Feb 5

“If I Can Just Show You This Product.”

“If I can just show you this product.” – OB to mother, at the end of a cervical exam. The mother had just suffered a miscarriage. A clearly visible baby lay in the OB’s hand.

108 people dislike these words.

There are 27 comments to this post.

Jadzia@Toddlerisms had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 5:31 am (Quote)

Oh. My. God. That is HORRIBLE. OP, I am so, so sorry.

And I would report this doctor to, at the very least, the management of the practice/hospital involved (if applicable) and the state medical board.

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Melissa C had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 5:47 am (Quote)

As in product of conception? Save the jargon for your colleagues. It’s OK if you call my baby a baby.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

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Dreamy had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 5:49 am (Quote)

*cringe*

As my mom’s a doc, I do understand they have their own lingo and it’s perfectly legit (“products of conception,” “spontaneous abortion,” etc.)– but an doc worth his/her salt makes a concerted effort to use plain English– ESPECIALLY in traumatic situations like this one. I could almost forgive this if it were quickly corrected– like, “Er, I mean your baby.” But, really, a doc who just says “product,” without even catching him/herself? Needs to get back in touch with the real world.

(And this is all aside from the fact that he/she should be comforting first, then ASKING– not telling– if the mom wants to see her baby.)

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Claire had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 6:21 am (Quote)

This was mine and it was actually my mother!

The doctor was looking to see if the cervix was open. Mum was stood holding my hand. This baby (they think there were three) was about to be passed so he took it out and said this to Mum.

I do get the jargon but it’s not nice to use to patients, Mum certainly wasn’t expecting to see a baby curled up on his palm from what he said and he had no reason to show it to her. Mum had nightmares for awhile after this

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Jane Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 8:48 am Jane(Quote)

How horrible for your mom! I’d be traumatized too.

Really, how hard would it have been for the doctor to say “Would you care to see your baby?” Or “I have your baby out now. Do you want to see it?”

I’m so sorry.

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Larry had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 9:42 am (Quote)

Since the patient was referred to as “Mum”, I am led to believe this might have occurred in Australia or the UK. Hence what was said by the OB might have been a Queen’s English idiom that sounds more callous to the American ear than was intended. Regardless, in any language an, “Oh dear, you have miscarried a baby. It helps some people to move toasted closure if they see the baby. I’ll give you a moment to decide if you want to

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Claire Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 12:37 pm Claire(Quote)

Where are you from Larry? Very few people actually speak “Queen’s English” and in Brummie it certainly sounds calous, not to mention the fact he didn’t warn my mum that he was shoving her dead grandchild in her face, which is probably more to the point than his choice of language. He didn’t offer to show me either so there was no closure involved.

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Nicci P Reply:
February 6th, 2012 at 2:05 am Nicci P(Quote)

Another UK mama here and it sounds absolutely horrific here. This wasn’t a “product”, it was a baby. I’m SO sorry for your loss and I’m sorry you and your mum crossed paths with such an awful doctor. Is there somebody you can report him to?

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Michelle Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 6:19 pm Michelle(Quote)

i would certainly want to see my baby. the way this guy put it was horrible.
by the way ladies, i think that some of us here are way to quick to protest and dispute anything larry says just because he’s an ob. i personally like hearing what he has to say, i like hearing the possible explanations for things that are said it brings some understanding and makes some posts make more sence. I like knowing why someone would say some of these things. I would hate to see yall drive him away.

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Claire Reply:
February 6th, 2012 at 3:39 pm Claire(Quote)

I’m sorry I have no idea who he is and in this instance I find what he said racist.

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Serene Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 5:47 am Serene(Quote)

Theres nothing racist about it. Australian english is in particular rather gritty, American english the most PC. British english is the most polite. No 2 ways about it. If you’re finding that racist, then I suggest you take a look at whether you are offended because a person made a comment about a country, or because an OB made a comment about a country. BTW, Im an Australian…

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Claire Reply:
March 2nd, 2012 at 4:13 pm Claire(Quote)

I’ve been on holiday since this and forgot to come back.

So you don’t think the implication that I shouldn’t find this offensive because I’m British is not racist? The fact I DO find it offensive, so offensive I decided to submit it to this site but then someone comes on and says that because I called my mother “Mum” I speak “Queens English” so shouldn’t find this offensive, is not racist or offensive itself???

Not sure what planet you live on!

If you feel like flying to the UK for a little holiday I’ll show you around and show you that we’re not all the same personality and we’re most definitely not all polite. I don’t know anyone who speaks “Queen’s English” because it doesn’t actually exist. My daughter and her cousin both speak with thick Brummie accents, they live about 6 miles apart yet they have totally different accents, but you’d recognise them both as Brummie. Bring in a friend who lives about the same in a different direction and you wouldn’t even guess he’s speaking English. Have you ever watched any British TV? Come and watch a weeks worth of TV! In the UK Aussie soaps tend to get laughed at for being too happy and nice.

Yes you’re right there aren’t two ways about it, there are as many different ways about it as there are people in the UK. Some people are polite and some people are rough. We’re no more clones than anywhere else in the world.

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Kristy Reply:
March 2nd, 2012 at 5:42 pm Kristy(Quote)

‘British’ is not a race. It is a nationality. There is no way this is ‘racist’. It may be offensive to you… even understandably so… but it is not ‘racist’.

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Serene Reply:
March 3rd, 2012 at 4:41 am Serene(Quote)

Actually I watch more UKTV than Australian TV, and I never said they are polite, just MORE polite than we are!

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Details Reply:
February 6th, 2012 at 10:27 am Details(Quote)

Regardless of the way he put it. He didn’t wait for an answer and should not have shoved it in her face without her answer/consent. Even if she did want to see her baby she might have needed a minute to prepare herself. Larry’s approach is certainly better than this guy or the nurse a while ago who took the baby away against the mothers objects. Oh my Claire is the OP, So while the doctor was busy shoving a dead baby in the grandmother’s face he was ignoring the mother! That is double disgusting!

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Details Reply:
February 6th, 2012 at 1:20 pm Details(Quote)

Larry dear, we don’t need somebody explaining the big difficult words to us. We need somebody explaining the total calousness! You might not have gotten the flavor of this website yet. But it really isn’t about medical knowledge, although we certainly share it abundantly here. This site at it’s root is about shocking rudeness. We welcome doctors here, but before you comment on another post, just remind yourself that priority #1 is to tell the mother this happened to that NO ONE HAD THE RIGHT TO SAY SUCH A RUDE THING OR DO SUCH A RUDE THING TO HER WHILE SHE WAS BUSY BECOMING A MOTHER. And she is totally justified in standing there with her mouth open at the time not knowing WTH to say back.

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Claire Reply:
February 6th, 2012 at 3:47 pm Claire(Quote)

Larry, it’s like this.

My mum hasn’t heard the words “product”, “product of conception” or “POC” before this day. She’s holding her distressed daughter’s hand, stroking her hair wishing she could do more for her. The doctor appears from under the sheet and says to her “If I can just show you this product”, it means nothing to her, he could be showing her anything but it certainly doesn’t sound like he’s about to produce a baby the size of his palm curled up on his hand, he has said it matter-of-factly so she has no reason to suspect it’s anything to prepare herself for. Instead of the mundane though it’s her dead grandchild.

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Serene Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 5:44 am Serene(Quote)

Larry I have to say that I agree that if it were Australian english, it most definitely doesnt sound callous to me, but it DOES come across as someone who forgets that some people cannot cope with having a foetus shoved under their nose. Please try remember that very few of us here are medical professionals. To most of our ears, that would be quite bizarre, and then to see it, quite frightening.

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Larry had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 10:32 am (Quote)

… It helps some people to move towards closure…

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Laura Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 11:03 am Laura(Quote)

And traumatizes / horrifies others, which is why it should be offered and not forced. It absolutely should be offered, for those who want it, but this wasn’t offering, this was inflicting.

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Jane Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 11:15 am Jane(Quote)

Calling the miscarried fetus “this product” is not going to move someone toward closure.

As a bereaved mother myself, I’ll just say that closure is something you have to move toward. The problem with many medical staff is they seem to think they can force closure on you, as if grief is just an infection that needs the right antibiotic. “Feverish? Just take this pill. Grieving? Just look at this fetus.”

I like the way you put it: If you’d like to see, I’ll give you a moment to decide. But the way the doc in the OP put it was more like an eight year old boy trying to scare his little sister. “Look at this! Eeew!”

**shudder**

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Claire Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 3:23 pm Claire(Quote)

Jane, I love that description! It reminds me of something my brother did. We used to mess about with square batteries and stick them on our tongues, one day he said to me that Dad had given him a strong mint for me (Dad used to always have them so we’d often ask and if he said yes he’d give us two so we could give it to the other) and to open my mouth and close my eyes. He then stuck a square battery on my tongue! As something I did myself it was funny and I was expecting it, when you’re expecting something nice and not expecting it, it makes it feel a lot worse!

Whilst Mum wasn’t expecting something nice, she wasn’t even sure what she was expecting, it certainly wasn’t what she got!

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Judith had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 10:52 am (Quote)

I was confused when i first read the post till i saw the further explanation. in medicalese, there is the term the “product of conception”. yes, totally not ok, though they way he handled this sensitive moment.

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WellBegun had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 1:46 pm (Quote)

:-O Reading the snippet, I thought there was something the OB was shilling, which is obnoxious but not entirely unexpected, seeing how much swag they get from reps… The reality was So. Much. Worse. How awful!

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Kristin had this to say, Feb 5, 2012 @ 7:49 pm (Quote)

When I read the line “product” I was thinking that the OB was showing the mother an IUD or something. When I finished reading the quote, all I can do is cry. This has got to be the WORST thing I could possibly imagine. Certainly the most heartbreaking thing ever posted here.

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Mama Wrench had this to say, Feb 7, 2012 @ 11:38 am (Quote)

If he’d at least said fetus, Mom would have known what to expect and the Dr could have still maintained his medical detachment. I’ve seen women go to pieces just seeing models of embryos, much less having the sight of their own dead babies forced on them with no warning. This might not be the worst thing on this site, but it’s one of the sickest.

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