Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Feb
7
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Alright, Now I’m Going To Insert The Speculum. It Looks Like A Duck Bill. Quack Quack!”
“Alright, now I’m going to insert the speculum. It looks like a duck bill. Quack Quack!” – Family Practice doctor to 17 year woman, undergoing her first pelvic exam, while opening and closing the speculum blades like a hand puppet.
There are 49 comments to this post.
Obviously, the submitter was offended by this statement or she wouldn’t have submitted it. However, this wouldn’t particularly bother me. I have so many times where I’m trying to make someone comfortable or lighten the mood, and it fails completely and leaves me standing there as the mayor of Awkward City. That said, there are definitely details and nuances to this that I am unaware of, and if it bothered the patient, then the doctor should have apologized.
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Emily Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 10:48 am (Quote)
well to me this just seems so babyish not to mention twisted, depending on how it was presented and lets face it if it was submitted to this site it obviously was not received well by the PP… is there any TACT anywhere??? anyone??? it’s a pelvic exam, not preschool!
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Kit had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 10:38 am (Quote)
Agreed, my first pap was when I was 17 as well, by the female family doc I had all my life. Had she done this I think I would have laughed hard enough to need her to pause. From a random new doctor when no sort of relationship had developed, I can definitely see being extremely put off.
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Does this doctor believe duck bills are normally inserted into one’s vagina?
I can see where the doctor was trying to lighten the mood, but I can’t help wondering if the doctor would have said the same thing to a 42 year old mother of four.
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“Quack indeed. I withdraw consent. Touch me and I’ll sue you nine ways to Sunday. Now you will leave this room and I am going to put my clothes back on and leave. I will make an appointment with a more professional person for another time. Goodbye.”
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 12:29 pm (Quote)
My first pap was at 14 (gyno issue, *NOT* sexually active LOL) and I was treated more like an adult than this poor woman!
Admittedly, this did make me laugh at first, but it’s just so ridiculous!
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Wow, I could have made this post…twice. Except I was 12 or 13 the first time and was being examined against my will, and the second time was when I was 19 and going in for a premarital exam.
Which makes me wonder if doctors are taught this weird analogy in Med school to explain the speculum to young patients.
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Jade Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 7:46 pm (Quote)
Premarital exam??
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Chelsea Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 8:35 pm (Quote)
Yah. I was 19 when I got married and was a virgin, so I went in for an exam and birth control beforehand. I had to go in anyway for a blood test for Rubella to get a marriage license (Montana law). But being told, “See this thing? It’s a duck bill so I can look inside you,” was pretty weird.
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Jade Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 9:23 pm (Quote)
You seriously need a blood test for rubella to get married??…that is umm….. weird and F’ed
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Chelsea Reply:
March 22nd, 2012 at 2:52 pm (Quote)
Haha, I went in for a premarital too, at 20 as a virgin but I wasn’t getting birth control or blood tested (not needed in TX). I was just still on my dad’s insurance and figured I’d get a clean bill of health before not having insurance. The OB was like, “Why are you here?”.
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LOL. this one reminded me of a conversation at my grama’s house once. shortly after my grampa died, they found a box of unused speculums in his old stuff (he was an ob/gyn). grama was trying to figure out what to do with them. one of my aunts had just remarried a guy who repurposed old junk into art work, and used old junk for landscaping.. so one aunt (not his wife) turns to him and says “mike! quacking ducks in the yard!”
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Jessica had this to say,
Feb 7, 2012 @ 12:56 pm (Quote)
This blows me away. This is how one would describe a speculum to a 4-year-old… and they typically don’t have to get pelvic exams. The patient is 17 and doesn’t need a puppet show to learn what equipment is being used for her first pelvic exam.
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mharry Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 1:23 pm (Quote)
Pretty much. At 17, you don’t have to make things into puppets of give them names like Mr. Specky or any of that crap. If you want to lighten the mood, you should go with something more within the age range. If there is one thing people on the cusp of adulthood HATE, it’s being treated like a kid. And you should probably treat any young lady like a grown woman when you’re anywhere near that area.
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I have a great idea. How about if people whose profession it is to deal with women’s vaginas be models of respectful treatment. What if young women or women in abusive relationships or with low self esteem, etc., etc. had the example of *the professionals* bending backwards to be polite, respectful, get permission, etc.–what would that do as far as how she views herself, her boundaries, and what others are allowed to do? What if her experience at the doctor’s office confirmed for her that she was worth respecting, that she was responsible for herself, that *NO ONE* is allowed to just do what they want, that everyone has to ask permission, that she is in charge of her own body. And this would also be great confirmation of women with healthy boundaries and a sense of self. Not that doctor’s visits alone could change the systemic bent towards misogyny, but it would be a fabulous place to start, if the professionals set the tone.
I get that this can be awkward for the professionals. My advice? Remember that you will never feel as awkward about it as a woman with half her clothes off, her butt hanging off a table, a paper napkin on her lap, spreading her knees for someone who is not her lover.
Get over it…but do it by concentrating on respecting the person and paying attention to them, not by reducing them by distancing yourself to the point that they look like caricatures or textbook illustrations. Treat them as people.
And if your patient isn’t exactly an open book, you don’t know them from Adam and they aren’t giving you any clues to what they need or what makes them tick…well, you can always start by being professional. (Quacking during a first pelvic exam isn’t quite the thing, eh?)
This one doesn’t make me angry…but it does make me squirm even thinking about how awkward this could have been for that 17 year old OP.
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Ummm … I guess as I guy, I don’t really know what to say about this one, but it sounds kinda creepy to me.
I know if I went in for a prostate exam and the doctor held up a finger and said, “See? My finger is like a worm” *wiggle wiggle*
Then I would be totally creeped out.
Maybe it’s just me though :>/
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Arzt4Empfaenger Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 3:26 pm (Quote)
Jerry, you nearly made me laugh out loud and wake up the sleeping toddler. Haha to the worm suggestion! 
(Yeah, totally creepy on both accounts!)
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Wow, I wonder if this doc does an unusual amount of exams on the very young or something. Either that or they have a serious respect problem with teenagers. (And if the 1st they apparently have a problem telling a 5 year old from a 17 year old, which is a whole ‘nother problem.)
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This is mine! This was my GP–we had an interesting relationship after this.
I was in for my first ever exam because my mother and I had decided that I should begin taking hormonal birth control for periods that were causing me to miss school (sick, heavy bleeding, horrible cramping). I was not sexually active. The Doc, the nurse, and I had already discussed that I new what I was in for because I was an avid reader of magazines for young adults and between the hair stories there were stories about *what to expect* when visiting an OB or getting a pap smear. Things went smoothly at first– he walked me through everything he was going to do and told me that my uterus is “tipped but not to the degree it will cause problems”.
It wasn’t until he inserted the speculum that he decided he was putting on a puppet show. I told him I didn’t appreciate it and he just shrugged it off. He wasn’t rough or abusive, he was just clueless how to talk to a knowledgeable 17 year old. When we discusses birth control and missed pills, I explained that I knew what to do because of the numerous articles I had read: take it as soon as possible or take two. If you miss two, take two one day, two the next. He then asked what happens if three are missed and I couldn’t answer as I had assumed nobody would be that lost in the month (I was 17). He laughed and said, “See, magazines don’t teach you everything!”. He also seemed a little taken aback that I knew how to perform a breast exam on myself.
Like I said, he wasn’t rough but was just a bit rude and clueless as to how to talk to a young woman of 17 who was comfortable with her body and with talking about it and who had done enough reading to know the basic information he was going to give.
I don’t know if his other patients were just “nicer” or what…but he also told my mother at one point, “You know, I like her a lot better when she isn’t sick” because when I was sick, I knew what was wrong and didn’t want him to touch me to “see if this hurts” (I suffered from chronic sinus infections and doc always like to tap the face).
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mharry Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 5:43 pm (Quote)
I know how you feel. I’m 25 and I still get breast exams explained to me, even spoken over me as I say “Yes, I’m well aware how to do this.” I had my first exam at 14, and we were forced to watch the same video in high school over and over and over again, plus pamphlets. Then there’s the internet, and, oh yeah, about several annual exams by now. You can stop.
Of course, every year I get a lecture on tanning, and I’m pale as a sheet. Maybe all the docs at my clinic are just very tired.
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this reminded me of my first pap/pelvic exam. the dr was dressed as a pirate, completely with a parrot on her shoulder (it was halloween). she was great about explaining everything she was doing, but since i couldn’t see her and all i could see while laying down was the stuffed parrot peeking above my knees, it appeared as though the parrot was the one explaining. note: she didn’t actually talk via the parrot! the whole thing was a tad awkward anyways being my first exam (i was 18), and her dressed as a pirate rather added to it a bit. the biggest difference though is that i had a good and fairly long relationship with her.
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corrine Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 12:08 pm (Quote)
my first and last pap smear was horrible not to a doc playing mr quacky or anything but they did not explain what they were doing it as they were doing it (i went to a sexual health clinic) she just shoved it in which hurt and did her smear which hurt worse and yank it out the most horrible experince ever never had one since wich is bad i know and when i get pregnet i know i will have to have one but i was so scared at my first one and even more shooken up after i never had an another my family doctor though never done one on me never even told me to have one which is just weird but hes a great doctor
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Nicole Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 1:30 pm (Quote)
You don’t *have* to have one if you don’t want. There are benefits to it, especially if you are at higher risk of having HPV or cervical displaysia (the beginning of cervical cancer), such as if you have had multiple sexual partners, or one partner who has had multiple partners, are over 40, smoke, etc, but it is always ALWAYS your choice.
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No offense but i want this gyno. I love him. Also, Doctors tell you things you know all the time but it’s there jobs to tell you… I LOVE how he handled a girl that KNEW everything like we all did as teenagers.. he stumped you and said yeah you know alot but listen you still may learn something.. I heart him… When’s his next show.
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Tee Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 2:46 pm (Quote)
It isn’t the fact that he told me something I knew–it was his “I’m a doctor and know more than you ever will” attitude. I’ll admit that I was a bit of a handful at 17, but there was no need to speak to me as if I were a child and there is never a need to perform a puppet show with a medical instrument. There was a lack of respect for my knowledge about MY body–that is what it all comes down to.
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My doctor at my first ever pap smear did this exact same thing. I thought it was unusual, but I did laugh and it was easier from them on out. I’ve told that story to every person who has ever brought out a speculum for an exam and they have all chuckled as well. In my head, especially if I’m nervous, I say “quack quack” and it calms me down. LOL. I could see how someone might not appreciate it, but it did soothe my nerves and continues to over 10 years later.
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Add Your Comment.
ROSS GELLAR?! Is that you?! Is that what happened to you after FRIENDS ended?!
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Emily Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am Emily(Quote)
hahahaha!
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LG Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 6:10 pm LG(Quote)
OMG, now I can only hear it in Ross’s voice!
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