Aug 27

“Are You Going To Keep It If You Are Pregnant?”

“Are you going to keep it if you are pregnant?” – OB nurse to woman who was being seen for a blood test to determine if she was pregnant.

55 people dislike these words.

There are 30 comments to this post.

Rebecca had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:05 pm (Quote)

Wha-wha-what??!! No, you dummy. I am going to take it to the pound to drop it off like a dirty mutt.

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OldMaman had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:06 pm (Quote)

I am pro-choice but goddamn! Why don’t you let the woman say if she needs to terminate, instead of asking. Ugh.

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vanessat Reply:
August 27th, 2012 at 2:14 pm vanessat(Quote)

Pro-choice here too, and I agree with you. The woman was there for confirmation of pregnancy. Not to discuss options on whether to keep the baby, give it up for adoption or have a termination. Please stick to the reason for the visit nursie dear.

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JenH Reply:
August 27th, 2012 at 6:03 pm JenH(Quote)

Or, at the *very* least, try to cross that bridge when you come to it, instead of eagerly jumping on the idea like a puppy asking for a biscuit!

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Sephia Reply:
August 28th, 2012 at 2:23 am Sephia(Quote)

Same here! I agree ! *like*

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emily had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:06 pm (Quote)

what does that have to do with anything at that point??? she’s there for a blood test… not a question and answer session!

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Kasondra had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:12 pm (Quote)

This isn’t mine but it could have been! My husband and I were both trying to join the Air Force and during the actual processing I found out I was pregnant (they do all sorts of physical tests). When I walked in to see the doctor and get signed off that I was disqualified the FIRST question he asked me was “Are you planning on keeping it?” No congrats. No “how do you feel about this?” Nope. Just asked if was keeping “it” and signed off on when I’d be eligible to try to enter again. You’d think the goofy grin on my face would have given away that this was a happy thing…

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Jane had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:17 pm (Quote)

“Do you perform the blood test differently depending on how I answer? No? Then, well, please just go ahead and do your job.”

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Maria had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:41 pm (Quote)

Anyone else humming “Papa Don’t Preach?”

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Anonymous had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:53 pm (Quote)

Honestly, I don’t think this is that terrible. I am completely pro-LIFE, but we live in a world that abortion is not an uncommon option – even for married couples. Maybe there is more to this or the tone is missing, but when our society has fought so hard for a woman’s right to abort is it really fair to get mad when this question arises? I don’t think so.

OP, I am sorry this question offended you and hope you have a beautiful baby on the way (or in your arms) right now

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Allison Reply:
August 27th, 2012 at 3:13 pm Allison(Quote)

I hear you. Its just that it is none of her business, either way. It would not impact her care at this point, and if it does not impact the care she would give, she has no legitimate reason to ask such an intrusive question. Whether you are pro life or pro choice you have to agree there are an enormous number of landmines in conversations around abortion. I say this as a nurse.

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Anonymous Reply:
August 27th, 2012 at 3:39 pm Anonymous(Quote)

Yes, that I agree with. A very touchy subject….and if the nurse asking *thought* this was a possible choice for this OP she could have handled it much more tactfully.

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Kristin had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 2:57 pm (Quote)

Not sure if Nurse is trolling or just really tactless…

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TriskeleMom had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 3:27 pm (Quote)

I’m guessing here that the mom was either young or a minority… There had to be a reason for the nurse to ask, unless she is just really interested in other people’s business. You don’t ask that question unless you think there’s a reason she wouldn’t keep the baby.

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Mama Wrench Reply:
August 27th, 2012 at 4:55 pm Mama Wrench(Quote)

I’m white and mid-20s and was asked something similar when I got pregnancy confirmation for #1.

The corpsman, by the way, was male. I was pretty put-off; kinda ruined my “I just found out I’m having a baby” high.

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Kristin Reply:
August 27th, 2012 at 7:32 pm Kristin(Quote)

I am of the firm belief that if you or your family member is in the military and you have government health benefits, you should be allowed to get health care from whatever provider you wish at no extra fee. Especially considering the majority of comments I’ve heard regarding military doctors.

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Rebecca Reply:
August 28th, 2012 at 10:32 am Rebecca(Quote)

Military doctors are terrible. I had my worst birth experiences while still in the Army because they treated it as an inconvenience to their mission instead of a blessing. During my first pregnancy I was having issues with passing out, and the doctor literally told me there was nothing she was going to do about it, but try not to hit my head on the way down, and stamped my paperwork saying I was fit for duty.

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Lizzie K Reply:
August 28th, 2012 at 8:32 am Lizzie K(Quote)

When I went in for a pregnancy test to make sure before getting back on ship that I wasn’t pregnant, I had the doctor tell me very rudely that I couldn’t get an abortion in Okinawa. I hadn’t said anything about aborting, we hadn’t even got the test result back, he just saw 21 year old single Marine and jumped to that assumption. Like I said, I had only gone in to double-check because I didn’t want to find out in the middle of the ocean in between Japan and Thailand that I was pregnant. I had taken a home test that came back negative, but my then-bf (now DH) kept insisting I was. That test also came back negative, but then I found out a few days later, after blacking out on ship, that I had just taken the tests too early. Luckily the doctor that confirmed the pregnancy was a lot nicer, even if he was a bit out of his element due to being the doctor for the infantry unit that was attached to mine.

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Mama Wrench Reply:
September 1st, 2012 at 2:30 pm Mama Wrench(Quote)

I am so sorry this happened to you The service in general is hard on pregnant women, but I’ve heard the worst stories from female Marines about getting pregnant in the Corps. Sad, considering the amount of dedication and determination it takes to make it into the Corps, you’d think they’d assume you wouldn’t want to throw it all away the instant you pee positive. (Not to disparage my own Navy, but I gotta admire any woman who can hack it in the Marines!)

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Christie had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 3:49 pm (Quote)

wow i dont think its ever appropriate to ask this even if there is a chance mum might not want the baby, if she has decided she doesnt want the baby then she will contact the appropriate people, and the pathology department is not going to help so its none of their business

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Nelly had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 3:56 pm (Quote)

When I told my GP I thought I was pregnant with number two (with a 12-month old at home) she asked, “And how do you feel about that?” in a very neutral tone. Only once I told her I was happy did she congratulate me. She told me that’s her standard response because she can’t know for sure what the woman is thinking.

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JenH Reply:
August 27th, 2012 at 6:09 pm JenH(Quote)

As someone who is looking at being an OB/Gyn, I’m quite impressed with that approach. For one thing, it’s open ended, potentially opening up the conversation in a way that, “Is that a good thing to you, or a bad thing?” wouldn’t do. For another thing, it’s non-judgemental and respectful.

I may gank this approach.

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Laura had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 5:17 pm (Quote)

This is mine. I was 27 and had been married for 5 years when this happened.

Full story… We were using a copper (non-hormonal) IUD as birth control at the time but it fell out. Several weeks later my period still hadn’t come, and while the home test was negative, I’m never that late so I went in for a blood test. I was a graduate student at the time and my health care was through the Student Health Center, which is the only reason I can think that the nurse would ask me that – I don’t imagine they get many planned pregnancies. However, if I had been pregnant (I wasn’t), just because it was unplanned didn’t mean it was unwanted. I believe in a woman’s right to choose (*really* not trying to start a debate, just stating my belief) and wouldn’t have been offended to be asked that question in general, but I was taken aback that the nurse asked me that before even asking if we were trying to conceive.

The kicker is that the doctor did the exact same thing – “are you going to keep it” right off the bat. She also tried to bully me into taking a pee test in the office instead of a blood test. She just couldn’t understand why I wanted the certainty of a blood test. It was my money and it was just a blood test, so why did it matter to her?

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amelia had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 5:21 pm (Quote)

I found out I was pregnant when I went into a free birth control clinic. The nurse asked how I felt about it before saying another word. Then she proceeded to offer support based on my response, which in my case was healthy pregnancy pamphlets and referrals to a local midwifery/doula group. That is how you do it right.

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first time mommy had this to say, Aug 27, 2012 @ 7:30 pm (Quote)

Where I go to get my birth control, (and where I went when I found out was pregnant with DS and needed help finding an OB), they hand you a clipboard with every service they provide and everything they can give information on. I checked pregnancy testing and that I needed help finding prenatal care. Guess what! They ONLY gave me the pregnancy test and information about prenatal care! *GASP* is it THAT hard??!!

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Details had this to say, Aug 28, 2012 @ 4:52 am (Quote)

Okay after reading the pink link this doesn’t apply, but could have. What if the nurse was trying to set up adoptions and found that asking a woman if she wanted to keep the baby before she even knew if she was pregnant and then immediately planting the idea of adoption was an effect way to save a baby from abortion and make a family? Of course, “How do you feel about this?” is a much better approach and could end up in the same place without ruining a happy new mom’s “I just found out I’m pregnant High.”

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mm had this to say, Aug 28, 2012 @ 4:58 am (Quote)

some people are so presumptuous. what makes you think you have the right to that information ms ob nurse? if you want something to gossip about in the tea room go read a celeb mag.

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