Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Feb
7
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…You Have No Right Thinking You Can Safely Deliver A Child When You Are So Overweight.”
“I can’t believe I have been put in this position! I absolutely resent that I am now responsible for your life and delivering this baby, you have no right thinking you can safely deliver a child when you are so overweight.” – OB to mother at birth.
There are 76 comments to this post.
I’m gonna be doubly annoyed for the OP if I outweighed her when my fabulous family practice doc made no issue at all of my weight for my last baby.
I was 250 lbs when I got pregnant, about 260 lbs when I delivered. There were absolutely *no* problems with the birth.
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Erinn Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 10:10 am (Quote)
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this comment. As a 250 lb woman who wants to have babies someday and gestate/birth in peace, your experience gives me hope.
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j_holmes88 Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 11:08 am (Quote)
I was 275 when I had my first prenatal appointment and the only person that brought up my weight was me. So far it has been an uneventful pregnancy even with the twins. I think you will be just fine when you go to have babies.
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Lyndsay Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 11:53 am (Quote)
I can chime in here as well- I am currently pregnant with my second and weigh 289 (as of a few days ago) this is about the same weight I was with my first at this point (mid 3rd Tri), starting weight: about 280. It should also be said that I am considered “low risk” and have home births with a midwife. No hypertension, gestational diabetes, etc. Weight isn’t necessarily an indicator of health.
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 4:32 am (Quote)
OP, I am so sorry about the idiot doctor you had to deal with. There are no words. I am so sick.
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silverhawkwarrior had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 4:34 am (Quote)
No right?
Excuse me, no RIGHT?
Mom has a RIGHT to think anything she wants.
Doc, if you resent being put in this position, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. You should have pitched this hissyfit months ago, when Mom still had time to find another caregiver. This has nothing to do with you being responsible for the life of mother and child . . . if it did, you wouldn’t be bringing it up NOW for the first time. This is a passive/aggressive power grab, nothing more.
If you, doc, think that mum’s weight is a concern, then it’s your job to explain the issue and present her with options for dealing with it . . . including the option of just going ahead and having her baby as she chooses anyway, and the option of going elsewhere for care. The decision is hers. That is her Right. Don’t you dare talk to me about No Right.
Incandescent with rage over here . . .
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Rachel Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 7:07 am (Quote)
I’m guessing it’s not the moms regular doc. Either another doctor in the practice that hadn’t met her was the one on call at the hospital the day she delivered or her doctor/ practice wasn’t available for whatever reason and she got the L&D doctor. Not that that makes this statement ANY better.
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Can’t wait for the pink link on this one.
I’m usually about 280 by the time I hit 40 weeks. I, too, will have an extra level of annoyance for the OP if she weighed less than me. Not that the comment is any better or more true if she weighed more, but really…what an incredible jerk of a doctor.
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 6:12 am (Quote)
But…what? Dr. Fat-Phobic, are you all torqued off because you have a patient who might actually need some care? What brought on this rant?
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DEFINITELY not the way to say this!! However, if the doctor is soooo concerned, then he/she could have something on his/her paperwork that states in a neutral way, “Because of (whatever reason), we cannot accept clients who are (put a number here) percent overweight. We will be glad to refer you to another provider.”
I am NOT siding with the OB–again, this was badly done. But if this is his/her staunch philosophy, then he/she needs to make that clear before accepting patients. The OB who did my much-needed hysterectomy had a statement on his paperwork that said he was not able to accept patients who would refuse a blood transfusion (he didn’t name any specific religion or reason–just left it at that), but would be happy to help the patient find another board-certified provider. At least he was upfront about it before going through the whole meet/greet paperwork process. I think the doc here in the OP’s post should have done the same thing if it was that darned important to him/her.
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Brige Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 1:27 pm (Quote)
Completely agree. Dr’s should feel obligated to express any sort of concern they have for dealing with things that are just outside their comfort zone… I’d much rather have a Dr tell me he didn’t want to deal with my fatty mcfatty status, than rope me along, while treating me like a pariah throughout my labor and delivery… the issue I have with this is the “no right” comment… bleck… now… Drs are under an obligation to treat patients who present in active labor but… yeah… there’s not much you can do about someone being a dickhead in the moment…
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Short women can’t safely birth a baby unless it’s a preemie, women who have trouble gaining weight are sickly and can’t possibly deliver a baby safely, overweight women don’t have the right to think they can deliver a baby.
Well, I’m average height weight and build and was bullied into a section with my first because there was apparently something wrong with me. So WHO EXACTLY gets to have a baby the way nature intended? Tell me, Almighty Doctor Sanctimonious, WHO?
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Jenny Islander had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 7:51 am (Quote)
Excuse me, I very rarely cuss, but listen really fucking closely.
My blood pressure is normal. (At least when you aren’t in the room.)
My baby is of normal size. (Normal on the Reality Scale, not the Neurotic Doctor Cuttycut Scale, but normal.)
I have no physical impairments. (I am willing to bet that even now I am more flexible than you are, Doc.)
Contrary to what you may have been taught in medical school, I do not have large fat deposits in my birth canal. (What were they using as medical models, chickens from the supermarket? I mean, seriously, what the hell?)
So your opinion about the size of my ass matters not one fucking bit. Do your fucking job or get the fuck out of my way.
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Me Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 9:59 am (Quote)
Oh bless you. I was worried about cussing on here too, but you said it all!
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Donna Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 10:21 am (Quote)
“Soft tissue dystocia” – if you ever hear these words from a provider, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
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Annora Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 10:27 am (Quote)
A-frickin’-men! *high-fives*
FTR, dear “ewwww fat cooties!” OB, I had two vaginal births, never had GD (or non-gestational diabetes), never had high blood pressure, never had pre-eclampsia, and delivered both my kids at 350+. Oh, and I can probably bench press you, so SHUT UP before I toss you bodily out the door!
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The OB can’t believe they’ve been put in the position of delivering a baby? They resent they are now responsible for doing their job? She has no right to think things because of her weight? WOW. Just WOW.
I probably would have been trying to strangle the doctor by the end of that rant.
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Meg had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 9:23 am (Quote)
Didn’t you know fat people don’t deserve respect, especially from health care providers because weight is always a “health” issue. I am in the morbidly obese BMI category (don’t even get me started on the BMI thing) and have delivered 2 healthy, smallish babies, the second one at home after I fired my OB for telling me it was a miracle that my first born was healthy and I needed to loose 30 pounds before I even thought about getting pregnant again.
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Wow! What an idiot!
I am not proud to say it but I was 270 at the begining of my pregnancy with my first, I was 330+ (i stopped weighing myself) at the end and had a perfect delivery! I am now 19 weeks pregnant with my second. I started this pregnancy at 322, I’m 20 weeks pregnant and now weight 310, so I’ve lost some weight, but I’m not even half way through, and everything is going great so far, and I sure the delivery will be wonderful as well!!! I would have said, “get him out! I want another doctor!!!”
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Oh.. I also had to switch OBs because my doctor with my first told me at my 6 week postpartum checkup that he didn’t want to see me in his office again until I’d lost weight, and that he didn’t “recommend” I have anymore kids until then. =(
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Kiki Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 5:43 pm (Quote)
So, in true genie form, you granted his wish! I’d have made sure to tell him, “You won’t. I am going to another doctor anyway….preferably one who actually knows real medicine and not fabricated statistics with no scientific proof to back them up. Buh-bye! oh, yeah, I am already working on number two, and I think it took!”
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how dare he say that being a plus size women myself i would have been appalled he should have brought that up sooner so she could find someone who would sorry if it was me i would have gave him a smack in the face and told him he was no longer needed i will birth my baby myself !!!
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If you didn’t want to be responsible for treating people who aren’t in perfect health (by your definition), why the hell did you become a doctor?
And no right to think? You and your big brother, paternalistic, judgmental doublethink can get the hell out of treating people who live in the real world.
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Erin Adams had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 10:15 am (Quote)
Well, you know, it’s socially acceptable to belittle and humiliate fat people because it’s their fault that they’re fat, right? I mean, we can’t be racist or homophobic or anti semitic or intolerant toward diverse religions (unless it’s Christianity) because that’s wrong, but fat people are fat because they’re lazy and disgusting and deserve to be treated like shit, right? *SARCASM* Haters gonna hate.
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I’d like to urge anyone out there who’s experienced pregnancy and birth while overweight/obese to send your birth stories to KMom for her site. People need to know.
http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/BBWBirthStories/bbwstrindex.html
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Wow…
1st things 1st if you don’t like responsibility or dealing with uncomfortable and or high stress things then maybe the medical field is not for you. People die and you are in many cases put into life or death scenarios; it is part of the job.
2nd My instructor said one thing at the beginning of our OB/GYN rotation; Medics do not deliver babies, Moms do. Mom is delivering the baby so she calls the shots.
3rd If you are concerned with the mother’s or baby’s health then talk about it like a professional. I am concerned about xyz because insert actual facts/statistics here. Then explain that not everyone is the same and give options including just watching for problems and *gasp* doing nothing. Weight is not always a problem either and people who are overweight didn’t suddenly become less deserving of our respect when they gained it.
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Heather had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 11:27 am (Quote)
So…. If mom wasn’t overweight you would not be responsible for your patient and her babies outcome, then?
And I’m glad you resent being paid thousands of dollars for a job that you’re only present at for about half an hour or so.
How about you leave the room, let me birth my baby, and pay me thousands of dollars for safely delivering my child?
When I was in labor the OB and nurse were “surprised” I wasn’t clean shaven down there, the nurse doesn’t ask me but my husband why I’m not clean shaven.
I think when doctors complain about things like this, they’re more upset that they are inconvenienced at the very SIGHT of something they dislike, e.g. Pubic hair and a few extra folds of fat.
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sally Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 12:19 pm (Quote)
what? that doesn’t even…. what???? how is that even remotely related to having a baby? they’re surprised that people have pubic hair? everyone has pubic hair. this is dumbfounding to me.
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Laura Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 12:30 pm (Quote)
I’ve gotten something related to this during one of my deliveries, too. They used to shave women for delivery so they could see everything easily, and now they don’t but a lot of women still shave themselves to “feel pretty” or for delivery. Or they trim it severely.
Me, I don’t like the feel of hair growing back anywhere, let alone want it there. And I surely don’t want to try to do that around a belly at 9 months pregnant, or have someone else doing it for me…lose-lose-lose.
But it bugged one nurse that I hadn’t, because it made it a little bit harder for her to see what she needed to see right then. Instead of coming out as “this will take a bit longer while I find…” it came out as “Wow, you’re hairy, this will take a while.”
I really could’ve done without the editorial.
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Lisa Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 12:46 pm (Quote)
Read this…Confessions of an L&D nurse.
Obviously not all nurses think this, but some apparently do!
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Michelle Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 1:28 pm (Quote)
Wow. That was absolutely INFURIATING. First off, if I won’t even shave down there for my husband, I am sure as heck not going to do it for some random L&D nurse. Personally, I think razor burn and stubble looks much worse than hair. Ew.
Secondly, the bit about being uneducated and having “unrealistic” birth plans really ticked me off. In my experience, “educated” means “about hospital policy,” and “unrealistic” means “we don’t want to do that.” One of the commenters says, “things don’t always go to plan.” That’s fine if it’s because my body / my baby needs something different. It’s NOT ok if it’s just because the doctor / nurse / hospital wants something different.
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corita Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 1:43 pm (Quote)
Um, L&D nurses have to deal with people POOPING during labor and they are worried about baths and pubic hair? (And of course that’s what the commenters want to know about too!)
Criminey, are there any other secret judgements being passed on me when I go the FUCKING HOSPITAL to have the baby they WANT ME TO HAVE THERE and not at home so I will be more “safe”???
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sally Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 1:59 pm (Quote)
i work with animals all day long. a little pubic hair is nothing compared to a persian cat. sparse pubic hair should be the least of their worries. if i can find all the holes without shaving and without belittling, they can suck it up. this makes me so angry! i can understand the nurse wanting the patient clean and not smelly, as in fecal material or vomit because that’s better for the patient’s health (and! cleanliness can be solved at the hospital with the help of a nurse once it’s determined that there’s no emergent situation) but my own personal HAIR??? get the fuck over yourself. if you want to make comments about somebody else’s hair, go get a job as a hair dresser or a waxer, otherwise, STFU.
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Where’s that monkey from The Lion King when you need him? You know, “Asante sana, fat vagina…” That one?
No? Well, ok. In that case, I guess I’ll just be doing this all by myself then. Toodles!
P.s. I was 280 when I delivered my boy. No biggie. (Pun intended.)
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I fired my OBGYN at my yearly when my oldest was 16 months old. He was hacked off because I was a) still nursing and b) wasn’t down to what I weighed when I was a senior in HS. (Seriously, that’s what he asked. I was/am about 40lbs over that. I was 12 years out of HS at that point) So his solution? Let me give you a hint, it wasn’t a referral to a nutritionist, or anything helpful like that. It was a prescription for a weight loss drug. That was NOT bf safe (Which he admitted was intentional)
He’s no longer practicing medicine, so yay for getting caught having sex with a drug rep.
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Hey everyone,
I’m the OP and this was my first baby. I was 250 lbs post-pregnancy, and by the time delivery rolled around I was 293lbs. Perfectly healthy post and during pregnancy. I was a week overdue and had managed to slowly leak out all the fluid so the contractions were pressing on my sons umbilical cord and interfering with his heart rate, emergency c-section was required. The OB who said this to me was not my own but the on-call. In fact, this was the LEAST of the horrible things he said to my husband and I. He lectured my husband so severely that my big tough husband started to cry. He told us that I and the baby were about 85% likely to die on the table during the surgery and it was all hubby’s fault because I am SO fat. Of course it went without any difficulty and post-surgery nasty OB stopped by to tell me what a picture-perfect example of a patient I was. I should have complained but I was so traumatized by the post-delivery drama and just happy to go home with my wonderful, healthy and completely normal baby. Needless to say if there are any further children for us we wont be going to that particular hospital.
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Heidi Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 6:54 pm (Quote)
Wow! That is awful. Basically, you had an urgent situation that could have happened to anybody, but you should have blamed *yourself* because of your weight? The whole situation must have been so awful, because the person you really needed to provide care urgently was just blaming YOU. And your husband. Yikes.
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Kristy Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 7:34 pm (Quote)
I fully expected to end my last pregnancy (started at 250) over 300 pounds. It was my fifth and for three of the other four I had gained more than 50 pounds during the pregnancy… and lost the 50 pounds in the early months of nursing after the birth! I *was* pleasantly surprised to only gain about 10 pounds total with this one… but I don’t think that small gain had anything to do with the fact that this birth was a very easy one for me.
I’m so sorry this doctor had you and your husband thinking for a *second* that the problem you encountered had *anything* to do with your weight! And I’m glad you both seem to know now that it did not.
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Ellen Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 9:23 pm (Quote)
Please consider reporting this jerk to his hospital. Nobody who talks to birthing couples like that has a right practicing on real human beings. :/
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Jane Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 4:02 am (Quote)
Please report the doctor to the hospital management, the maternity unit, the hospital ombudsman, your regular OB, and to the state licensing board. Put the nasty things he said in bullet points, and make sure you CC everyone you’ve sent the letter to at the bottom of the letter.
In that letter, state that you were given substandard care by this doctor ONLY because of your weight, and that discrimination is a civil rights violation.
State explicitly that you are leaving a practice you love and in fact this particular hospital because THIS doctor is covering for that practice, and you do not trust this doctor in the event that he has to cover for your doctor again.
Then send a separate letter to your OB and request your medical records.
That should at least get their attention. I’m so sorry you were mistreated this badly.
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Sheva Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 8:14 am (Quote)
You’re a writer, right? Would you consider writing up a basic letter of complaint that would be good for patients to send, as well as one that doulas could send, leaving spaces for specific complaints, and then either post it her, or on your blog? I know that for me, personally, thinking of a way to word it that sounds powerful and assertive instead of whiny is a daunting enough prospect that I don’t usually end up doing anything.
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Jane Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 8:55 am (Quote)
I’ll have to think about that. The problem is that a template can’t cover the nuances of every individual circumstance, but I could give an example letter.
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Jane Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 9:11 am (Quote)
Okay, so this is how I’d make up a Medical Complaint Template Letter. It’s going to be adjusted for anyone who actually needs to file a complaint, but here it is, from a patient’s perspective. I’m not sure how a doula or nurse would write one up.
–
Your Address
Your city/state/zip
your phone number
today’s date
doctor’s name
doctor’s practice name
doctor’s address
doctor’s city/state/zip
Dear Dr. Name:
I am writing concerning my treatment on {date} when I was {worst offense or the main point of the letter. This is the most important part because you need to be quick and clean: “When I was denied adequate care because of my weight.” “When Dr. Knife violated the Patient Bill of Rights by cutting an episiotomy even though I was yelling at the time that I did not consent.” “When Dr. Obfuscate lied to me about my baby’s condition in order to coerce compliance with an unnecessary and expensive medical procedure.” }*1
{Brief mention of circumstances surrounding the incident.}
{Here mention the incident, and while recounting it:
- use bullet points
- use unemotional language
- document any exact quotes
- mention who else may have witnessed the incident.}
This is unacceptable because {it violates the law / it’s a violation of my civil rights / it’s not standard of care / such and such organization recommends against it / the Patient Bill Of Rights specifically forbids it / Federal Law requires you to do the opposite.} Moreover, {this is how it affected my medical situation and made things worse. Note that if you’re going to be emotional, I believe this is the place to do it. “I no longer trust any of the nurses who work at your hospital.” “I can no longer entrust my family’s care to the doctors of Blank Hospital.”}
Because of this incident, {here you can mention any action you plan to take, if applicable. Or any corrective action you did have to take.}
In the future, I expect {and here you can name whatever you expect to be done to make it right.}
- Doctor whatever to issue an apology for {specific action.}
- The practice / maternity unit to adopt a written policy of {whatever is the opposite of what the doctor did}
Please respond to this letter to let me know what action will be taken.
Sincerely,
{space for your signature, followed by}
Name
CC: The manager of the doctor’s practice, possibly among others the hospital ombudsman, the hospital management, the state licensing board, or your insurance company
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Heidi P Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 1:31 pm (Quote)
Thank you. I will be using this shortly.
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Emily D. Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 10:14 pm (Quote)
Thank you for this! It’s wonderful! Do you have a blog or something so I can link directly to it for my clients?
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Jane Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 3:48 am (Quote)
Yeah….hmm. I don’t think posting it on my blog is the best way to go.
I think I’ll get it onto my website and then give you a direct link to it there. That may take a while, though, because of the way my website is set up. Bleh. Poke me if I haven’t gotten you a link in about 24 hours.
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Jane Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 7:02 am (Quote)
Emily, I posted it here:
http://wp.me/p8I00-1n7
I did decide to post it on my blog because updating my website is too much of a pain. 
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Jane Reply:
February 10th, 2012 at 7:03 am (Quote)
Sheva, I blogged the template letter and put a little more explanation: http://wp.me/p8I00-1n7
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Jenny Islander Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 9:16 am (Quote)
It’s even worse than I thought.
So we have the same old tired shit (wow, this post is prompting me to cuss!) of blaming non-fat-related ailments on a woman being fat, with an extra helping of the “fat is icky, why should I have to deal with this” garbage, and a nice cherry on top of “how dare you think you can have a normal life when your ass is unacceptably large.”
The part that consigns this OB to Bad Provider Hell, as far as I am concerned, is daring to say this shit to somebody who is about to undergo surgery and is therefore helpless, frightened, and about to be cut open by the hands of the bully. You utter piece of human garbage.
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What a terrible thing to say to a pregnant woman! My pregnant SIL is a bit overweight and is soooo worried about being “fat”. Thankfully she has awesome midwives who don’t care about her weight and don’t make her weight in every time she comes for an appointment. No woman wants to hear that she is “fat”, let alone a pregnant woman! Terrible OB, hope he/she gets fired!
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Add Your Comment.
I really hope this wasn’t the OPs OB she’d been seeing but an on-call or hospital OB.
OB, Mom can’t change her weight during labor (well she does tend to lose a good bit at the end, but you know what I mean) and most likely shouldn’t lose weight during pregnancy anyway. In case you hadn’t noticed, a large portion of women in the United States are overweight. Did you not think of this when you were becoming an OB since you seem to have a problem providing care to overweight women?
I don’t have any studies handy, but I’m fairly certain that labor and delivery are pretty much the same when overweight. Oh wait. I know they are. I was overweight when my son was born, and the charts put me at the bottom of obese when my daughter was born.
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