Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Jan
9
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Are Starving Your Baby…”
“You’re starving your baby because you insist on breastfeeding. Give her formula.” – Pediatrician to mother.
There are 46 comments to this post.
first time mommy had this to say,
Jan 9, 2012 @ 7:17 pm (Quote)
HOW, oh Great One, HOW, did we as a human species survive without this magical substance known as formula for SO MANY centuries?!
Oh the stupidity hurts!
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abba12 Reply:
January 9th, 2012 at 10:05 pm (Quote)
Ever heard of a wet nurse? Or the high infant mortality rate until like 100 years ago, perhaps from malnutrition? What about mothers used to give a cows milk solution to babies they could not breastfeed (I know of at least one old woman who did this, and I have read about such solutions in old books, here in Australia formula was not able to be obtained in rural areas until the mid 60s) And remember that back then they had the handed down knowlege that helped to prevent issues before they arose, not try to fix them now. We’ve lost so much knowlege on breastfeeding in the past 100 years.
I doubt any pediatrician says this to every mother anymore, so perhaps he said it because there was an issue?
Formula is not the best thing for babies, but sometimes, despite what many breastfeeding associations will say, it is nececary for short or long term use, just like cows milk and wet nurses were used in the old days, and some mothers who used neither unfortunately lost their babies. I for one am glad that, for mothers who have a short or long term issue preventing breastfeeding, there is an option that is better than cows milk with added lactose and cod liver oil etc.
There’s always been an alternative to breastfeeding. Yes less people used to take it, that’s because we have so many people who don’t care and use it as a first choice out of convenience.
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road2vba2c Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 4:41 am (Quote)
There’s alternatives to breastfeeding you can go to before formula. I’d use a wet nurse/donated breastmilk long before I ever went to formula.
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first time mommy Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 7:50 am (Quote)
I’m sooo sorry. I was being sarcastic. Evidently, that wasn’t understood.
and yes, but a wet nurse is very very different from formula. My whole point was if formula is what all babies need,how did we ever survive before it was invented? Since apparently breastfeeding = starving babies.
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Christie Reply:
January 11th, 2012 at 6:28 pm (Quote)
@ “ever heard of a wet nurse” i think you will find that is still breastfeeding… all those “solutions” you mentioned resulted in babies dying, breastfeeding is always going to be the best option, yes formula is great for when its needed but if the mother is able to nurse then why would you use it? i think you missed the sarcasm here…
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Even if the nurse was referring to lack of milk at the beginning, there is still enough for the baby. Besides, normally babies lose half a lb while in the hospital, but they aren’t starving. This nurse needs more education.
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StaudtCJ Reply:
January 9th, 2012 at 8:00 pm (Quote)
Sadly, this wasn’t a nurse or even an OB. This was a pediatrician, who is supposed to be encouraging what’s best for the baby. Somebody needs to get out of Nestle’s pocket and back to school, I think.
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Sheva Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 8:27 pm (Quote)
It must be the hospital setting, then. I don’t think my born-at-home baby lost an ounce. And he was weighed to check.
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jaed Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 9:29 pm (Quote)
Let me guess: you (and the baby) weren’t bloated up with IV fluids during the birth?
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Sheva Reply:
January 11th, 2012 at 5:37 am (Quote)
Yep. Also, no one took him away from me for “observation” (read: sticking him with pins and then leaving him to cry and burn up energy), or kept him from me so I could rest. I just held him, kept him warm, and breastfed whenever he rooted. He didn’t have to waste energy on keeping warm or asking for love.
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I wonder when this was said. If it’s during the first few days, let mom get her milk in and then we can discuss. Baby doesn’t need much at the beginning as their stomach is the size of a marble. If it’s been a week or two and baby isn’t gaining weight, then there may be a problem.
My baby had issues with breastfeeding, plus he tore my nipples up so it was painful to breast feed. He gained an ounce a week for the first 3 weeks. Luckily, my midwife was very patient with us (while I went to a LC, LLL meetings and a breast feeding support group). I had to start pumping after a week and a half to feed him in a bottle so I’d know how much he was taking in. Then I stressed myself out and my supply tanked for awhile and I had to go to formula one or two times a day (after a very teary conversation with my midwife in which she let me know I was still a good mom). After two months we got back on track and have been exclusively breast feeding ever since (and he’s almost 10 months)!
Whatever the issue, this was not the way to go about getting mom the help she needed. OP, I hope things worked out and you were able to successfully breast feed.
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Well, you learn something new every day. I had no idea that every single baby born before formula was invented wound up dying! Someone help me out here… how did the human race survive?
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Hold on, there’s no context. It’s possible the mother WAS doing so. Some mothers do not manage to sucessfully breastfeed, sometimes their supplies dwindle and they don’t or can’t pick them up again, sometimes a 4 or 5 month old will lose weight because mums supply backs off for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes breasts, for various reasons, are not as effective as they should be. Yes, often there is things you can do to increase supply or help the breasts, but sometimes babies need supplementation for a short time and sometimes it isn’t worth it to spend that time.
Because it’s here I hope the OP was not in that situation, but it happens. Sometimes mums who ARE actually starving their babies need a wakeup call, the very suggestion of formula does not automatically negate the idea the baby needs more than what it’s getting. This specifies nothing on babies age, feeding issues, history or anything. I think we need a pink link to know just how bad this is.
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Bonita Reply:
January 9th, 2012 at 10:31 pm (Quote)
Accusing anyone of starving their child is wrong in all contexts (unless the parent is abusing their child and with holding food). As someone who has had issues with a child not gaining weight, you already feel like crap and then a dr looks at you down their nose and throws the word “starving” out and you can only react in one of two ways. 1. Defensively lash out or 2. Doubt yourself in every way as a parent and lose confidence.
A better way to address things like this is “the baby isn’t getting enough calories, here is what we can do about this”, or “let’s check for a food allergy that the baby could be having to your diet” (which is what my son’s problem was).
The word “starve” implies that the parent is doing something intentionally to harm their child and will only hurt the dr/patient relationship as the parent will feel judged and ostrasized.
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Details Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 5:13 am (Quote)
I agree. Using the word “starving” is rude and cruel. Now if the doctor had “recommended supplimenting” until issues were straighten out that would have been different, but using the word starving = doctor is a douche!
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Toni Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 10:06 am (Quote)
To me, it’s not the “starving” part that is the worst of it. If he had said “Your baby is starving” that is light years away from saying “You are starving your baby”. The former may (repeat MAY) be simply an observation of reality, and while it is a harsh way of putting it, it may very well be true and there isn’t any blame being cast. The latter is an accusation -blaming the mother, implying that she is maliciously harming her child. Especially when followed up with “because you insist on bfing”. As though she cares more about bfing than her child. I’ve never encountered anyone for whom that was true; the whole reason women bother to bf in the first place is because they care about their babies (they are told how much better it is for the child). What a slap in the face this statement is. Here she is, struggling to make something work *for her child’s benenfit*, and when things don’t go smoothly she is accused of deliberately starving her child. Wow. Just wow.
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Jane Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 4:19 am (Quote)
We do need some context, that’s true. If this is said to the mom of a FTT three-month-old, it’s entirely different than if the mom has a one-day-old baby who happens to be ten pounds and (as we all know) no one could possibly ever breastfeed a ten pound baby. 
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Toni Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 9:17 am (Quote)
You’re absolutely right. To a point. This may have been said upon being admitted to the hospital for IV fluids due to dehydration and the doc in question may be entirely correct in the assessment that the child was “starving” (tho I tend to think, since it was submitted here, that it was more than likely a routine ped appt where the baby simply hadn’t gained enough weight to satisfy the doc, but that can wait for the pink link). However, two things are wrong with this statement on its face, regardless of what the background info is:
First: being right and being an a$$hole are not mutually exclusive. Even IF (huge “if”, mind you) the child was actually, literally, “starving”, there are more tactful, appropriate, and compassionate ways of conveying the severity of the issue to the mother. So even if the doc isn’t a moron (again, big “if”, lol), he’s still an a$$hole.
Second: Assuming the baby IS actually “starving”, she isn’t in such dire straits “because {the mother} insisits on bfing”; she is “starving” because bfing isn’t going well. I’m sure the mother wanted nothing more than for bfing to go smoothly (who doesn’t). Accusing her of “starving” her child (implication being that it is on purpose!) is bad enough, implying that the mother doesn’t care that bfing isn’t going well is ridiculous (that may very well been the reason for the visit with this doc).
Bottom line, if bfing isn’t going well, the doc should refer the mom to an IBCLC who might actually be able to assess the issue and correct it. IF (again big if) the baby is so bad off that he/she is literally “starving” (or dehydrated or FTT – much more likely than “starving”) then suggest formula supplementation (under the guidance of aforementioned IBCLC) to keep the baby healthy in the mean time, while whatever issues are being fixed. “Give her formula” neither fixes the issue or even begins to address the reality that bfing is NOT all or nothing. And the doc shouldn’t have been a prick in any case – there are appropriate ways to discuss these types of situations; this was a prime example of how NOT to do it.
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This one hits close to home for me. My son has been struggling to gain weight and it has been killing me. Every time someone comments how little he is it makes me want to cry. He is happy and healthy in every other way and we are doing everything we can to chunk him up a but. If someone told me I was starving him I would burst into tears. My mother in law hinted at it once. The dr. should have had some sensitivity and suggested some options other than just “give him formula”. There are other things you can do and maybe formula is the best solution but to tell a mother she’s starving her kid is the equivalent to saying you think she’s a bad mom which no mother who is trying as hard as she can to do the best for her child should ever have to hear.
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Nicci P Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 6:32 am (Quote)
I heard that a lot with my eldest son. Every time I took him to get weighed I was told to give him formula, he was in 9-12 months clothes at 18 months and EVERYBODY felt the need to tell me he was tiny.
But I just kept an eye on how many dirty and wet nappies he had (a LOT, lol)and he met all of his milestones either on time or ahead of time. He was talking in proper sentences at 19 months old.
He’ll be 5 in May and he’s still quite small, he’s just got into size 3-4 clothes. In fact his brother who is 2.5 is only in the next size down in clothes from him. But he is really healthy and so clever he blows my mind sometimes. If everything else seems fine and it is JUST a weight issue, I’d try not to stress about it too much. ((hugs))
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Kristy Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 8:32 am (Quote)
I’m taking a 4 1/2 yr old in 2/3s to the Endocrinologist today. He is healthy and has the genetics to back up his size… but WIC won’t get off our back so we decided to get word from ‘on high’ that he is *fine* so they will leave us along. 
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Rebecca Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 10:23 am (Quote)
I so feel your pain. Mine was on the other side of the scale (quick growth, but a good weight to length ratio) and after I came home in tears from the lecture the WIC nurse gave me about overfeeding my baby and how I needed to go to bottle feeding so I knew how much she was eating my DH (bless him) said we would do just fine without WIC and that our pediatrician (who bragged about me donating milk to a milk bank to one of his nurses) said our daughter was perfect.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
January 11th, 2012 at 6:25 am (Quote)
One of the biggest reasons I quit WIC was that they tried to insist I put my perfectly healthy 3 year old on a diet. A couple cans of tuna fish and a block of cheese are not worth all of that.
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Stacie Reply:
January 11th, 2012 at 11:56 am (Quote)
Thanks guys. I try to tell myself everyday that he is just fine (though he is tiny) he is still happy and healthy, but sometimes I just look at him and want to cry cause everyone is telling me there is something wrong with him when I know he is perfect. He is staying with his curve though for the most part. Thanks for the encouraging words. I really does help 
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Sheva Reply:
January 11th, 2012 at 12:13 pm (Quote)
My grandfather always told my cousin, who was always small, that we measure people from the neck up.
If he’s hitting all his milestones, and growing steadily and staying in his curve, more or less, then that’s really all that counts.
I tell my kids (all small – they have short genes all around) that it’s not the size of their body that counts, it’s the size of their good deeds.
(We also use ‘good things come in small packages’ and ‘small diamonds are more precious than big garden rocks’.)
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Verbal breakdown ahead:
“You’re starving your baby”
- implies motive
- implies the mother is actively taking steps to ensure starvation
- uses “your baby” to imply the crime is inhuman; if it was “you’re starving Josephine” or “you’re starving her” there’d be less verbal impact
“because you insist on breastfeeding.”
-puts the emphasis on insisting, with the implication that the mother is forceful and bullheaded. Remember Gavin deBecker? (How could you not? I mention him every week.) Statements like that are designed to make the mother prove she’s not bad by doing the opposite of what she’s been doing.
“Give her formula.”
-a command
-presented as the ONLY solution
-designed to be taken in by the mother as the means by which she can prove she’s not trying to kill her baby and isn’t insisting on her own way
Whether the pediatrician is right or wrong that the baby might require supplementation or full formula-feeding, these are the tactics bullies use.
And when someone uses those tactics, I have to wonder why they resort to harassment if they could use facts and evidence.
Yes, it’s often faster if you can break down the person’s will and force them to go against their own self-interests. But in the long run, if the facts support you, it’s better to present the facts and get the patient/other person on your side so they’re actively participating in the work, rather than feeling resentful and pushed-around.
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Chara Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 2:37 pm (Quote)
Yes! I have been reading a lot about Hostile language lately and it’s amazing how frequently the real problem with what the doctors who are quoted on here are saying is that they are using hostile tactics to coerce and bully mothers, rather than educating or working with them. I know that medical professionals are human, too. They have bad days and things come out of their mouths that I’m sure they wish they could take back, but still… there are much more effective ways of communicating risk than bullying.
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Ok, but first do me a favor. Here’s a bowl of starch styrofoam packing peanuts. Don’t worry, it’s fortified with vitamins so it’s EXACTLY like real cereal.
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How about “Here are the reasons I think supplementation is necessary right now. I know nursing is important to you and to your baby. There are ways to supplement that support breastfeeding. Here’s the contact info for IBCLC I refer my clients to. S/He will go through the different options with you at your appointment later today.”
WAS THAT SO FREAKING HARD?
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There was a mom in my EDD buddy group for my youngest child. She had already BF her other kids, her baby was BFing fine, but was slow to gain weight. She was gaining weight, just on the slower end of average. Her older siblings had followed the same growth pattern.
The pediatrician insisted on hospitalizing the baby. The hospital took samples of the mother’s breastmilk and analyzed them. The analysis showed the milk contained significantly more calories per ounce than formula. The doctors insisted the baby be formula fed for 24 hours anyway. The baby LOST WEIGHT on the formula. That’s right folks, the magic bullet solution of formula caused the baby to lose weight, not gain it. This is with the baby being fed under the supervision of trained medical professionals, so it wasn’t that the poor stupid mommy didn’t feed it on the right schedule or prepare it properly.
The mother took the baby home and breastfed her around the clock the same way she had been all along. She weighed her at home every day (baby continued to gain weight). At her next pediatrician checkup they noted that the baby had gained weight, and was meeting all age appropriate milestones. They then commanded the mother to STOP BREASTFEEDING and switch to formula, even though they had the lab report that her milk was higher in calories, and they had the evidence that switching to FF had caused the child to lose weight.
My reaction to this story: ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!
Sometimes doctors tell a mom to use formula to supplement because a baby needs more than what the mom’s milk is providing. Sometimes they’re just complete morons whose answer to anything that deviates from the average is “FORMULA!”
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Kathy Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 1:18 pm (Quote)
PLEASE tell me that mother told them to shove it and never went back!
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Kat Reply:
January 10th, 2012 at 2:42 pm (Quote)
I don’t know if she never went back, I DO know she was still breastfeeding, and planned to ignore the ridiculous advice. After all, since they knew her breastmilk had higher calories, they were actually telling her to put her baby on a restricted calorie diet… as a solution to slow weight gain. Insanity.
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My pedi was also fully supportive of me breastfeeding my second born EVEN AFTER I found out I was pregnant again. He applauded me. And was again supportive when I weaned her. Having someone who is supportive makes such a world of difference.
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This exact phrase was said to a friend of mine when she was struggling to breastfeed her first child and had inadequate support and conflicting advice which led to supply issues… She was devastated to hear that she was starving her baby and it left many emotional scars. Even if it is true that the baby is not getting enough breastmilk, doctors should never tell women that they are starving their babies!
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I was told the same thing, by two different doctors (my OB and our family doctor), only it was “JUST” give her a bottle of formula, like it was no big deal. My mom, who was a LLL Leader in the 70s, even told me that if she had had to go through what I went through she would have quit, but I persisted. I kept seeking help until I found someone helpful. I went on to breastfeed that baby until she was 28 months old, and she’s now the tallest kid in her class. She’s healthy, brilliant, and gorgeous at age 6-1/2. And breastfeeding her two younger siblings was easy, because by then I knew what I was doing. Hang in there, OP. You CAN do it, and you are NOT starving your baby.
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