Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Nov
26
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Every Day Is Miscarriage Day For Me.”
“Every day is miscarriage day for me.” – OB to mother who had a miscarriage and was emotional.
There are 26 comments to this post.
That is sad, to work a job where there is death every day. However, it’s not the death of the OB’s child so it’s just not the same. It’d be heartless for a funeral director to say, “every day is a death day for me” to a family after a loss.
[Reply]
Allie had this to say,
Nov 26, 2011 @ 5:50 am (Quote)
Im guessing because it was submitted here, the tone was less than compassionate. I was wondering of at first the doc felt bad that he/she sees it too much as well. Like I said, since it’s on here my guess is robot doc was just saying it like it was no big deal and this was just another day.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP 
[Reply]
Jessica had this to say,
Nov 26, 2011 @ 9:02 am (Quote)
Doctor, you CHOSE a profession where you may witness loss of life. This mother didn’t choose to miscarry. You don’t deserve the condolences you’re trying to guilt trip out of her. You’re supposed to show her some compassion and refer her to additional support if she needs it. Then fire up your resumé and look for a new profession that doesn’t involve people. Taxidermy, perhaps?
[Reply]
This brings to mind my amazing mother, who was a l&d nurse for many years. One night, she worked a birth where the baby was expected to live only very briefly after birth due to some kind if catastrophic health problem. The parents decided thy didn’t want to/couldn’t handle seeing the baby after birth/while it died, so the OB told my mom to take it away. When she didn’t return for some time, he found her rocking the baby and talking to him/her, and he couldn’t understand why she would do that. She told him the baby was a person, just like any other baby, and that no person would be made to die alone on her watch. Shouldn’t all health professionals, heck, all people, have that compassion? Loss is loss. Death is death. When you stop having compassion, you need to seriously rethink your career choice.
[Reply]
Jane Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 1:27 pm (Quote)
As the mom of an anencephalic baby who lived only two hours after birth, I’d like to ask you to thank your mom for being so compassionate.
[Reply]
Tee Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 3:16 pm (Quote)
I echo Jane. Please thank your Mom for me. Even though I’ve never lost a baby, I’ve held my sister’s hand as she did and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Your Mom sounds like a pretty amazing woman.
[Reply]
Jewels Reply:
November 26th, 2011 at 8:38 pm (Quote)
That made me cry. Your mother is an angel!
[Reply]
jaed Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 5:39 pm (Quote)
“…he couldn’t understand why she would do that”
This may be the most chilling thing I’ve ever read on this site.
[Reply]
Jane Reply:
November 27th, 2011 at 6:18 pm (Quote)
A lot of OB docs survive their job by dehumanizing the babies that don’t fit their standard of perfect. I had a psych-doc tell me that my baby wasn’t a human being (no, really! He actually said that, “Since the baby is not really human”) and another doc who pressured us to terminate by saying the baby would “look pretty hideous.”
There are so many birth defects and chromosomal abnormalities that the doctors can do nothing about that I believe many of them shield themselves from feeling helpless by saying those babies aren’t worth saving anyhow.
[Reply]
Heather P Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 7:15 am (Quote)
That brought tears to my eyes. Your mom is wonderful!
[Reply]
Melissa Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 8:25 am (Quote)
Like the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier holds the body of each and every soldier in the presence of that one, unidentified body….
Your mom held every mother’s lost little “medical waste” baby in her arms that day.
God bless her. Please let her know what she has done for us.
[Reply]
OP – I hope this OB was the only cad you came across that day, and that you found an outpouring of love and support elsewhere. I wish you so much healing and comfort.
To everyone who commented about my mom, wow, I never expected any response when I posted that. My mom passed away a few years ago at 56, and I am reminded now of the hundreds of people who lined up to pay respects. I am so touched by your comments. I forget sometimes that she was exceptional, because to me she was just mom, what a woman should be.
[Reply]
Layla19 Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 10:33 am (Quote)
I’m a little late to this one, but I have to repeat that she was an amazing woman.
I’m sorry for you that she is gone, but you are so lucky to have had her love and her example of compassion. I wish anyone suffering a loss would have such a person to help them through it.
[Reply]
This is just called separating your emotions from your work. It’s a fact of an OBs life. They see more miscarriage than the average woman ever will.
[Reply]
jaed Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 11:10 pm (Quote)
That’s nice. As part of their professionalism, physicians are expected to deal with their personal reactions in a way that doesn’t further harm the patient they’re seeing.
If they cannot talk to a patient without trying to make that patient feel responsible for their emotions, then they need to take a break, seek psychological treatment for burnout, or find another line of work.
This is not that complicated.
[Reply]
Add Your Comment.
Well then there’s no excuse for you not to be compassionate, is there?
[Reply]