Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
3
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…Do You Want To Be the Doctor And Catch The Baby Too…?”
“Right, well are YOU having this baby? Do you want to be the doctor and catch the baby too? This would make it easier on her and I. You don’t have a say.” – OB to father when father declined an epidural for the mother who was working through intense contractions at the same time as she was being asked questions.
There are 28 comments to this post.
Alyson Miers had this to say,
Dec 3, 2011 @ 7:07 pm (Quote)
Dr. Douchewaffle, if you don’t want the expectant daddy to answer for his partner, then perhaps you could wait until she’s finished with her contraction.
Also, the pronoun choice you want is: “easier on her and me.” Poor grammar makes me twitch.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
December 3rd, 2011 at 11:42 pm (Quote)
Me don’t know what you’re talking about.
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Sheva Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 4:41 am (Quote)
Last night I actually heard a grown man ask a store associate, “Is I’m reading it wrong?” about a store circular. He quickly corrected himself to “am I” but I couldn’t help thinking that “Is I’m” should not have been in his vocabulary to begin with!
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Not sure if I can put my thoughts into words correctly for this situation but I’ll try!
The thing is, it IS the Moms decision and her decision alone. The Dad doesn’t have a say and the doctor doesn’t have a say. In that sense, the doctor is right.
HOWEVER… and it’s a big however… it sounds like this Dad was actually doing his job! His job is to advocate for his wife and child and that’s what he was doing. I don’t get the impression that this Dad was answering for the Mom as much as he was communicating the answer for her. Does that make sense?
The rest of the comment was just downright rude, for sure and certain! There was no need for the doctor to be so sarcastic and snarky. I hope this Dad continued to stand up for his wife and child and didn’t allow the doctor to bully Mom!
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Laura Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 8:11 am (Quote)
This. I signed a piece of paper that my husband could make healthcare decisions for me if I was unable to – not that a contraction indicates that, just wait for the darned thing to finish doctor! – and I told him what I wanted. He would have been more than able and welcome to share it.
If the doctor was concerned that perhaps the mother wanted something else, he could ask, “Did she speak with you about that in advance?” Or, yannow, even better, WAIT for the contraction to end and confirm with the mother.
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At which point my DH would probably have gotten all 6’5″ of himself in the Dr’s face and said “Yes i will catch, and i’ll do a better job than you douchebag, now get out before i have to sue you”
I consider it my DH’s job to help me stick to my birth plan.. because i only ask for drugs in transition anyway, and then i’m good though the pushing phase LOL
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Adrienne Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 8:27 am (Quote)
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Or I’d be like why don’t you gtfo so she can catch her own baby. You’re not wanted here. Then again, I’m one of those insane people that wouldn’t darken the halls of a hospital unless there was a serious complication.
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Mama Wrench had this to say,
Dec 3, 2011 @ 11:40 pm (Quote)
I’ve actually TOLD my husband that if the doctor/nurse/whoever is harassing me in the middle of labor and I’m too far into labor-land to respond, I authorize him to speak for me. What an asshole that OB was.
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http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10084
One of a woman’s legal right’s is to have whomever she wants with her as she labors. Your subtle threat to kick Dad out of the labor room is noted, and you are a BUTT HOLE for even thinking such a thing. Perhaps ask your inane questions IN BETWEEN contractions Dr. Stupid Head… That way the person YOU want to be answering these questions can actually speak.
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Mama Wrench had this to say,
Dec 4, 2011 @ 7:40 am (Quote)
In the US, if you don’t have an actual medical proxy, even your spouse can’t make medical decisions on your behalf if you’re incapacitated. Obviously not the same thing in this case, since mom is only temporarily incapacitated and can answer for herself once the contraction has passed, but legally he can’t make the final call.
That’s also why doulas can’t speak for their clients, but they can request space/time for mom to make up her mind.
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Sheva Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 9:11 am (Quote)
I once had a client who, as soon as we entered her room, announced that I was her medical proxy and that everyone should listen to me. I don’t know if that is a legal way to do it, but she was at the hospital for a short enough time before the birth that there wasn’t enough time to stick her with anything anyway.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 11:30 am (Quote)
Not really legal, no… you’d need either a medical power of attorney or a notarized certificate of proxy for it to hold up in court. Unfortunately though even a MPOA only takes effect if the patient is medically incapacitated and very few doctors would attest that transition equates to being mentally incapacitated.
I’m still going to get one for my husband, though. I figure it’s better that he have one than leave anything up to chance.
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Interesting that dad doesn’t have a say unless he agrees with the doctor against the mother’s wishes.
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Aron Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 10:10 am (Quote)
My thoughts, exactly! If the situation had been that mom did NOT want an epidural, I highly doubt the good doctor would have scrupled to enlist dad’s help in getting her to take it like a good girl. But since dad is siding against Lord Doctor, it’s now imperative that he be put in his place….far below the physician.
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I can’t pink link from my phone, but this one is mine. We had told everyone and gave written consent that my husband was to answer for me when I was unable to. That was his ‘job’..well, one of them. The OB hated it because he couldn’t talk me into doing things that he expressly knew I didn’t want to do. He continuously asked my husband if he planned on catching the baby (out of sarcasm). The ob also wouldn’t ‘let’ me use the bathtub for pain relief so the nurses stood ‘guard’ at the door while I’d get in the tub. Funny thing is, I pushed our 9lb posterior baby in about 1 & a half pushes and he barely made it in there to ‘catch’the baby.
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Heather Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 10:45 am (Quote)
What a jerk! Hooray for your dh (and nurses, apparently!). And congrats on your hb the 4th time 
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xanthina Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 3:14 am (Quote)
I was thinking, that it seemed like this Doctor was trying to pressure you into doing something you didn’t want, by intentionally questioning you during a contraction. Jerkface.
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Details Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 9:05 am (Quote)
Wouldn’t it have been hilarious if your husband had been in position to catch when the doctor finally made it in? Maybe my sense of humor is a bit twisted, but I can just picture the doctor never saying that again after to happened or almost happened. In my mind Dad give him a look that says “That’s okay, I got it.” Thereby protecting mom’s perineum from the scissors and avoiding cord traction. The win-win of it all makes me giggle.
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Keely Brand Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 11:07 pm (Quote)
Greatness. I just had this mental image in my head as well, and it was too funny. My husband(being the smartass he is, probably would have truly done it) LOL.
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I don’t talk much during labor, so it IS my husband’s job to talk for me. He knows me better than I know myself, so he is perfectly capable of understanding my needs and telling others what they are. We talk about this with every birth and he knows this is his job.
If this had been said to my husband during my hospital birth, he may have been freaked out for a bit but he would have quickly recovered (as it was our first). Either of our other births, he would have immediately put this asshole in his place… the hallway.
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I’ve been thinking about this and I wonder if it wouldn’t be a great idea for most women to execute a power of attorney naming their birth coach as proxy. If you are certain your birth coach is on the same page as you it would be very handy to be able to just keep saying, “ask my proxy” and have that person able to speak for you with authority. Also, I bet this varies from state to state, but executing a power of attorney might prove helpful in VBAC cases where there is the concern about doctors getting court orders for c-sections. I don’t know the particulars of the legal arguments doctors present to get the c-section order, but if it’s that the lady is incapacitated, the fact that the she has named a proxy would mean that the decision should be made by the proxy and not the judge. So anybody trying to get an order would have to additionally argue that the proxy is not making an appropriate decision and depending on the jurisdiction that could be a pretty tricky argument to make (I know at least some states the proxy is supposed to put their feet in the shoes of the incapacitated person and make the decision she would make if not incapacitated, and other states you are supposed to do what you think is best for the incapacitated person). It would also give you a whole new level of hell to raise with the hospital, doctor, and with the state bar if that judge issues an inappropriate order and they end up sectioning mamma without her consent or the consent of her legal proxy.
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Don’t you just love when doctors fake being advocates for the mother? Dads are part of this too. This doc would probably be happier if dad was in the cigar smoke-filled waiting room and mom was tied to the table drugged out of her mind.
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