Sep 282012

Gyn: If that’s uncomfortable, you’ll never have sex, and no kids.

Mother: There’s a difference between sex, and having a layer of my cervix removed. I also already have a child.

Gyn: You adopted?

Mother: No. Gave birth the old fashioned way – vaginally, vacuum assistance, after 18 and a half hours in labour, four days before the due date…

Gyn: There’s no way. I see no proof of that. So, if you already have a family, why are you here? You have a healthy vagina, and you can conceive. You’re wasting my time, when I could be helping a woman who really wants to be pregnant.

Mother: Please remove things from my vagina now. I need to leave. You didn’t even take a moment to read the referral from my doctor, nor my basic history, did you?  I was referred here because I just recently had a second trimester miscarriage of TWINS, don’t tell me I’m wasting your time, and assume that I do not wish to conceive.

Gyn: ….. Well, I am very busy you know…… Nice tattoo, by the way….

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 September 28, 2012  Cervical exam, cervix, pregnancy loss, Twins  Add comments

  33 Responses to ““…You’re Wasting My Time…’”

  1. OP … I am so sorry for your loss. Doctors like this make me so angry. How dare they assume that they know their patients better than the patients know themselves??

    Not to mention that when someone pays for a service that person has a right to be treated with respect.

    Good for you for standing up for yourself. It had to have been hard with everything that you were going through, but I am happy that he didn’t “get away” with what he said.

  2. How exactly does having a layer of cervix removed help someone get pregnant? If this doctor is too busy to read the referals perhaps he/she should cut back on office hours. Well appointment hours. Perhaps he/she needs to come into the office an hour or two earlier to go over paperwork so he/she is doing the correct exam. I can’t imagine somebody having had one baby by vacuum extraction and having recently lost twins during the second trimester not having an episiotomy scar (don’t they do that 100% of the time with a vacuum assist) and at least some screatching from the recent loss. Maybe the doctor needs glasses too! Maybe that is why he is not reading his refereals, too vain to go get glasses!
    OP I’m so sorry for your losses and so glad you told this fool how unimpressed you were.

    • Im guessing that having a layer of her cervix removed wasnt the procedure,but what she was accusing him of doing during her pap and why it was hurting. Just my guess though….

    • No, they don’t have episiotomy’s all the time when they use the vacuum but it does happen most of the time though. I had a VBA2C back in Feb and vontouse(vacuum) was used to pull baby under the pubic bone as she was OP. My OB gave me a local aneasthetic just in case he had to do a cut which thankfully he didn’t have to and I ended up pushing her out in one push and didn’t even tear. It probably helped that once she was under the bone he could rotate her to normal position. :)

    • Not always. I had a forceps baby without an episiotomy, for no other reason than doc was in a hurry. You’ll be quite lucky if you don’t tear with an assisted delivery though (sometimes in multiple places, as I did. It was heinous).

  3. Chapeau to the OP, I could not have been as polite. Makes me so ******* angry that you had to deal with this on top of your loss

  4. OP, sorry for you loss.
    Am also horrified for you that you had to have such a horrid Gyno.

  5. WTF.

    How often do your call your patients liars, Dr. Mofo?

  6. OP, I am so sorry for your loss. And that it had to be followed by dealing with this.

    So impressed that you were able to come back and respond in the moment!

  7. I am so sorry for your loss, OP. That must have been so hard, and then to have to interact with this person on top of it all! I am glad that you had the presence of mind to stand up for yourself and not let him get away with his horrible treatment of you.

    • And kudos to you for telling him off. That takes a lot of strength. Sounds like you made him at least a little uncomfortable.
      I’m so sorry for your losses – and what a tool this doc is for treating you this way.

  8. OP: I hope you then reported the heck out of this doctor to any agency or authority that would listen to you. (Although based on your classy response to this doctor’s assumptions, I suspect you did.)

  9. This is like the mother-lode of MOBSW. We have here today:
    1) A doctor comparing the pain of a Pap to sex
    2) A doctor comparing the pain of a Pap to childbirth. (And by the way, childbirth can be painful, but women still do it. Just because she find something painful doesn’t mean she will “never have children”)
    3)A doctor who doesn’t read medical histories… since I’m 99% sure her previous birth would be listed. That sounds dangerous.
    4)A doctor who calls the mom a liar because there is no evidence of birth. (A normal uncomplicated pregnancy can end that way, you know, since birth isn’t an emergency condition after which the mother explodes. The human body is a wonderful thing)
    5) A doctor who assumes a woman only wants one child.
    and last but not least:
    6) A doctor who is too busy to be a doctor

    Good job OP. I’m sorry for your loss. You handled this way better than I would have though, for sure. :)

    • You forgot the creepy tattoo comment. Totally creepy! ICK!

      • I did have “7) A doctor who makes comments regarding how a woman grooms her private areas.” but then realized I was jumping to conclusions regarding where the tattoo was (though it probably was in the region, since she was in stirrup position for paps. If it were on her ankle or something, I wouldn’t mind a doctor commenting… though he/she does throw it in at an awkward time of the conversation.

    • I know this is going to sound a little sexist, but it’s why I just can’t ever feel comfortable with a male Gyn. I have yet to hear of one that is actually supportive and understanding and sensitive to women’s issues, physical and emotional. RUFKM with the sex comparison and assumptions?!

      If this doc wasn’t a male, I will be even more shocked at the behavior than I am now.

      • Well, just to offer you a little faith in humanity, I saw a male obgyn for part of my first pregnancy. I had moved in with my mom to care for her while she was dying, and spent a good chunk of my third trimester there. My friend’s mother’s doctor took me on, even though he had a full case load and knew he wouldn’t be my care provider for delivery. He was at my beck and call (as I was more than a little stressed out and had a lot of concerns), and provided me with compassionate, high-quality care. Even had the desk staff give me photo copies of everything, every page of my chart, at each visit, since I was a traveling patient of sorts (so I could just carry my up to date records with me). He was a good man and a good doctor.

        Then there was the perinatologist I worked with during my third pregnancy. Also a kind, caring, compassionate doctor, and an expert in his field.

      • My OB is male and I have had nothing but good experiences with him. My first OB was a female and the biggest B on the planet. She ordered so many invasive tests instead of doing basic bloodwork and because I didn’t know any better, I went along with her little games.

        When I was referred to my current OB, by my rockin’ GP, I was told that he’s extremely conservative with testing and really understands women’s health. He just has common sense AND he’s one of the last OBs in my area who will attend a breech vaginal birth. He’s awesome.

    • since birth isn’t an emergency condition after which the mother explodes.

      For the win!

  10. OMG, there are not enough words to express how angry that me. OP, I’m am very sorry for your loss, and having to deal with this piece of crap doctor on top of it. I hope you reported him/her to the AMA.

  11. RTC!!!!! And ask for advice about how to talk to patients.

  12. Perhaps I am wrong (I am NOT a medical professional!), but doesn’t the appearance of the cervix change after a vaginal childbirth? I thought docs could tell if you’d had a vaginal birth by looking at the cervix (which, presumably, this doc was doing.). If that’s the case, it adds yet another level of incompetence to this idiot.

    • Yes certainly. I can tell the difference just from checking cervical position for FAM. And i’m not a doctor of any sort! I can’t imagine that a real OB wouldn’t be able to tell that she had been pregnant. I’m fairly certain that the cervix changes as long as there has been some kind of dilation…not even necessarily a vaginal birth.

    • The opening of the cervix does change in appearance after you have had a baby. Before you have a baby the cervix has more of a circle opening, after a baby it forms more of a slit line shape opening. Basically before . after _

    • Also, the remnants of the hymenal ring disappear after vaginal childbirth. Either that or you are left with myrtiform caruncals. Which is where the remnants of the hymenal ring just hang out here and there. So there is internal AND external proof of vaginal childbirth. So either this mother magicked her baby out or the doc wasn’t paying attention.

  13. Himmel, where to begin? First of all, I take serious offense to the fact that this doctor called his/her patient a liar! It is beyond inappropriate for a doctor to state that someone is wasting their time! Not reading the chart or knowing the most basic of history is inexcusable. And that’s only the tip of the iceburg…

  14. I commend the OP for keeping her head and responding exactly how she should have.
    Knowing me I would have been sidetracked when the OB decided she was lying about her previous birth. I’d probably start pointing out stretch marks and reaching for my phone to bring up the old facebook pregnancy photos.
    But I’m defensive by nature. It causes problems for me sometimes.

  15. My jaw literally dropped with this one.

  16. I know this is going to sound a little sexist, but it’s why I just can’t ever feel comfortable with a male Gyn. I have yet to hear of one that is actually supportive and understanding and sensitive to women’s issues, physical and emotional. RUFKM with the sex comparison and assumptions?!If this doc wasn’t a male, I will be even more shocked at the behavior than I am now.

    Well my male ob was an absolute sweetheart. I had a placental abruption and my boyfriend was out of town and my family wasn’t supportive. So I was alone and on death’s door. He held my hand and explained everything to me in the nicest terms all the way to the OR and told me I know this wasn’t in the birth plan and I know you are terrified but I promise to take excillent care of you. I had tears running down my face, and as i was recovering a l&d nurse told me that I flatlined during surgery and I had only survived due to the fact that he did CPR longer than advised. I have a healthy daughter who was ten weeks premature, and I am currently pregnant again. I am still seeing the same doctor who saved my life and went above the call of a doctor. So not all of them are bad.

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