Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
11
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“What’s More Important? Housework Or Your Baby?”
“What’s more important? Housework or your baby?” – Nurse at OB’s office when mother was having scheduling difficulties at the proposed appointment time due to conflict with movers arriving to pack for a move.
There are 30 comments to this post.
Lisa had this to say,
Dec 11, 2011 @ 10:23 am (Quote)
This sounds like my friend when she ended up having to schedule her csection earlier than expected. She went to the doctor for her weekly, the said they wanted to schedule her section that day (she is diabetic and had high blood pressure at the end), and she said she’d come back in the evening after she finished her errands and such. She had a very healthy baby. Seriously doc, a few hours or days probably won’t hurt the baby.
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Yeah, because having to change the appointment from Tuesday to Wednesday will kill not only the baby but also the mother, the father, the movers, the doctor’s wife’s ex-boyfriend’s plumber and the mailman.
I’m curious as to which vital prenatal appointment this was, too. Was it the 26 week appointment? The 32 week appointment? Or the all-important 18-week-four-day-at-the-fifth-hour appointment? Because as we all know, having the prenatal appointments on the EXACT day are so necessary.
BTW: “housework” and “packing up to move” are totally different things. Really.
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The Deranged Housewife had this to say,
Dec 11, 2011 @ 11:37 am (Quote)
Packing for a move sounds like a lot more than just ‘housework.’ What is she supposed to do – go homeless or something? What a stupid comment. :/
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This one was also mine.
This happened when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Baby #1 (can’t believe that was more than 6 years ago! Wow! –sorry, sidetracked). Anyway, we get a call from the hospital… apparently they overbooked and they had to reschedule my next appt (they called the DAY before my appt, btw… when I’ve had that appt set for a month… but whatever). Problem was, DH and I were moving in about a week and the only time the hospital had open was the day the movers would be at our house. We cannot leave the house while the movers are there. Yes, only one of us needs to be there, however, I don’t drive… so either my husband would have to drive me (which he can’t do) or I’d have to walk… which I was “ok” with (the hospital was only a mile or two from our house and I’m used to walking everywhere)… but if I had a preference, I would rather not walk.
We also couldn’t reschedule with the movers, as they were hired by the military (we are a military family), and they are the ones who set the appt, so there was really nothing we could do about that.
So I was talking with the nurse (and she was pretty nice and understanding), seeing if there was ANY way that they could possibly squeeze me in at another time. This whole time I’m being very polite and just trying to figure out a way around our unique situation. Well then… this OTHER nurse gets on the phone (I recognized her voice… she was the first nurse I saw at my first appt where I went over family history and all that stuff. She is an older woman, VERY loud, VERY obnoxious, and very annoying) and immediately she’s being rude and condescending. She seemed annoyed with me because we had a pre-existing appt that we couldn’t change. This annoyed me as the HOSPITAL is the one who initially screwed up and overbooked… when I’ve had that appt set for a MONTH. This woman was making it sound like it was MY fault. So I explain the situation… we’re PCS’ing in a week, the movers will be here the day you have available, both of us can’t leave the house, and I can’t drive. She seemed really annoyed. So I finally just said, “alright, well I’m ok with walking. I’d prefer not to, but if that’s the only way then I’ll definitely walk, no problem. Either that, or I’ll just have to wait until we get to Hawaii (where we were moving to).” It wasn’t said rudely at all, just an alright this is what I gotta do sort of way.
Then, in an *extremely* condescending tone, she told me “I’d rethink that if I were you.” There was a pause because I thought to myself “gah, ok, well there’s no other choice, so what am I supposed to do?” After the pause, she said very rudely, “What’s more important? Housework or your baby?” (referring to us packing).
I was LITERALLY speechless. Speechless. Not a SOUND came out of my mouth. My jaw dropped to the ground. My husband said “What happened?” And I couldn’t even speak. I just shoved the phone into his hand and walked into the other room. When my husband answered, the nurse said “I think I just pissed off your wife…”
nah… REALLY?!
I mean, HOW DARE SHE!? Yes, I know it might have been a bit frustrating trying to figure out a solution, but I was being very polite (considering THEY are the ones who screwed up to begin with… and she’s trying to turn that around on ME and implying that I’m a bad mother because I can’t make that particular appt?!). I’m not exactly sure what the rest of their conversation consisted of, but eventually the nurse said that they would call me back.
After DH had gotten off the phone with the horribly mean nurse, he asked me what she said to me. When I told him, he was LIVID. LIVID. He immediately went to the military customer service site and filed a complaint.
A little while later, the nice nurse called back and very kindly offered to pick me up herself and to drop me back off after the appt. I, of course, told her she didn’t have to do that, but she insisted and I agreed.
To this day… more than 6 years later, I STILL can’t believe she actually said that to me! I mean, who says stuff like that?! Thank goodness for the much nicer, understanding nurse who kindly took time out of her schedule to pick me up and drop me off.
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Niamh Reply:
December 11th, 2011 at 12:50 pm (Quote)
For some reason my comment isn’t showing up on other peoples’ computers, just mine. I’m trying to reply to my comment to see if that’ll make it show up. :-S
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My OB said WHAT?!? Reply:
December 11th, 2011 at 3:54 pm (Quote)
Here is the pink link because OP is not able to post herself due to tech issue?
This one was also mine.
This happened when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Baby #1 (can’t believe that was more than 6 years ago! Wow! –sorry, sidetracked). Anyway, we get a call from the hospital… apparently they overbooked and they had to reschedule my next appt (they called the DAY before my appt, btw… when I’ve had that appt set for a month… but whatever). Problem was, DH and I were moving in about a week and the only time the hospital had open was the day the movers would be at our house. We cannot leave the house while the movers are there. Yes, only one of us needs to be there, however, I don’t drive… so either my husband would have to drive me (which he can’t do) or I’d have to walk… which I was “ok” with (the hospital was only a mile or two from our house and I’m used to walking everywhere)… but if I had a preference, I would rather not walk.
We also couldn’t reschedule with the movers, as they were hired by the military (we are a military family), and they are the ones who set the appt, so there was really nothing we could do about that.
So I was talking with the nurse (and she was pretty nice and understanding), seeing if there was ANY way that they could possibly squeeze me in at another time. This whole time I’m being very polite and just trying to figure out a way around our unique situation. Well then… this OTHER nurse gets on the phone (I recognized her voice… she was the first nurse I saw at my first appt where I went over family history and all that stuff. She is an older woman, VERY loud, VERY obnoxious, and very annoying) and immediately she’s being rude and condescending. She seemed annoyed with me because we had a pre-existing appt that we couldn’t change. This annoyed me as the HOSPITAL is the one who initially screwed up and overbooked… when I’ve had that appt set for a MONTH. This woman was making it sound like it was MY fault. So I explain the situation… we’re PCS’ing in a week, the movers will be here the day you have available, both of us can’t leave the house, and I can’t drive. She seemed really annoyed. So I finally just said, “alright, well I’m ok with walking. I’d prefer not to, but if that’s the only way then I’ll definitely walk, no problem. Either that, or I’ll just have to wait until we get to Hawaii (where we were moving to).” It wasn’t said rudely at all, just an alright this is what I gotta do sort of way.
Then, in an *extremely* condescending tone, she told me “I’d rethink that if I were you.” There was a pause because I thought to myself “gah, ok, well there’s no other choice, so what am I supposed to do?” After the pause, she said very rudely, “What’s more important? Housework or your baby?” (referring to us packing).
I was LITERALLY speechless. Speechless. Not a SOUND came out of my mouth. My jaw dropped to the ground. My husband said “What happened?” And I couldn’t even speak. I just shoved the phone into his hand and walked into the other room. When my husband answered, the nurse said “I think I just pissed off your wife…”
nah… REALLY?!
I mean, HOW DARE SHE!? Yes, I know it might have been a bit frustrating trying to figure out a solution, but I was being very polite (considering THEY are the ones who screwed up to begin with… and she’s trying to turn that around on ME and implying that I’m a bad mother because I can’t make that particular appt?!). I’m not exactly sure what the rest of their conversation consisted of, but eventually the nurse said that they would call me back.
After DH had gotten off the phone with the horribly mean nurse, he asked me what she said to me. When I told him, he was LIVID. LIVID. He immediately went to the military customer service site and filed a complaint.
A little while later, the nice nurse called back and very kindly offered to pick me up herself and to drop me back off after the appt. I, of course, told her she didn’t have to do that, but she insisted and I agreed.
To this day… more than 6 years later, I STILL can’t believe she actually said that to me! I mean, who says stuff like that?! Thank goodness for the much nicer, understanding nurse who kindly took time out of her schedule to pick me up and drop me off
[Reply]
Niamh Reply:
December 11th, 2011 at 1:11 pm (Quote)
Ok, I’m sorry if it turns out my post finally shows up, but on everyone else’s computers, my comment is not showing up (even though it shows up FINE on mine, even after refreshing). So I’m posting it again… the site owner is more than welcome to delete my original comment (if she can see it). Anyway….
This one was also mine.
This happened when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Baby #1 (can’t believe that was more than 6 years ago! Wow! –sorry, sidetracked). Anyway, we get a call from the hospital… apparently they overbooked and they had to reschedule my next appt (they called the DAY before my appt, btw… when I’ve had that appt set for a month… but whatever). Problem was, DH and I were moving in about a week and the only time the hospital had open was the day the movers would be at our house. We cannot leave the house while the movers are there. Yes, only one of us needs to be there, however, I don’t drive… so either my husband would have to drive me (which he can’t do) or I’d have to walk… which I was “ok” with (the hospital was only a mile or two from our house and I’m used to walking everywhere)… but if I had a preference, I would rather not walk.
We also couldn’t reschedule with the movers, as they were hired by the military (we are a military family), and they are the ones who set the appt, so there was really nothing we could do about that.
So I was talking with the nurse (and she was pretty nice and understanding), seeing if there was ANY way that they could possibly squeeze me in at another time. This whole time I’m being very polite and just trying to figure out a way around our unique situation. Well then… this OTHER nurse gets on the phone (I recognized her voice… she was the first nurse I saw at my first appt where I went over family history and all that stuff. She is an older woman, VERY loud, VERY obnoxious, and very annoying) and immediately she’s being rude and condescending. She seemed annoyed with me because we had a pre-existing appt that we couldn’t change. This annoyed me as the HOSPITAL is the one who initially screwed up and overbooked… when I’ve had that appt set for a MONTH. This woman was making it sound like it was MY fault. So I explain the situation… we’re PCS’ing in a week, the movers will be here the day you have available, both of us can’t leave the house, and I can’t drive. She seemed really annoyed. So I finally just said, “alright, well I’m ok with walking. I’d prefer not to, but if that’s the only way then I’ll definitely walk, no problem. Either that, or I’ll just have to wait until we get to Hawaii (where we were moving to).” It wasn’t said rudely at all, just an alright this is what I gotta do sort of way.
Then, in an *extremely* condescending tone, she told me “I’d rethink that if I were you.” There was a pause because I thought to myself “gah, ok, well there’s no other choice, so what am I supposed to do?” After the pause, she said very rudely, “What’s more important? Housework or your baby?” (referring to us packing).
I was LITERALLY speechless. Speechless. Not a SOUND came out of my mouth. My jaw dropped to the ground. My husband said “What happened?” And I couldn’t even speak. I just shoved the phone into his hand and walked into the other room. When my husband answered, the nurse said “I think I just pissed off your wife…”
nah… REALLY?!
I mean, HOW DARE SHE!? Yes, I know it might have been a bit frustrating trying to figure out a solution, but I was being very polite (considering THEY are the ones who screwed up to begin with… and she’s trying to turn that around on ME and implying that I’m a bad mother because I can’t make that particular appt?!). I’m not exactly sure what the rest of their conversation consisted of, but eventually the nurse said that they would call me back.
After DH had gotten off the phone with the horribly mean nurse, he asked me what she said to me. When I told him, he was LIVID. LIVID. He immediately went to the military customer service site and filed a complaint.
A little while later, the nice nurse called back and very kindly offered to pick me up herself and to drop me back off after the appt. I, of course, told her she didn’t have to do that, but she insisted and I agreed.
To this day… more than 6 years later, I STILL can’t believe she actually said that to me! I mean, who says stuff like that?! Thank goodness for the much nicer, understanding nurse who kindly took time out of her schedule to pick me up and drop me off.
[Reply]
Billie Jo Reply:
December 11th, 2011 at 5:54 pm (Quote)
You know? I had a feeling that you were military just based on the comment….
I’m sorry OP
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xanthina Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 1:47 am (Quote)
My only bad OB was while I was visiting family after a PCS. I had to fight to get the appointment, then the OB treated me like I was harming my unborn. Weirdest thing was her asking me if I wanted *full list of blood tests* or not. I said I would rather not, but I was ok with it. I got yelled at. That, and she was abusive in her treatment of me… I am SO glad I am not there. Once I got to our new home, it still was forever to get an appointment, but once the fight was over, I got set up with an off base midwife group which I have LOVED. Waiting on Newbie any day now 
The nurse you dealt with… was just… epically stupid. I’m guessing you lived in a military community? You’d think that people would be USED to dealing with the military. My calls to the military hospital on base while I was trying to be seen were met with shock because I was 7/8 months pregnant and trying to get care set up(we’d just moved!). You’d think they had never dealt with a pregnant woman who had just PCSed before.
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Skipping a prenatal appointment is not fatal. Just sayin’.
And this mother wasn’t even trying to skip one – she just wanted to reschedule. And if the nurse was so convinced that THIS PARTICULAR prenatal appointment was vital to the welfare of this baby, then she should have just rescheduled it and quit being a bitch.
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What a nasty, manipulative….grrrrrrrrr….
Seriously, how does “Sorry, the one time you’ve deemed it convenient for your office to have me in for an appointment is not going to work for me because of major life changes” equate in ANY way to “Yeah, that’s right, I don’t care about my baby”!!!!!!!
And is this nurse seriously suggesting it is this sweet, stressed-out mom’s BABY that DESPERATELY needs this appointment at that precise hour? Bah. A three-minute weigh in, pee in a cup, fundus height measurement,”see you next month!” appointment makes no particular difference to that baby.
OB offices are NOT magic!
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Sheva Reply:
December 11th, 2011 at 12:20 pm (Quote)
It’s the hour wait that makes all the difference.
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But you know, if this office ever calls the mother to cancel or reschedule her appointment, she needs to sob into the phone, “You don’t CARE about my BABY! What could possibly be more important than my BAAAABBBBBY!!!!!”
Even if the office is on fire. “What’s more important? A little heat, or my baby?”
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I knew you were military when I saw this. Military wife here too. You would have thought I wanted to kill my baby by the reaction I got from a nurse because we moved cross country while I was in the 3rd trimester. One would think military hospitals would be a bit more used to this. 
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xanthina Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 1:52 am (Quote)
I’m glad I’m not the only one! The nurse/staff? I called at the military hospital when I was 7/8 months pregnant, trying to set up care, acted as if I was the first woman EVER in the history of EVER to be starting care in an area SO LATE in pregnancy. One of my other military wife friends PCSed when she was 9 months pregnant. We don’t get to decide these things!
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With my second child I had a nurse ask why my husband was so unsupportive of the pregnancy and if he wanted the baby at all. I was having twice weekly NST’s and once a week ultrasounds and she thought he should take work off to drive me to every appointment ( we had one car at the time and no public transportation in our rural area). She would act so irritated when I tried to schedule appointments around his weird work schedule. Um, if he took 2 days off every week in my third trimester, he wouldn’t have any days left to take off when our daughter was born!
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Nica Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 12:50 pm (Quote)
Though then never said as much, the folks at my RE and OB’s office thought it was a bit strange that DH NEVER came to appointments with me (well, of course, he was there the day of my egg retrieval at the RE’s office LOL!). He did come to my 20 wk u/s and, of course, was there to support me during labor and birth. That was all I wanted. I welcomed him at all of my appointments, but didn’t NEED him there. He really had no interest in going to every.single.appointment with me. To be frank, most of the routine appointments bored the heck out of me, never mind someone else being brought along for the ride. DH also has very little paid time off from work. We wanted to save it for AFTER the baby arrived and that worked out just fine for us!
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Oh I get it, if someone has any sort of prior commitment then she must not care about her baby. (Eyeroll)
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