Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
23
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Are You One Of Those Couples That Lets God Decide How Many Children To Have?”
“Are you one of those couples that lets God decide how many children to have?” – Family Practice doctor to mother pregnant with her 5th child.
There are 80 comments to this post.
Well everyone knows you are not normal if you have more than 2 kids. Sadly I was asked this (not by a doctor) when I was pregnant with #3!
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Lizzie Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 10:31 am (Quote)
I had a little brat (19 and thought she knew everything) say quite snottily “Don’t you think you have enough?” She was asking about my family because I had just started working with her and I mentioned that I had three boys and was considering trying for another in the hope that I get a daughter. (Not that I would complain if I ended up with another boy, but I can always hope) Like it is anyone else’s business but mine and my husband’s how many children we have.
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Tasha Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 11:15 am (Quote)
I had a boy and a girl. People just assumed I was done. Why??? Why should having one of each just naturally make me never want to have more? Come on, now. I also have a friend on facebook that just had her 2nd girl and she posted a picture of their family and someone said how the baby makes their family “complete.” Why? Why does 2 kids mean you’re done?
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 5:37 am (Quote)
Nope, I’m agnostic. I just don’t know how I keep getting pregnant…
(*I am a Christian, I just detest the thought that a big family is only possible if you think you can’t use BC)
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The craziest thing about this question to me is that if the doc waited and got to know their patient they’d probably get their answer. I have lays felt that was part of the job of a FP or any doc who follows you through a pregnancy – to get to know you.
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JoAnna had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 7:30 am (Quote)
I’m not trying to overpopulate the Earth, just outnumber the idiots.
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Teresa Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 1:58 pm (Quote)
I need to share that one with my husband!
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Tee Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 4:12 pm (Quote)
Geez! I just spit lemonade all over my computer screen! Now who’s going to clean up this mess?!
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Sephia Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 3:11 pm (Quote)
Exactly!
As a mother to 8 children, planning a 9th, and an AVID ATHEIST, I am offended at such a remark that my desire to have children would be because some god wanted me to.
I love children so much we want to be foster parents and adopt some as well!
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The Deranged Housewife had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 7:44 am (Quote)
“Yes, yes I am. And I will pray for you because you’re a freaking idiot.” 
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I always wanted a big family. Yes, the decision was partly “religious” but I also like kids, and enjoy the “big family” atmosphere. For several years I believed it wasn’t appropriate for me to use any measures to limit my family size.
I’ve since come to a place where I believe my family is complete, and that being stuck in “baby mode” would detract from my ability to effectively parent my older children. I believe we have let God determine our family size, and that thoughtful use of non-abortifacient methods is appropriate to our season of life.
I have six living children and my quiver is full. Some people don’t think their quiver is full at six, others find their family is complete after one or two children. It’s not my place to determine. Nor is it the place of any doctor unless there is a medical reason that limiting one’s family size might be something to consider.
The midwife who did my 6-week postpartum checkup did ask “You guys don’t do birth control, do you?” I just smiled and said “We’ve got it covered” which is true. Not going to use hormonal methods, and the barrier methods that require a prescription also require spermicides (which we can’t use due to previous adverse reactions). I appreciate that the question was presented respectfully.
There’s a way to politely and respectfully ask if someone wants any info about birth control methods, and this (“are you one of THOSE…?” gives me the feeling the question was probably asked with an undertone of negativity) is not it.
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I am guessing that since it is posted here it was said negatively. It could be said positively if the doctor was trying to determine if he/she even needed to bring up contraception use. If they are the type to let God decide then there is no point bringing it up. If not, maybe they would want to have the discussion. But again, since it is on here…
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I think that it’s sad that so many people view religious people as “not being able to use birth control.” We actually are making a personal decision based on moral grounds. Many families have lots of children not because they “can’t use birth control,” but because they value children and desire them. I would love to have a lot more, and hope that some day I do.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 9:12 am (Quote)
It’s none of your business what my religious beliefs are, or how many children I choose to have. I’m hiring you for my reproductive health care, not for your opinions about ideal family size or spiritual belief. Well, I WAS hiring you. That’s about to change.
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v had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 9:24 am (Quote)
So what if anyone is that type of people? Some people just like kids. Some people just want a large family. Either way, who cares? And this was said about the fifth? Five isn’t really *that* many! Unless you’re of the belief that people with more than one or two are freaks. In which case, I’d not want to see the doc anymore.
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Well, the doctor was impolite about it, but to be fair, those people *are* insane. If they love children so much and all children are a blessing, why in the world don’t they adopt and actually do some good, instead of just making overpopulation worse?
I’m not saying the MD addressed the issue appropriately, and there is no single cutoff for an “ideal” family size. However, with seven billion people already on this earth, many in dire need of loving homes, having 18 children for the hell of it is a very selfish practice.
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Bekah Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 10:33 am (Quote)
I would gladly adopt except foster care isn’t in the cards and I don’t have $20,000 extra dollars chilling in my nightstand.
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Lisa Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 10:38 am (Quote)
I highly doubt anyone would have 18 children “for the hell of it.”
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Kate Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 12:00 pm (Quote)
This particular overpopulation “argument” against large families is so old and tired. Many more people would adopt if there were not other people trying to profit off of it(including our government) The people that have large families have them b/c they love children and want to share their love. They are absolutely the ones who would adopt if there were not so many road blocks in the process. The people who can afford it are usually the ones who have no kids at all or have 1 or 2. The ones who can afford it are seldom the ones shelling out their own money for adoption.
Not to mention that our problem in this world is not an issue of how many people there are on this earth but how much we waste and over consume our resources.
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Rebecca Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 4:05 pm (Quote)
Not to mention that placement agencies don’t want to place adoptive children into large families anyway.
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Heidi Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 11:20 am (Quote)
Even if the placement agency wants to do it, it can be hard to find a birth mother who agrees (for domestic adoption) or a country who agrees (for international adoption). For instance, friends with four bio kids adopted from South Korea. No problem, but South Korea will not let them adopt again.
There can be a lot of different reasons that adoption is hard to accomplish. Being a cancer survivor and being overweight are other reasons that I have heard.
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Nica Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 12:15 pm (Quote)
Hmmm, my IVF treatments cost me $2000 from start to holding a baby in my arms thanks to my health insurance. Adopting a baby would BEGIN at $20,000 and go up from there with not one penny covered by insurance. Guess which option I chose (twice).
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Tee Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 4:14 pm (Quote)
Just because you think those people are “insane” doesn’t make that a fact. It’s your opinion and you’re welcomed to it but don’t state it as fact.
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Nicole Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 5:24 pm (Quote)
Er… that’s how most opinions are stated lol. Actually, opinions are usually in statement form, and the vast majority don’t have the “IMO” caveat. Nor do we really need it. If you (collective) can’t tell the difference between fact and opinion just by context and need a disclaimer on every opinion given then that sounds like YOUR (collective) problem, not the poster’s.
Not that I agree with this particular opinion (I don’t). Just a pet peeve of mine. It seems like it’s totally acceptable to state an opinion as fact as long as everyone in the thread agrees with it. Otherwise, you’re “stating opinion as fact” and thus a bitch. Just bothers me. Either it’s okay to state opinion as fact (which it is) or it’s not, let’s not jump on just the people we disagree with.
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Tee Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 7:10 pm (Quote)
Yes, that’s how MOST opinions are stated and I really don’t like it. That’s why I take care to emphasize that something is my opinion. Take care not to state my opinion as fact.
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jaed Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 6:07 pm (Quote)
Really? You think that any parents who have five children are “insane”, with such conviction that you’re willing to state it as incontrovertible fact? You must be a joy at parties.
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Corita Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 7:09 pm (Quote)
LOL– I was wondering why this thread had 45 comments then I realized what the topic was and just *knew* that someone drinking the overpopulation koolaid wouldn’t be able to keep it shut. There’s always at least one person who just HAS to ed-u-ma-cate the rest of us on this little known problem!
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Margaret Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 5:45 am (Quote)
Um, whatever. I don’t know anybody who has kids “just for the hell of it”.
Some of us believe that having and raising children in healthy families *does* do good for the world, and that humanity and the continuance thereof is it’s own best resource for progress and achievement.
And adoption is a whole seperate and very sticky issue. Not just expenses, but as a practice, it does many people good and is generally well intended, but also has unintended negative side-effects. Just thinking of my husband’s country, the Western idea of adoption is a concept his culture doesn’t wrap it’s mind around. The entire understanding is different and that results in people giving up children without full knowledge of what will happen, and of older children adopted with serious confusion and emotional pain, labeled as “disordered” when they really have every reason to have those feelings.
You are of course entitled to your opinion. Everybody has the right to be wrong. 
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Heidi Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 11:25 am (Quote)
How about the fact that those babies will grow up, get jobs, and pay taxes that will help us when we’ve retired? If you look at countries with a declining birthrate, it’s a huge problem for them. In South Korea, the birthrate has cut in half every generation. They will literally say that 3 kids is appropriate “for rich people.” The government, which has made policies unfriendly to families with more than 2 children, is trying to reverse course, but it’s too little, too late.
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R.W. Reply:
December 28th, 2011 at 11:37 am (Quote)
Yes! You who read this website *are* able to disagree about things! I was checking to see whether it was a cheerleading site or a forum where opinions could differ. Thanks for actually having an argument instead of just saying “yes those damn doctors are horrible” to every person who posts anything ever.
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Jessica had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 10:56 am (Quote)
I don’t get this attitude – the more kids a woman has, the more business she brings the OB. Why are you being rude to your repeat customers??
My husband and I want 6 kids, and he’s an atheist. We also want to adopt a few, but it will be hard with the costs of adoption, so we will see what happens. We just had our first child and can’t wait to grow our family even more.
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Well, I am one of those people that would allow God to decide how many children I have! I realize that not everyone agrees with me and that’s just fine! What bothers me about this is the judgement behind it. For example, I do NOT believe in using birth control. But I don’t sit back and judge those that do! It’s a personal conviction and that’s all there is to it.
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I’m actually surprised thatthwdoc didn’t walk in and say “so are you Mormon or Catholic?”my mom got that question all the time with her 7 kids (we are Mormon, but that’s beside the point lol)
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Laura Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 6:38 pm (Quote)
I have a friend with 10 kids. Her husband answers that question with “both.” 
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Kit Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 8:12 pm (Quote)
The biggest family I have known personally (I know about the huge ones on discovery channel, but I am friends with this family’s daughter) is muslim. And they have thirteen.
Three of which I know are adopted. I’m told some of the older ones are adopted, but the mother when asked replies with “I have thirteen! How am I supposed to remember? I assume the blonde one is though…”
They are very nice people, but when all the “children” (most of which are adults by now) are home is a circus in there. But in a wonderful loving way.
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Kim Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 10:19 am (Quote)
Lol, love her comment about which is adopted
I gotta say, in a big family you always have a friend to hang out with! I love it when my entire family gets together for holidays. There are 22 of us now with spouses and grandchildren added. My kids always have cousins to play with and us adults have a great time hanging out with each other. It’s crazy but fun!
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Kit Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:47 am (Quote)
Yeah, the only reason we know the three little ones are adopted is because they came about after a long “arguement” between her and her husband. She wanted more kids after my friend (who was the baby for many years) and he wanted to retire after raising 10 kids. He thought he won when she went through menopause. (And told several family and friends that its the first arguement he’s ever won in their marriage. lol)
But when her “baby” went to college she fell into depression and he realized retirement was boring, so they started adopting. And adopted three kids who can’t even slightly pass for middle eastern. Their family pictures are awesome, the very middle eastern parents and older siblings, then a blonde and two redheads, all with beaming grins. I hear number 14 is coming in spring if all goes well. (Apparently a 4 year old. Not sure what s/he’ll look like but his/her big sister is excited as all get out. I’m sure the kid will be spoiled rotten by summer. 10 loving adult siblings can do that!)
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Heather had this to say,
Dec 23, 2011 @ 11:21 pm (Quote)
To the OP, “Why yes, yes I do. Now what? Gonna prescribe me contra-religion combo pills?”
To the rest, some people will think you’re crazy no matter how big your family is. And wanting to control anyone else’s reproductive rights is not far off Chinas method of population control. And China is one of the few countries with large widespread infanticide and abortion rates.
If you have any number of kids just for “shits and giggles,” what does that say about you?
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I was doctor-shopping and new to the area. He asked how many kids this was for me and I said five. He then scoffed, “Are *you* one of those couples that lets *God* decide how many children to have?” It was as though I was personally offending him by having another child. I said no, that I only get pregnant when I’ve wanted to. He looked at me like I’d grown two heads and asked who I was seeing for the pregnancy. I mentioned I’d just connected with a midwife in the area and was expecting to see her later that week. It must have offended him even more, because he started in on how great OBs are and how I shouldn’t dismiss them simply because my hospital births hadn’t gone so well. I explained that I was more comfortable seeing a midwife being as I’m low risk but if things didn’t go as expected I’d be happy to see an OB. He wasn’t quite finished trying to be a jerk at that point and insisted on checking fundal height and trying to insinuate that I wasn’t taking good care of myself during my pregnancy. Before he left, he mentioned cheerfully that after I have the baby I could make another appointment and we’d discuss birth control. This was my first and last visit to his office.
I didn’t bother to mention to him that I’m a Buddhist.
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Jane Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 10:12 am (Quote)
Wow. He acted like that while you were still doctor-shopping? Imagine what he’d be like when he wasn’t trying to impress you. :-b
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Tee Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 2:10 pm (Quote)
Wow! How freaking arrogant can one doctor get?
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Sephia Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 3:20 pm (Quote)
Yeah he wouldn’t have liked me very much either. As a mother to 8 and an Atheist who wants more children I think I would have let him have it.
Of course I’ve UC’d with my last 6 but I have had some shadow OB care for prenatal and u/s so this could have happened to me too. 
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Reminds me of one of my bi-yearly exams when the nurse practioner was asking questions and when we got to birth control, I said none and that I was married. She asked if I cared whether or not I got pregnant or how many kids I had. I told her no, my husband and I are not concerned. She just shook her head and went back to asking questions. You’d think that after two pregnancies, and one healthy baby, I’d know how not to get pregnant if I really did not want to. I am a woman….not an idiot.
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When I mention that I have 6 brothers, people always say “Oh, are you Catholic?” Uh, no. “Oh, so you mean half- and step-brothers?” Again, no. My mom just loves kids, and loves to have them, but thatnks for being a jerk and assuming that there is no way two people could possibly just *want* to have 7 children together.
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Kristy Reply:
February 3rd, 2012 at 11:47 am (Quote)
Six brothers, seven children? Oh my goodness do *not* tell my daughter! She wants a sister *so* desperately… she is the only girl with *4* brothers and plans to sell any future brothers.
Of course I have a friend with eight… only the youngest and oldest are boys. The oldest told my daughter the eighth one was the charm.
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My SIL was actually a follower of this belief. Which was fine by me until she got to baby number 8 and told her not to have anymore. If she did so it would endanger the baby’s life and the doctors saw no way of her coming out of delivery alive. So she gets pregnant again..against medical advice. She had so many problems with that pregnancy I’m amazed she’s still alive. They had to do an immediate hysterectomy after the baby was born. The baby was born premature and they weren’t sure if the baby would make it. When everything seemed stabilized my SIL wound up with an infection of some kind that kept her in the hospital for 3 weeks. So the rest of the kids she already had suffered right along with her b/c she wasn’t there and almost died. In this circumstance I’d say DON’T OVERRIDE THE DOCTORS ADVICE/OPINION.
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Add Your Comment.
Because nobody could possibly *want* 5 children unless they were forced into it by God. I miss the days when people said they wanted a big family!
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