Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
9
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Oh, You Can Quit Crying Now!”
“Oh, you can quit crying now!” – L&D nurse to mother after a car accident, in the hospital for contractions at 21 weeks. It took 40 minutes of trying, before staff realized the batteries in the doppler were dead, and that was the reason that no one could hear a heartbeat.
There are 40 comments to this post.
I can’t tell from the quote if this comment was made BEFORE the realization that the batteries were dead, or AFTER. If it was before, when the mother probably thought she’d experienced a loss, shame on this nurse. If it was after, maybe she should give the mom some space – I would be crying for a while, too, if I’d gone through that scary ordeal!
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How could they not figure out the batteries were dead? I had the doppler on my tummy after a miscarriage (at my request, for emotional closure) and we could still hear my blood flow. If the batteries are dead, I would think there wouldn’t be ANY sound.
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Selia Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 11:20 am (Quote)
Yes, I was thinking the same! You’d get the mother’s pulse, static and such even if there was no baby’s heartbeat. So although the mother might not have known or realized (especially in that panic!) the staff should have immediately realized it wasn’t functioning!
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Mar 9, 2012 @ 11:15 am (Quote)
IME, telling someone to “stop crying” works about as well as telling a clinically depressed person to “have a nice day.”
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HOW DID IT TAKE *FORTY* MINUTES TO TELL THAT THE BATTERIES WERE DEAD?
Shouldn’t the fact that the damn thing DID NOT MAKE NOISE when you turned it on be the first clue?
*headdesk*
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Chelsea Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 12:02 pm (Quote)
Exactly! I can tell within a few seconds whether the batteries in mine have died and I just have one for the fun of it to listen every once in a while.
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lilmrsmchenry Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 12:57 pm (Quote)
Not to mention that after about a max of 15 minutes without success a normal person would move onto another method such as an ultrasound. That is what happened when we lost our first son at 35 weeks.
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LeedleFishy Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 4:22 pm (Quote)
I’m sorry for the loss of your son. : (
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lilmrsmchenry Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 4:37 pm (Quote)
It was a long time ago. Since then we have had 3 more children and are expecting another in October. While we will always wonder “What if” we have come to except that he wasn’t meant to be with us.
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Jennifer had this to say,
Mar 9, 2012 @ 11:41 am (Quote)
So sorry, OP. That sounds positively horrifying. Those people must have been idiots to not realize within the first couple of minutes that the batteries were dead. I’m pretty sure I’d be crying with fear before, and crying with relief after they finally found the heartbeat.
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Heartless, cruel, nasty person!! And apparently, a lot of not so bright folks in the department, either, if they couldn’t figure out the battery problem. Sheesh. NOT to mention, ‘Stop crying!’ is a totally ridiculous thing to say. So sorry, OP.
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first time mommy had this to say,
Mar 9, 2012 @ 12:10 pm (Quote)
Oh, you can quit being a b*tch now!
OP, I’m sorry 
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What?!?! Why did it take 40 freaking minutes for them to figure out that the batteries were dead?
Note to EVERYONE in the medical field… “You can quit crying now” is a horrible thing to say to anyone in any situation! Just don’t say it! Period, end of discussion! A person has the right to their emotions and YOU DON’T GET TO TELL THEM OTHERWISE!!!!!
::deep breath::
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HOLY CRAP. This is just awful. Poor mama. Even if there was a legit reason for not noticing that the batteries were dead, do they not get that there’s fear, uncertainty, grief, heartbreak, confusion, shock, and God knows what else all wrapped up in those tears? And that “Oops, JK it’s just a battery” isn’t going to suddenly make all that go away? I mean shoot, even *relief* often comes out as tears.
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lilmrsmchenry had this to say,
Mar 9, 2012 @ 12:59 pm (Quote)
If this was said after they finally found a heartbeat,I would probably be crying in relief. If it was said before, then I have no words.
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Jane Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 2:14 pm (Quote)
But I’ll bet it was in between, after they discovered the batteries were dead but before they got a new unit out or new batteries in the unit. Like, “Quit crying — we’ll have batteries and find a heartbeat in no time.”
I’m wondering why they didn’t go for an ultrasound as soon as the doppler didn’t pick up a heartbeat. That’s been how my friends with stillbirths have had it handled: first the doppler, then immediately after that an ultrasound.
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Meagan had this to say,
Mar 9, 2012 @ 6:48 pm (Quote)
This is me!
I was in a car accident and taken to the hospital in an ambulance for contractions and back pain. I sat in a room in the ER for a half hour by myself crying because of the pain and being so worried before any doctor even saw me. Finally, one came in and told me I had whiplash and I asked if they could check the baby because I was so scared. She told me they were sending me up to labor and delivery because they didn’t have anything there to see. So they took me up to L&D and they had me sitting in the waiting room! While having contractions! Then my boyfriend got there (he had to wait for someone to come in for him at work before they would let him leave) and he asked the nurses why they were making me sit in the waiting room while I was having contractions and in so much pain. They told him they didn’t have any rooms available. So AN HOUR after that they finally got me into a room and had me get into a gown and a nurse came in with the doppler. She said “Oh no, I don’t hear anything! Where do they normally catch the heartbeat?” I told her right below my belly button and she kept trying. Eventually she called another nurse, who called another nurse, who called another nurse who is the one who said “Well did anyone see if the batteries were dead?” and went to get a different one. She came and found him right away. I was so happy I started crying even harder than I was before and she yelled “Oh, you can stop cying now!” over me. I just sat there in shock. I couldn’t believe someone could be so mean.
Now I look back and realize how stupid I was for not trying harder to get a room sooner and letting that woman talk to me that way. I just thought that they knew what was best, but my other experiences from my hospital showed me that most of those people just honestly don’t care.
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Tee Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 7:52 pm (Quote)
No, no, no! You did nothing “stupid” at all! We are taught that doctors, nurses and other medical professionals know best and therefore, we should listen to them and trust their training. Until a person has a bad experience, they usually don’t question the doctor’s (or whoever) judgement. Please try not to place that guilt upon yourself. I am so sorry that you had to deal with such ignorance under particularly scary circumstances. And I’m VERY grateful that your baby was okay!
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Dee Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 8:13 pm (Quote)
Tee is right–this is NOT your fault, and you were only doing what any normal person would do–expecting good, quality care in such circumstances. I too learned the hard way not to be too trusting just because someone has medical training–but to ask questions, insist on seeing reports/lab results and paperwork with my own eyes, and so on. I’m cordial and polite–but firm about being an equal partner in what happens to my body while receiving health care.
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Jane Reply:
March 10th, 2012 at 3:50 am (Quote)
You weren’t stupid. The stupid ones were the women who couldn’t figure out that the batteries were dead. And I bet the one woman yelled at you because when you cried, it reminded her of her own incompetence and what she’d put you through, and she felt guilty, so the obvious solution was to make you stop crying. **eyeroll**
That hospital doesn’t sound competent to deliver the mail, let alone deliver babies.
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After 5 mins, heck 3 mins, of NOT finding the heart beat with a dopplar, you should switch to a new one, or find an ultrasound tech pretty darn fast.
But 40 freaking minutes!??!?!
That’s terrible!
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BeckyJ222 Reply:
March 10th, 2012 at 6:00 am (Quote)
You must remember that the medical world doesn’t care about babies under 24 weeks gestation, so ultrasound wasn’t a procedure they’d want to do. When I was 24 weeks, I went in for bleeding and my OB asked how far along I was and when I told him 24 weeks, he said “oh okay. We never ultrasound for things like these if the mother is under 24 weeks. So, let’s get that ultrasound, shall we?”
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Rachel Reply:
March 10th, 2012 at 1:44 pm (Quote)
That’s not entirely true. Some ob’s just don’t care. With my second, my ob was having trouble finding the heartbeat on the doppler at an appointment (I don’t remember which one but it was early, definitely before 20 weeks) and she took me back to the ultrasound room and did one her self right there just to be sure it was an issue with her locating the baby and not that something was wrong.
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This one just makes me ANGRY. Very, very angry. Having lost a baby before when they check for a heartbeat now I get very nervous. If they can’t find one I am going to flip out. If the patient is in a car accident and is having pre-term contractions and you can’t find the heartbeat how the HELL do you expect them to react? And thank goodness they realized the batteries were dead and the baby was alive, but you expect that level of panic to just dissipate on the spot soon as you hear the heartbeat? Human emotion doesn’t work like that, period. It is incredibly rude, insensitive, and just plain MEAN to tell them to just stop crying. What the hell!
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Oh my, can’t really voice an opinion on this one without cursing, and I almost never curse. What a total and complete rancid skunk of a nurse.
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