Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
26
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Maybe Its Best If You Talk To The Doctor About Terminating The Pregnancy.”
“Maybe its best if you talk to the doctor about terminating the pregnancy.” – L&D nurse to mother in her first trimester, suffering from depression and other illnesses.
There are 38 comments to this post.
L&D nurse first trimester. MOBSW would you please go back to the OP’s submission and see if that doesn’t say office nurse of ER nurse or maybe a friend who happened to be a nurse. I don’t believe labor and delivery nurses spend much time with moms during their first trimesters. That just isn’t right! I’m not even going to deal with the “disposible baby” sydrome. Too callous to acknowledge!
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Jane Reply:
March 26th, 2012 at 12:32 pm (Quote)
It could be an L&D nurse if this encounter took place outside of a medical situation. You know, you’re at your uncle’s house for his 4th of July barbecue, and your SIL comes along, saying, “So how is the pregnancy going?” and you say, “Okay, but I’ve been really sick and draggy lately,” and since she knows you suffer from depression and other illnesses, she comes up with this gem.
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Aunt4God Reply:
March 26th, 2012 at 1:14 pm (Quote)
It also says “other illnesses” which could have brought about a trip to the ER, which would have landed her in L&D for monitoring, wouldn’t it? To make sure the baby’s heartrate, etc, was okay w/all that was going on w/the mother?
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Dee Reply:
March 26th, 2012 at 1:22 pm (Quote)
Yes–that’s the first thing I thought of myself.
Regardless, that seems far out of line for what the nurse should have said.
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Aunt4God Reply:
March 26th, 2012 at 1:28 pm (Quote)
Of course it’s out of line….but it answers Details question about why a L&D nurse might have a chance to say it a first-trimester pregnant mommy….and to me, it makes it worse, because this L&D nurse would only have met this woman just recently, and she feels like she can make a comment about terminating based on knowing the woman an hour or so?
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Details Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 7:28 am (Quote)
Hey, thanks. It probably works exactly that way in some hospitals. In the hospital down the block they won’t let you past ER unless you are checking in and they keep their most expensive equipment just off the ER. So in that hospital it would have been an ER nurse, but other hospitals would be different. I’m also picturing an ER nurse as being more concerned with preventing further emergencies and less likely to be fasinated by childbirth and babies. Knowing a person for maybe an hour is a problem in either case as well.
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Okay this one makes me pretty mad. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life, and I have a pretty serious sleep disorder that’s basically only regulated by medication, but I stopped taking that medication during pregnancy for the baby’s health. I was okay with the night terrors and such, but the depression meds that I went without… well that wasn’t a good idea.
I ended up having the first ever in 14 years fight with my husband about possibly breaking up, a month or two before our 10 year wedding anniversary (last Friday!), thanks to my not treating my depression seriously. Now I’m on medication and it’s like night and day, the baby is FINE, and I’m due in 2 weeks. There are options for treatment that don’t have to involve aborting the baby! I’m pro-choice, but I’m certainly not pro-drastic-unnecessary-life-changing-decisions, especially in a case like this. My goodness, how insensitive of of that nurse!
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Yes, because killing this woman’s child is the obvious solution for her depression and health problems.
OP, I am so incredibly sorry that you had to hear something so horrific!
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Jadzia@Toddlerisms had this to say,
Mar 26, 2012 @ 1:49 pm (Quote)
What a jerk. Having struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, frankly it sounds to me as though this was a ham-handed and disgusting effort on the nurse’s part to shock and shame the OP out of her depression.
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There are no nice words for this nurse. My dad has struggled with depression since long before I was born. Did it affect my childhood? Sometimes. Depression is an ugly illness and when he was in the depths of it, it was hard for us all. When he was in one of his better periods he was, and still is, a fantastic, thoughful parent. I guess my sister and I should have been aborted. Or is it only when the mother is ill? Is that how it works?
Also, I literally was diagnosed with depression today after struggling with it for months since my miscarriage in August. Maybe I should go tell my 2 kids I can’t be a mum any more. Never mind that I do everything in my power to not let my issues affect them, clearly I’m incapable.
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*resists the urge to make a sarcastic comment about how seriously everyone supposedly treats abortion*
I expect it’s only a matter of time before I’m told this, and if my mental state gets bad enough that, god forbid, I need to make an ER visit, I don’t doubt it’ll be pushed. But I have been VERY fortunate so far that the care team I’m seeing has never brought it up and does not even consider it an option.
I do wish they’d recognise there’s some medications safe in pregnancy though, and this is coming from someone who has always refused psych meds!
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Dreamy Reply:
March 26th, 2012 at 3:04 pm (Quote)
Boy, it’s a good thing you didn’t make that sarcastic comment!
Being pro-choice *should* preclude prescribing any course of action– like this, or like calling people baby-killers. Some people are just a-holes, regardless of their political stance on abortion.
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Okay. For starters, depression isn’t a medical condition that warrants an abortion. Some of the other illnesses may have indicated a need for a VIP, but not depression. Depression is manageable during pregnancy. Other illnesses may not be, but depression can be managed so that we have a healthy baby and a healthy mom in the end.
For seconds, the nurse stepped a bit out her role with her comment. If something was going on that made an interruption of pregnancy the better option, it’s not the nurse’s role to discuss that with the patient. It’s the doctors. The nurse can later follow up and answer any questions the patient may have, but it isn’t her place to suggest an abortion.
And if she’s suggesting it because simply based on her opinion, shame on her. She’s being an awful nurse.
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Details Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 7:33 am (Quote)
Ani you are wonderful and I appreciate all the good nurse vibes you bring, but can we please be honest and use the term termination rather than going with interruption? It isn’t like you get to put that baby back in and pick up where you left off. You are doing that thing they do when they don’t want to use the the word terminal or Do Not Resusitate and they make up another word to throw us off track. Let’s just not go there.
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ani Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 8:26 am (Quote)
It is a termination. I agree with that. Interruption…is the polite “technical” medical diagnosis. “Voluntary interruption of pregnancy” is what I get to chart, so that’s the phrase that comes to mind when I think of a termination.
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Details Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 9:07 am (Quote)
I’m torn between thanks for the heads up on the next round of nonsense speak and tell them to stop it. Communication is important! How the heck are we supposed to understand each other if people keep making up new words? So let me get this straight are we still using spontaneous abortion to mean miscarrage, but elective abortion is now VIP? Or do we get spontaneous interruption now too? Or maybe involuntary? I think the women who have suffered miscarriages would like a more “polite” term than the one that has been shoved down their throats and defended as the “correct term” by medical people.
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I don’t think some of you realize how serious depression during pregnancy can be. Most medications are NOT safe for the baby, and if the ones that are don’t work you’re kind of SOL. And if it gets bad enough, mom is at risk of self-harm up to and including suicide, plus the hormones of pregnancy make even women who DON’T suffer from depression more likely to experience it, and those who regularly do suffer from it are at risk of it worsening.
There are times that depression really does threaten mom’s life. And therefore baby’s life. Those instances are rare, but they happen.
I am in no way saying this comment was appropriate, but some of you are downplaying the effect that depression has on some people. It’s not just being lethargic and feeling sorry for yourself sometimes, sometimes it’s a life-threatening illness. And not everyone has money for expensive medications or for months of psychotherapy. Sometimes it’s NOT manageable during pregnancy.
That is obviously not the case here or else the OP wouldn’t have submitted it, but let’s not minimize the effect of this illness on some women and their families.
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Melissa Reply:
March 26th, 2012 at 5:44 pm (Quote)
Who is minimizing? I see example after example of women saying “I’ve had it” “I’ve just been diagnosed” “my dad had it” etc. etc.
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VW Reply:
March 26th, 2012 at 6:08 pm (Quote)
I’ve had depression pretty much all my life, and I’ve gone through two pregnancies, one unmedicated (hell) and one medicated (manageable). I was under the impression that SSRIs are generally safe, and their risks are statistically less likely that the risks of depression in pregnancy. Where did you get your information about most meds being unsafe? Unaffordable/inaccessible is a different story, of course, but after I did some more detailed research after my first pregnancy, I thought the safety profile of anti-d’s in pregnancy was pretty acceptable.
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Lisa Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 5:55 am (Quote)
ITA. I’ve taken Prozac (which is now generic and costs about 6 bucks a month) through 3 pregnancies, and 3 different caregivers (seen at different points throughout) have had zero problems with it. I’d also like to know where Nicole got her information.
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Darsy Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 7:50 am (Quote)
As someone who struggled with depression bad enough to ruin everything I’d worked for in my relationship with my husband and my toddler, I think I can fairly say that while there ARE psychiatric situations that are totally incompatible with pregnancy, depression isn’t always under that umbrella. Given that it was submitted here, I think we can safely say that the person who submitted it disagreed with the sentiment!
I wasn’t suicidal, but I was systematically destroying my life in ways that would have been hard to repair. I went on one medication and like a switch had been flipped, I was much better. Before putting me on the medication, my therapist had me speak to my General Practitioner, My OB/GYN, and the baby’s future Pediatrician. We covered the bases of safety, and my life improved drastically for the better. I know you probably mean very well and don’t want the commenters to diminish the power of depression, but I still think that the circumstances of the comment doesn’t warrant a good faith assumption, heh.
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agree with most comments here, i suffered with PND for about 9 months after my firsts birth before i realised that something really wasnt right and started seeking help. when i fell pregnant with my second the midwives referred me to the mental health clinic through the same hospital as a part of my maternity care. to have some even suggest i abort my baby because i was depressed would have destroyed me, as it was i never attached to the pregnancy in the same way, the baby was often an after thought, to add pregnancy hormones onto an already unstable frame of mind was awful but the thought of the precious child coming from it kept me going. hes 7 days old today and aside from a touch of the baby blues (hit me a bit later than the typical 3rd day) i could not be happier, yes im still not 100% and it doesnt take much for the old helplessness and frustration to sneak in, especially since my toddler has decided not to sleep in the day since i got home, my baby is helping me heal. OP im sorry this was ever said to you,
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I had my second child last monday also!
I just wanted to offer all you moms who have battled with depression kudos. Its not an easy fight (especially since the condition makes people not seek help in many cases) and I think its great you are willing to mention it here. People like you are the ones who are going to take the stigma away from mental health treatment.
Thank you.
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Amelia had this to say,
Mar 27, 2012 @ 6:54 am (Quote)
Nicole, depression is, as you mention, a horrible illness, and some people don’t tolerate any of the meds currently on the market. But to claim that antidepressants are sooo dangerous in pregnancy is going too far. I don’t think the science backs you up.
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This brings back terrible memories for me. For some reason, I get horribly depressed in the first trimester and suicidal ideations are a very real thing for me during that time. It’s part of the reason I’m hesitant to try for my third child. If that suggestion had been made to me during m y first pregnancy, there’s no guarantee I wouldn’t have talked myself into it somehow, because in my depressed state, I was convinced I was doing my child a disservice by having me as a mother. He’s currently an amazing almost year old whom I’d do anything for, but depression is not something to play with and you have to e very careful what you say, because words ARE powerful to a fragile person.
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So what this nurse is saying is you are depressed, so lets kill someone you most definitely love, because you are kindof confused about things right now. Great. Real smooth exlax.
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Add Your Comment.
Yes, let’s not treat the depression or anything. That would be ridiculous.
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