Jun 9

“Cervadil Is Like A Magical Tampon…”

“Cervadil is like a magical tampon that makes you go into labor naturally.” -Ultrasound tech to mother at her 41.5 week biophysical profile appointment.

61 people dislike these words.

There are 30 comments to this post.

Erica Douglas had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 4:29 am (Quote)

Bwahaha! (deep breath) hahahahahaha!
That is the most awesomely ridiculous thing! Thanks, tech, for a great laugh first thing in the morning.

[Reply]

Jane had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 4:38 am (Quote)

So either the ultrasound tech was ten years old, or else the ultrasound tech through the mother was ten years old.

BTW, Tech? Magic =/= natural, by definition. Thanks!

[Reply]

Vanessa had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 4:56 am (Quote)

Oh, silly me, I thought it was a powerful medication that can have very serious side effects and should only be used when the benefits outweigh the risks! Well then, if it’s only magical, where do I sign?!!

[Reply]

judith had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 5:39 am (Quote)

let’s go on the magical mystery tour!

[Reply]

Chara, Charlie! had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 5:40 am (Quote)

“We’re going to Candy Mountain, Charlie! It’s a magical place of fun and joy and… joyness!”
And if you’ve seen it on Youtube, I’d bet the outcome would be about the same.

[Reply]

mharry Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 6:14 am mharry(Quote)

And some other scary intervention the Magical Leopluradon. But which one? Which is the most like to make you say “What the freakin’ H*ll is that?”

[Reply]

Maddy Reply:
June 10th, 2012 at 2:10 am Maddy(Quote)

I’m leaning towards ‘scissors mysteriously appearing in the proximity of your perineum with no explanation or request for consent, and nothing other than the ominous “snip, snip” to warn you of their presence’…

And the final scene? Yeah, you know which one I’m talking about. That’s when you wake up from an ‘emergency’ c-section they knocked you out for via IV or surprise injection, without consent & with no indications of fetal distress.

[Reply]

Leeann Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 6:40 am Leeann(Quote)

I think that tech had a bad connection.

[Reply]

Gaevren Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 8:33 am Gaevren(Quote)

Or she could put a banana in her ear.

[Reply]

Ashley had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 6:02 am (Quote)

Ultrasound techs give patients info on medication now? She must have smoked something “magical” herself.

[Reply]

himom had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 6:25 am (Quote)

I thought the only magical things in the birthing room were the unicorn midwives with twinkle lights and fairy dust – never knew the magical tampon would be there, too.

Idiot.

[Reply]

Heather P Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 2:58 pm Heather P(Quote)

…and seances. Doulas and midwives cast spells and hexes too. Or is it only doctors that can cast hexes on cervices? I forget.

[Reply]

Angela had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 6:32 am (Quote)

I would have walked out of the room and gotten that tech written up… or better yet, fired. Talk about breaking ALL the rules.

[Reply]

BeckyJ had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 7:19 am (Quote)

GOING INTO LABOR NATURALLY MEANS NOTHING GOES INTO YOUR VAGINA!!!!! Idiot!

[Reply]

road2vba2c Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 7:29 am road2vba2c(Quote)

Well… Nudge nudge wink wink

[Reply]

BeckyJ Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 8:04 am BeckyJ(Quote)

BAHAHAHA You know what I mean!

[Reply]

Rebecca Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 11:08 am Rebecca(Quote)

That only *has* to happen before the pregnancy, anything else is optional

[Reply]

Nica Reply:
June 10th, 2012 at 4:51 am Nica(Quote)

Thank you for the early Sunday morning laugh!

[Reply]

BeckyJ had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 7:25 am (Quote)

Probably wanted to make that mom feel stupid for not getting induced at 40 weeks.

[Reply]

road2vba2c had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 7:32 am (Quote)

And they make fun of us for twinkle lights and unicorns… Magical tampons… Now I’ve heard everything…

[Reply]

Debbie had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 7:57 am (Quote)

…and a C-section is like having your tummy tickled by fairies!

[Reply]

BeckyJ Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 8:05 am BeckyJ(Quote)

hahaha

[Reply]

Ness Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 9:58 am Ness(Quote)

Hahaha!!!

[Reply]

Kristin had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 8:50 am (Quote)

ERK! The amount of stupid in that sentence just made my brain seize up for a few seconds.

[Reply]

Heather had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 11:45 am (Quote)

When I was 5 I thought the belly button was actually a button you pushed when the baby was supposed to come out and that Carly Simon was singing about stuffed green tomatoes (the stuff that dreams are made of. How could I be so stupid and not know it was the magical tampon that did it?
/sigh… the stupid… it burns

[Reply]

T. had this to say, Jun 9, 2012 @ 11:55 am (Quote)

Hi! I was actually told this twice by two different techs, both at my bpp appts (41, 41.5 wks)! The second time, she included that my baby will die otherwise. I got the pressure big time at 42 weeks by my mw and consented– 45 hrs labor, pit, epi, pdph, pp hemorrhaging w/ 2 blood transfusions, and baby in nicu for 8 days. Talk about interventions, and most definitely not my original plan!

2.5 years later I had my 2nd child in a freestanding birthcenter- virtually a silent labor! 1.5 hr labor, born in the tub, no complications or interventions, home in 4 hrs!

[Reply]

Heather P Reply:
June 9th, 2012 at 3:00 pm Heather P(Quote)

Two different techs believe in magical tampons? Wow.

I’m sorry your baby’s birth was so interventive. I’m glad the next one was better.

[Reply]