Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Nov
26
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Would You Rather Have A Dead Baby?”
“Would you rather have a dead baby?” – OB to mother who was having a long labor with slow dilation, but both the mother and the baby were stable. The mother had asked for more time before committing to a cesarean.
There are 20 comments to this post.
Juliea Paige CD(DONA) had this to say,
Nov 26, 2011 @ 3:31 pm (Quote)
I will never forget this birth. I was attending the birth for 34 hours at this point, mother had been laboring for about 38 hours. Dilation wasn’t progressing but mother and baby were both stable. The doctor (an on call doctor she never met before) brought a very uptight and negative energy into the experience, which is what was a major part of her lack of progression. When the doctor suggested a Cesarean she requested time to think and talk about her decision. When the doctor left she was encouraged by myself and the hospital nurse that the baby was fine and there was no medical emergency. I clearly remember the nurse saying “You are the consumer – if you don’t want one you have to tell him.”
When the doctor came back in she told him that she was pretty committed to not having a C-Section – that’s when he said “Well, would you rather have a dead baby?” My jaw hit the floor – I could not believe he had just uttered these words to a mother when there was NO cause for alarm. She began to panic and assured him that she did not want to have a “dead baby” and would never put her child in danger like that. She was bawling as he walked out the door.
The situation was desperate. She was exhausted…I mean EXHAUSTED. Her aunt was also there supporting her through her birth. She worked with EnergyTouch (a way of communicating with the many levels of our bodies physical and energetic bodies). After the doctor left and my client was a sobbing heap in her husbands arms we both sensed that we had to do something. She stood up and began “working on her” from across the room trying to find the blockages. I decided to “tune in” to what she was doing and once I felt there I asked “What does she need?” and almost instantly the answer came to me – I said outloud – “______, I need you to stop thinking about the number 5 (where she was stuck at in dilation). Instead I need you to visualize yourself actually pushing this baby out of your body. Imagine the look on your husbands face the very first time that he sees your baby.” Instantly the energy in the room completely changed. Her aunt sensed a immediate change in her physical field as well and began easily removing the blockages her body was holding onto. The nurse came in around 15 minutes later and checked her and reported she was a 7!! This was the encouragement she needed and she was fully dilated and pushing her baby girl out within the hour – despite the fact that the doctor told her he was pretty sure the baby was going to break her tailbone on the way out – which never happened.
This was a birth I attended as I was still in training as a doula (I am now certified). I needed evaluations from the doctors and nurses that were at the births with me. This particular doctor refused to fill out my evaluation (which consists of 5 circle the number questions) – but still felt the need to write to DONA and complain that I was “all over her like a lesbian lover” and that “he couldn’t even get near the patient because I was always there” – which was total crap, I always get out of the way and stand on the other side of the room when they come in to consult. And, really, he was basically describing the duties of a doula – which – if she had not had at her birth she would have certainly been given a Cesarean.
This birth taught me SO MUCH, however. The labor lasted a total of 40 hours, we ran across just about everything that could go wrong and still made it to the other side. I saw clearly how much of a role where our minds are at correlates with how we dilate and progress. The minute she let go of the “I’ll never dilate past 5″ and began to visualize her actually pushing her child out her body responded by opening up to allow that to happen. Visualization and Reiki/Energy Work are not staples in my doula work.
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Juliea Paige CD(DONA) had this to say,
Nov 26, 2011 @ 3:36 pm (Quote)
That last line should read: “Visualization and Reiki/Energy Work are NOW staples in my doula work.”
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TigerlilyFP Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 4:59 pm (Quote)
That’s amazing you were able to support her and help her through something like that. I hope that I will be able be such a doula.
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Juliea Paige CD(DONA) Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 6:10 pm (Quote)
You will. Just follow your heart, feel your feet on the floor and go for it. <3
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Gosh, my babe must be nothing short of miracle with my 49 1/2 hour labor and 6 hours of pushing included there… *sarcasm*… When are we going to learn to WAIT for a primip to dilate? C’mon… Care for the woman in her current condition, not on some textbook “ideology”. Ridiculous.
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Of course I’d rather not have a dead baby! That’s why I’m declining a section unless the benefits outweigh the risks. Statistically, my baby’s in less danger from a vaginal birth unless there’s some other complication that alters that equation. Please go find me a care provider who understand this. I’ll have them catch my baby.
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Of course I’d rather not have a dead baby! That’s why I’m declining a section unless the benefits outweigh the risks. Statistically, my baby’s in less danger from a vaginal birth unless there’s some other complication that alters that equation. Please go find me a care provider who understands this. I’ll have them catch my baby.
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Nora Rae had this to say,
Nov 27, 2011 @ 8:01 am (Quote)
Male OB hands are bigger then female nurse hands, of course he’d say she was a 5 and immediately afterwards she was a 7. The EXACT thing happened during my 49 hour labor, but they screwed me over in other ways without immediately pushing cesarean.
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Juliea Paige CD(DONA) Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 5:48 pm (Quote)
Actually, it was the nurse who checked her both times. She has been a 5 for hours.
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Heather had this to say,
Dec 16, 2011 @ 2:40 pm (Quote)
The Doctor pulled the “dead baby card” when I had mu son…I was in the shower and got out for 15 minutes of monitoring when he came in having a fit I asked for the complaint papers right then and there….the nurse told me he was in public relations for the rest of the day!
His exact words were “Your going to stay on the monitor from now on because I’m not having a dead baby on mu shift!”
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So I guess the 20 month old wandering around my living room is a zombie then? 30 hour labor…..
I”m lucky, my MW NEVER uttered the words c-section. When I asked her in the midst of exhaustion if there was anything we could do, she gave me pain relief and other options, but NEVER said “YOU HAVE TO DO THIS YOUR BABY WILL DIE”, more of a “well, we could do this, but you know there are risks to interventions and its 100% YOUR decision”
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Add Your Comment.
Are you threatening my child???
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Your Name Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 3:01 pm Your Name(Quote)
Seriously? Come one now….
Good for you OP for standing up for yourself
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road2vba2c Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 4:21 pm road2vba2c(Quote)
Seriously? “Your Name”? Don’t want to criticize me with your real name out there?
Maybe it was a little melodramatic, but can you imagine the same threat–and it is a threat–in another setting?
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Jane Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 4:27 pm Jane(Quote)
Yeah, imagine you’re asking your mechanic about your options for tires and he said to you, “You NEED these white-wall tires. Would you rather have a dead child?”
Or if you send a note to the school excusing your child from class the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and the principal calls you up and says, “He’s got to go to school. Would you rather have a dead child?”
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