Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Apr
22
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Are Not Allowed To See Your Son Yet…He Is Hungry,
“You are not allowed to see your son yet because the doctor is still evaluating him. He is hungry, may we feed him?” - Pediatric Nurse to Mother who had wanted to breastfeed but was not given a pump or instructions on expressing colostrum in the hours after birth.
There are 45 comments to this post.
Unless there’s an immediate medical emergency and the parents consented to medical treatment, medical staff holding babies after birth and restricting parental access is just kidnapping.
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SuzyHomemaker Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 1:30 am (Quote)
^ this.
Unfortunately our system is flawed in that no one of power would actually punish the hospital nor the doctor for doing this.
They seem to forget that the baby is a minor patient and that the parents should be involved and consenting in every aspect of baby’s care. Instead they seem to believe that the baby is hospital property.
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Wait…did you just say I’m not ALLOWED to see MY son?
I hate the attitude so many L&D and NICU nurses have, that the babies belong to them and they’re merely “letting” the parents care for them. At least the nurse asked first, so many would just do it and tell mom later, if they tell her at all.
Also, I *really* hope there was a medical reason why mom and baby needed to be seperated, and we aren’t just talking about the normal newborn exam here.
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“Repeat after me: he is not the hospital’s baby. He is the mother’s baby. Now go tell the doctor that after properly diagnosing hunger, you TREAT IT with milk, which I am able to provide.”
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If my baby is hungry, the doctor better have a REALLY good reason for not being able to postpone that evaluation. And if my baby is sick enough to need to continue the evaluation, he/she is WAY too sick to need to eat.
Oh, and babies aren’t born hungry, since they take an hour (left to their own devices) usually to make it to the breast to obtain the tablespoon full of incredibly concentrated nutrients. This baby does not need an ounce + of formula forced into it.
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Apr 22, 2012 @ 8:21 pm (Quote)
Explain “the baby is hungry”.
Is he crying? Could it be he is cold and misses the one person he’s been with the past 9 months?
Is he wanting to suck? Babies suck (literally, not figuratively lol). If there is a true medical necessity for him to be separate from me, you may offer him a pacifier. If there is no true medical necessity, my child should be brought to me immediately or I will go get him.
Is his blood sugar down? I will happily go to the nursery to feed him, or you can bring him to me immediately or I will go get him.
My third child was born with a high fever and spent the first hour away from me (after about 15 minutes of cuddling) with his daddy in the special care nursery. When it came time for him to want to nurse, they weren’t ready to release him yet (had to do bloodwork, xray, etc.) So the nurse gave him her finger to suck on (after daddy refused paci and approved the finger). Is that so hard??
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genniemom Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 5:30 am (Quote)
I hate the idea of my baby being away from me at all, but if one was, I think I might try the no to pacis, yes to finger thing because it guarantees he/she will be held at the very least. I will never forget seeing the long row of babies in their little tupperwares, all crying while nurses ran around checking things off on charts.
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road2vba2c Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 6:37 am (Quote)
It kind of weirds me out thinking about my baby sucking on a stranger’s finger before my breast, but it’s better than a paci!
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C.Pratt Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 1:56 pm (Quote)
The idea of my newborn sucking on anyone’s finger grosses me out to no end, but a medical professional in the hospital setting is beyond crazy. IF there are no hospital born bacteria under the nurses finger nail there would be hand sanitizer to kill it, and neither is acceptable to me. I have to say, I am Very anti pacifier too, but if I had to make a choice I would pick that (because it would likely be straight out of the autoclave or packaging) over a finger.
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Aron Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 2:26 pm (Quote)
Just so you know, if the newborn nurse is offering the baby her finger, it’s covered in a glove. Most babies get a gloved finger during their first exam as well when they’re checked for having a cleft palate (in case one had gone undetected) and for strength of suck reflex.
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“Well, of course you can feed him for me! Here, just let me un-attach my breast and hand it to you. There you go!”
I don’t know about the rest of you but I am dying to see the pink link on this one. I really want to know if the baby was being kept apart from the Mom for a reason.
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The post says, “hours after birth,” so it sounds like there was some problem. The part about not even being given a pump or any information about expressing milk makes this heartbreaking.
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Jennifer Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 8:21 am (Quote)
There was not necessarily a problem just because it was hours later. They tried to do this to me. I had a cesarean and DD could not be with me in recovery due to hospital policy. They had her for close to three hours until I was released from recovery. When I got to my room they wheeled her in and then they tried to immediately take her back because they were finally ready to do her heel prick test. Really, they were going to keep her even longer because of that. I refused and not very nicely at that point.
My husband was with her the entire time. Had he not been I have no doubt she’d have been given formula. That hospital was horrendous.
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Carolyn had this to say,
Apr 22, 2012 @ 10:31 pm (Quote)
No I wasn’t on drugs (someone of facebook thought that might be the case), and no one suspected that I was. It was 8 months ago. My son was removed from my breast less than 3 minutes after he was born. My nurse, who has been quoted here before (and is a well established idiot), was concerned that he would get too cold in my arms. She broke his first and only latch with her finger to put him in a warmer. He had a slight fever when he was born and was taken away for further evaluation. Unfortunately during the 3 minutes I was allowed to hold him my OB was stitching a tear without anesthetic, and I was unable to really focus. I really feel for previous posters who had this happen to them too, it was awful. Sometimes in the whirl of this kind of activity you can loose track of time. You know, it feels like 3 minutes, but it was really 30. In my case it really was less than 3.
They said he would be back in my room within the hour when they took him, but it was more than 24 hours before I saw him again. It was a long time before the pediatrician on call looked him over. It was during this period that I got the phone call in my room asking if they could feed him, seven hours after he was born (so I’m sure that he really was beyond hungry at that point). Of course I asked them to feed my son, but the “allowed” part really bothered me. It felt like they were holding him hostage, but hadn’t decided what their demands were yet.
In a normal case a pediatrician on call sees the baby after the mother is finished holding and feeding, usually while she is sleeping. The baby is gone for maybe 15 minutes. If all goes well the baby is back in the room before mom wakes up if someone is with mom who can care for the baby. When mom wakes up, she can call one of their lactation consultants to help with feeding if she has trouble as one is always on the floor. That is how all this was described to me when we registered at the hospital (my stay was nothing like what was described at registration). In my case however, the long delay in the exam while I was in my room excited to meet my baby “any minute now” was never fully explained. I did ask for a pump and a consultant to teach me how to use it, but I was told that she wouldn’t be able to see me until the following afternoon.
To shorten a very long story (I could write several chapters about uncaring and incompetent medical professionals and stupid hospital policies), my son never did latch again. I have been pumping for 8 months. The medical reason for our separation was that the pediatrician on call from the practice chosen by the hospital didn’t answer his page (I don’t know why, or why someone else was not called), and the nurses in the nursery thought that they shouldn’t return him to me with the slight fever without seeing a doctor first. When a doctor finally did see him, he ordered a few tests and wanted to wait for the results which took until the following evening. This was unfortunately just the beginning of our separation. In the end we spent the better part of a week apart, I got to look at him through a window.
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Tee Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 8:48 pm (Quote)
Ach, Carolyn! What a horrible situation you were put in. I’m so sorry. It really sounds like the hospital staff failed you and your newborn son all the way around.
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Aron Reply:
April 24th, 2012 at 3:22 am (Quote)
Oh, that is inexcusable! I am so sorry that happened to you! Please, if you can, write these things in a letter to that hospital and let them know just how awful their treatment of you and your child was. Tell them how different your experience was from the bill of goods you were sold during registration. You can still call the patient advocate/ombudsman for assistance with this, if it would help. Again, I am so sorry!
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road2vba2c Reply:
April 24th, 2012 at 4:35 am (Quote)
Oh, my heart is breaking for you! I can’t imagine being away from my baby for that long. They would have had to sedate me! I hope you get some closure!
BTW, way to go for pumping for 8 months! You rock in my book!
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Jadzia@Toddlerisms had this to say,
Apr 22, 2012 @ 11:07 pm (Quote)
At least they asked. Hey, my standards have been lowered after reading some of the stories here!
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Carolyn Reply:
April 24th, 2012 at 12:03 pm (Quote)
They made this call seven hours after he was born. I really think (hope) they had been feeding him long before that, and calling me to ask permission was just an afterthought.
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Carolyn Reply:
October 17th, 2012 at 6:57 pm (Quote)
After reviewing his medical records I found out that this was in fact his first feeding. He was taken from me right after birth, I was told he was in distress and needed to see a doctor immediately. The pediatrician was paged, and he saw my son 6 and a half hours later. According to the paperwork I got from the hospital he ordered the nurses to begin feeding 7 hours after he was born, and that is when they called my room and asked for permission to use formula because I wasn’t allowed to see him yet. I’m pretty sure that if I had not fed my newborn for seven hours I would be in jail. When it happens in a hospital it is a miscommunication.
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Oh my God, I had this EXACT same thing said to me (I’m still furious, well over a year later)! I’m so grateful that when I transferred to the hospital my (independant) midwives came too & were able to teach me how to express & act as a support system, since the hospital staff didn’t help at all (with anything). My son was fine, he was just kept away from me for TWELVE HOURS after his birth because either the staff were REALLY evil & wanted to “punish” me for trying to have a homebirth or they were REALLY stupid & needed to find *something* to “save” my perfectly healthy baby from to make them feel better about me not having them as my first choice. The only thing they managed to achieve was to make me even more afraid of hospitals & even LESS willing to transfer next time (this was a non-emergent “just in case” type transfer)!
*Hugs* to the OP! I hope your story has a happy ending!
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C.Pratt Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 2:06 pm (Quote)
There is one hospital near where I am that is very pro-natural but is a half hour drive. The one that is just 10 minutes away has an extremely medical model and is less accomodating to midwife patients. The midwives here naturally prefer to go to the former hospital in case of transfers. I told all of the midwives I interviewed that if I were to transfer it would only be for a true emergency, in which case the one that is closest and has the highest c-section rate would actually be the one I would go to. Of course, I am glad that in a ‘just in case’ scenario like yours I would have the option of a hospital that fits more closely with my philosophies. I’m sorry you were treated so badly.
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Jewels Reply:
April 23rd, 2012 at 8:49 pm (Quote)
That’s the worst part – this was the hospital all the midwives recommended (over the closer ones) because it has the “Baby Friendly” qualification (HA!) & because it’s supposed to be the best in the state for dealing with transfers with sensitivity rather than bullying (several independant midwives did their training there). Apprently things had changed there since my midwives last had to transfer someone!
When we got all the info from the hospital, the papers boasted frequently about how pro-natural birth, pro-breastfeeding, etc that this particular hospital was – this was a definite bait & switch!
Thanks for your kind words 
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C.Pratt Reply:
April 25th, 2012 at 9:43 pm (Quote)
Ouch. That makes it even worse, if that’s possible 
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Toni Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 12:20 pm (Quote)
The good news is that if they do have the baby friendly qualification, you know exactly where the first copy of the complaint letter should go:
http://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/eng/contact.html
Report these people. If they actually do have the baby friendly designation, maybe they will come under scrutiny. At least there will be a record of what happened; if enough women report that they are not in fact “baby friendly”, maybe they will lose the distinction (it is a pretty big deal, only a little over 100 hospitals in the US curently have that distinction, the one I am delivering at next month is currently working towards it).
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Jewels Reply:
April 27th, 2012 at 7:58 pm (Quote)
I did recently find out how to contact the BFHI (I’m in Australia, though, so I used a different contact email address to the one on the site you linked) asking where I should direct my complaint as this hospital is listed on the BFHI website as being accredited (it’s also mentioned on the hospital’s own website).
It doesn’t seem to be a big deal here – 30% of hospitals in Australia are accredited (according to the BFHI website) & it doesn’t seem to make a huge difference – our breastfeeding rates are still in the toilet! Then again, the hospital was at the centre of a huge baby-killing scandal recently (http://www.news.com.au/national/medical-bungle-at-royal-womens-hospital-kills-healthy-fetus/story-e6frfkvr-1226204212196), so the BFHI might be more likely to investigate them. I hope.
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Megan had this to say,
Jul 17, 2012 @ 6:04 pm (Quote)
Carolyn, no amount of apologies I say can forgive them for that act. What an awful thing to have happen to you and your newborn.
Your experience made me cringe and moan at every turn. While I am no where close to being a mother, (I cannot empathize, I at least can apologize for that) your story kicked in what I call my “motherly instincts.”
This includes wrapping up a stuffed animal and swaddling it- I’ve babysat my niece and nephew before, so I’ve been taught how- and cradling it to my chest, rocking back and forth, wishing to protect it.
I can’t imagine what kind of horror that must have been. I hope your son is doing well and you are too. My heart goes out to you and your family. Take care.
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Carolyn Reply:
July 18th, 2012 at 2:39 pm (Quote)
Thank you Megan. So many people close to me do not understand why I have struggled so much. They think I just had a bad experience, like I went to a restaurant and had a rude waiter or something and that I really should be over it by now. It helps me to read the comments here and know that there are other people out there who agree that I wasn’t treated well and have every right to feel traumatized.
It has been and continues to be the greatest struggle of my life, but I am getting better. (I have submitted many quotes to this site, this was just the tip of the iceberg.) The really wonderful thing is that I have seen how strong I can be, and it has brought my husband and I closer together. He has never treated me like I should just get over it. Even with all the trauma and missing out on all of the early bonding, I am so in love with my son. He is amazing. I have learned a lot about maternity care since then, and feel ready to take on even the pushiest, most money hungry practitioner. My husband and I are working on the next baby, and I’m actually looking forward to the whole process and can’t wait to add to our family. My son will make a great big brother.
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I went through something similar to this with my daughter almost 3 years ago. I had a c-section and she was perfectly healthy but I was not allowed to hold her in OR or recovery. I did not get to see her for 10 hours after birth..First I was told low blood sugar, then I was told she had a clotting issue, then I when I demanded to know what was wrong I was told the pediatrician would be in to see me. Hours later, she was finally brought in with a pacifier in her mouth and immediately they were pushing formula even after I told them I would be breastfeeding. She struggled to latch and was tongue-tied and it took sometime (3 plus weeks) to -finally- managed to establish nursing.
I am so sorry you went through this. I really hope any future births and nursing desires go better!
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Add Your Comment.
Are you lactating? No? OK, then you may not. Bring him to me or please bring me a pump or tell me about hand expressing so I may express some colostrum for him.
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