Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Jan
15
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Why Are You Being Selfish? Have The Cesarean…”
“Why are you being so selfish? Have the cesarean. Just because there is nothing wrong *now,* doesn’t mean it won’t be later on.” – Midwife to mother who had a labor that was not progressing on the normal labor curve.
There are 22 comments to this post.
Yes, I’m being selfish, if by selfish you mean having a birth the way nature intended without medical intervention when it’s not warranted.
Just because you’re not patient doesn’t mean you need a c-section. OP, I hope you told her what she could do with her c-section.
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OMG, shut up! Is there ever a time where selfishness is more expected? How can ……… I don’t even……… my brains are coming out of my ears. There’s so much wrong with this that an entire thesis wrote itself in my head in 2 seconds and then collapsed in on itself in a fit of rage.
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Laura Reply:
January 15th, 2012 at 5:27 pm (Quote)
“There’s so much wrong with this that an entire thesis wrote itself in my head in 2 seconds and then collapsed in on itself in a fit of rage.”
This sentence is so, SO perfect.
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Kate, Ren's Mama Reply:
January 15th, 2012 at 5:57 pm (Quote)
Heh. That’s why I blog. Perfect metaphor, mharry!
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Tara R. Reply:
January 15th, 2012 at 6:14 pm (Quote)
Mharry, yep, that about sums it up.
Your response is so perfect I just read it out loud to my husband. He often gets to hear the latest on myobsw.
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Jewels Reply:
January 15th, 2012 at 6:55 pm (Quote)
HAHAHAHA! That’s perfect! Exactly it!
There’s definitely *someone* being selfish in this scenario & it’s not the mother…
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Darsy Reply:
January 16th, 2012 at 5:42 am (Quote)
Agreed! Women are socialized to always put others first, but for goodness’ sake, this shouldn’t apply in LABOR. Her body works with the baby for birth, treating her like she’s selfish for advocating for herself is telling her that there is no possible time in her life that she can expect her feelings and judgment should come first 
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Jan 15, 2012 @ 7:55 pm (Quote)
Babies need healthy mothers. It’s not doing the baby any favors to subject the mother to major abdominal surgery just to satisfy an impatient midwife.
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Oh thank you all posters, you have made me feel vindicated! I am the OP, and this was said to me about one hour after I had been transferred to hospital from my planned home birth because they didn’t have enough midwives to allow me to continue at home. We arrived a couple of hours before shift change in late March and they wanted me OUT of there! I had been labouring at home for some hours, and they had no love whatsoever for my attitude! It was the home birth thing, I think… The hospital registrar kept coming in every half an hour and trying to force me to have a caesarian, bargaining when we refused, and then storming out… Anyway, I would normally have gotten very feisty but for some reason I just remained really calm, and tried to explain why it was not going to happen without some medical reason to do so. I think I thought that they would be more understanding if I was as logical as possible… I saw the midwife the next day after having my daughter the ‘old fashioned’ way, and she sheepishly congratulated me. I really did want to punch her then, I have to admit! I was too weak by then 
P.S. The previous post was me, too – same baby! Thank you, RSCH. You’ve outdone yourself. Needless to say, home birth planned for 3 months time!
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Darsy Reply:
January 16th, 2012 at 5:44 am (Quote)
Good for you! I’m glad you were able to stick to your guns and get the birth you wanted despite having to transfer to the hospital. I’m due in about three months as well. A happy healthy baby for both of us!
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Knitted in the Womb Reply:
January 16th, 2012 at 8:13 am (Quote)
Good for you! So sorry you were harrassed.
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I wish my Midwives would have said this to me instead of lying in a complete state of ignorant denial and telling me that everything was okay when it was not. I am sorry that it hurt your feelings. Watching your son struggle with a disability that is easily prevented is much more painful. Take my word for it.
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Sarah Reply:
January 20th, 2012 at 9:32 am (Quote)
I wish your midwives had been honest about what was going on. Calling you selfish would not have helped anyone.
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Kristine Reply:
January 20th, 2012 at 1:12 pm (Quote)
I would rather have had the truth than an injury to my child. I guess a better thing to have called me would be ridiculously naive with an overly idealized view of midwifery. This midwife was trying to say what needed to be help a mom face reality and save her child from pain, disability and death. Pretty sure that makes her midwife of the year.
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Kristy Reply:
January 20th, 2012 at 1:23 pm (Quote)
Except that *this* child was not yet in danger of pain, disability or death. The ‘midwife of the year’ herself said there was currently *nothing wrong*. Just because *your* midwife should have said or done more when there was something wrong doesn’t mean this midwife was ‘great’ to recommend surgery *before* a need arose.
You could get cancer in one of your lungs someday… perhaps we should cut one out now just in case.
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Ashley had this to say,
Jan 17, 2012 @ 7:08 am (Quote)
I am starting to think that too many in the medical profession were sick the day they discussed side effects of the c section on both mom and baby. I guess though, many don’t see those because the baby is passed off to the pediatrician right away- so what if they have to spend time in the nicu away from mom because of breathing issues, as long as they are ok in the long run no harm right?!? Just because years later they are at a dramatic increase of asthma which kills thousands of people directly and indirectly every year because they let the hospital ok not our problem. Same thing goes for the increased risk of SIDS– hey but they left healthy. Grrrrrrr!!!! When will the obs/medwives understand that those actions have consequences, that it isn’t just as safe as a vaginal delivery in the absence of an emergency. (stepping down from my soap box now). Good job OP in advocating for both yourself AND your baby!!!
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“Why are you being selfish? Have the mastectomy. Just because you don’t have breast cancer now doesn’t mean you won’t later on.”
How about this: “Why are you being selfish? Take the antibiotic. Just because you’re healthy now doesn’t mean you won’t get an infection later on.”
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It’s funny, but when I look in the dictionary, I don’t find “expectant management” as one of the definitions of “selfish.” Nor do I find “refusing unwarranted interventions” or “advocating for the health of one’s baby.”
And what’s this garbage about “just because everything’s okay now”? You’re admitting everything’s okay now. Just because everything’s okay now doesn’t mean everything will be okay later — sure, that’s why she’s in a hospital. It ALSO doesn’t mean everything will go pear-shaped later. It only means things are okay now.
But really, this midwife would have lost my confidence the moment she said “selfish.”
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jaed Reply:
January 15th, 2012 at 2:52 pm jaed(Quote)
Exactly. Namecalling is a bullying tactic, and bullying has no place in the labor room. (Or anywhere else, but especially there.)
I can’t help wondering whether the reason the mother wasn’t “progressing” along the almighty “curve” had something to do with having been bullied before this during labor. It’s well known (and makes biological sense) that stress hormones slow labor.
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