Emotion shaming?

Or is this more zero-sum maternity care: as long as the mother survives and the baby survives, nothing else matters?

I know plenty of moms cry with amazement when their baby is born. Not from sadness, but from relief, joy, surprise — pure emotion. It’s okay. You’d think a midwife would understand that.

I cried when my 3rd baby was born. She was my first homebirth, and I was caught in a swarm of emotions: relief, joy, love, pride. I don’t know what this mother felt but crying was justified nonetheless.

WTF!?!

Dear Midwife, It’s time for you to take a long vacation and think about a career change.
Sincerely, The Human Race

I bawled when my first was born – not out of sadness, but out of joy and relief that he was finally here. It was just a pure release of emotions. Surely that’s not all that unusual?

I cried a great deal after my baby was born. Joy, relief, sadness, stress, pain, frustration, and for no reason at all, because my hormones were crazy crazy crazy all the time. “What’s wrong?” or “Do you need anything?” would be more appropriate.

I cried when I pushed my oldest out and I cried as soon as I heard each of my twins cry during my c-section. Birth, no matter how it happens, is an emotional thing and no mother should be shamed for showing her emotions.

I have cried after all of my babies, and I fully expect to cry after #4 in May. It’s a very emotional experience.

Shaming the Mom for showing a perfectly normal human emotion. Nice.

Because a disabled baby is the ONLY reason to cry? Because ALL tears are sad tears? Because telling somebody to stop crying has actually succeeded in making somebody stop crying, ever?

About 5 mins after my homebirth baby was born I got my mum to go get me the phone (I birthed at her house) and phoned my dad who could barely understand me through the tears, saying “Dad, come home. He’s been born and he’s so beautiful, he’s so so beautiful.”

That memory makes me laugh now because I know it was a rush of hormones and being so happy.

OP, I hope you told this nurse to stop being such a jerk.

I’m a midwife & I’ve shed many a tear at many a birth!

I think all these demands not to cry have a simple common factor: the discomfort with strong emotion. Whether it’s a woman miscarrying who is ordered not to cry over her loss, or a woman in labor who is told not to cry, or this OP – whose midwife I can see as possibly just puzzled over why anyone would cry for joy or relief.

It’s not even completely incomprehensible. Most people are uncomfortable dealing with strong emotions from people they don’t know well. But any medical provider dealing with birth is going to see those emotions and should be taught to deal with their discomfort in a way that’s not rude or harmful. It’s not hard to pat someone’s shoulder and say “There, there” or something, and it would be better to just sit there than to order a client not to cry, or get visibly irritated by the show of emotion at times that surely merit it.

I recently supported my first client through the birth of her baby. Not only did she cry, but her mother, aunty, myself AND THE MIDWIFE all had a bit of a cry!

Birth is beautiful, and should be to everybody in the room, not just the mother.

On my phone, but in response to jaed, even Sheldon Cooper knows how to pat someone’s shoulder and say, “There, there,” when they’re crying. He could also teach this midwife to offer them a hot beverage!

Let’s make a list of reasons women are told not to cry:

If you are crying because you are emotional and happy, you must not cry because your baby is not disabled.

If your baby is disabled, but has a livable condition, you must not cry because your baby is alive, and not dead.

If your baby is dead, you must stop crying because you can always have more/you already have healthy children/the baby who died is in a better place/God needed another angel.

So, all this hysterical venting of emotion is NEVER acceptable under ANY circumstances, so dry up those waterworks ladies!

:head desk:

I cried at both of my wonderful births because of the shear joy and magnitude of being part of such an amazing miracle. And my births were a piece of cake compared to my sister, whose birth was difficult and riddled with complications that bar her from having another baby. But I cried at her birth too because it was like watching someone climb Mt. Everest. It was a triumph over her pain. It was a beautiful thing to witness.

i cried when i first saw my son born by c section, i cried and laughed in amazement that just seconds ago i was pregnant then suddenly he was here. i cry when ever i see a birth on tv, i cry when i think about my upcoming birth and seeing and holding my baby for the first time. am training to be a doula, i fully expect to cry at each and every birth i attend, glad i dont live in the same country as this midwife! also im crying right now just thinking about all the first cuddles and kisses and mummas crying right this minute

Lol!! I laughed so hard at this one