Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
17
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…Get Angry At The Baby…”
“Get angry! Get angry at the baby and push her out!” – L&D nurse to mother during pushing.
There are 33 comments to this post.
Ugh… I hate the view of labour that is so stereotypical of hospital staff. It seems like you’re supposed to be angry at your partner for “putting you through it”, scared and fearful so you’ll look up to the docs and do whatever they tell you and now you’re supposed to be angry at your baby too?
How about you love your baby, get excited at the thought of holding your baby for the first time and let your body push on its own, eh nurse? Try saying that to a mama so the labour isn’t tainted with this aggressive atmosphere.
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So to this nurse, it’s all about defeating things, competition, anger, forcing…?
At home it was all about cooperation, support, working-with, meeting needs, and welcoming.
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 17th, 2011 at 1:58 pm (Quote)
Exactly! This last time was the only natural labor I had and I was able to let my labor take me wherever it wanted to go. My body led and I followed.
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Sheva Reply:
December 17th, 2011 at 4:17 pm (Quote)
“defeating things, competition, anger, forcing…?”
Well, in the hospital, yes, that’s often how laboring women are treated.
Racing against the woman in the next room, telling mom she’ll never be able to do it without meds, failure to progress, incompetent cervix, etc. That’s the environment a hospital birth usually provides.
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Actually, I found getting angry during pushing to be really helpful. I wasn’t angry at the baby, just mad that she was still inside me. No one told me to feel that way, I just did. And it made my pushing more effective for sure. I’m not defending the OB telling her how to feel, that’s unacceptable. Just pointing out that anger is an okay emotion to have spontaneously during labor, just like any other emotion.
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Julie Reply:
December 18th, 2011 at 9:16 am (Quote)
I agree. I was really angry at my son when it was finally time to push. “What is this, kiddo? This labor is taking too long. Did you know I was not in labor half as long as this when your sister was born? Well? What is taking you so long?” I think I would have laughed in appreciation if the nurse had said this to me.
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Stelvis Reply:
December 18th, 2011 at 10:18 am (Quote)
I specifically remember yelling over and over, “Get the fuck out of me!” And no I am not angry at my baby now because I had anger during labor. I have to laugh at some of the commenters who think only excitement and joy are acceptable emotions during labor or that anger during labor sets one up for a conflicted relationship with one’s child.
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Heather P had this to say,
Dec 17, 2011 @ 5:56 am (Quote)
At my homebirth, I did a lot of swearing. I wasn’t angry at all and out wasn’t directed at anyone in particular. It just felt like what I needed to do. I suppose that kind of response could be misinterpreted as anger. Why one would get angry at the baby I really don’t know. At my hospital birth I was so into my groove pushing that I was completely surprised that a baby came out.
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Olivia Reply:
December 17th, 2011 at 8:34 am (Quote)
Actually, there is evidence to back up that swearing actually helps things progress, whether it’s to do with pain management or some other situation. I saw it on Mythbusters (can’t believe I’m referencing them on here…LOL!) and it really is true.
I swore, myself, when I was labouring through my first pregnancy. It helped me cope through the contractions (I was induced, as my daughter had passed in-utero and my OB didn’t want to put me through the pain of a c/s; also, I was extremely sick, or I would have just carried on with the pregnancy until my body was ready to give birth.)
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Stephanie Reply:
December 17th, 2011 at 3:51 pm (Quote)
I’m just laughing picturing Mythbusters testing that one directly on a laboring woman.
On the other hand, it would be nice if they could bust a few of the myths the OBs are so insistent upon. Somehow I don’t think it would translate well to their show. Not enough explosions, even during VBAC.
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I think I got this too. I pushed for two hours unproductively, was augmented with pitocin, then pushed a while more (time is hazy!) before my son was born. So it was a lot of pushing, and it seemed like the midwife thought I wasn’t trying hard enough or something. She told my mom to help “coach” me. “Get mad” was one of the things they tried. I just felt nagged and harassed. I know that wasn’t the intention–I said afterwards that I felt like they were upset or disappointed with me and the midwife seemed really horrified that I’d thought that. I think the “coaching” probably really helps some women, but it backfired with me. The truth is my baby was a lot bigger than they expected, and I had the two-hour tear repair to prove it. :-p
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Meh. Aggressive feelings during pushing, that I can see as potentially helpful. Yelling, bellowing, swearing, whatever. It’s a very physical action.
But anger? Rage at your own child? Say what??? What the heck kind of emotional dynamic is this nurse trying to set up here? Isn’t she aware that emotions can imprint during a birth, that encouraging anger toward your child can have consequences that don’t just magically stop once the baby is out?
She probably thinks it’s helpful. But she needs to be told that what she’s doing is potentially harmful and she needs to find a better way of expressing herself. “Get angry at the baby.” Sheesh. You’d think anyone would realize how bizarre that thought is as soon as the words leave their mouth.
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PetraStrider had this to say,
Dec 17, 2011 @ 10:01 am (Quote)
Darn that baby for refusing to be born right this minute! I can just see the little guy in there, using all his resources to block the cervix like one would barricade a door.
It just feeds into that misconception that babies are manipulative. They refuse to be born, they cry for no reason, they need to immediately be placed on a rigid schedule so the parents can show that baby who’s in charge, etc.
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This one’s mine! I didn’t get angry at my baby, I just got angrier at the nurse. I ended up pushing for 3.5 hours– 2 hours completely uselessly (thanks preeclampsia–>pitocin–>epidural–>couldn’t feel pushing!) and then an hour an a half less enthusiastically than they wanted. When I finally got the urge, I pushed well 
I just wish that the nurse had been better at reading me and listening to me. While she yelled and counted, I was clearly ignoring her and blocking out the whole room, and doing my own thing. When I told her that thanks to my asthma I wasn’t really capable of pushing and holding my breath for a count of 10, and would therefore do a count of 7, she discounted this, and then complained when I pushed on my own timetable.
Anyway, it wasn’t a fantastic birth experience, and a big part of it was this nurse trying to get me to feel a completely unhealthy emotion.
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 17th, 2011 at 4:12 pm (Quote)
GAH! *facepalm* Seriously, yeah, let’s put a laboring woman into an asthma attack because the nurse wants to practice her ability to count to 10. Why can’t people like this just be telemarketers? That way, they’d be expected to be jerks cuz they have crappy jobs.
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Charity had this to say,
Dec 17, 2011 @ 2:37 pm (Quote)
My 4th was pretty stubborn when I was pushing, so I’m sure the nurses thought I was getting angry with him when I yelled “GET OUT!!!!” He was a LOT bigger than my other babies, so I had to push harder. I don’t think nurses should condone being angry with your child, though. Why would anyone who grew a little miracle within them WANT to get angry with that miracle?
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Jessica had this to say,
Dec 17, 2011 @ 4:07 pm (Quote)
I don’t know that getting angry at the baby would do any good, but when I was in labor a month ago, my midwife had to hold back a cervical lip, and I was almost crying about how much that hurt, and the other midwife said something like “get angry at her fingers and push them out” – it actually helped a lot and showed me how to push. (fortunately after a little while baby got far enough down she could stop holding it).
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Sheva Reply:
December 17th, 2011 at 4:24 pm (Quote)
Ooh, I had that cervical lip/midwife holding it back thing, too. It’s not so much fun… 
But getting mad at the fingers would make sense, getting mad at the baby, not so much.
No one recommended it to me, though. I just knew that if I could just push the baby past her fingers, he’d come out.
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Come on now, nursie-poo… this Mom is in labor and she is already angry at you for being such an idiot! Labor is intense work, you konw. It’s not fair to ask her to get angry at two people!
::banging head against wall::
Would someone kindly pass me the aspirin? Thanks.
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Whoa!
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