Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Nov
7
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“If You Would Have Come In For The Induction Like I Told You To, This Wouldn’t Have Happened.”
“If you would have come in for the induction like I told you to, this wouldn’t have happened.” – OB to mother who had a stillbirth. The mother had stated that she did not want to be induced without a medical reason before 42 weeks.
There are 83 comments to this post.
How. DARE. YOU!
first of all, blaming a woman for the death of her child is cruel and unnecessary. But to allude that you had the power to change the outcome is heartbreaking. The poor woman will spend eternity thinking her body failed her a d its all her fault
How can you know this wouldn’t have happened with induction?
OP, I.am sorry for your loss, and sorry you had to deal with such cruelty.
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Ugh. You people are ridiculous. The entire goal of medically indicated induction of labor is reducing the incidence of stillbirth….and post dates is an indication! Delivery before 42 completed weeks reduces the incidence of stillbirth, and this patient chose to ignore her doctor’s advice accordingly. It may be tough to face, but the stillbirth would very likely have been avoided if she’d been induced.
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Katie Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 11:43 am (Quote)
I think the shock is more in the OB blaming the OP for what happened. The OP probably already naturally has a sense of guilt over it, whether it’s justified or not. It’s just a natural reaction for a mother to blame herself, just a little, when something like this happens. That’s bad enough. The OB doesn’t have to help. It’s better to say nothing than something so rude.
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Jb Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 11:43 am (Quote)
It doesn’t matter if there was a slight increased risk or not. You do not say this to ANYONE. You NEVER tell a mom that theyre the reason their child is dead.
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Katie Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 11:46 am (Quote)
Agreed. “I told you so” isn’t ok at this moment.
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Jb Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 11:46 am (Quote)
Not the same, but my child was very sick and almost died after birth. I was forced into a csection due to breech (despite knowing better), and the doctors told me afterwards that my baby’s issues were caused by the csection they forced on me. The guilt was overwhelming. If she had died, I’d never have forgiven myself…i wouldn’t have needed a doctor to help.
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Dreamy Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 11:47 am (Quote)
Are you the OP’s doctor, sister, mother? Oh, so you don’t have any special knowledge regarding the circumstances of this case? Oh, and you don’t even know how far along the OP was when she lost her baby, let alone postdates, because it doesn’t say so in the OP? Oh, and the OP apparently was okay with a not-otherwise-medically-indicated induction around 42 weeks, which is likely within a few days of what your personal preference for induction might be? Oh, and even at best, looking at the stats in the most favorable possible light for induction, a thousand inductions might (MIGHT– because we don’t know that those babies who would be stillborn wouldn’t die or be compromised in some way later) save a baby or two, but likely cause significant problems, occasionally even leading to death, for many, many more of those 1000?
Oh, and also, you’re hateful? Because I’m sure the OP is reading this?
Oh, okay.
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Jen Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 11:52 am (Quote)
You know, the post doesn’t actually mention when the event occurred. For all we know this happened at exactly 40 weeks and the OB was suggesting an even earlier induction. Whose fault is it in that case? (Hint: still not mom’s.)
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Vanessat Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 12:03 pm (Quote)
How do you know for sure the stillbirth would have been avoided with an induction? Nobody has a crystal ball that shows what could have been. Regardless of what anybody does, the risk is still there and the sad truth is not all babies make it. It’s bad enough this mother had to go through this, you do NOT tell her it’s all her fault on top of everything.
OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know that it was not your fault. 
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V Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 12:15 pm (Quote)
Last I saw a chart, stillbirth was higher at 38 weeks than 40. Guess wed better induce everyone at 37 wks to avoid all of that, huh? :shakehead:
Op. I’m very sorry for your baby’s life being so short as well as any ass that would blame you
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A different E Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 12:43 pm (Quote)
Ashley, even if you weren’t talking out of your hiney and what you say is actually accurate…
You don’t say crap like this to a mother that just. lost. her. child. EVER.
People take RISKS with the lives of themselves and their children EVERY DARN DAY. It is called LIVING YOUR LIFE.
People get into cars and drive/ride, which is extremely risky. People eat choking hazards like hot dogs, apples, and peanut butter. People eat things that we know are probably a little unhealthy or really unhealthy. People do things that we know are hazardous like water ski, swim, rock climb, camp, hike in the woods, take showers, walk up and down stairs. People let their children play contact sports. People circumcise. People choose to smoke, not to breastfeed, or not to cosleep knowing that SIDS risk is up. People have casual sex. People take all kinds of medications and drugs during their fertile years, pregnancy and lactation. People choose to live in areas with increased cancer rates. People give their children all kinds of medications that one doctor may find necessary and another opinion may say no.. who is right? People have pools, and sometimes even fail to put fences around them. People forget to warn or overlook warning their kids about the risks of doing certain things (e.g. playing choking games, old abandoned houses, climbing through windows, chugging water or booze) or do these things themselves. People make health decisions every day that are life and death for themselves or their children.. and knowing which path/road is the right one can sometimes be incredibly difficult.. and sometimes in hindsight people could’ve saved lives.
I could go on and on and on…. and on and on and on….
Even if what someone does contributes to or directly causes in one way or another the death of themselves or someone else.. when it’s because of a day-to-day decision.. is it really necessary to point to that and call them ridiculous for living their lives and making choices in that life that they weigh rationally against other choices???
Until you can sit there and tell me how you live a risk-free life and make your children’s lives completely risk-free… I will continue to have the opinion that people like you judge decisions like this so harshly because you have lost your logical perspective and because you have very little empathy for others. Also, people who judge this way are commonly totally hypocritical in the way that they live their lives. It’s a syndrome I think and people react so viciously and violently to something that resembles themselves so that they can appear to be nothing like whatever it is (for instance: religious leaders who are anti-gay-fire-hell-hatred who turn out of be homosexuals.. politicians who chastize others for not having christian values who are paying hookers weekly). It’s rather common.
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Ash Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 2:06 pm (Quote)
Ashley, just no. Not only should an OB never say this, another woman should never say this. If the ob had seen a medical reason to induce, I assume he/she would have mentioned it to the mother and let the mother make an informed decision. There’s NO medical indication that just going beyond what the doctor assumes is 40 weeks (based on assuming women stick to a 28 day ovulation schedule, which most don’t) automatically causes stillbirth and almost every doctor will tell you that a due date is an ESTIMATED due date, able to be wrong by 2 weeks either way.Most of the evidence indicates that the risks don’t actually go up a significant amount until 43-44 weeks and some women give perfectly natural healthy births as late as 46 weeks. There is more of a risk by inducing before the woman goes into natural labor in most cases, evidenced by the fact that induction causes a 30% higher risk of the baby dying of sids or complications in the first 90 days of life. As the mother went into labor rather than going in for the induction, I assume she was under the 42 week window. My ob wanted to induce me at 38 weeks trying to tell me that “no mother goes into labor naturally” Luckily I went into labor naturally at 37.5 weeks and had my baby just fine.
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Kristin Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 2:24 pm (Quote)
Did you not read the part of the post where the mother did not want to be induced WITHOUT a medical reason? I’m sure if there had been a medical reason, the mother would have been more than happy to do what was necessary for her baby.
OP, I’m so sorry for your loss.
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PRH Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 3:31 pm (Quote)
From the research I’ve done it doesn’t increase the odds of still birth (AFTER 42 weeks) by much anyway. 1 out of 1000 becomes 2 out of 1000. Inductions have a risk of death for babies too and if you consider how often doctors have EDDs wrong that is terrifying.
http://midwifethinking.com/2010/09/16/induction-of-labour-balancing-risks/
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Tee Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 7:41 pm (Quote)
Okay, it has to be said. Starting out a comment by saying “you people are ridiculous” completely negates any point you were trying to make, no matter if you’re right or wrong! Why do you think anyone would take you seriously when you start off with ugly name calling?
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first time mommy had this to say,
Nov 7, 2012 @ 11:33 am (Quote)
OP, first off, I’m so sorry for your loss and on top of your loss you had to deal with this OB and some rather not-so-sensitive comments.
Secondly, nowhere in this statement, does it say the OB gave a medical reason to induce. Maybe the OB just kept pushing to induce just b/c or gave non-medical reasons and the mom refused thinking the OB was just induce-happy? It sounds to me like the OB did not give mom all the information she needed to make an informed decision. Because in the statement it says mom didn’t wanna be induced without a medical reason and I’m guessing the OB didn’t give one or gave a very weak one like “your baby is too big”.
OP, again, very sorry for your loss
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I’m not the OP but I chose to be induced as early as I could because I was terrified of stillbirth. I lost my first baby to a genetic problem so I was hyper scared of losing another baby. I was induced at 39 weeks 0 days. Thankfully she was ok, but if I ever get pregnant again I will ask to be induced early again just to do everything possible to prevent the risk of a stillbirth happening. She was having some bad NST’s that made her health slightly questionable so getting her out safely and sooner was a priority though, so I’m sure that attributed to the drs allowing my induction. I can’t believe that they said this to the mother though, what an awful awful thing to say to a grieving mother.
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And its situations like this that I’ll NEVER go past 40 weeks if I choose to keep a pregnancy
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PRH Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 3:34 pm (Quote)
http://midwifethinking.com/2010/09/16/induction-of-labour-balancing-risks/
You may want to read the above and other articles because inductions cause deaths almost as often as letting a baby go past 42 weeks. Research everything.
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Your Name Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 4:17 pm (Quote)
No thanks, I’ve already decided that I’ll induce at 40 weeks every time. You can take your midwife propaganda to somebody who cares.
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Dreamy Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 4:26 pm (Quote)
Lol, okay. Evidence-based medicine = propoganda now. Why not induce at 39 weeks? 38?
Whatever. Apparently you think one option carries risks and the other carries… None?
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Your Name Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 5:12 pm (Quote)
No its simpler than that, my choice was final before you commented. I neither wanted or needed the link you provided, hence the “take it to someone who cares” bit there.
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Kristy Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 5:25 pm (Quote)
And you simply have no understanding of what the word means… hence the calling evidence based medicine propaganda. Totally understandable.
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 9:55 pm (Quote)
It is propaganda ( According to Webster : the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person).
You gave her a piece that was supporting a specific viewpoint and attempted to bolster support for that way of thinking. Propaganda isn’t all lies, you can make 100% truthful propaganda. The word has a negative context now, but it is a neutral word in meaning.
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Dreamy Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 10:22 pm (Quote)
Yeah, to reiterate– it wasn’t my link (though the link is filled with many great scientific citations), and you are perfectly welcome to induce by 40 weeks, as I’m sure many, if not most, OBs would accommodate that desire. It would be “nice” if you realized– assuming you’re basing that decision simply on the above sort of story, and not specific personal, extenuating circumstances– that doing so is not statistically likely to improve outcomes for your baby. And, you know, statistically is likely to worsen the outcome (though only by a little bit). But you do whatever you want to.
My grandmother had a stillbirth at 39 weeks for no apparent reason, though. In case you’d like to base your medical decisions on tragic anecdotes, I mean– just saying. Might as well go for 38 weeks.
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 10:03 pm (Quote)
You don’t understand what the word means! Anytime you make material (media does not matter) to support a cause (truthfulness of content does not matter) you are making and passing around propaganda! This word gets an undeserved bad rap because of historical use, but it has existed as far back as ancient Egypt. There are excellent examples of hieroglyphic propaganda
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Dreamy Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 10:16 pm (Quote)
Actually, I do understand what the word means! !Exclamation! I was addressing the tone and context of the clearly pejorative phrase “midwife propaganda” in this conversation. But thanks for assuming I don’t own a dictionary.
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 5:13 am (Quote)
First off, so many people misuse the term that most people don’t really understand what the term means anymore. Secondarily what is pejorative about the phrase “midwife propaganda”? Is anti-smoking propaganda pejorative? How about hygiene propaganda (films made in the 1960′s promoting self care that I highly suggest people watch for their historical relevance). When the word propaganda is used in it’s correct sense “midwife propaganda” is not pejorative.
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Details Reply:
November 16th, 2012 at 4:37 pm (Quote)
Aren’t you the one who defended the term “alledged Labor” as being accurate even though it was rude as Heck? The dictionary meaning of a word is only relavent in the classroom, and the strict adherance to the dictionary meaning leads to bad bedside manner. In other words, pull your head out of your rump and stop defending poor word choices Miss Straight A student who is clearly lacking in social skills.
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Wendy Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 6:27 pm (Quote)
Here, “Your Name”, I’ll fix your quote for our:
“Keep your facts and research to yourself! I’m comfortable in my little bubble of misinformation. Don’t you know ignorance is bliss?”
You’re welcome 
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PRH Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 6:47 pm (Quote)
I wouldn’t expect anything else from Your Name. She tends to be misinformed and seems to be perfectly happy that way. Sad that living in ignorance is the way she chooses to live.
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 10:05 pm (Quote)
I applaud your proper use of this maligned word/concept. As someone who a tiny bit obsessed with propaganda (I love the WWII stuff, the United States did some impressive stuff to explain the interment camps to the citizens)
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Jane Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 4:20 pm (Quote)
What inductions do is provide a false sense of control: the doctor has Done Something and therefore it must be safer than not Doing Something. If the baby then dies during the course of the induction, everyone says, “Well, the doctor did her best,” whereas if the baby dies and the mother has opted not to induce, everyone says, “It’s because you didn’t induce.”
The observation bias is slanted toward people believing the hospital always improves matters as opposed to looking at any specific individual circumstances and saying, for example, “You attempted to induce this mom with an unready cervix and a floating baby, and the baby’s cord prolapsed and the baby died.” Instead it’s, “This would have happened anyhow” or “At least we had medical staff on hand so you won’t have any questions about whether there was something you could have done.”
In other words, postdates induction is emotional insurance at the cost of science.
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Rachel Reply:
November 17th, 2012 at 7:54 pm (Quote)
so this!!!
I was induced at 35 weeks because i MIGHT get an infection… the baby was being monitored twice a day (after every 4 hours the first 2 days of my week and a half stay) and never failed a NST in reality i think the dr just got tired of having me stuck in the hospital and wanted to do something… (cue inducing a baby at 35 weeks)
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Tee Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 7:44 pm (Quote)
And you’re within your rights to do just that, no matter if it’s safe or not. But you don’t have the right to be rude about it! PRH was simply providing you with information. No need to snap at her for doing so.
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 9:59 pm (Quote)
Propaganda is not a bad word!! It has negative connotations due to historical use, but it doesn’t mean anything negative by definition! Anytime you make a piece to bolster a viewpoint (no matter the point of view or truthfulness of the information) you create propaganda! You have probably seen tons of anti-smoking propaganda, doesn’t mean its wrong, just means it is trying to convince you not to smoke. I hate that people give this word a bad rap I love this propaganda!
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Julie Reply:
November 9th, 2012 at 2:34 am (Quote)
Ok, looking past your obsession with the word propaganda, the comment was still rude in its nature… Spin don’t know why you’re jumping on tee for her comment (which doesn’t reference the word propaganda).
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 9th, 2012 at 5:18 am (Quote)
The only reason she is claiming that Your Name is being rude is because of the use of the word propaganda.
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Jane Reply:
November 9th, 2012 at 5:55 am (Quote)
“Take it to someone who cares” is also on the rude side of things.
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Toni Reply:
November 11th, 2012 at 8:50 am (Quote)
Um. No. That is not the “only” reason Tee thinks YourName is being rude. That’s all you’ve chosen to horn in on, but really whether she called it midwife propaganda, ballyhoo, brainwashing, agitprop, boostering, advertising, hype, evangelism, indoctrination, or promulgation (all accepted synonyms for ‘propaganda’; but you must already know that since you are so fond of the word), the point is still the same. She is dismissing current ACOG recommendations as “midwife propaganda” and basicaaly saying that she is somehow immune to a bad outcome because she is better/smarter than the OP. And let’s not forget that the OP lost. her. baby. Fuck the word propaganda and the horse it rode in on. Send your condolences to the poor woman who submitted this and tell YourName to shove it. That is the ONLY appropriate response.
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Proserpina Reply:
January 28th, 2013 at 12:24 pm (Quote)
The definitions of words are determined by and change over time with usage. That people almost always use the word “propaganda” in a pejorative sense means that almost anyone who is accused of spreading “propaganda” is going to understand the accusation in a negative light, even if it was the rare occasion where the user of the word meant it in a neutral light (which doesn’t seem to be the case here).
It’s a bit like telling someone that their religion or church is a “cult,” which (according to the dictionary) means “a group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc.” In academic papers and certain other settings, it can be used in a neutral sense. But the word “cult” is almost always used in a pejorative sense in popular culture. So if I say to someone, “You can preach your Mormon cult to someone who cares,” it would be a safe bet for my audience to understand the word in a negative light.
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Toni Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 6:00 am (Quote)
And if your baby is born still at 37 weeks, we can all tell you that it’s your fault because you didn’t let the doc induce you at 36 weeks, right?
And “allowing” 42 weeks gestation is not “midwife” propoganda. It is ACOG propoganda, thankyouverymuch. Normal gestation is still considered up to 42 weeks (IOW, you are not “postdates” until 42w). Induction is not recommended (barring other issues cropping up) until *at least* 41 weeks (for multips with favorable cervices), but they “allow” up to 42 weeks (primips, unfavorable cervix, induction being contraindicated for some reason, etc).
So, no, it’s not midwife propaganda. It’s science and evidence based medicine. And even AFTER 42 weeks, the risk does increase, but not dramatically, not until you get into the 43-44 week range.
But you go ahead and keep you head in the sand. I hope your baby doesn’t suffer from symptoms of late prematurity if you EDD is off…
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kix Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 6:39 am (Quote)
Your opinion is your opinion, but your comment is incredibly insensitive! My friend just got induced at “41″ weeks. Turns out she was about 36 weeks! Her son was underweight, his lungs under developed, and he spent a week in the NICU. Had they induced when they thought she was 40 weeks, the outcome may have been MUCH worse.
OP, I am so sorry for your lose, and for this persons insensitivity.
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Every so often, I read a story on this site that literally turns my stomach. This is one of those stories. There are times when a baby dies in utero with absolutely no warning signs but that isn’t as common as people think. There is usually some indication that things are right. If there is an true indication, I think inducing is the right idea. But we don’t know if that is the case. We don’t even know how far along this woman was in her pregnancy.
All of that aside, there is never a good reason to say something like this. Never a good reason to blame a mother for the death of her child! A stillborn baby is absolutely crushing. The mother needs support and understanding, not condemnation and a holier than thou attitude. OP, I am so sorry for your loss.
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tell this to a woman at my church, she has 7 children at home ALL of them came on their own at roughly 42 weeks, with this in mind what reason did she have to beleive that number 8 would be stillborn at 41 weeks, she tells me she felt her baby die, she knew instantly that her daughter was no longer with her, labour started soon after and she delivered at home as planned with her midwives in attendance. i also know 2 women who in the same week lost their 33 weekers with no “notice” one was a doctor and noticed baby wasnt moving, the other had a sudden hemorrhage, are those who say that still birth is the mother fault going to tell those women that “if they had have induced this wouldnt have happened?” every circumstance is different, you are not there, you dont know the womans thoughts, for gods sake she was literally days away from having her baby in her arms only have that taken away. some people need to get their head out of their backside and put themselves in the womans shoes, shes already blamed herself a million different times, she doesnt need someone else doing it. sorry this one makes me furious beyond …. no words
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Hey, everyone! Do you know what the word “propaganda” means? I mean, just completely literally, and devoid of the context of this conversation and the spirit in which it was originally mentioned?! Well, I do! Go me! I went to college! Unlike you! Probably! Finally, a WORTHWHILE contribution to this otherwise pointless conversation!
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 7:58 am (Quote)
It is a maligned concept and propaganda and it’s study is a hobby horse of mine.
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Stephanie Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 9:47 am (Quote)
Yes, but I’d say there are good odds that “midwife propaganda” was meant in the common, negative sense of the word. No tone on the internet, so we can’t be sure, but I consider it likely.
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 10:42 am (Quote)
I admit I kind of forgot to read her whole comment after I saw people attacking the innocent word propaganda….I am a enthusiastic defender and I have to sit through so many people abusing it.
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Toni Reply:
November 9th, 2012 at 6:07 am (Quote)
Context is everything. As I noted in my comment above, “allowing” a woman to go up to 42w is not “midwife” propaganda, it is ACOG propaganda. YourName was definately using “propaganda” in a pejorative sense, as evidenced by the fact that she attributed it solely to “midwives”, rather than to the doctors and scientists who actually came up with the recommendations, and stated that she didn’t “care” about such “propaganda” (if she meant it in its general sense (simply spreading info), then why on earth wouldn’t she “care” about it – that’s just dumb); it is obvious that she meant it specifically as an accusation that the info wasn’t true (another definition of propaganda includes the notion that the info being spread is of a “biased or misleading nature”), but just an attempt to further midwifery somehow.
No, “propaganda” is not a “bad word”, but in this particular case it was absolutely intended that way. Personally I can’t entirely understand wanting to “defend” a word, but if you insist on doing that, why not consider the context it is being used in. Otherwise your “defense” does more harm than good… You seem smart enough to understand that context can dramatically change how an “innocent word” is intended.
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LG Reply:
November 11th, 2012 at 5:30 pm (Quote)
Language only has meaning in context. The word “propaganda” might have a dictionary definition that’s perfectly innocent, but the way it is commonly used is something more like “misleading information designed to brainwash or trick people.” That’s the meaning people intend the vast majority of the time, whether it’s the dictionary definition or not. That’s the difference between a word’s denotative meaning and its connotative meaning.
I’m an English major and I love words, so I do understand wanting to defend a word’s “original” meaning, but you’re fighting a losing battle, because language evolves to suit context. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who wants to defend the 13th-century definition of “nice” as “ignorant or foolish,” but that’s its original meaning. If you tried to use it to mean that today, nobody would understand you. Similarly, if you try to use “propaganda” to mean nothing more than “persuasive information,” you’re actually obscuring your meaning rather than clarifying it.
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This one is mine. I went into labor spontaneously on Oct. 13th at 41w 5d. I had faxed my ob a letter after refusing the induction, saying that I would call them that Monday to set up appointments for heavy monitoring, and that I would re-schedule an induction upon hitting 43 weeks as I was uncomfortable with the risks after that point. I was showing signs of pre-e but was never diagnosed with it. NSTs all came back fine. My ob never said to me, “I want to induce you for this specific possibly dangerous medical reason that you have.” She listed all of the things that obs normally list as wanting to induce. I asked her if this would be considered as an elective induction, and she said yes. So I ultimately decided not to do it.
I went into a labor that was anything but textbook. Tetonic contractions started about 3 hours in, we found meconium in my mucus, and went straight to the hospital. I was there for roughly an hour before having an emergency c section.
I researched everything, or at least I thought that I had.
The tetonic contractions were a phenomena that I knew nothing about.
This quote was from part of a larger statement in which my ob said, “You know, you’re not the only one affected. The staff and nurses are hurting too. If you would have come in for the induction….”
I was doing nothing but sitting there in silence. After her verbal reprimand, I asked her why my body would go into labor that way and she couldn’t tell me.
Of course I blame myself, and feel like I’m living in a baby killing machine.
There’s a lot that me and my husband are working through emotionally, but this comment was like a slap to the face.
…..She’s not my ob anymore.
Thank you everyone for your kind words.
She was our firstborn.
It just…. takes time.
Sorry my writing is a bit erratic, I keep thinking of things you might want to know.
She died of MAS. Meconium aspiration.
I guess I’ll check back later. Thank you again.
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Goldilocks Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 10:45 am (Quote)
I am so sorry for your loss, at times there are no answers. I know this means nothing coming from a stranger on the web, but you did not kill your baby, it was simply a tragedy.
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genniemom Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 11:41 am (Quote)
I don’t know if this helps, but I know of several women who suffered fetal demise during pregnancy or labor. I still would have made the same decision that you did. All we can do is use the information that we have to make decisions. Everything else is out of our hands. I’m so sorry that you are going through such a hard time.
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Jane Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 12:11 pm (Quote)
**hugs** I’m so sorry for your loss.
The doctor had no answers and admitted as much. But you are not a “baby-killing machine.” Please don’t blame yourself or your body.
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Lisa in Texas Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 4:12 pm (Quote)
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Shame on that doctor for speaking to you like that. I would have done the same as you did. I can’t see that you did anything wrong. It’s easy to judge ourselves in hindsight. I’ve been in that sort of position with a pregnancy as well, questioning myself about my choices after the fact. I will keep you in my prayers. It was the prayers of my friends that got me through the traumatic pregnancy and birth of one of my children.
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PRH Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 5:36 pm (Quote)
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain your family is going through. I am sorry that your OB treated you with such insensitivity. This tragedy is NOT your fault. You had no reason to believe anything was wrong and you did NOT kill your daughter. Hugs
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Sue Reply:
November 9th, 2012 at 8:41 am (Quote)
I’m very sorry for your loss.
How is an induction going to happen without pitocin or cytotec? Wouldn’t those have made the tectonic contrations even worse? Why was there a one hour delay before the section? I’d blame the delay as the most likely cause.
So the OB was shielding himself from blame and is still in denial.
I’ve found healing here:
www dot solaceformothers dot org
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TW Reply:
November 9th, 2012 at 1:00 pm (Quote)
Wow sue, Why would the OB need to shield himself from blame. He’s the one that recommended an induction closely watched. AND THE DELAY most likely the cause….are you speaking of the delay in going through with the induction as recommended or the delay being… we no longer want things done my way, something must be wrong…. RUSH RUSH RUSH and undo this mess I find myself in now???? Hospitals being the evil monster that are only good if we can’t handle things my way. And easy to blame if the outcome is bad?
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Jane Reply:
November 11th, 2012 at 5:48 pm (Quote)
TW, it sounds as if you are saying that if someone is in urgent medical need, the hospital has no responsibility to take lifesaving measures.
If a hospital is not the place to go for a medical emergency, what purpose does the hospital have? Where *should* one go instead in case of an emergency?
The delay Sue referenced was in the pink link — the one-hour delay between their arrival at the hospital with meconium-stained waters and the cesarean section. Nowhere did the OP say the OB recommended an induction “closely watched.” Inductions are very often not “closely” watched — the mom is set up with a monitor and left alone with her epidural and her partner and the TV remote. The induction was not medically indicated at the time it was suggested to the OP.
Hospitals are good *when necessary.* If a hospital is not able to mobilize at a time when its services are necessary, then it’s not a very good hospital, is it?
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TW Reply:
November 16th, 2012 at 4:05 pm (Quote)
Jane, Closely watched means not taking matters into your own hands. Like getting an oytocin release from a breast pump and having 1-2 minute contractions to put yourself into labor not knowing the effect they are having and tetonic. Im sorry you think inductions are left alone with their epidural and a tv remote. That certainly would be by choice if the mother chose an epidural and a partner that would utilize the remote control instead of being actively participating in the birth of their child. Emergencies do happen and people do they best they can. But faxing your MD at postdates to say I know better than you and this is my choice i’ll get back with you….and then the results being…..wow
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Jane Reply:
November 16th, 2012 at 4:16 pm (Quote)
During my one and only induction, my husband and I were alone in the hospital room for an hour at a time. Us and the monitor. I was reading a book, not watching TV, but we were by no means being closely watched.
The OP didn’t say she used a breast pump to get contractions started. I’m not sure why you think she might have. She says she “went into labor.”
I still think it’s acceptable to say to a doctor, “These are the conditions under which I will accept the following interventions.” It’s good when the doctor and the patient agree, but when they disagree, the patient has the right to refuse extraordinary treatment, and the patient still has the right to expect necessary care in a timely fashion.
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WendyG Reply:
November 16th, 2012 at 7:02 pm (Quote)
What part of not medically indicated do you not understand? The only indication for induction was what the OB called post-date.
Unfortunately for doctors like her, and for you, many of us know that the actual ACOG definition of post-date is after 42 weeks.
So, you sit there feeling all superior and intelligent, while most of us see you for what you are ignorant. Oh, and bitchy. Let’s not forget bitchy.
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TW Reply:
November 17th, 2012 at 7:26 pm (Quote)
There are so many active ways to participate in your birth…reading a book may not have been one of them. If you were alone your baby was still being watched for tolerance to labor. Would you have felt as comfortable starting contractions and not know how they were affecting your baby?
Guess you would have to see lotr4000 prior web post to have an understanding..not hard to do to search it ,videos ect…Helps to know what your taking about. But I’m ignorant oh and yeah bitchy. K
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Rachel Reply:
November 17th, 2012 at 7:51 pm (Quote)
I was induced twice.. once with obs and the next with midwives the first time I was left alone for the first 2 hours … just my husband (not like we had any clue what to expect or do) no tv, they came to check on me then left for another hour … they only started to come in and really check when I went in to transition after 3 hours … I certainly felt that during the induction we were just left alone to figure it out ourselves.
and I was certainly not post dates with mine in fact I was being induced at 35 weeks with a baby who we had no idea if he would be able to breath ok.
and as for the OP 42 weeks is past due not 41
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Jenny Islander Reply:
November 9th, 2012 at 9:02 am (Quote)
I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. Dear God, it must have felt like a plunge into Hell.
To the posters busy piling blame on this bereaved mother: No amount of magical thinking will change the fact that if you are still fertile, this exact situation can happen to you, you, YOU. Quit trying to pretend that you can do anything to make yourself immune to this grief. Just stop.
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Amanda Reply:
November 11th, 2012 at 7:46 pm (Quote)
Exactly this. Its easy to judge andhelps people feel that they can outsmart these sorts of tragedies but the truth is, sometimes no one is to blame and we are powerless.
Op, i am so very sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a very loved child and the guilt as well. I hope in time you are able to find find some healing.
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WendyG Reply:
November 16th, 2012 at 7:12 pm (Quote)
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I know nothing anyone says or does can make it okay, but this was NOT our fault.
We all make the best decisions we can with the information we have. Your doctor’s suggestion to induce was, to your knowledge, not medically sound. Your refusal was completely appropriate based on the information you were given. If the doctor had information which made it medically necessary she should have given it to you.
If she did have prior knowledge of an issue and didn’t explain that to you, this tragedy is ENTIRELY her fault, and you should sue her so she never does this to anyone else!
{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
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A different E had this to say,
Nov 8, 2012 @ 12:25 pm (Quote)
I am so sorry for your loss, and for your egregious and frankly disgusting treatment after such a loss. You deserved to be handled with so much sensitivity and kindness, not like you were.
I’m also sorry, on behalf of humane and logical humanity, that there are comments on your submission that are anything but things resembling or equal to “I am so sorry, that OB had no right to be such an insensitive, selfish, a-hole to you. That OB should not be an OB.”
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A different E Reply:
November 8th, 2012 at 12:26 pm (Quote)
That ^ was supposed to be in respond to the pink link.
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Does this mean my son should have come back to life after we induced his birth due to intrauterine death? Ah crap, kinda wishing we hadn’t buried him…
In all seriousness, ltor4000, I am so sorry you’ve joined this awful group of ours. My son was our firstborn too I can’t promise you the pain goes away, but it does become easier to manage after a while *hug*
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Tank Wisely had this to say,
Nov 9, 2012 @ 4:26 am (Quote)
Sorry for your loss.
Your body is not a killing machine.
It likely responded to the stimulation it was receiving to release oxytocin.
Many things can release oxytocin, but nipple stimulation possibly from a breast pump or manual stimulation, can release a large amounts. Huge Contractions 1 to 2 minutes apart can cause hypoxia in the baby especially if it gets no break inbetween. The meconium seen would be evidence of this but that would be in the fluid not the muscous plug? A maternal pulse can be detected through a placenta especially if the mothers pulse is very rapid, say 120′s or 130′s best way to tell the difference, monitor moms pulse to tell the difference Even though it seems to you like your OB gave you BAD advice..we live in times where people feel like they know better than the professionals they go to and have their “WEB MD”… you can find information for and against any subject on the internet…. your OB cant win in this situation…a recommendation is made, a choice is made
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Add Your Comment.
We don’t always know why a stillbirth happens. So the OB cannot tell the woman, for a fact, that her baby would have survived the induction. It’s completely natural to have “What ifs?” when a baby/anybody dies, but that doesn’t mean the OB necessarily had the “power” to save the baby. And the mother didn’t kill her baby.
OP I am so sorry for you loss, and I’m so sorry that your grief was compound by such unfeeling people such as this OB. I wish you the best in life.
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