Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
12
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“This Is Why Women Over 30 Shouldn’t Have Babies.”
“This is why women over 30 shouldn’t have babies.” – OB to woman experiencing postpartum depression.
There are 39 comments to this post.
Wow. Thanks for making me feel better.
I’ll be 30 when we start trying for # 2, and 33ish when we go for # 3…
Am I doomed?
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Darsy Reply:
December 13th, 2011 at 9:11 am (Quote)
Nah! I had my first at 30, with a long history of depression throughout my life, and I was fine. I’ll be 33 unless baby comes early, and I’m not worried.
ps. I know you were mostly being facetious, hehe.
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Jennifer Reply:
December 13th, 2011 at 11:05 am (Quote)
Ha! No you are not doomed. I have struggled with depression all of my life. I had my daughter (my first) when I was 32. Despite the history of depression and the traumatic birth and hospital experience, I made it through with no PPD. There are loads of reasons for PPD, and I am pretty sure age is not one of them.
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okay i’m gonna be 30 in September and working on baby #1 seriously ??? doc i think you need some feelings for your patients women over 30 are not the only ones who get PPD
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And if she were under 25 you’d be saying “This is why women under 25 shouldn’t have babies.” So tell me, Dr, what’s the perfect age to have babies where a woman absolutely will not get PPD? What’s that? ANY age can get PPD? So your original point was what, exactly?
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Had a baby when I was 21, full hospital ride with all the bells and whistles. I had postpartum depression after his birth.
I’m now 39 and just had a baby, homebirth with a midwfe, and no postpartum depression.
Things that make you go ‘hmmm.”
I do believe there is some connection between how the birth is managed and the development of depression. There’s also a biochemical basis for depression in a lot of women regardless of birth place/type. They need support, both supplement or medication-wise and social, not blame and more guilt.
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MeriBeth Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 6:30 pm (Quote)
this was me…I got depressed after all of my hospital births—especially my first when I just did what the OB said and didn’t question anything… but did much better after my homebirths. For me what made the difference was learning my triggers and avoiding them. I learned to relax and not try to be the perfect mom. But most importantly I learned to trust myself! Something that an OB NEVER encouraged me to do!
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Then please explain to me why I had it when I was 19 & 1/2 years old? Could it have anything to do with the fact that the birth was rough & things weren’t well with the baby? Reminds me of when I had my daughter, the nurse callously said to my DH “Watch her for PPD, she’ll get it because you’re not bringing home a baby.” Yes, I did get it, but she didn’t even give him any clues on what to watch for! OP, I am so sorry this jackass blamed you for something that’s NOT YOUR FAULT. Hugs! <3
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Dec 12, 2011 @ 7:18 pm (Quote)
My PPD was horrible with my first, severely less with my second and hardly noticeable with my third. All in my 20s. Jerk doc.
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I know a woman who was brutally attacked by her child’s father and his father (they gained up on her) written off as “post partum depression.” She got even more enraged that the so called people who were supposed to help her get out of that situation refused to help, stressing her “mental illness” (ppd) was the cause of why she was beaten up, not the baby daddy’s own mental illness.
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So when I had PPD for almost a year with my first at the age of 21, I could expect it to get worse as I got older and had more babies? Interesting, since my second baby came and left me with a birth high for over six weeks, no PPD at all.
I have another theory: I was made to labor in a way that was wrong to me, then laid out and gutted like a fish without much of another option. That was the first one. My second was a VBAC where I was treated with respect and dignity, and was able to push my baby out on my own. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon (or an OB) to see what the problem was.
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First birth, age 21, hospital, treated terribly, very traumatic for me and baby – major PPD.
Second, 22, hospital, not as traumatic, baby blues.
Third, 25, home, no trauma at all for either of us, 2 week birth high.
Fourth, 28, home, 6 week birth high.
I’m 31 now, and not too worried – I’m noticing a good trend here.
Here’s hoping my upcoming birth high lasts forever!
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Didn’t realize the hormones and other factors that cause ppd discriminated by age! Agree with pp, you get ppd when you’re too old, but if it happens pre age 30, then you’re just too old to be a mom. You just can’t win.
For those concerned about being an older mom, I had my first at 36 and am expecting my 2nd, who will be born when I am 39! 
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This is just dumb. When are we supposed to have kids? Between the ages of 26 and 29? Sorry Doc, I was 31 with my first and will be REALLY old with any future kids. Maybe 33 or 34…
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Ummm…. I didn’t get married until I was 31 and my hubby and I waited until we were married to have sex.
And then shortly after we were married I got cancer and spent my first year anniversary in a Chemo chair.
I am 34 now and my Oncologist wants me to wait to start trying to concieve for another 7 months because I’m still having CT’s every 3 months.
I’ll be 35 when we are finally able to safely get pregnant. And I’m hoping to have 3 children.
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Holy cow, that’s the WORST blame-the-mother maneuver I’ve ever heard! And we’ve seen a lot on this board
1) women who are in depression are especially vulnerable to thinking it’s their fault
2) women under thirty most certainly DO experience PPD!
3) how much PPD is caused by doctors stripping women of their own agency in their own births?
4) how DARE this doctor brush off the mom rather than try to help her? So you can’t help her? How about you BE A DOCTOR and find someone who can?
It’s hard enough to admit to depression and ask for help. How many moms has this doctor brushed off who never pursued the help they needed because it was all their own fault for whatever reason?
This makes me livid livid LIVID.
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Alicia Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 7:44 pm Alicia(Quote)
I completely have to agree with you. number one I have experienced postpartum depression before 30. I had hormone imblance, was told that I could not walk around because I was not progressing and told I had to have pitocin. all we had tried was a bath so the midwife that told me I could not walk around caused it by making me feel like my body wasn’t working properly! if someone were to brush it all off on me then I would shove them out of my way and find another doctor immediately! I have add so I am more prone to add which I did not learn until after my first born. so don’t blame it on the age EVER!
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Blue Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 8:49 pm Blue(Quote)
Seriously… Couldn’t agree more with everything you wrote. This doctor’s statement is disgusting, and frankly doesn’t even make sense.
I had ppd after my first was born, and I was 29 at the time. I now understand that it was a combination of several circumstances and a very traumatic, disempowered birth. After my second was born, when I was 33, I felt great. Barely even any baby blues. I fully believe the difference was due to having a calm, confident, empowered pregnancy and birth the second time around. Age had nothing to do with it.
A friend had the opposite experience – her second birth was traumatic and she felt very out of control. And, surprise surprise, she wound up struggling with ppd not long afterward. Age had nothing to do with it.
Sheesh.
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Eileen Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 11:01 pm Eileen(Quote)
As someone who suffers from dysthymia (chronic, life-long depression) this also makes me absolutely livid. I was just sputtering when I read it. It is SO HARD to get help when you are depressed, shutting down someone seeking it out is INEXCUSABLE. I don’t care if it somehow was 100% mom’s fault that PPD came on, how does blaming mom for it help the situation now? So even if the doctor was right, he would be wrong!
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Eileen Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 11:04 pm Eileen(Quote)
And just to clarify, PPD is *not* the mom’s fault. That is so blatantly obvious to me that I forgot to say it explicitly.
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Nicci P Reply:
December 13th, 2011 at 6:11 am Nicci P(Quote)
“3) how much PPD is caused by doctors stripping women of their own agency in their own births?”
This exactly. While its not the only cause of PPD I would really love to know the answer to this question because my money is on the number being very high. I doubt there is a study on it though. :/
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Jane Reply:
December 13th, 2011 at 7:46 am Jane(Quote)
I have seen studies correlating the mother’s perception of the birth to PPD and saying difficult births were more likely to lead to PPD.
I can say for myself, anecdotally, that it was easier and faster to recover emotionally from my second birth, where my daughter died, than it was to recover from the horrible things the hospital did to me in my first birth.
(Second birth was also a hospital birth, for the record, but a hospital birth with midwives who respected me. The baby had a fatal birth defect, so an OB’s presence couldn’t have saved her.)
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Darsy Reply:
December 13th, 2011 at 9:07 am Darsy(Quote)
I just wanted to say thank you for your insights and comments about your experiences. I had a few days where I read all the back entries here at MOSW and I didn’t want to bring up the loss of your daughter out of context, so now that you mentioned her, I wanted to let you know how helpful that reading about your experience has been. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but thank you for making it something that helps empower other women.
If I’ve somehow forgotten that I’ve said this already, forgive me, it’s been on my ‘to do’ list for a couple of weeks and I’m a bit scatterbrained!
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Jane Reply:
December 13th, 2011 at 12:05 pm Jane(Quote)
Oh, thank you. Speaking for myself, I never mind when someone mentions my daughter. I have thought that one of the ways her life “goes on” is how her story gives hope to other moms who are in the same situation, so I like to talk about her.
And because of her, a lot of my perspective on life and parenthood has changed too.
Thank you.
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