn’t want to cut it so close), but yep, I got my VBAC. Unmedicated, to boot. So my first doc can kiss my butt! 
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You know, everytime I hear a fat shaming comment from an OBs or doctor’s office/hospital in reference to pregnancy I really wish I was rich. I have an almost overpowering urge to just flood the office with about a thousand fertility goddess sculptures. You know, those old fashioned ones with the hugely fat woman with stomach all but covering their legs and breasts hanging to belly button. Fat women, before our current society, have long been regarded as the ideal for bearing healthy children.
If you are too fat to say walk or get into a car, then, yes, for health reasons you probably shouldn’t be getting pregnant but being even 100lbs over an ‘ideal’ weight is still not contraindicative of a pregnancy.
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Christie Reply:
December 25th, 2012 at 12:10 am (Quote)
if you are talking about the venus de wilendorf (or other various “venus’s” by other names) then she doesnt actually have arms and legs, they are just suggested as they arent necessary for the bearing of young, (raising on the other hand lol) and i think that would be awesome, people have forgotten that women were once worshiped for their ability to bring forth life, what a sad world we live in today
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Because being thin automatically means you’re healthy…
Like my stick thin brother who lives on fast food.
Or like 17 year old me with the eating disorder and anovulatory cycle for 3 months (I had a period every 18 days that was light for 2-3)
Sure…
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Jense Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 2:49 pm (Quote)
Or the candy and burritos diet I was living off when I was 17 til I was about 23. I was thin, but had no period, looked great, but I was eating utter crap. I couldn’t produce a baby to save the species at that point in my life.
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Jenny Islander Reply:
December 22nd, 2012 at 6:10 am (Quote)
Wow, come to think of it, every model-thin person I have known IRL had one or more health problems.
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Carolyn had this to say,
Dec 22, 2012 @ 9:09 am (Quote)
OP I am so sorry for your loss, and for the way you were treated. I will never understand why so many medical professionals are not trained in how to speak with a patient experiencing a loss, it seems that many of them have to rely on their own good sense which is clearly lacking. It is such a shame. Even without formal training, I don’t see why they can’t just say “I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ll be back in a few minutes after you’ve had a chance to collect your thoughts so we can discuss your options.”
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Mrs. Gamgee had this to say,
Dec 22, 2012 @ 4:01 pm (Quote)
I had something similar happen when I was having my first m/c. My GP had sent me to the hospital for an emergency ultrasound and the tech who did the scan was disgusted by my body. She cringed when she had to scan my belly and told me to get my fat out of her way (where my belly hangs over). She then made the comment that she was surprised I even got pregnant in the first place. Oh, and I wasn’t allowed to have my dh with me in the room… So, I’m miscarrying, being profoundly insulted, and forced to be alone.
OP, I am so very sorry for your loss. Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to work with the public.
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OP – I’m so sorry for your loss.
This makes me so angry! I am a morbidly obese woman who also had a miscarriage, and thank goodness nothing like this was said to me! In fact, that cycle I had gotten pregnant with the help of a RE who had no issue with my weight. I went on to have a healthy child 1 1/2 years later, and am currently ttc again. Just last week I had a consult with my ob/gyn, and she called in meds to help us along in getting pregnant again, and didn’t bat an eye at the fact I am still quite obese.
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Add Your Comment.
I’m so angry at this comment.
1) Fat-shaming
2) Mother-blaming
3) Deflection from the fact that the medical practice could do nothing to prevent a miscarriage
4) Insulting the mother’s intelligence
5) Criticizing the woman’s desire for a child
OR
5A) Criticizing the woman for having an unintended pregnancy
6) Denying the legitimacy of the woman’s feelings
And all this from a nurse, not even from the doctor. OP, I hope you didn’t even finish the exam, and went back the next day to collect your records and at the same time handed a written complaint to the office manager and the OB.
I’m so sorry you were mistreated this way.
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