Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Feb
10
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…That’s The Wonderful Thing About Miscarriages…”
“Well, that’s the wonderful things about miscarriage.! You can try as soon as you want!!” – OB to the husband of a woman who just experienced a miscarriage, when asked when could they try and conceive again.
There are 33 comments to this post.
First of all, “wonderful”?!? Is the doctor thinking the father just wants to have sex and there’s not that pesky 6-week waiting period after a baby, you can just go at it?
Second, is that really sound medical advice? After both of my MCs I was told to wait at least 2 cycles. I know some people swear you are more fertile immediately after a MC, but I personally know two women who had repeat MCs and were told they were getting pregnant too soon and not allowing everything to return to normal. They both finally had a success after taking a few months to recover.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 10:33 am (Quote)
I stress that very thing to every woman I know who loses a baby, to wait a few cycles. It kills me to hear that they try quickly and lose another =(
[Reply]
Lisa Reply:
February 11th, 2012 at 1:14 am (Quote)
After my 1st miscarriage, I waited 6mths. After the 2nd, I waited 3. After the 3rd in a row, I decided to screw waiting. 3mths & 2 more miscarriages later, I got a sticky baby. I don’t buy that waiting does anything.
[Reply]
Sigrid Reply:
February 11th, 2012 at 5:22 am (Quote)
Yeah, I read that women are more likely to have a successful pregnancy if they conceive within 6 months of their miscarriage… I tried after 3 months and had a second loss. Scared out of my mind to try again…. :/
[Reply]
Lynn Reply:
February 11th, 2012 at 11:48 am (Quote)
We had our first MC christmas eve and lasted about a week before we went to the hospital. My doctor did a scraping and that was it. With his sense of humor i am surprised at how well he treated me. We had our next MC 5 months later. I finally got pregant again 6 months later and hopefully will have a little girl this time to be born in july of this year.
[Reply]
genniemom Reply:
February 11th, 2012 at 8:16 am (Quote)
It really depends on the reason behind the miscarriage and whether or not a D&C was done. With a D&C, the uterine lining has been scraped off, so the uterus will take a while to build up an adequate endometrium to support a pregnancy. I think it’s about three months. The longer gestation you were when you miscarried, the longer you will take to recover, too. But in my personal experience, your body just doesn’t ovulate until you are ready. If there is a repeat miscarriage, there is probably an identifiable problem. For instance, I have a uterine septum, so I can have healthy pregnancies on one side, and I miscarry on the other. It’s just a matter of where the baby implants.
[Reply]
road2vba2c had this to say,
Feb 10, 2012 @ 7:58 am (Quote)
Not always true either. Some people need time to heal physically or emotionally. OP, so sorry for your loss and doc’s callousness…
[Reply]
This is so horrible. There is never, ever, EVER anything ‘wonderful’ about it. It’s a painful, wrenching experience (at least it was for me). Why can’t people just say, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” and let it go at that if they can’t think of anything better to say?
[Reply]
Crystal Star Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 8:11 am (Quote)
Because if they said sorry for your loss, they would actually be acknowledging that there was something to be lost. Whether they see a baby as just a clump of cells, tissue, nothing more than a fetus, it all belongs to that mother and father, it came from them and is a part of the mother’s body. So sad the OB said that, seriously there is nothing wonderful about a miscarriage!!!!
[Reply]
Jennifer2 had this to say,
Feb 10, 2012 @ 8:33 am (Quote)
In my experience, there is *nothing* “wonderful” about a miscarriage. Miscarriage was heart wrenching, emotionally devastating, physically painful, and personally tragic. I felt fear when the bleeding started, denial when the doctor told me this was likely a miscarriage, despair when blood tests confirmed hCG levels dropping due to miscarriage, and emptiness (physically and emotionally) when the process was over. Put simply, miscarriage is the not just the loss of a pregnancy, but the death of a child.
This “advice” isn’t even correct in my (and friends of mine’s) experience. I miscarried naturally, luckily not requiring any medication or D & C. I was told to wait 3 months to ensure my body had fully recovered. The process of my natural miscarriage took almost three weeks for me, so I certainly could not have followed the advice “try as soon as you want.” Plus, if I had not miscarried then there would be no need to try right away.
[Reply]
Jessica had this to say,
Feb 10, 2012 @ 8:45 am (Quote)
Why the hell isn’t anyone asking the mother if/when she wants to try again? I shudder to think about the OB and even the husband patting her hand as they completely dismiss her pain and talk about her ability to put out.
OP, I’m sorry you suffered the loss of your little one. I hope you were/are able to get support.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 10:39 am (Quote)
My husband and I had discussed it before going back in the second time. He asked where I was emotionally about having kids down the road. I told him I still wanted them and I didn’t know when though I could try. He said whenever I was ready, and it was safe to, he would be okay with it. Men handle loss differently. But I told him if I forgot to ask anything, to ask for me. That’s why he did so.
[Reply]
This is mine! We TTC for two months and I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday. The following Thursday, I woke up, made breakfast and ran to the bathroom before taking DD to school for a field trip. I discovered I had bled. Not a little, not enough, but for sure enough for a good pantiliner. I tried to remain calm and later on, the bleeding stopped. The next day though, cramping set in. We went to the ER and the doc refused to believe me that I was even pregnant cause the test said negative. When I insisted on an ultrasound, he left to get it. I showed the nurse the pic I had taken of my positive test and she went to go check. While the doc was performing the ultrasound, she said “Yes, it turned positive after you left doctor” He was able to see that yes, I was pregnant but it didn’t look like I was 6 weeks like we thought. He did blood work and told me if I was pregnant, I was only 4 weeks, if that. I waited two days and came back for more bloodwork. When I entered his office, he told me the numbers had dropped and I could take drugs to deal with the ‘pain’. I began crying and my husband stepped in cause we discussed everything we needed to know. He asked “Doctor, when do you think we should try again” and he said, (with a smile on his face) “Well that’s the WONDERFUL thing about miscarriages! You can begin immediately!!” I actually took a step towards him to slap him when my husband grabbed me. The doc coughed nervously and mumbled, almost too quietly to hear “Sorry about your loss”. We left. I told everyone I know he has the WORST bedside manner!! I saw another doc before trying again, cause I was terrified of another loss and HE told me to wait 3 mo for my lining to shed and be ‘new’. We did and two mo later, was blessed with our little boy =) He’s 13 mo now!
[Reply]
Jane Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 10:35 am (Quote)
I’m sorry for your loss, Heather, but congratulations on your new little guy.
I’m glad you reacted and he realized he’d been such a doofus. Maybe in the future the doctor will quit the theatrics.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 10:41 am (Quote)
I agree. I don’t know what his ‘specialty’ is as it was an ER doc but I *know* it wasn’t Obstetristics because we only have a handful (10-15) here in the area.
[Reply]
Serene Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 5:59 am (Quote)
His speciality is probably emergency medicine, and they are notorious for a poor bedside manner. Theres a running joke at my hospital, if you can’t handle dealing with patients during ward rounds, go to the ED. If you can’t handle that, become an anaesthetist.
[Reply]
IF Survivor Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 10:42 am (Quote)
I’m so sorry for your loss and the doctor’s horrible bedside manner. My guess is that he was obviously badly trying to impart what the latest research shows, which is that there’s actually less risk when conceiving sooner rather than later. Here’s the first link that I could find to the info: http://www.nhs.uk/news/2010/08August/Pages/conceiving-baby-after-miscarriage.aspx
Regardless, there’s no excuse for bad bedside manner and lack of true empathy. Congratulations on your little boy.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 11:23 am (Quote)
Thanks for that link. I don’t know how much research was done before the story, but I had lost my baby six months before that article. Sooo unless he was reading unpublished info, he couldn’t have known and tried to lessen the blow so to speak.
[Reply]
IF Survivor Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 1:36 pm (Quote)
The research was done between 1981 and 2000. I was not able to find an article earlier than August in my quick search but I know that I read about the conclusions in late 2009. I have no idea if this doc actually read about this research or not. That was just my first thought reading the statement, was that he had just read about the conclusions and was excited at the info. Again, nothing excuses the treatment he gave you.
[Reply]
mharry Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 11:05 am (Quote)
I’m actually pretty glad you made such an obvious move of violence towards him. It’s a good thing your husband stopped you, but seeing a woman have to be physically restrained after saying something so stupid is likely going to stick with him, and maybe he’ll be smart enough to never repeat it.
[Reply]
Let’s try this again shall we.
“I’m very sorry for your loss. I can see no indication that there has been any impact that would affect your ability to conceive and bear a healthy child in the future if you so chose.”
There, was that so hard?
Jerk.
[Reply]
silverhawkwarrior had this to say,
Feb 10, 2012 @ 4:46 pm (Quote)
The wonderful thing about miscarriages? Is it that miscarriages are wonderful things whose tops are made out of rubber and bottoms are made out of springs?
No?
Then SHUT UP.
[Reply]
Add Your Comment.
Wow. I’d hope the doctor went in the next room and slapped himself(herself) in the forehead and said, “Wonderful? Wonderful? Did I really say wonderful?”
There’s looking on the bright side, and then there’s jaw-droppingly inappropriate. There is no bright side to miscarriage. Sorry, doc.
OP: I’m sorry for your loss.
[Reply]
road2vba2c Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 7:57 am road2vba2c(Quote)
It’d be even better if he slapped him/herself in front of the OP.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 10:31 am Heather(Quote)
Thanks to both of you =) I’ve gotten over it, but I also haven’t seen him since then either
[Reply]