Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Feb
14
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Can’t Catch Your Own Baby, That’s Impossible.”
“You can’t catch your own baby, that’s impossible.” – OB office staff, following up with a woman who chose to birth at home after prenatal care with the practice.
There are 54 comments to this post.
Please, everyone, calm down. I have given birth to several children so I speak from experience when I say that during the pushing phase, your arms suddenly get sucked into your body and you cannot physically reach your baby. Plus, you have billions of deadly germs on your hands, so you should never actually touch your baby. Or your spouse. Or yourself.
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Becca Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:25 am (Quote)
yes, because the poop sucking vagina is so dangerous and can suck your arms up too! It’s only because of the strength of the OB’s ego that s/he isn’t sucked in as well.
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Amanda Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:38 am (Quote)
This has provided a mental image that I may have to bleach from my brain before my next baby is born. 
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Shea Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 7:37 am (Quote)
I have had friends ask if I wore gloves to catch her because that would make it “safer”… I turn around and ask them if they wear gloves every time they hold their children or are intimate with their husband because that would be “safer”. Sometimes I’m afraid that somebody is going to leak their ignorance on me and turn me into a sheeple.
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Huh. Then who caught my second and third children?
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Heather Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 12:56 pm (Quote)
(insert sarcasm here) Well if you were at a hospital, or had drugs of any kind, I would say you didn’t remember LOL BUT since it was a homebirth, CLEARLY it was an act of God that happened. Your kids just magically floated to the bassinet/crib
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I don’t usually watch Keeping up with the Kardashians, but I did watch the episode where Kourtney gave birth to Mason, and she caught him herself. It was a hospital birth, and I’m not sure about any other details.
I also caught my own baby at home six months ago, while my birth team watched and supported me.
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first time mommy Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 9:40 am (Quote)
JUST about to post it! If Kourtney Kardashian can catch her own baby, SO CAN I!
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It seems to me, from the post, that the staff was discussing the birth with the mother AFTER it had already happened. Am I wrong? This just shows that a person doesn’t need medical training to learn how to rudely dismiss reality! I too caught one of my own babies; and love, love, loved it!
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Shea Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 7:26 am (Quote)
Yes, this conversation happened almost 8 months after the birth of my youngest.
While I was pregnant and using them for just the bare basics of formal prenatal care the office was nothing short of rude. The Midwife figured out at the first appointment (I was 18 weeks) that I was not worth arguing with. She and the OB in the practice loudly discussed how I was “one of *those* patients” outside my exam room door. The Midwife agreed to see me at 28 weeks because I bluntly told her that I wasn’t coming in any sooner than that. I am healthy and had 2 uncomplicated pregnancies before this. The receptionist took it upon herself to read me her version of the riot act when I was making my next appointment. She told me that I had to be seen every 4 weeks or my baby could die.
I refused ultrasounds yet the office made ultrasound appointments for me. The hospital called my husband when I didn’t show up. It scared him out of his skin to see our local hospital’s name on his caller ID.
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My sister-in-law’s OB is really neat that way (that’s the only thing I like about him, but that’s another story). He asked her for both of her boys if she wanted to catch them by herself. She caught the second and said it was the best thing ever. And they both were hospital births!
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I want to catch my own baby. (not pregnant yet or TTC, maybe in 6 months or so) I may only have one more, so I’m going to push for it (lol pun). I’d love to birth at home, but it makes my husband uneasy, so I think I’m going to compromise and try to find a good birth center.
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I was seen by a Midwife/OB practice 3 times during my entire pregnancy. Mid January I was called by their office because it seems as though I was the only patient they saw last year that they do not have any birth records for and they were doing an end of year audit. They formally dropped me from their practice only 12 days before my Estimated Due Date with a letter and photo copies of my records, yet no referral to another care provider due to my honesty about wishing to pursue a home birth. They told me at the time that they could not support my dangerous choices and to not call them when my birth plans go awry. I had a very peaceful and successful unassisted birth that was one of the best experiences of my life, and by far the easiest of my 3 births.
Beside the humorous conversations I had during my 3 prenatal appointments where I refused everything from ultrasounds, to amniocentesis and the glucose testing, this phone call took the cake. I wrote it down immediately upon hanging up the phone because I was giggling uncontrollably.
Them: “Did you give birth?”
Me: “No, I have a stone baby inside me.”
Them: “WHAT?”
Me: “Are you really that gullible?”
Them: “Oh, you were joking. When did you deliver?”
Me: “May 21st”
Them: “Where did you deliver?”
Me: “In my Living Room.”
Them: “And your baby didn’t die?”
Me: “Nope, she’s in my arms, would you like to speak with her?”
Them: “That’s quite all right. Why weren’t we called when the ambulance brought you in?”
Me: “Because we didn’t go to the hospital.”
Them: “But you have to.”
Me: “Obviously I don’t, because I didn’t. We planned to give birth at home.”
Them: “Why would you do that?”
Me: “Because it is safer than having your hands up in my vagina.”
Them: “We wouldn’t put our hands in your vagina. We deliver babies.”
Me: “I deliver babies, you catch… this time I removed the middle man and caught my own baby.”
Them: “You can’t catch your own baby, that’s impossible.”
Me: “When are you going to learn? It is very possible because I did it.”
Them: “Ummm… thank you for answering my questions.”
Me: “Thank you for nothing.”
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Details Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 7:40 am (Quote)
I can see why you would have to write that all down before it disappeared in a gust of laughter. I think my favorite part is your daughter was born in May and they called in January – because they care so much! If a doctor told me not to call when my home birth went awry I certainly wouldn’t call when all went well to help them keep their files up to date. Maybe to rub their noses in it, but not for the benefit of their files.
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Mandie Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 7:45 am (Quote)
You freakin ROCK! I WISH my Doctors would call me so I could say that!! (except the whole catching part, I ended up on my hands and knees and my hubby caught the baby!
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Mama Wrench Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 8:20 am (Quote)
My favorites are, “Why weren’t we called when the ambulance brought you in?” and “We wouldn’t put our hands in your vagina. We deliver babies.” Between my two hospital births I’ve had as many hands in my vagina as some porn actresses.
Congrats on your baby, and home birth!
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Shea Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 8:46 am (Quote)
I had so many vaginal exams during my first 2 pregnancies that I was most nervous about that for my 3rd. I really didn’t want another person to put his or her hands in my vagina… and I giggled when you said “as some porn actresses” because that is exactly how demeaning it feels.
I never check dilation while in labor, but I was so curious how an amniotic sac and effaced cervix felt so I felt those just because I could. And surprisingly, it didn’t hurt at all… wait, could that be because it was my own hands in my own body???
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Laura Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 9:04 am (Quote)
1) You rock.
2) If they’d dropped you from their practice, then why the h*** would they expect to be called even IF an ambulance had brought you in or IF you’d had to transfer care? They said they no longer wanted to be in the loop, so why on earth would they be?? Never mind the whole part where they *assumed* you couldn’t deliver your own baby, unassisted, at home, which is also absurd…but even if they’d been *right* why would they have been contacted?
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Jenny Islander Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 9:25 am (Quote)
For no. 2: Because “don’t contact us when something goes wrong” means “don’t come crying to me when you see that I’m right” means “DO come crying to me and submit to me because I AM THE BOSS OF BOSSES and you are a STUPID STUPIDPANTS.” But she refused to play.
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Details Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 9:52 am (Quote)
If someone had transfered care to another OB, would the 2nd OB even be permitted to give info to the first under HIPPA? Or is it your information that you get to pick and choose who gets it? I kept thinking the OP should be telling them, “but you dropped me! What is the final entry in my file? So it is no longer any of your business is it?” But the convo just kept getting funnier by letting them have more and more rope to hang themselves.
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Dee Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 10:03 am (Quote)
AWESOME story–congratulations!! I love that you wrote down the conversation. And even with my intervention happy doctor/hospital birth (we fought off most things with the help of a great nurse), I was encouraged to reach down and touch/feel baby coming out…I didn’t catch, but he did slide through my hands coming out.
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genniemom Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 12:05 pm (Quote)
This reminds me of my latest allergy appointment.
Doctor: “You’re not pregnant, right?”
Me: “No, I’m almost six months postpartum.”
Doctor: “I can’t get the computer to stop saying that you’re fifteen months pregnant. Don’t worry, we’ll have you unpregnant soon.”
I could not stop laughing. Who knew homebirth would complicate things so?
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Jewels Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 2:52 pm (Quote)
This is the greatest thing I have read all month (possibly all year)!
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I guess all of us who caught our own children just imagined it then? Hmmmm.
I love the story, but the actual quote made me laugh just because anytime anyone says they “catch” a baby, I picture it shooting out like a fastball. It’s just a funny word to me.
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I feel bad for the nurse that thinks it’s impossible to reach her own vagina.
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Shea Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 3:14 pm (Quote)
hehehe! That is another question I get often, “how did you reach?” Well… my arms are of an average length, and so is my torso… therefore I just put my hands there and let my baby slowly emerge and I supported her with my hands. I could understand that question if my proportions weren’t average… but really? My vagina is *right there*.
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Liz had this to say,
Feb 15, 2012 @ 9:58 am (Quote)
I had a uc with my first and I have had sooooo much trouble with office staff. I once got a nasty letter from a state office demanding a hospital record and vaccination record from my son because ALL babies have one.
I also had a receptionist tell me I had to take my son to a doctor or else I wasn’t allowed to get a social security card for him.
I understand that uc is not the norm but people can be so rude, judgmental, and ignorant. I finally got an empty vax record from a ped so that I would not be harassed in the future.
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Well, it’s the office staff. To be fair, the office staff don’t have MDs and are not CNMs, and they’ve been told whatever they’ve been told. They’re steeped in the culture of hospital birth. I can give that a pass.
And “That’s impossible” is a lot better than “You’re going to kill your baby and yourself!” or “What kind of horrible mother are you?”
“That’s impossible” is also truly awesome if the mother has *already* birthed at home. (I can’t tell from the way it’s written.)
Double awesome points if the mother never said she was going to catch her own baby and actually planned for a midwife at home.
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