Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
28
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Do You Know Jesus Christ As Your Lord And Savior?”
“Do you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?” – Certified Nurse Midwife to woman in the middle of a vaginal exam.
There are 74 comments to this post.
Just another example of an extremist getting into a position of power above someone in order to push their views onto that person. It’s very sickening.
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Emily Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 1:51 pm (Quote)
Oh seriously? You’re over exaggerating. Yes, yes she is trying to force Jesus on her, and she planned the WHOLE THING out ahead of time. No. It’s called poor timing.
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Tee Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 2:21 pm (Quote)
Yeah, I’m inclined to agree with you here. I was horrified to read this entry but I think it’s a stretch to say that she is using her position of power in order to push her viewpoints on the Mom.
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jaed Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 4:58 pm (Quote)
I’m of two minds. Characterizing this as an “extremist” who’s become a CNM in order to evangelize to the unwilling is a little much. On the other hand, a woman undergoing a vaginal exam is a captive audience of sorts and I think this did have some role in her choice of when to broach the subject.
It’s harder psychologically to shut someone down when they’re inappropriate with their hand in your hoo-hah than if they do the same thing when you’re sitting across a desk from each other.
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Corita Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 2:51 pm (Quote)
This could be the case…certainly not the first time a health care provider abused their power… BUT I read this as more along the lines of the way that I find myself with the urge to strike up “Important Conversations” with my son when we are alone in the car together. I see the vacuum of activity as a chance…but it is often forced and, as such, unproductive.
The major sin of this nurse, imo, is not knowing that a vaginal exam is NOT the same thing as riding in the car and trying to fill the time with something meaningful.
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ACKKK! I’m religious, and I find that horribly rude. I’m given to understand that it is ‘popular’ now for various practitioners to have on their paperwork or just ask in person, “Would you like prayers to be said for you?” I’m okay with that–one can answer, “No, thank you,” or “Yes, please,” and leave it there.
But this is so invasive, in multiple ways, that I would have to leave the practice. I don’t care if it’s the midwife’s moral imperative to ‘spread the word.’ This is in no way the appropriate time, place, or manner.
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Tee Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 12:40 pm (Quote)
Exactly! I’ve had surgeons and various other doctors offer to pray for me and I find that to be sweet and quite comforting. (It’s obvious that I’m a believer… the prayer kapp gives it away!) But this would totally freak me out!
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Bonita Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 1:28 pm (Quote)
I am a devout Christian and I would still be highly offended with the timing of this question. A vaginal exam is not the time to share the gospel, it really is disturbing that this nurse thought it was a good time. ugh And that opening line for any attempt to share the gospel is a bad idea anyway…
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dr.izereckt Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 9:25 pm (Quote)
4give me but,if that would have been me in the saddle I would’ve had 2 hold the preachers face 2 my pubic region n’ ripped some major corn n’ said “That’s on the house”
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Debra Reply:
December 29th, 2011 at 12:03 am (Quote)
When I was going through chemo, the substitute oncologist said he likes to pray with his patients and asked if I would mind. I understand that he might have meant it as a kindness but I was really offended by it. I felt like if I said no, he’d tell me it was my fault I had cancer because I don’t believe in Jesus. The paperwork I filled out when I first went to that place asked about religious preferences and I very clearly stated that I am not a Christian and didn’t want any kind of religious rituals incorporated into my treatment.
How would a Christian feel if their doctor told them he wanted them to pray to Allah with him?
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Dee Reply:
December 29th, 2011 at 5:00 am (Quote)
I’m sorry, Debra. You had clearly indicated No on your information, and this should not have been asked/you should not have been put in this situation–no questions, no excuses, no judgments. I often use this scenario in my courses when we talk about prayer in public schools (group-enforced, not individual voluntary), and I ask students who are adamantly for it, how would you feel if someone was coercive in making you pray in a way against your beliefs? Or worse, made fun of you if you did not? It gives them something to think about.
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Darsy Reply:
January 1st, 2012 at 7:52 am (Quote)
I want to tell you that even as someone who has considered herself religious at various parts of my life, that would have still made me really uncomfortable. ‘Christian’ isn’t even interchangeable (not that I am saying you think that at all!); the way a Catholic might pray with someone is likely to be vastly different than someone who considers themselves evangelical. I would have categorically said no, and I’m pretty disturbed at the idea that they ignored your wishes and put you in a position to feel blamed or judged for those choices.
Kind of OT but I do hope your cancer is being treated to the point where you’re having a comfortable life!
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I’m a Christian and I think this is up there in the top ten most insensitive things ever posted on this site. Good grief. If your faith is important to you you’re naturally going to talk about it, just like a mom talks about her kids or a husband talks about his wife, but during a medical exam of ANY kind, it’s just completely inappropriate in about seven thousand ways — not to mention totally unlikely to have the desired effect. Blah.
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WellBegun Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 8:45 pm (Quote)
I’d say that’s an oddly complete summary of our predicament. 
Seriously, even if I agreed with the midwife (which I do), wow… and I thought I could have bad timing sometimes. This makes me look like Mrs. Perfect Timing.
(Well, actually, I am Mrs. Perfect Timing – my husband has a knack for it. I got the good sense of rhythm instead.)
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SO inappropriate. Probably more inappropriate than the word “inappropriate” even covers. Note to any Christians who are not awful: Don’t do anything like this, please, because it makes you look just like the bad ones. I don’t want to hate you! I need to be able to tell you apart from the proselytizing, evangelical, everyone-but-me-is-a-sinner ones!
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Bonita Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 1:31 pm (Quote)
The line the nurse used is one of the worst ways to share the gospel that I’ve heard. I’m a devout Christian and I’ve had people ask me that quesiton and then STILL try to share the gospel with me after I’ve answered in the affirmative! Even as a Christian I get defensive when I hear that question. Usually people who use the phrase the nurse used are going from a script that has been drilled into their heads instead of lovingly sharing their beliefs.
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LG Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 8:33 pm (Quote)
This made me chuckle, Bonita. I have a neighbor who is a pastor — nicest man in the world but no tact at all. One Sunday as I was coming home from lunch after church with some friends, he asked me as I walked in the door (which he was standing outside of, chatting with a friend who’d dropped him off) if I knew Jesus or somesuch. Like, gee, pal, what are you expecting as a response? Thank God you asked? Drive-by evangelism pretty much never has any effect but making you look like Balaam’s ass.
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Mama Kalila had this to say,
Dec 28, 2011 @ 11:28 am (Quote)
Like others who’ve commented, we’re pretty religious here… and still WOW. Not cool. Unfortunately I can’t stop laughing either because I’m picturing the lady from “New in Town” in this scenario. (OP I’m sorry…)
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Wha…? It’s times like these I am reminded of a favorite Lewis Black quote. “Then my left brain looked at my right brain and said, ‘It’s dark in here and we may die.”
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Liz had this to say,
Dec 28, 2011 @ 11:34 am (Quote)
Mama Kalila, me too!
‘have you found Jesus?’
‘I didn’t know he was missing.’
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Catherine Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 1:12 pm (Quote)
My daughter posted on Facebook “I FOUND JESUS!” one July afternoon. He’d been AWOL from the nativity scene for over a year. Toddler “mailed” him into a storage box with cutout handles and he didn’t get found until something from the box was required. As for the original post, as a Christian I find it so beyond inappropriate that words fail me.
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“Yes, he’s the last one who had his fingers in my vagina.”
I would pay to see this midwife’s reaction.
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Okay… I’m old order Mennonite. (For those of you that aren’t familiar with the Mennonites, think Amish.) I studied to be a midwife. And yet somehow, doing this kind of thing would NEVER have crossed my mind. There’s a time and place for witnessing and I’m fairly certain this isn’t it!
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Dec 28, 2011 @ 12:39 pm (Quote)
I worship the Unholy Trinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Invisible Pink Unicorn, and Russell’s Teapot, and they command me to rip your hand out of my vadge, possibly spraining your wrist in the process, and start screaming “FIRE” while I run around your office half-naked.
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Jenny Islander had this to say,
Dec 28, 2011 @ 1:13 pm (Quote)
“Do you know how creepy and crazy you seem right now? Get your hand out of there NOW or I will be forced to RAISE MY VOICE. No, Satan is not working in me to deny your efforts to save my soul; you’re just a jerk.”
I was raised and confirmed Lutheran and currently attend an Anglican church and that makes me fair game for this crap. On the other end of the spectrum, the Moonies occasionally try to recruit at our church too.
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No. Unless there is some medical reason for the question- and I’m fairly sure there’s not, you can leave the room now and either send in someone else, or get my records together to forward to my new provider.
I have fired contractors before for similar reasons, including a cable company (make a donation and get this much off your bill with only Christian charities represented)
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I’m really shocked at the reactions this is getting. Yes, it’s inappropriate, but I actually feel bad for the midwife, it seems as though she lacks social graces and is probably unaware of how inappropriate this is.
My first reaction was a cross between a surprise “gah!” and an awkward chuckle. It’s just…. awkward.
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This was my quote, and occurred during my annual exam this past June. Here’s what led up to the incredibly inappropriate comment:
I was in the process of planning my wedding at the time. My fiance (now husband) is Jewish, and I mentioned that we were having a Jewish wedding. The midwife was very interested in this. While starting my VE, she asked me the above question. I was startled, to say the least, and kind of stammered, “um, I was raised Christian.” She then went on to ask me what religion we were going to raise our children (still while completing the VE and my breast exam). I kind of stammered my answer (Jewish), to which she replied, “well, that’s wonderful, because when they get older, they’ll be able to choose the true path.”
After this, she proceeded to discuss, um, my personal grooming habits in the bikini region.
Needless to say, I have requested to NEVER have this woman anywhere near me ever again. I’m now expecting my first child, and although I am still with this practice (they are the ONLY midwife practice in my city, so I have no choice), luckily, she does NOT deliver babies.
Hands down, this was one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life. I felt completely humiliated, and was so shocked, I couldn’t even think quickly enough to reply anything smart. Needless to say, this was also one of the more painful VE’s I’ve ever had.
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Dee Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 3:17 pm (Quote)
Geez, now that I know the circumstances, it’s even worse than I thought. This ‘midwife’ seems to be clueless on a lot of things. Hope your pregnancy goes well and you have no more ‘crazy’ comments sent your way!
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Alyson Miers Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 4:26 pm (Quote)
Well. It’s like she was trying to pack maximum inappropriateness into minimum time frame. Fascinating juxtaposition of interests, too.
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jaed Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 11:50 pm (Quote)
She brought it up to criticize your husband and your plans for childraising? Passive-aggressively?
Oh hell no.
Now before this additional info I was willing to give her a pass on having good intentions, while noting how inappropriate her behavior was. But this shows pretty clearly that her intentions weren’t good at all. Ugh. What a nasty person.
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Are there any MWs lurking in here? I would hope that MANA and/or the ACNM would have Codes of Ethics that would forbid proselytizing to clients. It should be an ethical no-brainer, but unfortunately it needs spelled out for some people.
A similar thing happened to me at a prenatal massage. The massage therapist was doing some back work while preaching about how my beautiful baby was coming down from Heaven to join God’s Latter Day children. Say whaaaaaa…?? (I’m a non-Mormon in a heavily LDS area, and I have to say in all fairness that this kind of behavior is the exception, not the norm). So I can totally empathize, Alexa. I’m sorry you got placed in such a horribly uncomfortable position . . . in more than one way, lol!
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Why, did you find him in there?
Guh, that’s just nasty.
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Like Jim Gaffigan says, nothing is more uncomfortable than someone saying they’d like to talk to you about Jesus. Even a Christian’s first inclination is to say “Yeah, I’d like you not to.” I would be SO pissed to have my religion questioned by a Dr, most especially during a VE.
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lilmrsmchenry had this to say,
Dec 29, 2011 @ 2:29 pm (Quote)
All kidding aside. Whatever your religion is, it is part of your personal life. IMO is is always your best bet to keep your personal life completely separate from your professional life. My rule of thumb is that if you want to bring your personal life into it, then go out for coffee or drinks after work to talk about it.
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As a Christian i find that REALLY offensive, is it any wonder people have such a negative view of religion, and to say it to someone whos just said they are Jewish! for a start ms MW, Jews came before Christians, Jesus himself was a Jew also know as Gods chosen people…. and lastly ms MW if someone wants to be preached at then they will go to a church temple synagogue mosque not their clinic during a VE!!
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Um… you’re gonna need to go ahead and remove your hand from my vagina now.
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