Sep 102012
 

“Stop trying so hard to get pregnant and focus that energy on eating healthy- your chance of miscarrying is higher anyway because you’re obese” — Midwife to mother at 15 pounds overweight three weeks after miscarrying with a blighted ovum.

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 September 10, 2012  Fatness, Midwife, pregnancy loss  Add comments

  31 Responses to ““Stop Trying So Hard To Get Pregnant…””

  1. FIFTEEN POUNDS OVERWEIGHT and she’s basically refusing to treat this woman. Also, anybody have a BMI chart handy? How short would you have to be for fifteen pounds overweight meaning you were “obese?” (Not that I buy those BMI charts even for a second, but just for curiosity’s sake.)

    Also, my immediate thought: Oh, the stupid, it burns.

    • Well, when you’re 4’10″, the difference of BMI 25 (overweight) and BMI 30 (obese) is 24 lbs. That’s as short as my chart gets. :P

    • I was curious, so I used a BMI calculator to find out. At 3’8″, the high end of normal is 68lb, BMI of 24.7, and the low end of obese is 83lb, BMI of 30.1. Anyone taller than 3’8″ is NOT obese at 15lb overweight.

  2. I plugged this into Google Translate and it came out as “I’m going to blame you in two different ways and maybe then you won’t realize how helpless I am.”

    I only picked up two blame-games in this submission. First the woman is at fault for trying to get pregnant, and secondly she’s at fault for being fifteen entire pounds overweight (heavens to betsy). It’s possible the suggestion to focus on healthy eating is also a blame, but I think that’s more of a shaming tactic than a blaming. Did I miss anything?

    • Did I hear the midwife indirectly blame the mother’s “obesity” for her previous miscarriage…?

      • Well, yeah, because as we know, body fat percentage at age 25 or 30 affects the chromosomal composition of the eggs that were formed decades earlier when the woman herself was in utero….AND the woman’s body fat percentage affects the chromosomes in her husband’s sperm as well.

  3. I truly am obese and I know I need to lose weight. I was on weight watchers when I found out I was pregnant with our last miscarried baby and also miscarried while still on WWers (since I wasn’t showing yet and hadn’t quit). If anyone had said that to me I think I’d have a lawsuit on my hands. We’ve lost 4 and the last one being a blighted ovum was no less hard than the first three.

    • I am overweight and I miscarry frequently. They are not related. My doctors chose to actually treat me instead of blaming me and were able to determine that I had a uterine septum. I’m so sorry that you haven’t found an answer. I hope you do.

      • Looks like we won’t need an answer. I was in the middle of recurrent pregnancy loss blood work when SURPRISE! we’re pregnant again. This little one is doing well at 27 weeks and (although I hate to say it) whatever the outcome of this pregnancy we are done having babies. 2/6 isn’t very good odds and my body isn’t taking pregnancy very well anymore. Our last loss nearly killed me and this pregnancy, although healthy, has been VERY painful and symptom heavy.

    • I’m sorry. :(

      I nearly miscarried my first (diagnosed with a threatened abortion) and I was a healthy weight, I think max 160lbs at 5’9, not skinny but not overweight, either.

      I could not conceive with my ex husband and I had lost 40lbs with WW while married to him, made no difference.

  4. Oh please! I’m 6 weeks pregnant at 5’5 and 210lbs, now THAT is obese! Not proud of it, but with hypothyroidism it’s hard to lose weight. Besides, what’s more important the mother being “overweight” or the emotional devastation of a miscarriage? Trust me, I know how devastating it is to lose a much loved baby. *hugs*

  5. Oooh, I’m mad on behalf of this midwife!
    I mean, how dare these women actually *want* to be pregnant?!
    And how dare they not conform to my strict ideals of beauty and health?!

    /beyond sarcasm, I’m being snarky if you couldn’t tell.

    Seriously though, anyone wanna take a guess at the weight of this midwife? I mean, she’s hassling the mother about a mere 15lb…
    OP, if you come back and pink link this, please do tell us, was this midwife honestly insanely fit or was she being hypocritical about the weight?

    • I had a Dr who LOVED (I suppose she still does but she is no longer my Dr) to blame EVERYTHING on weight and she was extremely obese. Guilt and projection are very ugly things.

  6. 15lbs overweight is obese?!?!? LOLOLOLOL Whatever, dude!

  7. Since when is 15 pounds considered obease? The healthy eating does help with getting pregnant, but if there is a hormone issue it needs to adressed too. Why do doctors blame everything on weight? I am obese and had two kids. Maybe instead of pushing a new diet, he should be running some blood work.

  8. Fat-phobia strikes at all levels of weight. You don’t have to be very fat at all to be subject to it. Care providers are trained now to harass folks at all weights over the cutoffs so that they can theoretically keep folks from gaining even more. Of course, this ignores the fact that dieting behaviors are strongly tied to long-term weight gain, but they refuse to believe that data.

    Anyone who has had repeated miscarriages should be checked for PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It’s treatable, and it has health implications for life, so it’s not just about childbearing. Not all miscarriages are related to PCOS, so no assumptions should be made, but it IS something to be aware of. I have info on my blog about PCOS, or you can check the SoulCysters site.

  9. Someone help me out here. Is this midwife blaming the miscarriage on 15 extra pounds of weight? Please tell me no. I fear my head exploding.

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