Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
28
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Don’t You And Your Husband Ever Have Rough Sex…?”
“Don’t you and your husband ever have rough sex? You’re really small down there. If you had rough sex, this wouldn’t be hurting so bad.” – Student Midwife to mother who stated that the vaginal exam was hurting her.
There are 22 comments to this post.
first time mommy had this to say,
Dec 28, 2011 @ 6:54 pm (Quote)
um. sorry. i become aroused for my husband, not your icky fingers so that might be why this VE hurts =P
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OMG, did this idiot just fall for the “sex makes you loose” myth? It’s a MYTH! Kids out of high school might buy that, but she should know better.
Sorry, I couldn’t possibly let someone touch me if I knew more about vaginas than they did.
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What. The. [Redacted].
One, if you’re hurting her, you’re doing it wrong. Either learn better technique or get someone competent to finish the exam. Blaming the woman for not having sex a certain way is not part of the list of acceptable responses.
Two, do you have ANY LEAST IDEA how creepy you sound saying something like that?
What is this, “Boundary Issues Wednesday”? Between this one and Nurse I’m-Gonna-Evangelize-Right-Now and Doctor My-Golf-Game-Is-The-Most-Important-Consideration… was there a sudden outbreak of personality disorders in the medical community?
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Jessica had this to say,
Dec 28, 2011 @ 7:14 pm (Quote)
Wow. I think my vagina got smaller after reading that. Has the midwife ever considered she’s doing it wrong? Plastic speculums and cold fingers don’t normally arouse women. And what if this woman is tense because of sexual trauma and here this midwife is telling her to have rough sex in order to make up for the lack of skill on the midwife’s part?
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Jessica had this to say,
Dec 28, 2011 @ 7:18 pm (Quote)
You know, when I complained that it hurt my midwife said “I know, I’m sorry”. This was because she was holding back a cervical lip so I could push. (I know not everyone agrees with that method but it worked for me)
In the very few VEs shed done to check me (which I asked for) not a single one hurt.
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Wendy Reply:
December 30th, 2011 at 11:40 am (Quote)
Finally! A provider owning up to her role in the client’s discomfort. I see so many submissions about providers trying to shift the blame onto women–e.g. “If you can’t handle this, you definitely need an epidural for labor!”–but the OP in this thread is hands-down the most creative….and most ridiculous!
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This is mine. I was at my 12 week appointment, which was the first appointment for my pregnancy. My husband was on a business trip and I was pretty upset he couldn’t be there. I had been spotting from weeks 8 to 10 and was really worried about potential miscarriage. Needless to say, I was a wreck. When I was told I needed a VE, I was nervous it would cause the spotting to start again, but was assured it was “safe” and “necessary” to make sure everything was as it should be. The exam hurt so bad, I was screaming. I had had VE’s before and they never even came close to how bad this hurt. I was screaming, telling her it hurt, and that was when she decided to ask if my husband and I ever had rough sex because basically, she was saying that she was doing everything right and I was “small” and rough sex was a good cure for that. I was so angry, that as soon as the exam was over, I asked to see the midwife in charge. I told her what happened and demanded that I never set eyes on the student again. She apologized and I never saw the other midwife again. Scarily enough, I was sore for days afterward.
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Oregonmommy Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 8:42 pm (Quote)
OMG! First I am so sorry that this happened to you. Makes my heart sink to see a midwife saying something so far off and just inappropriate. Second I hope that everything turned out ok with the spotting. What a horrible thing to have to endure when you were already under so much stress and worry 
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abba12 Reply:
December 29th, 2011 at 12:57 am (Quote)
Before I was diagnosed with vulvodynia I had a male doctor who I had to see about the pain, he said it the pain was caused by a graze and proceeded to stick two barely lubricated fingers up there and press against the ‘graze’ to ‘prove’ his point. I know how scary something like this can be, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
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Sorry, moron, but my sex life is none of your damn business so STFU and get away from my vagina.
I can’t think of anything sleazier than asking a woman about her sex life during a vaginal exam. And what an idiot for thinking that will stretch you out. Wonder what she thinks happens after a vaginal birth – that mothers go around the rest their lives with a gaping vag?
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Mama Wrench had this to say,
Dec 29, 2011 @ 1:36 am (Quote)
Um, unless the MW is going to offer to get up early with the baby and make me breakfast, she doesn’t get to treat my vagina like my husband does.
I remember once reading one of those “What your nurse wishes you knew” lists, and one of them was that they all practice vaginal exams on a plastic vagina model before trying “the real thing,” and that we should credit our gentle, pleasant VE experiences to “Regina” the vagina model. It makes perfect sense that if you’re practicing VEs on a chunk of plastic that can’t feel anything, you’d expect your patients to respond the same way.
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notusuallyanon had this to say,
Dec 29, 2011 @ 6:17 am (Quote)
What a moronic thing to tell a women in the middle of a VE where she is experiencing screaming pain! Does this student think she wants to have sex in screaming pain? That’s a bit past the typical ‘rough sex’ between consenting partners!
Now for the reason I’m posting anon…sometimes ‘rough sex’ can help you stretch out. I was too small for my husband and tore badly during our first attempt. My doctor gave me a numbing cream and advized to that, if we kept at it, the tear would heal more open, making me bigger. It took months and it would have been too painful without the numbing agent, but it did work. But, for heaven’s sake, it’s not like I was told to just ‘go have rough sex’ so i’d ‘stretch out’ doc knew it would involve tearing and healing and advized me accordingly.
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My ob’s nurse practitioner told me that my exams were painful because I am too fat and the fat is crushing down on my vaginal wall and that is why it hurts so much…and all that fat makes labor harder too….although I pushed for about an hour with my first and my second was out in four pushes…..
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Melissa Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 2:59 pm (Quote)
She WHAT?
What a jerk. Wanna bet she used a huge speculum and was extra rough…because to her mind you “obviously” needed it?
And what a crock. I love how k-mom blasts this “fat vagina” myth to bits. Check out her site: http://wellroundedmama.blogspot.com/
Also: go you! That’s one amazing body you have, to push out two babies so efficiently!
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Kiki Reply:
January 11th, 2012 at 9:01 pm (Quote)
Thank you, Melissa! LOL I am learning to let things I hear roll off my back….it gets tiresome when I think that these people with degrees and power over the lives of others really should know better. And I am headed over to check out the site right now!
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Add Your Comment.
Seriously?!?! If you did your job properly, this wouldn’t be hurting so bad!
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