Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
5
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“I Sewed You Up Tight As A Teenager.”
“I sewed you up tight as a teenager!” – OB to mother after birth.
There are 58 comments to this post.
Anon had this to say,
Dec 5, 2011 @ 10:53 am (Quote)
Oh this makes me mad. I ended up with an unwanted epis. after my first when the CNM announced as baby crowned that she was afraid I was going to tear up toward my clitoris. S*x was painful til next birth at home where I was allowed to tear naturally and NOT stitched up. It was 2nd degree and those herbal sitz baths were great.
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PetraStrider had this to say,
Dec 5, 2011 @ 10:53 am (Quote)
Newsflash: healthy, normal, ADULTS are NOT attracted to teenage girls; nor do they want to feel as though they are having sex with one.
(Oh and by the way you patients are the baby and mama, not the poor poor man who has to suffer through the greif of a temporarily stretched out vaginally.)
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 11:02 am (Quote)
Ahem. I would consider my husband healthy and normal and we started dating when I was almost 17 and he was 26.
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JC Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 12:25 pm (Quote)
Yes, but I’m sure it wasn’t your 17 yr old vagina he was attracted to. ;] LOL I’m pretty sure that’s what the poster was getting at. Right?
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 1:05 pm (Quote)
Well you’re right about him not being attracted to THAT but I’m sure the poster meant that anyone a bit older was a pervert or mentally unstable. Could be wrong though.
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Toni Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 1:25 pm (Quote)
While it may not be the case in your particular relationship (and I sympathize, I dated a 24 year old when I was 16; we were together for two years before he moved and we decided not to pursue a long distance relationship), I know most people would have a bit of a problem with a 26 year old man pursuing their 16 year old daughter. I know I would (now that I have two daughters). Okay, it depends on the girl and it depends on the man, but a truly healthy, equal relationship between a teenager and a grownup is the exception, not the rule. That is why there are laws against it. So recognize that your relationship was an anomoly; MOST grown men who pursue little girls (and yes, 16 is a little girl) are either perverted or mentally “off”. Sorry.
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 2:04 pm (Quote)
I recognize that my relationship is rare in nature but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a bit offensive and unfair to automatically group ALL of those relationships into the “not right” or “disfunctional” catagory. And for my age, even at 16, I had to grow up very fast when I was younger because of certain circumstances and I believe I was FAR from a “little girl”.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 2:42 pm (Quote)
Same here. I met my husband when I was 15, we started dating when I was 16 and were married when I was 19. I was definitely not a little girl at 16 years old, and we’ve been married longer than any of my siblings who got married at older ages (24, 25, 27 and 32 years old — and three of those are the same sibling.)
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 2:55 pm (Quote)
Glad I’m not alone in my thinking. lol
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Toni Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 4:56 pm (Quote)
I respect your own assessments of your own lives, but, not knowing how old either of you are, and knowing that most kids are far more sheltered these days (think less responsibility) than in generations past, yeah, 16 is still very much a kid. And since the brain doesn’t finish developing until about age 25, science is on my side – 16 is a child. You may not have percieved yourselves as such as the time (who does, lol), you may look back and still see yourselves as having been incredibly mature, level headed, and forward thinking even as teenagers. But, the reality is that until age 25 the parts of the brain responsible for impulse control, inhibition, and accurate assessment of long term consequences are underdeveloped. That doesn’t mean that kids (and yes, teenagers are kids) can’t be mature and responsible and make good decisions, it just puts them at a disadvantage as compared to those in their mid-twenties, or later. Honestly, do you view yourselves as not having changed in your level of maturity or judgement between 16 and 26? 36? I know I see light years of difference
Now, I did point out that it depends on the couple, and certainly there are 16 year old girls who can “handle” a grown up relationship and all that comes with it, and there are men in their mid twenties who are kind and decent in spite of dating a teenager. But I look at my little girls and imagine them as teenagers, and, if they were involved with a grown man in his twenties…. at fist blush, hell no. Even if they were absolute paragons of maturity and responsibility and he was flawless in character I would still watch like a hawk. And never let my guard down.
I respect that you don’t want your significant others categorized as abnormal or unhealthy, but I wager they weren’t “attracted to teenage girls” so much as they were attracted to BeckyJ and Mama Wrench, respectively, who just happened to be teenaged at the time. There is a difference. 
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 6:44 pm (Quote)
I agree that alot of teens are alot less mature these days. I also do remember looking at “kids”( ) my age and cringing at alot of their behavior though. Recognizing that the brain doesn’t stop developing(in women) until the mid-twenties I can also agree. There is a large difference in just the 6 years since then in my behavior and decisions.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 2:03 am (Quote)
I’m 26, so by your definition I’m “barely” an adult — even though I’ve been married for 7 years, have a full-time job, two kids and a house. And the fact that even though at 16 I was an “out of control” teenager, I had still managed to finish high school, maintain a full-time job and start going to college.
So let’s just say that there ARE anomalies, despite what the science says and that the only blanket statement that will ever be correct is the one that says that all blanket statements are false.
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Toni Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 6:46 am (Quote)
By my “definition” (not mine, btw, the science has said this for at least 15 years) your brain just got done “cooking”, yeah. And when I was your age, no I wouldn’t have acknowledged that there was much difference between my 20 something self and my teenaged self, tho now I can look back and see that, yes, there was (with age comes a certain amount of objectivity). I was a “wild child” too, but still managed to complete 4 years of HS in 3, and had a 4.0 GPA at the local community college when I transfered to a university, and got my degree in accounting (graduated cum laude), while working to support myself. No one said it is impossible for young people to make good decisions or be intelligent(if you read carefully, I was very careful to point out that that IS possible); in fact the immature brain (particularly the frontal cortex) makes it crystal clear why teenagers can be so incredibly smart at the same time as being so breathtakingly stupid
It sounds like both of you are still in your mid twenties. Get back to me in a decade and tell me that you don’t mind the idea of your 16 year old daughter dating a 26 year old man You may just change your tune…. And, no, it doesn’t make you a hypocrite. It makes you a parent 
And an old lady but such is life…. lol
Mama Wrench Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 12:33 pm (Quote)
How about this: Fetuses develop at different rates. So do babies, toddlers, children, and adolescents. Maybe you were a “wild child”; I wasn’t. Some people just develop more quickly.
And I’m not saying I WOULD be happy about my teenager dating a 20-something; but it would also depend largely on my child and the other person and the nature of the relationship. If it wasn’t a sexual relationship; if they encouraged the parents’ and families’ involvement; if the relationship wasn’t disruptive to my child’s education and personal life… then yeah, I’d look at that a whole lot differently from a “typical” teen relationship. And that would be true whether it was my son OR my daughter. I’m not of the opinion that parents of boys (I’m pregnant with my second) have less to worry about than parents of girls — if anything, parents of girls would sleep better at night if parents of BOYS cared a little more about their sons’ sense of social and sexual responsibility!
PetraStrider Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 4:57 pm (Quote)
I’m sorry for offending you (and any one else) Becky. I guess I was just venting my disgust that teenage is the gold standard in sexiness for too many people.
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BeckyJ Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 6:41 pm (Quote)
I understand and after someone pointed that out, I understood a bit better and I DO agree that today’s standard for sexiness is around the teenage years and it’s more sad than sick if you ask me.
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Toni Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 1:10 pm (Quote)
This is to respond to MamaWrench (for some reason there is no reply button on her last post):
You said you were an “out of control teenager”. Your words. Perhaps you were being sarcastic, but I took it to mean that you weren’t a perfect wittle angel or a goody-two-shoes. Neither was I. If you meant something else, sorry I can’t read your mind.
“Some people just develop more quickly.”
Not sure why this is so darn offensive to you… Maybe you’ll accept it better if you actually look into it, instead of getting pissed at the messenger:
http://science.nationalgeographic.com/science/health-and-human-body/human-body/mind-brain/
Nice places to start. Sure, some people might finish developing sooner than others. But 10 years sooner? Sorry. Not buying it. Look, ever wonder why insurance companies charge so much more before age 25 than after? Seems they have been aware of this, even if they didn’t have the science to back it up, for a looooong time The prefrontal cortex (responsible for impulse control, judgement, prediction of long term consequences, inhibition, among a whole host of other things) is not fully developed at age 16. It is only considered about “half baked” at age 18. It doesn’t mean you were “dumb”. Not sure why you seem to be taking it that way…. It also helps modulate intense emotions…. hmmm….
“I’m not of the opinion that parents of boys… have less to worry about than parents of girls…”
I’m not of that opinion either (especially since boys tend to take even longer than girls to finish cooking their brains, lol). But since I have girls (so far, don’t know what #3 is yet), and it is still much more common for May-December relationships to be May=female and December=male, I suppose I focused on that. I wouldn’t be happy about a teenage son dating a grown woman either, tho.
Toni Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 1:11 pm (Quote)
By “insurance companies” I meant “car insurance companies”
Mama Wrench Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 1:29 pm (Quote)
@Toni, I was being sarcastic. I’ve never done drugs, didn’t drink till I was 21, didn’t have sex with my husband (or anyone) till I was married. Of my “responsible” peers who had the “good sense” to wait until they were older to have a long-term relationship / marriage, I’m the only one who can truthfully say those things.
I get that that makes me anomalous. But that’s exactly why individuals should be treated on a case-by-case basis rather than by blanket rules. I’m not denying the science or saying that people stop developing at a faster or longer rate than others. I AM saying that brain development isn’t a magic switch. There are teens who are more “together” than most 30 year-olds, even though the vast majority of them aren’t. There are teenagers whose sensibility is stronger than their impulses and temporary desires. And I would hope that I would know my child well enough to know the difference between intellectual maturity and merely a good sense of right and wrong.
Tora Spigner RN MSN had this to say,
Dec 5, 2011 @ 11:05 am (Quote)
That is gross, only a man would say something that stupid. Someone wityh no appreciation of normal anatomy, he probably is a circumciser too!
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Assuming this was said right after the repair, now is the appropriate time to fix it Doc and take out the extra stitches.
After my first birth, I felt pain during sex for a year afterwords. Even when I WAS a 17 year old having sex for the first time, I didn’t have pain for a year. It was god-awful horrible after giving birth. Who would want that?
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Okay having had three cesareans and No episiotomies, I have to ask about swelling. Because I know the tighter the stitching the more the tissue fights back by swelling up like a ballon. The purpose of the stitching is to hold the tissue together at the same places that it used to meet and just give it the chance to form scar tissue to reconnect. The stitches go away and the scar tissue has to do the work. So if you irriate the area how is that a good thing. The goal is to get everything lined back up where it used to be and hold it there with the minimum of stitches which cause the minimum of additional damage to the tissue. Tight stitching is not a good thing. Go ask
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Liz had this to say,
Dec 5, 2011 @ 2:07 pm (Quote)
This is mine. When my son came out he gouged out part of my vagina. I had to go into the OR for reconstructive surgery with an OB I did not know. When I woke up she dropped this bomb on me. She went on to say how things will be sooo much better for me. I am 7 months post partum and still in so much pain. This was a woman OB too!
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Jane Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 2:41 pm (Quote)
I’m so sorry. You might want to see your regular OB and ask if there’s anything that can be done to undo the damage the on-call OB did to you.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 2:46 pm (Quote)
Ugh. No wonder OBs think the recovery for a c-section is just no more traumatic than recovery for a vaginal birth — they don’t have any scruples against leaving EITHER worse than they found them.
So sorry you’re still having problems. No woman should have to endure that. PLEASE report your symptoms to the hospital board. This woman should NOT be operating on unsuspecting women.
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This is just creepy.
I’m pretty sure I was ‘gifted’ with one of these, too. It hurt for a year, at which point I gave birth again and it stopped hurting.
Even if this doc is the creep she seems to be, and thinks the vagina is only for husbands, she should realize that painful sex often=no sex, which, I’m pretty sure, no husband would appreciate.
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No! No! No!
My first tear, I was sewn up ‘normally’ as far as I know, but I had pain during sex for months after and occasionally later, I still felt that sting 
I told my midwife that and she stitched me close with a looser suture–when I ended up in the ER with a postpartum infection (“retained product”) the ER doc who was examining me for external signs of infection was complaining about how loose they were. Tough, woman! I’m hoping to FINALLY not be so tight that I have to stretch out every time I have sex!
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Jena Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 11:30 pm (Quote)
“My first tear, I was sewn up ‘normally’ as far as I know, but I had pain during sex for months after and occasionally later, I still felt that sting.”
Me too! Even now, a year later, I have to remind my hubby that things I used to like are now uncomfortable at best.
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Am I the only one to find this kinda funny?
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Louisa Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 4:10 pm (Quote)
yes, and it isn’t
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Nicci P Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 4:12 am (Quote)
^^This^^
How on EARTH is it funny?!?! I agree with the PP who described it as FGM. When a woman has had her genitals damaged to the point where she is in pain 7 months later there is NO funny side to it.
How many women out there have had to go through more surgery to correct what some jerk OB did to them?!
OP, I’m so so sorry somebody did this to you and thought it was ok to the point of saying this to you as though you should be pleased about it. I hope there is some legal action you can take or that you at least can make complaints.
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“I’ll be contacting my lawyer to pursue legal action against you, the hospital, and your practice. I will be seeking recompense for whatever reconstructive surgery and physical therapy is needed to undo the damage you just admitted to doing to me deliberately, as well as whatever other damages the law allows. I will also be energetically pursuing a complaint with your licensing authority. Now get out.”
(NB: If one actually is considering suing, it’s unwise to telegraph it like this – best to say nothing until you’ve discussed it with your lawyer – but man woud I be tempted.)
I’m particularly astonished that a female OB is capable of saying this, unless the woman is just a sadist. Isn’t she aware that for young teenage girls, sex often *hurts* until they’ve matured a little more?
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Details Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 6:29 am (Quote)
How does one become a female OB. Let us ponder this for a moment. First you become fanstatic at math and science as early as possbile. You also become fairly decent at all the required humainities and test taking. You somehow manage to get through undergrad with a superior gpa and don’t get distracted by boys along the way. Once you are accepted in medical school everything is fast and furious and the best way to get along is never question your males superiors and blend in as much as possbile. The chances that a female OB had sex while still a teen is low. The chance that she started her family before 25 is also low. The chance that she walks and talks like a male OB is high. So don’t be shocked when your female OB acts exactly like the male OB’s who trained her.
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Mama Wrench had this to say,
Dec 6, 2011 @ 2:34 pm (Quote)
One more thing, then I’m done, I swear.
The reason I find the comment offensive isn’t because of the science. I find it offensive because it makes it seem as though maturity is a simple matter of sitting around and waiting for one’s brain to catch up with his intellect, and it’s not. Brain development doesn’t stop at a certain age, after which you’re “officially” capable of being an adult. Brain development is a continuum that starts shortly after conception and continues till the day you die. Latent and actual capability are only one measure of one’s maturity. The rest is the sum of your choices and the experiences that result. THAT is what some people “get” earlier than others — and what some people never quite grasp.
The reality is that the western world is the minority when it comes to how we treat adolescents. In most places in the world, children are expected to assume adult responsibilities as soon as they are physically capable. No one frets over whether little Billy is mature enough to handle carrying the water out to the animals at the same time every day. When he’s physically capable of doing so, he’s expected to do it. In the Western world, we expect teens to behave as rampaging, uncontrolled, irresponsible genitals who want nothing more than a car, a credit card and a condom. Well, sometimes you get exactly what you expect to. Of course age plays a part, but only as a guideline — a mean average.
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SculptorAlison Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 5:33 pm (Quote)
This is exactly it. Prior the the 1970s, women were married and starting families in their early teens with men who were in their early 20s. Their brains may not have been completely finished forming, but most of them obviously knew how to make smart choices and keep things together. Expectations play a very large role in this. I, personally, am going to expect maturity from my sons (and any future daughters) and take them all on a case by case basis.
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Because clearly sexual pleasure is only important for me. If sex is painful for the woman that isn’t important. Not to mention the creepiness of trying infantalize adult women to look like teenagers, no wonder we have so manyissues in our society.
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Great…glad to know that sex is still going to be painful and no pleasure at all! So much for looking forward to baby stretching stuff out…
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Tasha Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 11:08 am Tasha(Quote)
This is just what I was coming to say. Sex was very painful for me before I had babies. No desire to go back there, thank you very much!
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Lisa Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 11:19 am Lisa(Quote)
Yep, this exactly! We’re in the process of TTC our first, and boy can it be a struggle with this problem!
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Eileen Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 8:45 pm Eileen(Quote)
A success story: I managed to successfully get pregnant after 4 months of TTCing (some very serious TTCing) despite the pain sex caused me! I did have several months of PT before we started trying, so that helped. One thing I am looking forward to most about birth is getting things a bit stretched out!
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Lisa Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 6:55 am Lisa(Quote)
Congrats on your pregnancy!
Always good to hear a success story. 
I’m hoping this is our month…we’ve be TTC for just over a year now, and I’m just coming to the end of my TWW. 
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