Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Nov
13
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Now You Get To Join The Vaginal Preservation Club.”
“Now you get to join the vaginal preservation club.” - OB to mother who had an unplanned cesarean.
There are 33 comments to this post.
Mama Wrench had this to say,
Nov 13, 2011 @ 3:40 pm (Quote)
Um… maybe TMI, but my sister-in-law never had orgasms during sex till AFTER her vaginal delivery.
Does pooping “ruin” your anus? Does vomiting “ruin” your esophagus? Not under normal circumstances, no. Same with vaginal birth.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 3:41 pm (Quote)
Oh, and BTW, some of us who’ve had c-sections STILL have vaginal trauma. After 2 hours of pushing my son was so stuck that they had to go up through my vagina to push his head back. No one informed my nurses of this so no one got me an ice pack till my second day there. My lady parts were every bit as swollen as a woman who had a vaginal birth.
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JessicaKC Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 3:50 pm (Quote)
I had O’s, but not often. My son is now almost 8 mos and I have them all the time. It can happen!
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Sheva Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 4:03 pm (Quote)
Definitely better after births than before. 4 births under my belt here 
. Some docs would think I was permanently ruined.
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Ashley Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 4:07 pm (Quote)
I also hate the myth that vaginal deliveries make you looser and therefore your husband won’t like it. Well, my husband actually LIKES sex better after the baby (not to mention the “mommy boobies” thanks to breastfeeding). Everything in the bedroom was better after my son was born…until I got pregnant again and was so swollen down there that I couldn’t have sex. Trust me, we’re both glad that this pregnancy is almost over. lol.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 5:18 pm (Quote)
I’m so with you there, girl… January cannot come soon enough!
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Stephanie Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 12:03 pm (Quote)
Do you really think your husband would tell you if your vagina was ruined? He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, so you wouldn’t know if he was being honest or not. So many women have their vaginas ruined from vaginal birth. It’s not a myth.
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Sheva Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:25 pm (Quote)
I’m guessing you either work in the obstetric field, have never had a vaginal delivery, or had one that a doctor botched.
No one said it’s a myth.
During NORMAL vaginal delivery (no forceps, vacuum, episiotomhy, or doc’s tugging) a vagina is not usually harmed.
During a NORMAL cesarean, every uterus and abdomen is harmed.
I’d pick a chance of it over a sure thing.
Also, I think most women could tell if a guy is faking it.
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Ashley Bean Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 4:01 pm (Quote)
Actually, I do believe my husband would tell me because he has a bit of a problem with being too blunt with things, especially when it comes to me. Also, actions speak louder than words and the fact that I can not keep him off of me kinda says something. Before children we hardly had sex because he was afraid of hurting me. The pain was a turn off for both of us and now we have a great sex life. He prompts it more than I do, so I do believe him when he says its better.
Yes women can have their vaginas “ruined” after delivery, but 90% of the time its because of DOCTORS, not the delivery. Docs (and bad midwives) are the ones who demand a woman pushes on her back, to the count of ten, as soon as she hits 10 cm, uses forceps because the baby isn’t coming “fast enough”, pushes epidurals to make delivery “easier”…do I need to go on? The rate of pelvic organ prolapse and tears requiring surgery is far too high and its not because babies are suddenly born with colossal heads. Its because doctors can’t just catch babies; they want to get in there and meddle with nature. They also don’t teach the proper excerises and things that a woman can do to strengthen her pelvic floor and make delivery and recovery easier. Yes, it does happen, but it shouldn’t
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Megan Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 5:38 pm (Quote)
Ummm..jumping on the TMI bandwagon here. Does your sister have any tips on this process. Damn that would be a nice side effect. Any ideas why or how it happened that way?
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Robyn Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 6:06 pm (Quote)
Having a baby changes things. They get rearranged. Before my son was born, sex was ok. It wasn’t fantastic or anything, but it wasn’t bad. After his birth, my cervix sat a lot lower and I had perineal discomfort. There were a lot of positions I’d really enjoyed prior to giving birth that I really couldn’t stand after giving birth. I had my baby girl 5 months ago. I don’t know what she did, but she rearranged things in such a way that sex is amazing. My husband is able to hit all the right spots every time and I don’t need any toys to enhance the process. I don’t know why it happened, but I think it’s amazing and I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Unfortunately, it makes me a little wary about having another baby. He doesn’t want to have any more than 3, so one more would be our last one. I’m kind of nervous about giving birth again and things reverting to the way they were after my son and then being stuck with that for the rest of my life.
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abba12 Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 6:45 pm (Quote)
I’m jumping on the bandwagon here. I was unable to have sex at all when I got married! I had vulvodynia and was seeing docs and a physio for it, it was improving very slowly but I still couldn’t have sex.
However, you needn’t have penetration for insemination, and we fell pregnant with only a little bit of intervention
Fast forward 10 months, and while there is still minor pain to work through, we can have sex!
I doubt there are many men who can honestly say they were virgins until after the birth of their first child 
I have the most patient and gracious husband in the world lol.
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If this were said to me, I would laugh because I’m a super sarcastic person. However, I totally see how the OP would be offended by this, especially since it was an unplanned C-section and she probably didn’t have much time to adjust to the fact that she wouldn’t be having her baby the way she planned. Basically, the OB should have kept his mouth shut. Even though I’d find it funny, it’s just not a worthwhile thing to say, especially to someone you don’t know very well.
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Samantha had this to say,
Nov 13, 2011 @ 5:35 pm (Quote)
If I had wanted to “preserve” my vagina I would have
A. Not gotten pregnant in the first place.
B. Found a doctor who would schedule a c-section for me and not even bothered with a vaginal birth.
Since neither of these apply then stfu! Birth disappointment is crushing enough without smart ass comments.
Mama Wench & Ashley, tell me about it! I’ve got 2 weeks left if I don’t go past my due date and it seems like forever
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This was mine. After planning a natural birth, was told at 40 weeks and 3cm dilated, that whether I got induced or went into labor naturally, I would end up with an emergency c-section and my baby would probably die, so I should schedule one to save my baby’s life. I trusted my Dr. I was really upset and in tears, and then he said this. I am due next month with my second, and will be having a VBAC, and was told by my new Dr. that the first c-section was completely unnecessary based on the Dr.’s notes.
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Newsflash, Doc:
I’m not a virgin. Shocking I know. Did you know that having sex can change the vagina? Yeah.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK BONEHEAD.
Oh, and as far as trying to cheer up a mother who had unplanned surgery? YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
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Jenny Islander had this to say,
Nov 14, 2011 @ 2:07 am (Quote)
Translation: “This is not a client-customer relationship. This is a scenario in which I get to exercise power. I decide whether your body is acceptable and you should be grateful that I adjusted your body to make it acceptable to me and everyone like me. Now pay up.”
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Jespren had this to say,
Nov 14, 2011 @ 6:30 am (Quote)
*raises hand* another for the ‘sex is better after vaginal birth club’.
Btw, I never got this: c-section scar, visible in a bikini or belly baring shirt. Vagina visible in…um…the bedroom? Why does the doctor think women would rather have a ‘virginal’ vigina than a ‘virginal’ stomach??
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Maybe so, but you just ruined my membership in the Unscarred Uterus Club, for no good reason!
My vagina can be repaired and be good as new or even better after a vaginal birth, but my stomach will always bear the scar of your needless surgery.
So, um, yeah…
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Stephanie had this to say,
Nov 14, 2011 @ 10:28 am (Quote)
I was told my dr said something like this to a former patient. He also told me I had no choice but to induce at 40 weeks and would cut me before he’d let me tear. This among many others horror stories I heard from other former patients is why at 37 weeks I switched drs.
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Ugh! This is not cool at all. As a mother who has had 2 unplanned and very much unwanted cesareans and no vaginal births this is insulting and hurtful. I am sure it is an attempt at trying to reassure mom, or find a “silver lining”, but it is not helpful at all. For my first cesarean my 2 main concerns were my daughter’s health (she was having some pretty scary sounding decels and meconium after AROM) and whether I could have a VBAC next time, not the “preservation” of my vagina, or the nice round head she had as a friend my husband pointed out when he visited me in postpartum (he worked in the hospital fertility clinic so he saw us walking the halls when I was in labour).
After my second, it wouldn’t have been helpful either since I was so upset and feeling like I would never have sex again so it didn’t matter. My doula’s comment later that the hormones my daughter was exposed to during the labour I did have was good for my her, however, was helpful.
To the OP, I am sorry that you were bullied into the cesarean and it was treated in such a callous way. I really hope you have the VBAC you want.
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CNicole Reply:
November 14th, 2011 at 8:07 pm (Quote)
Holy typos! Sorry about that, people. I can’t even blame posting this on my iPod (or maybe I should, lol)
“a friend my husband” should be friend OF my husband.
And the whole thing about the comment made by my doula made no sense whatsoever. She had said that the hormones my daughter had been exposed to during labour were good for her. That comment helped make the VABC attempt seem at least worth something, even though it ended in a repeat cesarean.
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And you can join the “I think you’re a socially awkward jerkoff” club.
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Kristin Reply:
November 13th, 2011 at 9:41 pm Kristin(Quote)
I hope the membership dues are expensive!
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BeckyJ Reply:
November 18th, 2011 at 4:49 am BeckyJ(Quote)
Right? Maybe…..half? of the 10 thousand dollars they make catching my baby?
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