Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Nov
19
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“I Know You’d Like To Do A Home Birth…It’s Better To Just Come To The Hospital & Make All Your Natural Childbirth Wants Known.”
“I know you’d like to do a home birth, but first babies take a long time to come out, and you’ll probably get exhausted and come in anyway. It’s better to just come to the hospital and make all your natural childbirth wants known.” – Certified Nurse Midwife to mother planning a home birth.
There are 56 comments to this post.
Tell that to my first who came in 5 hours almost born unassisted because I believed everyone who said that..
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Toni Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 8:05 am (Quote)
Tell that to my third, lol, which was by far my longest labor. I did end up needing IV fluids (I just couldn’t keep up with demand orally), which rehydrated and re-engerized me so I could finish without meds, and I had a wonderful NCB experience in the hospital.
Yes, the hospital has its place, but there are no universals in labor 
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8 hour labor with my first after being awake nesting the last 36 hours. I would’ve been faster if I’d rested properly. And they told me “petite girls like you take even longer to dilate properly and the baby always get stuck” they know nothing about natural labor bc they never see it.
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Granted, the number one reason for transfer its maternal exhaustion and its more likely to happen to first time moms. This doesn’t mean that it even happens to a majority of those mothers.
Plus, letting your wishes known and having them respected in a hospital is possible. Just like a winning 200 million on the lottery is possible.
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Mommy23Melody Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 9:11 am (Quote)
I won the jackpot once! Only problem was: I woke up.
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Nov 19, 2012 @ 7:31 am (Quote)
I found it quite easy to make all my wants known, even in labor and unable to speak, by attaching several one-page copies of my birth plan to a plate of The Pioneer Woman’s Cappuccino Muffins. Only had problems with one nurse…
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Tee Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:15 pm (Quote)
::giggles:: This really made me smile. I wind up in the ER frequently due to some chronic problems and I am always bribing nurses with baked goods… “If you get the IV in under three tries, I’ll make cookies! Any kind you want!” (And I follow through on that, too!) When all else fails, bake!
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You want me to make my wishes known? Like I am now? So they can be ignored by hospital staff? Like you’re doing now?
Wow.
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Lisa in Texas had this to say,
Nov 19, 2012 @ 8:52 am (Quote)
For me, it wasn’t just about wanting a natural childbirth. It was the fact that needles scare the crap out of me, and hospitals made me hyperventilate. I couldn’t imagine having to be so vulnerable in a hospital like that.
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Jenny Islander had this to say,
Nov 19, 2012 @ 8:53 am (Quote)
We see this fallacious thinking all the time at MOBSW: “If it sometimes happens, it always happens.” First time mothers are more likely to experience long labors. That’s all. Treating every woman as if things that happen more often to some women in their demographic group are inevitable–that’s a prime cause of iatrogenic complications right there.
My experiences:
First labor: I was a little uneasy at 9:00, in frank labor at ll:00, and I had the baby between 2:00 and 2:30.
Second labor: Let’s put it this way: Assuming that I’d started one of the LOTR director’s cuts the moment I realized my contractions were regular, I might have had enough time to see the credits roll before the first cry.
Third labor: My longest. 12 whole hours. Wooooo.
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Yeah, see, here’s the problem with that–unless you get lucky, the hospital and/or medical professionasl caring for you will probably put you through the ‘standard’ routine, even if you make your wishes known and often, even if you have an advocate speaking up for you. You’re vulnerable. You’re focusing on labor. You don’t have, in most cases, the energy to divert to ‘fending off’ the standard interventions. We got mostly lucky–great L&D nurse, crappy doctor, so-so post-partum nurse. Avoided routine AROM and Pitocin and episiotomy, thanks to the good nurse–but still had the ‘just in case’ IV (HATED IT–our sweet nurse held off until the doctor yelled at her). Didn’t have the energy to tell them to stop the dorky counting and got tired of ppartum nurse pushing drugs for small tear–which made me sick and crazy. So–there’s no guarantee you’ll have accommodating care in the hospital even if you are very clear about your preferences.
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My longest labor was my 5th. 41 hours. At home.
My shortest? My first – hospital, pit induced, 6 hours start to finish including pushing.
So, yeah, why don’t you shove your generalizations somewhere dark, lady.
Also, really? Alls I gotta do is tell ‘em my wants?
Yeah, I notice you didn’t mention anything about them *respecting* my ‘wants’. Just that I should tell them.
And then they’ll scare the crap out of my husband and convince him to sign papers so you could do whatever the heck you want anyway. No, thanks. I’ll take my chances – the risk of getting tired at home vs the risk of your shenanigans. No contest.
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Yep, first time mom here with a 14 hour labor from water breaking to holding my babe in my arms…
Just because things “tend” to work one way or another doesn’t mean they *always* do…
Agree with pp – making your wants know in a hospital is a crap shoot. TOTALLY depends on who you’re dealing with. I had both my babies in the same hospital approx 2.5 years apart. My hospital experiences could not have been MORE different. While my first wasn’t bad, my second was WORLDS better and it had to do with the nurses that worked with me.
First time, I asked a nurse for help with bf’ing. She looked me square in the face and said “Just formula feed. It’s easier.” Second time, different nurse sat with me for 45 minutes until my son got a good latch.
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No such thing as a “natural” hospital birth. They do not exist. That’s an oxymoron.
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Vanessat Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 3:31 pm (Quote)
Depends on what “natural” even means. To some, it’s unassisted somewhere in the middle of nature. To others, it is an intervention free birth at home or in hospital. To some it can mean no pain meds but some interventions. I’ve even heard some who say it’s any kind of vaginal birth. Births without interventions exist and do happen in the hospital, it really depends on your provider. But it is far more likely to have a “natural” birth at home than in the hospital.
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Mags Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 3:56 pm (Quote)
Sorry but you’re wrong. I had a beautiful doula assisted natural birth in a hospital. I caught my baby, in the birthing tub, lights dimmed, no meds. My midwive even gave me rescue remedy instead of Xanax. Not even a hep lock! I had a wonderful provider who during my labor- was more like a doula in behavior!!!
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Tee Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:13 pm (Quote)
What’s your definition of a natural birth?
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Jamie Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:22 pm (Quote)
My definition of natural is no iv/heplock, constant EFM, VEs, no meds, etc. that’s why I have my babies at home, away from all the interventions. My next baby will be born w/ just me & my husband.
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Tee Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:26 pm (Quote)
A lot of people have different definitions and that’s why I asked. Given your answer, I’ll have to disagree with you. I know women that have given birth in a hospital without those interventions. It’s rare but it does happen. And I’m all for home birth, for what it’s worth! Four of my five nieces were born at home!
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Toni Reply:
November 20th, 2012 at 6:10 am (Quote)
Well, my second child was a natural hospital birth, by your definition. With my third I did request a couple of VEs (things were taking longer than I expected and I wanted to know what was happening) and I did request an IV (I was getting dehydraed despite drinking water and gatorade frequently – it was a long labor), but it was otherwise “natural” (no drugs, had intermittent monitoring, mother directed pushing, etc).
You have to do your homework, you have to find the right provider, and you have to make your wishes known and preferably have someone with you to lend support (not just standard labor support, but to play ‘guard dog’ – my husand really enjoys that role, lol), but it is absolutely possible to have a natural birth in the hospital. Pick the hospital carefully, pick your provider carefully, and be very clear about what you do/do not want.
There is no guarantee, but there are no guarantees with homebirth either.
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Jamie Reply:
November 20th, 2012 at 6:36 am (Quote)
I DID do my homework! I had shitty insurance so, I paid $3,000 out of pocket after two hospital tours and firing two OBs. I’m pregnant again & will be doing an unassisted homebirth. Hospital are good for high risk pregnancies and those that choose it, but for low risk women like me, it’s overkill in my opinion. But to each their own.
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Toni Reply:
November 21st, 2012 at 8:13 am (Quote)
I wasn’t trying to imply that you didn’t do the legwork. I understand that insurance (or lack thereof) greatly limits some women’s options. I have no issue with homebirth. But to state (as tho it were fact) that natural childbirth cannot occur in a hosptial, or that there is “no such thing”, is false. You may need to find the right place and the right provider (which, obviously, can be limited by your insurance status), but it is certainly possible. That’s all.
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Jamie Reply:
November 21st, 2012 at 9:14 am (Quote)
I was being sarcastic. With epidurals at 90%, c-sections at a high of around 30%, etc. I’d love to hear from women who went in the L&D and wasn’t bombarded by intervention happy nurses/OBs because “that’s our policy” the minute the laboring mom stepped through the door, or had to fight tooth and nail for an intervention-free birth.
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Carrie Reply:
November 21st, 2012 at 10:33 am (Quote)
My midwife group, who deliver exclusively in one hospital in Atlanta, have the following statistics:
•C-Section rate ~9%
•VBAC Success rate ~80%
•Water births ~40%
•Breastfeeding Rate ~90%
•Induction rate ~13%
•Epidural rate ~10%, low due to availability of water tubs for laboring
They really are awesome medical providers, covered by most insurance policies, and practice with the nicest, most pro-natural perinatologist.
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Carrie Reply:
November 21st, 2012 at 10:41 am (Quote)
Forgot to add, they encourage us to have light snacks and juice in labor to avoid iv’s. They really do try to help all their patients achieve intervention-free births.
Even with c-sections, when they do happen, the baby goes straight on mom’s chest, and only leaves there once, after about an hour, to be weighed. They try to keep even surgical necessity as natural as possible.
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Toni Reply:
November 21st, 2012 at 12:29 pm (Quote)
Well, I already described the natural-in-the-hospital births I had, but I will add that they occured at two different places – one was a small community hospital in an area with a large Amish population (so no surprise that they were “used to” unmed birth, lol), the other was a large teaching facility (my nurse commented that in the three months she’d been on the L&D unit mine was the first unmed delivery she’d seen). In both places I was respected, my choices were honored and no one pressured me to do anything. It does help that I had CNMs with both deliveries and that I waited until labor was well established to go in (8 cm and 5 cm respectively). When I hit transition and asked for an epidural (my third baby, but most difficult and longest labor), my nurse reminded me of what I wanted how far I had come, and told me how close I was, and helped me get into the shower…. I never did get that epidural 
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Family history of fast labours here. My mom’s first born was 2.5 hours (my sister was also butt breech), and my first baby was delivered in about 5 hours with only 3 pushes. If I hadn’t opted for the drugs, that labour could have been over hours earlier.
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Let’s contrast this with the amazing midwife I had with my first: “Many first time moms have long labors. Don’t feel like you have to rush to the hospital. Stay home as long as you feel comfortable. You should move around as much as you like and eat if you feel hungry. When you are ready, come to the hospital. They have your birth plan and will respect your choices.”
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Tee Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:22 pm (Quote)
Your midwife sounds awesome! Out of curiosity, though, did the hospital staff really respect your birth plan? I’ve heard of so many cases where the doctor or midwife are very supportive but the rest of the staff isn’t necessarily so. (If you don’t mind me being nosy!)
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Hey guys, this was me.
I’m a Kaiser patient and although I’m fortunate enough to go to a KP facility with a midwife team, they will not let me labor off the bed (although they say I can be on the bed in whatever position I choose). They also push the “Well, we’re not in the dark ages anymore” when I talk about avoiding all interventions. They say they’re natural birth friendly, but a friend of mine has had 2 births at their hospital–the first they did a c-section for failure to progress and the second they didn’t give her the option to VBAC.
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Jane Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:17 pm (Quote)
What you’re saying is that the CNM either doesn’t know her own hospital regulations (not a good sign) or that she’s lying to you about giving you a home-type birth in the hospital (even worse sign).
What happens if you get off the bed during labor? Are you allowed to stand on the bed, since you can labor on it in any position you choose? Because after they come in a few times to find you standing on the bed, they may decide you’re safer on the floor.
Can you find any other practice that considers your insurance a legal form of payment? ANything at all?
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Sephia Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:36 pm (Quote)
LOL I think I’d really shock them with standing on the bed and rocking side to side. I can see them scrambling and yelling at me to “Get down from there! You could fall!” and then reiterate how they told me I could only labor in any position I wanted while IN BED! LOL
Maybe then they’d see how idiotic that “policy” was! But I doubt it. 
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Let’s see… I want to eat what I want when I want it. I want to drink what I want when I want it. I want to labor in a tub or shower. I want to move around freely. I want to wear whatever clothes I want or even just be naked if I so choose. I want any monitoring of me and my child to be intermittent unless there is a true problem. I want any family and friends of my choosing with me. I want low lights and quiet music. I want candles. I want to be able to make as much noise as I need to to cope with my contractions. I want my care providers to be as hands off as possible. I want to push in whatever position I find comfortable. I want delayed cord clamping. I want skin to skin contact immediately and for as long as I want it unless there is something wrong with my child that requires immediate attention. I want my child to stay by my side at all times. I want to have my care providers respect my choices about medications for my child. I want my care providers to respect my choices about how I decide to feed my baby.
But you want me to come to the hospital so you and the staff can sabotage me every step of the way? No, thanks!
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Let’s see… I want to eat what I want when I want. I want to drink what I what when I want. I want to have low lights and soft music and candles. I want to have as many family members and friends there as I choose. I want to labor in a tub or shower. I want to wear whatever I want or feel free to go naked if I choose. I want any monitoring of me and my child to be intermittent unless there is a true problem. I want my care providers to be as hands off as possible. I want to push in whatever position I want. I want delayed cord clamping. I want skin to skin contact right away and for as long as I want it unless me or my child need immediate medical attention. I want my baby to stay beside me at all times. I want my care providers to respect my choices in regards to medications my child will receive. I want my care providers to respect my choices in regards to the way I choose to feed my child. And above all else, I want to be respected and treated like an individual human being, not another pregnant body coming through the baby assembly line!
But you want me to come to the hospital so you and your staff can undermine me at every turn? No, thanks.
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I don’t even understand statements like this CNM is making. Home is home and not home is not home. I would not be as comfortable birthing in someone else’s home or a birthing center as I am in my own home. To say that someone can have a homebirth in a hospital is completely ridiculous. She will already have the interventions of leaving her home and driving to the hospital, at the very least. There will be people that she may not have met before, and definitely hasn’t had time to build trust with. How about instead of undermining the woman and trying to take her choices away, just offer advice when needed? Yes, maternal exhaustion can happen, but in my experience it usually happens to women who get too excited in early labor and forget to rest and eat.
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Patient: “I want a home birth.”
Midwife: “No, you don’t want a home birth. First time moms have long labors. Just come to the hospital and tell us what you want.”
Patient: “Ok, I don’t want constant EFM.”
Midwife: “Yes, you do. You’re a first time mom and you don’t know how your labor will go. Something could go wrong.”
Patient: “Ok, then I don’t want a routine IV.”
Midwife: “Well, as a first time mom you don’t know if you will hemorrhage or not, so you will want the IV in case you need medication.”
Patient: “Well, I don’t want an epidural.”
Midwife: “As a first time mom, you don’t know what labor is like. You will probably want the epidural. You know, come to think of it, you should just let me tell you what to do. As a first time mom, you really don’t know anything about giving birth.”
Really, where would it end?
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Jane Reply:
November 20th, 2012 at 4:51 am (Quote)
It would end with,
Mom: “I’m really disappointed by how my birth went. I just feel like I was railroaded and everything went haywire, and it shouldn’t have been that way.”
Midwife: “No, your birth went fine. As a first time mom, you just didn’t know what to expect, and you do have a healthy baby after all.”
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Ash Reply:
November 20th, 2012 at 6:23 am (Quote)
This is literally word for word how my hospital birth went, except you forgot the pitocin argument, the demerol argument, and the dcc argument. I managed to avoid everything except the episiotomy and the “routine iv” because they told me that it was “required” but if I ever hear the words “first time mom” again in regards to my decision making skills I’ll probably shoot someone. Yes, Jane’s reply below is exactly what I heard when I tried to complain. If not for my dh advocating for me WITH me I wouldnt have been allowed to walk around during labor. I was told lo was in the wrong position so I was walking around to move her and they told me to lay down if I didn’t want the epidural because as a first time mom I didn’t realize how much I was wearing myself out with the pacing and I’d need that energy to handle my pain if I wanted to have a natural birth.I was completely bullied just bc they thought I didn’t know what I was doing.
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mharry Reply:
November 20th, 2012 at 8:16 am (Quote)
It’s not like they’ll be better for any children you have after, they’ll just tell you every labor is different and you don’t know how this one will go. Nurses told my mom she wasn’t ready to push when mom said she was. Mom said “This isn’t my first time, I know that feeling” and the nurses clucked and avoided her until she got nasty. Then one checked to “humor her” and my sis was RIGHT THERE. There was no OB in the hospital, her’s was on vacation and the backup was sick. So they had to call the back-ups back-up while telling my mom to “hold it”. To this day mom can remember every detail of the man who came to catch; he had stubble, really bad bed-head, he hadn’t had time to brush his teeth, his shirt was a flannel that he only had time to roll the sleeves up on, he washed his hands, put on gloves and planted his feet. Then he chewed the nurses out.
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“Why?”
Seriously, why? Okay, so you’re telling me the hospital can be almost just like being at home. You know what’s even more like being at home? Being at home.
And if I do come in anyway (love that doubt you’re trying to plant, btw!) then you can treat me then. It’s not as if I’m saving time by going into the hospital early. The hospital isn’t getting further and further from my home, such that ten hours from onset of labor it will be an extra hour’s drive from point A to point B.
Nice try. No cigar.
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