Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
23
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Go Home…”
“Go home. You’re having a miscarriage and it will pass during the night.” – OB to mother at 18 weeks pregnant.
There are 21 comments to this post.
Jessica had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 11:00 am (Quote)
It’s a baby, not a kidney stone. I can’t believe how casually this mother’s loss is dismissed. The doctor can’t be inconvenienced today so he sends the mother home to endure her baby’s passing alone? OP I hope you were able to find love and support during this difficult time.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 12:30 pm (Quote)
Heaven forbid they should try to prevent the baby from miscarrying, by administering tocolytics and, um, trying to find out what might have triggered labour; or (assuming this family was not a homebirthing family – although some homebirth families who otherwise want drug-free births will opt for a hospital and painkillers in the event of a stillbirth) letting them labour in an LDR room.
Or offer condolences and basic human compassion.
“Sorry, not our problem.”
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Jane Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 12:55 pm (Quote)
If only there was a profession where women could go for help with their pregnancies if something went wrong, perhaps someone associated with a hospital, someone who had access to ultrasound technology and journal articles and studies, someone with prescribing power. If only such a profession existed, such an individual would have been able to help.
**sigh**
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Jespren had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 12:41 pm (Quote)
What really bothers me about this type of comment is, at 18 weeks, the baby may not *be* a stillbirth/miscarriage, but may be birthed alive. Babies born at 17 or 18 weeks can cling to life for several minutes sometimes, and there are confirmed cases of just 19 weeks gestation micropremies surviving to be taken home! Now, I realize that is a miracle shot, and even at 21 weeks the odds are extremely low baby will be ‘viable’ even with the best of medical care…but this doc is casually dismissing a mother who could pass a moving and alive newborn to ‘take care of it’ at home by herself. What is the dates are a week or two off and baby survives for an hour or two? Mom’s just supposed to ‘pass’ that at home? I don’t know that i’d *want* to give birth to a mircopremie I knew nothing could be done for in the hospital, except that if doc confirms life i’d get both a birth and death certificate, but anytime there is *any* chance of baby being born alive, even if they aren’t able to stay that way, mom should be able to choose a hospital, without the brushoff, if she wants.
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Ellen Reply:
December 29th, 2011 at 6:04 pm (Quote)
Can you point me to citations on “19 weeks gestation micropremies surviving to be taken home”? Amillia Taylor and James Gill are widely cited as the youngest surviving premies; Amillia was born at 21 weeks 6 days, James at 21 weeks 5 days. If you know of even younger babies, I suspect the Guinness Book would like to know.
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Jespren Reply:
December 29th, 2011 at 8:39 pm (Quote)
I’m sorry, I meant ‘fetal age’ not gestational age. Unfortunately the book citation I had from a doctor’s account of micropremies that had been ignored by the media was saved on the computer that crashed. I lost several dozen pages of research on several topics, including this one. But, a lot simply has to do with how things are reported. A ‘pregnancy’ lasts 40 weeks and a baby is said to be born X number of weeks into the pregnancy, but a pregnancy, since counted from lmp, is 2 weeks ‘old’ before that baby is even conceived (give or take). A 21 week old *gestation* (like the ones you mentioned above) are 19 week old babies. But since ages are usually reported around a 40 week pregnancy I have found listings of the same named baby with 2 different ages given for time of birth before. But dating ultrasounds and even blood tests can be days or even weeks inaccurate. So that ’19 week old pregnancy’ could be 20, or 21, or 17. (My 1st pregnancy, due to fluctuating periods, had a 3 week window of uncertainty for example) Eventually I’ll find that blasted book again.
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v had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 1:41 pm (Quote)
Depending on what’s happening, that could be inconsiderate to downright horrifying. A baby of that size isn’t going to look like ‘just’ tissue and if someone isn’t prepared, it could be BAD. Or a ton of other things, that is just horrible! Besides the heartwrenching part of losing the baby to begin with. Just…wow. 
*hugs* to the OP.
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amanda had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 3:53 pm (Quote)
This is awful. First of all, they could have at least tried to stop contractions. Or if not, offered mom support with pain management and palliative comfort care for the baby (who could very well of been born alive. My SILs 19 week old had a heartbeat for almost 2 hours). Further, many women with a second trimester loss experience difficulties passing all of the placenta – what if she hemmoraged after going home?
Op, I am so sorry for how you were treated. I hope you were able to find appropriate care somehow.
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This is so wrong on so many levels. At 18 weeks, the baby is fully formed. A mother should not have to stay at home and deliver her child unless she chooses to. Clearly, this Mom wanted the support of a hospital delivery. To deny her that is downright disgusting.
OP, I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words.
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It seems like a lot of OBs think a miscarriage is just like a particularly bad period. It’s not. I labored for 26 hours to birth my 8-weeker, and it was very much like my other labors except without the intense transition or pushing. I imagine it would be even worse in the second trimester. I gave birth alone in my bathroom. When I called the OB’s office to let them know, the phone nurse asked if I’d passed any large clots. I said I passed an 8-week embryo. “So a large clot, then,” she said, and put in my chart that I’d passed a large clot. My baby definitely wasn’t a large clot, he had arm- and leg-buds and the beginnings of eyes.
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This one is mine. I was seeing the Hospital for my first pregnancy and after my water broke at home (middle of the night) I went to the ER.
The Nurse midwife refused to come down and see me and the ER sent me home stating in my chart I was visibly upset but otherwise Ok.
Seven hours of labor I had a baby boy born at home in my bathtub.
I felt him moving right up until shortly before he was born.
He’s buried here in our yard and I went on to have a successful birth several years later FAR away from that Hospital.. in my home with a midwife =)
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Dee Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 1:14 am (Quote)
Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss…and for the substandard, inhuman treatment you received. I had a 14 week loss (blighted ovum–hate those terms), and there was pain and contractions, too. I hope your second birth was healing and a joyful experience for you.
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Sarah, (can’t reply on my phone)
This is one of the few stories on here that brought me to years and made me go hug my kids in their sleep. I can’t believe you were treated so badly. I’m so sorry for how you were treated. Jen you too. Your baby was not a large clot. I hope you both have been able to heal.
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Add Your Comment.
The average BPD (head diameter) for an 18-week fetus is about 4 cm or 2 inches. You don’t tell someone that their baby is just going “pass during the night.” What a horrible, horrible way to approach this situation. So sorry for your loss, OP.
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Lisa Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 11:31 am Lisa(Quote)
My sister had a 2nd-trimester loss and the OB office wouldn’t even see her since she hadn’t established care with anyone (it was a surprise pregnancy). Just told her there was nothing they could do and to go to the ER if she filled more than a pad an hour. She passed her baby at home alone.
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Melissa Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 11:48 am Melissa(Quote)
That is unbelievable!!! I can’t even describe how sad that makes me.
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