Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Feb
8
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You’re Going To Make Him An Emotional Cripple…”
“You’re going to make him an emotional cripple. Seven months is way too long to be nursing.” – OB to mother nursing her infant while at a prenatal for another pregnancy.
There are 55 comments to this post.
“Would you mind giving me a few studies to back that up. I’ll wait right here while you access pubmed and print them out. Oh, and at the same time, go to the AAP website and print out THEIR guidelines for breastfeeding, and the World Health Organization guidelines for breastfeeding. Because you know I’d love to do what the evidence suggests is best.”
Oy.
AAP: At least one year and as long afterwards as is mutually desired
WHO: Three years.
Doctor Emotional Cripple: Six months
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Fiona Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 4:39 am (Quote)
I thought WHO was 2 years and as long afterwards as mutually desired?
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Jane Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 5:06 am (Quote)
Oops, you may be right. The average breastfeeding worldwide is 3 years, and I think I mixed up the statistics. Sorry.
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genniemom Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 5:56 am (Quote)
The AAP also recently updated their policy to match the WHO one. They say six months exclusive breastmilk and then at least two years of breastmilk supplemented with solid foods.
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Paula Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 11:06 am (Quote)
They did? That’s awesome. Also, why do people always choose to “ignore” the “at least” part in the AAP recommendation and always quote it and follow it as “nurse for 1 year then immediately switch to cow’s milk?” that always makes me mad!
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Bonita Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 12:22 pm (Quote)
A ped tried to say that to my dh. We didn’t know about the “as long as mutually desired” part, so my dh just quoted the WHO guideline (which we did know)and told her that we will not be weaning out 18 month old anytime soon. 
I love that man!
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Ugh. I can’t say it any better than Jane, because evidence says it best. BUT, as a mama who nursed her eldest til age 4 and is still nursing a 2.5yr old, I’ve heard a lot of ignorant crap, mostly from family and mostly of the “are you STILL doing THAT?!” variety (I come from a family where most babies are bottle fed from birth or at least from 2 weeks and they’ve had to get used to me being a “breastfeeding weirdo”) but from a DOCTOR?! Really??
And for the record, both my 2 and 4 yr olds seem to have more emotional maturity than this doc.
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Summer Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 10:21 am (Quote)
Ugh I know how you feel, my mother tried to convince me out of breastfeeding at all!
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Michelle Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 1:29 pm (Quote)
I’m so lucky that both my mom and MIL are breastfeeding advocates. My MIL was even a LLL leader in the 70s. My grandma not so much. Apparently, when my mom was sick, my grandma switched my little brother from pumped breastmilk to formula behind my mom’s back. 
She was also SHOCKED that I would breastfeed my first baby while my grandfather was in the room. (He didn’t care. Considering he grew up in an immigrant community, I am sure he’d seen breastfeeding before.)
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Summer Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 7:06 pm (Quote)
My father would get up and leave the room when I breastfeed my daughter! Even when I was covered. I know he didn’t mean it to say that he didn’t approve but it still made me feel bad.
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Sarah w Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 7:16 am (Quote)
Better that than say something rude about it. He is doing what we tell everyone….if you don’t like it, don’t look.
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Summer Reply:
February 11th, 2012 at 6:06 pm (Quote)
Yea but he didn’t have to leave the room to not look.
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Sarah W Reply:
February 11th, 2012 at 7:39 pm (Quote)
No, you’re right he didn’t. But I think I would rather that than have a comment about it. I can tell my dad (and step dad) feels uncomfortable too when I nurse my son, and he will often put himself in a spot in the room where he doesn’t have to look in my direction. My view is that it is HIS problem, not mine.
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Feb 8, 2012 @ 6:26 am (Quote)
My poor emotionally crippled children… 12m, 18m, and 8m and going…
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Kristy Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 6:33 am (Quote)
Mine too!
2yrs, 3months…
3yrs, 5months…
3yrs, 5 months…
3yrs, 3months…
and 15months and counting.
And of course mine are also homeschooled so they never see the sun and have yet to meet a human being outside the family…. if you ask some folks.
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Sarah Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 6:55 am (Quote)
My 9mo is still going strong, even passes on food in favor of the boob. We’re also planning to homeschool. Poor kid is going to be ruined.
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Mama Mirage Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 11:27 am (Quote)
Us too! Nursed the first 2 until they self weaned at 13 months each, nursed the third until 13 months when my milk totally dried up because I was preggo and now she gets some pumped breastmilk because she forgot how to nurse between then and when my milk came in with #4. The 4th is 6 weeks old and 100% breastfed. And we too homeschool. Poor unsocialized, emotionally crippled kids. I guess that’s why strangers comment on how friendly and confident they are and how articulate my oldest (5 years old) is…? 
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Michelle Potter Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 1:22 pm (Quote)
My kids were all breastfed, and now they’re homeschooled. That explains why they’re so socially and emotionally crippled. They have this WEIRD need to make friends with everyone they meet, and they’re always doing troubling things like laughing and playing and even TALKING TO STRANGERS. Ugh.
Reminds me of a funny story. A friend of my husband’s and mine was concerned about us homeschooling because, according to her, everyone she’s ever known who was homeschooled (one kid) was withdrawn and awkward, and totally unable to interact in a social setting. I laughed and told her that she knows someone else who was homeschooled — my (outgoing, gregarious, life of the party) husband. Meanwhile, I went to public school, and I have social anxiety disorder. Ha!
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LG Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 2:41 pm (Quote)
Oh no, Michelle! Your kids can have conversations with people outside their own peer group? That’s TERRIBLE. How will people stay comfortable in their own ignorance when faced with bright, cheery, personable HOMESCHOOLED KIDS?? Gosh.
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Jewels Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 5:50 pm (Quote)
Hahaha! I’ve had that conversation a few times “Why would you want to homeschool your kids? Homeschooled kids don’t learn how to socialise & grow up shy & awkward!” “Excuse me? Did you just call me (one of the loudest, boldest & most social people in our very-large extended friends group) shy & awkward & say that I don’t know how to socialise?” “What? No! I said… were you homeschooled?” “Yep.” “Oh…”. They usually stammer awkardly for a bit (& sometimes get laughed at by other people who *did* know I was homeschooled, depending on who’s around) & then drop the subject VERY quickly!
I’ve also had “Why would you want to homebirth? Homebirth babies usually DIE!” “What are you talking about? I’m not dead!” “No, I said the BABIES die at home!” “Yeah & I was born at home. So were my 3 siblings, 8 of my 9 cousins & at least 20 of my friends growing up. None of us are dead.” “Oh…”
Makes me laugh every time!
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Kate, Ren's Mama had this to say,
Feb 8, 2012 @ 7:09 am (Quote)
My almost-four-year-old must be REALLY screwed up, then. Oh, wait, no. She’s a tremendously outgoing, creative and curious little girl who’s anything BUT tied to my apron strings. And she’s excited to be sharing the milkies with her new baby sister soon
I honestly pity this doc, who evidently thinks that nurturing an *infant* is unhealthy. I guess we should just all stick our kids in Skinner boxes…
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This idea comes from the 1930s, that unless you force babies to be independent they’ll never become independent. And you can see why depression-era parents would value independence a lot. The trouble is that some people never moved beyond that interpretation of reality. We force on our children the highest-prized values of our culture, and independence was one of them (in the USA) and it still is. If the highest value in our culture was interdependence, then you’d see this doctor demanding to know why a mother weaned before her child was 14 months old.
BTW, I was never breastfed, not even once, so I’m not slamming bottle-feeding here. But I do want to point out that the doctor is connecting dots that shouldn’t be connected. The doctor is looking at the child through a tinted lens, though.
Breastfeeding a child will not cause emotional crippling any more than bottle feeding a child will cause emotional health.
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And, I’d like to point out, this is an OB talking – so the emotional health of 7 month olds is not exactly his area of expertise.
People are saying the same to be about baby-wearing. Makes me nuts. How is loving my tiny baby and teaching him that he is safe and loved and that I’m here for him going to make him emotional unhealthy?? I just wish I’d done it with my other kids!
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genniemom Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 5:31 am (Quote)
I keep getting the same thing! I’m being blamed for him not wanting to be held for very long by people he doesn’t know. I’m apparently “hogging him to myself” and “making him a mama’s boy.” And here I thought I was just trying to cuddle my baby while still having my hands free to deal with my 3yo.
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Jessica had this to say,
Feb 8, 2012 @ 9:50 am (Quote)
Right, because at 7 months a baby should be using a knife and fork and eating full meals at the table with the rest of the family. How dare this mom decide to prevent him from learning how to make himself a sandwich and insist on nursing him! *sarcasm
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I look at all the emotionally crippled things said here by doctors. Things about miscarried babies being a product and women making up stories about being able to feel a c-section, and I wonder how this doctor’s parents raised him so well that he could be such a wonderful robot who never stops to feel the pain. Perhaps being an emotional cripple is an advantage in their profession. Perhaps if you want your kid to grow up to be a doctor you should bottle feed him, park him in front of the TV in a play pen and let him cry it out.
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This is exactly why I haven’t bothered to mention to my OB that I’m still nursing my 17 month old and it looks like we’ll probably be tandem nursing when the next baby comes in July. He hasn’t asked. I haven’t said. I just don’t need the pressure. Stupid comments!
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lilmrsmchenry had this to say,
Feb 8, 2012 @ 11:49 am (Quote)
I’m looking forward to the gems I will be getting this go round. I just found out that I am expecting baby #6 and I’m still nursing my 13 month old. I’m keeping my fingers crossed but I’m not holding my breath since it will be at a military hospital. I predict that I am going to come out of it with plenty of quote to submit.
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Jane Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 1:45 pm (Quote)
They don’t need to find out. I’m not saying to lie, but maybe no one will ask you. And if you’re directly asked, can you blow them off? “And are you still breastfeeding?” / “Hahaha. She’s thirteen months old and has a mouthful of teeth!”
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Lisa Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 2:01 pm (Quote)
It really says a lot about the state of women’s healthcare when a mother has to feel like she has to lie or skirt around something the doctor might find “undesireable” even with scientific research to back up the mother. This is part of what scares me about getting pregnant!
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Jane Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 2:09 pm (Quote)
I agree. I had to lie to a nurse once about my LMP in order to get an accurate due-date. There’s no reason there should be that much ignorance about how a woman’s body actually functions.
But knowing that these professionals are going to get upset, and knowing there’s no issue with nursing through a pregnancy (for most women, that is) then why volunteer information for them to argue about?
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Lisa Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 2:27 pm (Quote)
Oh absolutely…I wasn’t trying to criticize what you said at all…I apologize if it came across that way! I completely agree with you…it just makes me sad that women’s care seems to think so little of women…
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Michelle Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 3:55 pm (Quote)
I’m Southern. I was always taught that the best way to deal with idiots is to smile, nod, and do whatever the f* you want. (This is a corollary to, “The best insults are delivered with a smile and a silver tongue.”)
The scary part, IMO, is that I have to rely on these *idiots* if I have an actual medical need.
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Details Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 9:57 am (Quote)
Of course the other approach is the combative but subtle, “Well of course I’m still breastfeeding.” With a what kind of neglectful mother do you take me for tone. It helps if you look down your nose at them. I believe that one falls under the category of the best defense in a good offense. I’d only use that one after they have asked and wouldn’t volunteer any information. Of course I’ve also lied about my LMP. Whatever works.
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I love my midwife. I just recently took my 14 month old along for my well woman exam. While sitting on the exam table waiting for her to come back into the room my little boy kept signing that he wanted to nurse. I figured that I could nurse him until the midwife returned. When she came in she encouraged me to keep nursing through the exam, even the breast exam. We just switched sides when she needed the other breast. I hope we never have to move!
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Well, based on your own logic, I assume your mom must have nursed you a llllooooonnnnnngggggg time.
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Stephanie P Reply:
February 11th, 2012 at 1:12 pm (Quote)
Since he obviously was breastfed for a long time according to his own logic, maybe he’s just cranky because his Mummy didn’t give him his morning feed?
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OH DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!! “still” feeding my 22 month old while 34 weeks pregnant, am yet to get a negative comment. infact everytime it came up at appointments the midwives just about threw a party in their excitement. seriously i dont understand why the norm is considered so horrific, we are mammals after all how else are we supposed to feed our young? no other animal feeds their babies milk from another animals why should we if we dont have to?
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Add Your Comment.
Oh my goodness. Mind your own business, jerk! I think it’s clear who the emotional cripple is in this room.
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