Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Nov
27
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“So, Are You Thinking About Having Your Tubes Tied?”
“So, are you thinking about having your tubes tied?” – OB to mother 24 weeks pregnant with twins, upon entering the room to meet the mother for the very first time.
There are 52 comments to this post.
Samantha had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 10:27 am (Quote)
Better than when I was asked. I transferred to hospital when we discovered my son was breech and I was already 7cm. I was about 10 when they were prepping me and trying harder than anything not to push when I was asked if I wanted a tubule legation. UM no!!! I’m 36, and this is my 2nd child. I may want another.
This is a subject doctors should leave alone unless asked!!!
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Krystal Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 10:56 am (Quote)
I think asking during a c-section, especially one that wasn’t planned is ok. Some women (myself included) may want to have it done but didn’t know it was an option or were to busy to think to ask.
Though tact is everything. They could ask upon admittance or wait until after they have the baby out to see if you want it done since you are there. Avoiding repeat surgery is always a plus.
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CNicole Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 11:45 am (Quote)
I can see why they would want to ask then, since they are already going to be “in there” but it really is a decision that needs to be made under not stressed conditions and that needs time. During my second pregnancy, I had said to people if I had a second cesarean, I would have a tubal ligation, but really didn’t research the side effects and all that. When the decision was made during my VABC attempt to have a repeat cesarean, I was asked, and was not in a place where I could make such a life changing decision. (I was 30 and having my second baby), so I said, “I don’t know” and their response was something like “Then that is a no”.
Asking the way it was to the OP is not really ok. Maybe at an appointment with her regular OB, where they are discussing her scheduled cesarean (if the mother had agreed that was going to happen), then they could ask if she wanted it done during the cesarean to avoid another surgery, and give the information she needs to make the decision.
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Toni Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 3:06 pm (Quote)
This! Yes, there is something to be said for avoiding a repeat surgery, but permanent sterilization (and while they can theoretically be reversed, one should regard tubals (and vesectomies) as PERMANENT) is not something to be taken lightly (hey, while we’re in there…). There are numerous alternatives and ample time should be given between the request for sterilization and the actual surgery (I’d say at least 30 days, personally), including a consultation to discuss, in detail, the possible side effects and the alternatives. I think it would be okay to ask at a prenatal prior to a *scheduled* section (by the woman’s regular OB), but the topic should be entirely off limits for an unscheduled one (particularly under emergency conditions) – how can the mother give informed consent if she hasn’t been informed of the risks, benefits, alternatives, and been given ample time to discuss it with her partner and think it over?And if she’s distressed/preoccupied with worry about herself and/or her child, well that is not the frame of mind to be in when making a permanent, life changing decision *that can certainly wait*.
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Amber Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 10:58 am (Quote)
This exact thing happened to me, only I was 22, 3rd baby… and I said yes. I had a tubal ligation reversal 7 years later, but boy it was hard to conceive again after that. I’m still pissed at that OB for doing it when it had never been brought up until I was drugged out of my mind.
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Renai Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 11:13 am (Quote)
A cnm happened to ask me the same thing- I was a vbac candidate and it was only my second child. It was during a prenatal visit (before 20 weeks)and she wasn’t my regular provider. In fact, she didn’t even ask if I was thinking about it- she just said, so are you getting your tubes tied? Assuming much, eh?
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Lisa Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 8:25 am (Quote)
See, it’s this kind of stuff that makes me mad…women in labor are apparently not of the right mind (according to some OBs) to make medical decisions, hence they need to push all sorts of interventions and get a court-ordered c-section even when labor is going beautifully, but that same woman is suddenly capable enough to make a major medical decision like a tubal. The double standard is boggling…
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Better than what happened to my mother in law. She had pcos and was told that she couldn’t have children. She got pregnant with dh when she was like 35. Same dr that told her she couldn’t get pregnant did her OB care. They induced her after not knowing her true due date since her periods were off so much. True to induction she had a section for failure to progress. The dr told her he was tying her tubes since she had no business having more children. Dh was so overdue at 6lbs even. She had her tubes tied without her consent and ended up hemmhoraging randomly several years later resulting in a hysertectomy to stop the bleeding. She died a few weeks ago. The coroner is investigating her death as it doesn’t look like simple cardiac arrest when she was at the hospital. From what my husband described when he saw her, it sounds like someone in that same hospital gave her the wrong meds and she had an allergic reaction as she was allergic to many kinds of antibiotics. This is the same hospital that abused me when I had my son and led me to have an unassisted birth with my daughter. I told everyone I knew I felt safer at home alone than in that hospital.
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Dorothy "Hyphen" had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 11:04 am (Quote)
What is it with twins?
We had twins the first time around and our OB insisted I go on birth control after they were born, “Since you’re obviously so fertile.”
I WASN’T obviously so fertile. They didn’t just happen. We tried for a while to get pregnant, but she never even asked, just assumed.
Even strangers at the store would say things like, “Too bad you didn’t have a boy and a girl (we had 2 girls). Because then you’d be done,” or even just, “Well, I bet you’re done having kids now.”
Um…no. We went on to have 2 more kids because we wanted 4 children. We did NOT, however, want to discuss our sex lives with strangers.
I found a good solution, though. When people strangers in with the, “I bet you’re done,” comments after just the twins, I would respond with, “Oh no! We want at least six kids.” That shut them up. 
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Dorothy "Hyphen" Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 11:05 am (Quote)
“When people strangers in with the”
Sorry. That should say, “When strangers stared in with…”
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Silja Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 3:41 am (Quote)
I had boy/ girl twins and got the “bet you’re glad you’re done!” a lot. It was hurtful, because it took us three years and 3 rounds of fertility treatment to conceive the twins, and we really DID want 6 kids. Fortunately, number 3 decided to come along naturally (conception and VBAC), 2 years exactly after the twins.
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xanthina Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 12:55 pm (Quote)
I’m currently pregnant with Newbie(due in about 2-3 weeks ) We don’t have twins, but my mom has asked repeatedly if this baby is a boy, will we be done? (We have a 5yo daughter).
No. We’d like 4-6 kids. Ish. Maybe. More? Who knows. But more than two.
It just gets at me. Normaly my mom is so good, why can’t she realize that just because I have leaned on her for support during the rough patches, doesn’t mean I don’t want another?
Btw, She herself is a mother of four.(One miscarriage, but that still counts in all our eyes)
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Dorothy "Hyphen" had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 11:07 am (Quote)
Oregonmommy had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 11:13 am (Quote)
Uhh this kind of crap pisses me off! Why even flippen ask! If they want it they know how to ask. This isn’t mine but with my last child the “hospitalist” that took over for my Peri (broke his hand a few days earlier) grilled me for 30 minutes before my cesarean and asked me at least 10 times through out the morning while being prepped why I wasn’t getting mine tied. He seriously couldn’t comprehend why I would want more than 4 kids. Pissed me off, I eventually had to tell him to drop it.
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Infuriating. Have a kid and doctors want to pass out sterilization like a consolation prize. “Oh, I see you’re plump with child! Get sterilized! All the cool kids are doing it! It must be what you want because I WANT it!”
Meanwhile, us childfree people are mocked, lectured, and scolded. I guess the rule of thumb for everyone is The doctor makes your reproductive choices, not you.
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This was me! I was so stunned that my mouth almost hit the floor. Yes, I had already had 4 babies and this was a surprise set of twins BUT he should have asked me IF I wanted more kids before assuming I didn’t. The rest of the story goes that I told him I wasn’t planning more children but I wasn’t going to consent to having my tube tied (I only have one) unless I absolutely had to have a c-section. Then he looked at me and said “Oh, so you don’t want to schedule a c-section?” I told him no way, that I wanted a vaginal birth and he said they would have to induce me by 38 weeks. A little later on when I was asking questions and I asked him for a referral to a chiropractor he told me that chiropractic care would probably paralyze me based on an episode of 20/20 he saw. After the appointment was over I called the case manager and told her to switch me to another OB in the practice.
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juliewashere88 had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 12:56 pm (Quote)
It’s good to ask people if they’d like to be sterilized, especially as not all know that it’s an option and is something easy to do following a cesarean. Patients deserve to know about their options.
But the doctor should make assumptions about the intentions of others. And should address the reason the patient is there first. Hell, he should at least say “hi” and introduce himself first.
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Doula Brandi had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 1:24 pm (Quote)
Grrrr!! There are so many things wrong with this!! Makes me angry, this whole attitude that women shouldn’t want more than 2 children and when you’ve had 4 *gasp* and are pregnant with two more…. okay I’d better stop before I say anymore. Glad that you switched OBs Wendy!
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 12:07 pm (Quote)
Well, the world IS horrendously overpopulated already and becomes even more so every day…
Just saying.
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xanthina Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 12:59 pm (Quote)
It is still never someone else’s choice.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 12:34 pm (Quote)
Of course. People get to make their own choices.
My sister who can’t even support herself as it is is pregnant and planning to take advantage of the people around her, as well as tax-payers, to support herself and the kids she’s expecting.
It’s her choice, sure. That doesn’t mean I have to ignore how irresponsible it is for the effect it has on other people.
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Gem Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 12:08 pm (Quote)
Well, the world IS horrendously overpopulated already and becomes even more so every day…
Just saying.
Not everyone believes that, though, so it’s not an obvious assumption.
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Tee Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 12:20 pm (Quote)
Agree. I don’t buy into the overpopulation argument.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 12:30 pm (Quote)
Oh, god. You can’t be serious. I absolutely refuse to believe that anyone can seriously think that an infinite number can fit in a finite space with finite resources.
You can still do what you want, but the planet IS overpopulated. And if you don’t think overpopulation is a problem, consider the lemming.
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Tee Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 12:43 pm (Quote)
Actually, I’m quite serious. I’ve done my own research and come to my own conclusions. I’m well aware that most people don’t agree with me and that’s perfectly fine.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 1:01 pm (Quote)
Sorry, but I sincerely doubt that you’ve done honest research on the subject.
The current world population exceeds 7 billion as of October of this year. It’s expected to exceed 10 billion by 2100, that is if we don’t suffer a population crash due to resource deficiency.
Already, our resources are hopelessly stretched, although it might not seem so to someone who lives in a nation of wealth, to whom resources are disproportionately allocated. They’ll last for a short while, but even the current population level can not be sustained in the long term.
We reach a point where agricultural and water distillation and energy advances can no longer compensate for the out-of-control birth rate. Our planet has a carrying capacity. And we have likely already exceeded it. And your children will be the ones to pay for it.
The best thing that can be done for the benefit of future generations is to decrease the size of those generations. And stop letting our personal interests blind us to facts, emotionally inconvenient as they might be.
That the planet can only sustain so many people is a fact. Not an opinion. Reality isn’t changed simply by people not agreeing with it.
If you want to do some research, start with lemmings. They have very high reproductive rates, and their populations soar to unsustainable levels. When they reach their area’s carrying capacity, many starve or die in search of food. They drive themselves to near extinction on a regular basis. For a super-organism such as humanity, this could mean total destruction of infrastructure, from which we might not have the benefit of lemmings to simply bounce back.
Anyway, I feel we’ve gotten quite off topic.
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Tee Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 1:07 pm (Quote)
If I thought you wanted to have an honest, legitimate discussion about this, I would gladly do so. I would happy to share my point of view with you. But quite frankly, your attitude screams that you don’t want to have a discussion about this. All you want to do is preach your point of view and talk down to anyone that doesn’t agree with you.
Quite frankly, I couldn’t care less if you don’t believe me when I say I’ve done research on this. You’ll believe whatever you want anyway, so there is no point in me telling you that I have. I will say this, though… your first sentence was incredibly rude. I don’t carry on conversations with people that are rude to me simply because I don’t agree with them. And on that note, I’m done here.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 1:23 pm (Quote)
I’m providing facts, which you can verify yourself if you’d like to do the research. That can hardly be said to be “preaching” a “point of view.” I defy you to demonstrate where I have been factually wrong anywhere.
It’s not a matter of what I’d like to believe. It would be nice to think that there was no problem. But ignoring problems does not make them go away. I believe that which can be shown to be objectively and demonstratively true, rather than what would be emotionally satisfying. That seems to be the difference between us. It’s ironic that you would project onto me your inclination to believe what suits your personal interests, even if that means denying facts.
And when you say something that flies in the face of volumes of empirical data and studies on the subject, the question of whether or not you’ve done honest research becomes self-evident. I’m sorry if you are offended by my ability to notice.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 12:31 pm (Quote)
Yeah. Some people do live in denial of reality. But it is still reality.
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Gem Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 1:07 pm (Quote)
I wasn’t arguing the validity of your statement. I was arguing that the doctor had the right to make his assumption based on the validity of that statement. No matter how overpopulated the earth may or may not be, it is not a doctor’s place to assume that a mother would or would not want more children.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 1:10 pm (Quote)
Oh, I agree with you there. And overpopulation was my own thought, not necessarily the Dr.’s.
I only meant that thinking that there is such a thing as too many children isn’t an unreasonable view, that’s all.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 12:41 pm (Quote)
My point is, it’s not unreasonable to think that eventually, the number of kids someone has can reach a level at which it can be fairly called “excessive.” Overpopulation negatively effects everyone. It takes a very insular person to ignore the reality of that problem.
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Gem Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 1:11 pm (Quote)
I wasn’t really addressing your supposition, b/c I felt that this is really not the site on which to discuss population, resources, and resource distribution. But the fact is, there are more than enough resources and enough space to support our current and future population, but the distribution of those resources are a huge issue. The idea of overpopulation also assumes that our current socio-economic existence will never end, and that there will never again be a time when many births are necessary b/c many deaths are inevitable. I propose that time is not as far off as we might think.
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juliewashere88 Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 1:19 pm (Quote)
While redistributing resources would be helpful, they’re still not infinite. There really aren’t enough resources to go around to sustain our current population, much less the one we’re projected to have.
We are not lacking for people. Not by a long shot.
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Wendy had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 8:16 pm (Quote)
Cathi, I’m still pregnant and due in January/Feb but both babies are head down and I plan on birthing them as naturally as possible! Meaning if it were up to me I’d catch them myself!
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Ugh. I was asked also at least five times during my hospital stay. It so happens this is going to be my last baby but I managed not getting knocked up for a decade between number three and four (which was planned with the stepfather to the first three)so no thanks. Nobody broaching the subject even asked if I wanted more children.
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It would be nice to get off the exam table and say, “Oh, dear, you’ve walked into the wrong room! I’m here for pregnancy care, not for sterilization counseling! I’ll just take my things and go so you can speak to whomever it was you thought you were greeting.” And then do it.
I think doctors are so into their efficiency thing that they begin to find the “Hello” part of the visit an inefficient waste of three seconds of their time, which of course would inconvenience them terribly because they’re seeing 40 patients a day. :-b
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Wendy Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 12:43 pm Wendy(Quote)
I wish I would have thought of that!! I was so stunned that I was trying to regain my composure for at least 5 minutes. Too bad you weren’t with me!
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Jane Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 1:31 pm Jane(Quote)
If I’d been there, I would have been stunned too! It’s easy to come up with a snappy remark when you’re sitting behind a desk and no one’s directly attacking you.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this doctor. :-b
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