Oct 30

“It’s Going To Be A Long Time Before You Have Sexual Relations With Your Husband Again.”

“It’s going to be a *looooooooong* time before you have sexual relations with your husband again.” – OB to mother while repairing her perineum after birth.

56 people dislike these words.

There are 28 comments to this post.

Kristy had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 3:10 pm (Quote)

Well lets be sure to cover the *important* points of my recovery first… and in the most reassuring manner possible.

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Alyson Miers had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 3:53 pm (Quote)

Why not put it in terms of weeks, doc? Can you do that? “Don’t have intercourse again for ### weeks”? How about that?

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Allie had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 4:18 pm (Quote)

I’m sure that was her first thought as she held her new baby and the OB was stitching her up.

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Samantha had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 4:31 pm (Quote)

Yep, as soon as I push a baby out I’m thinking about getting some!

Sexual relations doesn’t necessarily mean intercourse, my husband and I can do other things that don’t involve my vagina.

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Kasondra Reply:
October 31st, 2011 at 6:05 am Kasondra(Quote)

*Like*

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Liss Reply:
October 31st, 2011 at 4:43 pm Liss(Quote)

Word.

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Sheva had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 4:34 pm (Quote)

Yes, because *this* is my biggest priority.
After wound care, of course.
And breastfeeding, baby care, and general healing.
Also, why did she have such a major tear, doc?

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Trisha Reply:
October 31st, 2011 at 12:09 pm Trisha(Quote)

Inappropriate comment by the OB. But I just have to comment that sometimes a major tear isn’t the fault of the OB. I had a 4th degree lac that I really don’t think could have been avoided. I had severe labial and perineal edema due to pre-eclampsia. My daughter’s head did NOT mold in the birth canal – it looked like a round bowling ball as soon as she was born! I did not have an epidural, so OB let me push as I felt I needed to, only asking me to stop pushing as soon as her head was out (so he could suction well).

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first time mommy had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 5:45 pm (Quote)

DAMMIT!
I was really in the mood too! UGH someone go get me my vibrator please
::smacks head::

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Maddy Reply:
October 31st, 2011 at 3:31 pm Maddy(Quote)

And bring on the milkman, ’cause I have a feeling I’m gonna need him at some point if I can’t be having sexual relations with my husband!

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Dreamy had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 6:27 pm (Quote)

By day, he’s a mild-mannered OB. By night, he’s Inappropriateman!

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Kristin had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 6:53 pm (Quote)

Of course, because as soon as the OB’s back it turned they are going to go at it like bunnies right there in delivery.

Or maybe the mom has more important things she’s thinking about? Like her baby, breastfeeding, pain management, wound care, getting enough nutrition and sleep to heal and recover, maybe even thoughts about if she will like her post-baby body.

I mean, with me, there were only like 3,567 things going through my head, and none of them were about sex.

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Tee had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 7:38 pm (Quote)

::kicks doctor in face::

It’s going to be a looooong time before you can breathe through your nose again!

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BeckyJ Reply:
October 30th, 2011 at 8:39 pm BeckyJ(Quote)

This! She may have had an epidural, though and not able to move her legs enough to kick him in the face. *darn*

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Tee Reply:
October 30th, 2011 at 8:53 pm Tee(Quote)

Ooh, good point! In that case, I’m at a loss of what to say.

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BeckyJ Reply:
October 30th, 2011 at 10:22 pm BeckyJ(Quote)

I know, right? I think OBs have the mom get epidurals for the OB’s own safety sometimes. lol

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Tee Reply:
October 30th, 2011 at 11:49 pm Tee(Quote)

I completely agree with you on that one. I think they are pushed for the medical staff’s convenience more than anything.

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BeckyJ Reply:
October 31st, 2011 at 5:43 am BeckyJ(Quote)

Exactly. Mom can’t feel the cervical checks, so they don’t have to hear whining about that. Mom won’t be calling the nurse in to help her to the bathroom, because she can’t move her legs so they put in a catheter. Those are little things though, compared to the other stuff that happens with the epidural. With early epidurals, mom usually stalls in labor, can’t feel to push, baby needs to be extracted via forceps or vacuum. Just not very beneficial to anyone if you ask me. I’ll take the pain all over again if it meant I didn’t ever get an epidural.

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Brige had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 8:28 pm (Quote)

This was probably after he cut her without her consent… :/ sorry mama…

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Jessica had this to say, Oct 30, 2011 @ 9:28 pm (Quote)

Well, gee, make sure you put in that husband stitch so it’s worth the wait. Heaven forbid I get treated with a little basic dignity and respect after my body suffers trauma under your care.

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Details had this to say, Oct 31, 2011 @ 6:17 am (Quote)

Walking and peeing rank so much higher on my list of concerns at least for the first week or two! How about “Don’t even think about intercourse until I’ve double checked my work at your next appointment.” Or maybe “I’m going to have you come in at 4 weeks rather than 6 just to double check my work a bit early.” Maybe “Remind be to double check this before we release you.” “I’m putting a note to the nurses to help you with self care and make sure we don’t have a problem down here, because unfortuntaley your repairs are a bit more extensive than we like to see.” Something, anything that shows some concern about the mother rather than the dad! Heck he could even pull the dad aside and tell him to be especially helpful and patient and not rush things.

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Sarah Reply:
October 31st, 2011 at 11:28 am Sarah(Quote)

Of course that would make sense if any of it were about mom. We all know that the top priority is the ob’s convenience, followed by a live baby, with dad’s pleasure a very close third. Anything about mom is a very distant fourth, if she falls on the priority list at all.

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Liss Reply:
October 31st, 2011 at 4:44 pm Liss(Quote)

I wish thoughtful responses like this were the norm!

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Heather had this to say, Oct 31, 2011 @ 12:00 pm (Quote)

Yeah, it was 3 months for me before I could have intercourse without it hurting. Still had plenty of OTHER sexual relations, thanks. (mine was a natural tear from the baby coming out super fast, since everyone here likes to immediately assume it was purple pushing–I didn’t even push–or an episiotomy, but it was 3rd degree and totally destroyed my perineum) But yeah, I didn’t give a rat’s ass about sex right after giving birth.

How about, instead, addressing the husband, “Now, remember, with stitches like this, mom might be sore a bit longer than usual, so just follow her cues.”

There, you’ve made your sex comment in a way that doesn’t demean anyone and explains WHY you’re making it. Or, you can just explain how to care for the stitches–that’s a lot more helpful.

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jaed had this to say, Oct 31, 2011 @ 7:32 pm (Quote)

The thing I keep coming back to with this one is that it sounds like it’s intended to induce fear. Maybe this is just me – if a doctor said this to me, I’d be terrified that I was, as they say, “ruined for life!” I’d be wondering what awful thing had happened to me, with the emphasis on “LOOONG time”. Is he saying I won’t be able to have sex for months? Years? Never again?

Without context of the pink it’s hard to tell, but if this was the start of that conversation, it doesn’t sound like the doctor was saying “Don’t have sex right here in the delivery room” so much as making the mother believe (rightly or wrongly) that there was something terribly wrong.

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