Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Oct
15
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“How Do You Know What A Vulva Is…?
“How do you know what a vulva is? Most grown women don’t even know what that is.” – OB/Gyn to 14 year old woman who stated her discomfort from a yeast infection was on her vulva.
There are 49 comments to this post.
Oh, jeez. Objecting to a patient using the correct technical term for a part of her body. Irrelevant to medical care. Shaming a patient because she seems to know something about her sex organs. And to a fourteen-year-old at that. Shame on you, Doctor.
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So what would this OB/GYN say to my 3 year old who uses the word “vulva” in the appropriate context? Including when she’s playing “Simon Says” with her Papa.
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danilu Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 4:54 pm (Quote)
Wait…. why is your child using vulva in “Simon Says”?
And just for the record, I’m not objecting to her using the word. I’m objecting to the fact that the way the game sf played, that doesn’t sound the least bit appropriate.
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Erika Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 5:10 pm (Quote)
Because she’s 3 and is still learning boundaries about when it is and isn’t appropriate to talk about things like her vulva.
When she uses it in a context like Simon Says we gently remind her that it’s not an appropriate context for talking about her vulva (and when she says it to her father, we also remind her that not everyone has one) and we try to understand that she’s still learning boundaries.
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danilu Reply:
December 13th, 2011 at 3:49 pm (Quote)
I was picturing Simon Says as in, “Simon Says rub your head.” So, “Simon Says touch your vulva” seemed a little inappropriate to me. The context you’ve given makes more sense to me. I was picturing it as how you described.
My children know the correct names for body parts as well, that’s not why I was thrown off.
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Holly Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 5:13 pm (Quote)
Probably for the same reason when I ask my son where his arm is, his leg is, toes, fingers, foot, stomach, chest, etc is he is more than willing and able to show me where his butt and then his penis are. They are normal body parts. A child should KNOW his/her body parts. If they are ever touched telling a cop that a guy touched her hoo ha or her putty tat is not going to get her anywhere.. neither is telling a dr that her bottom hurts later in life. It isn’t a “bottom” “putty tat” “hoo ha” or any of that crap. It’s a vulva. Boys have a penis and testicles. My two year old can name and point, so can my four year old. It’s normal. As long as parents don’t make it dirty (which it isn’t) those are just three more body parts that a child may/may not have depending on sex. Have you never said “Simon says ‘touch your nose’”? Same difference, but kids are innocent and don’t have all the emotional and social garbage associated with saying “point to your penis (or vulva)”.
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Julie had this to say,
Oct 15, 2011 @ 7:29 pm (Quote)
This is almost a compliment… Our society is so over sexualized that we use nicknames for our genitals… Hooha, vajayjay and of course the more raunchy sounding ones… My friend refers to her “front bum”. I think a lot of women probably don’t know the proper terms.
I’m picturing the OB being pleasantly surprised and someone knowing and using the proper word, let alone a teenager. Maybe I’m just optimistic tonight.
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Oct 15, 2011 @ 8:05 pm (Quote)
It makes me sad to think this doc has that many patients who don’t know the proper names for their own body parts.
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first time mommy had this to say,
Oct 15, 2011 @ 8:29 pm (Quote)
Um, b/c I paid attention in Sex Ed? Or b/c my mom taught me? I knew what a vulva was when I was like 5.
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Jessica had this to say,
Oct 15, 2011 @ 8:46 pm (Quote)
It reminds me of my MIL who freaked out when my then 6-year-old mentioned her vagina was itchy because she was “too young” for that kind of language. When is it appropriate to refer to anatomy by its proper name? I don’t call my nose a nickname, why should my vulva have one?
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Why SHOULDN’T a pubescant teenager know her female body parts? Seriously, I didn’t learn about alot of the anatomy names until I was pregnant with my first at 16. I was never educated. My daughter, on the other hand, will be educated about all of it without shame or embarrassment. She’s only two and knows that she has a vagina. Why should I lie and call it something “cutsie” so she doesn’t know what it is? What if someone touched her and she didn’t know what to call it besides her “flower” or something else?
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Knitted in the Womb had this to say,
Oct 15, 2011 @ 9:57 pm (Quote)
Look Mr. Smarty pants…just because you can’t find your forskin doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be able to identify her vulva…oh, wait…was that a low blow?
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BeckyJ Reply:
October 15th, 2011 at 10:02 pm (Quote)
LMFAO “can’t find your foreskin”! That’s rich! Really, it is. ha!
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I’ve heard of social workers having problems reporting sexual abuse (perhaps on here?) due to pet names for genitals. In one case, a little girl said a man touched her purse, but they only had the mother’s word that her purse was her vagina. As I understand, they were unable to get a conviction.
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LTP Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 1:36 am (Quote)
Any counselor or doctor assigned to a sexual abuse case will be able to help a small child communicate effectively. Professionals use diagrams, dolls, play, art and all sorts of other methods to help children who are so traumatized (or so young) they *can’t* speak ensure their abusers are brought to justice; a child who calls their vulva a ‘purse’ is no problem.
That’s an old wives tale has been around since I was a little girl! 
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Jane Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 4:27 am (Quote)
In one of Harriet Lerner’s books, she writes about a teen who tried to report that an adult male had abused her. She reported it to her doctor, as she’d been told to do.
She told the doctor what the man had done, and the doctor said, “You mean he touched your *vagina*?”
And the girl thought, but she knew the man hadn’t gone into the vagina. He’d only touched the vulva. So she said no, and the doctor didn’t pursue it. Reporting sexual abuse is already such a difficult thing, and she was unsure it was the right thing to do anyhow, and so on — and the doctor had undermined her confidence. So the girl kept it to herself for the next ten years.
So yes, the right or wrong terms can mean the difference between conviction and no prosecution whatsoever — only in this case, it was the doctor’s discomfort that caused the problem rather than the girl’s use of terms.
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I am not surprised that the doctor is surprised. I’m not familiar with biology and sexual education in the US, but it appears to be rather vague. I know a 17 year old girl in my husband’s family who didn’t even know where to insert a tampon. She also didn’t know the proper terms for any orifice in that area. The internet had to be consulted for a nice diagram with explanations, and then good advice from the rest of us on how a woman most comfortably can insert a tampon (whilst being offered an applicator-free version, those things make it much harder, are a huge waste and firghtened the girl with its sheer size). I was totally shocked a 17 year old wouldn’t know proper terms nor how to insert it.
We started sex ed with proper terms in 4th grade, then in depth in 5th grade, and another intense 4 weeks in 8th grade which also covered all STDs and how one gets those, stuff like what types of menstural products are out there and so on. Certainly everyone I grew up with knows their anatomy. Why are people so touchy feely about it? I also noticed many find applicator tampons horrible because gasp one has to touch oneself and gets a little bloody… Being a little more aquainted with one’s body is a good thing!
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Lisa Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 8:16 am (Quote)
I’m from Arizona, and we don’t get much in the way of sex education here (although, it could be different now). We got the basic puberty video’s in the 5th and 6th grade, but after that, you had to take Health class as an elective, and even then, I don’t think they told you much. Arizona’s view on sex ed is abstinence, so teaching anything else can get your funding taken away. When I was in high school, I wrote an article about sex education in high schools (or the lack there of). When trying to find someone in the district I could talk to, I kept getting transferred to the special education department. They just didn’t know where to send me.
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Anna Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 9:51 am (Quote)
That’s horrible! If you don’t talk about it, that’s how we end up with teenies who fall pregnant unintendedly or catch STDs.
Our teachers had no troubles talking about this, I mean duh they are biology teachers. They shot down all giggles quickly and we seriously approached this. Bio is a mandatory subject from 5 through 10th grade in my EU country (and then you can switch between bio, chem, physics, astro) so no escape from the sex-ed talk
Now that we are raising our kids in the US (and I don’t know which state we will be in when they are teens), I know I will have to thoroughly educate them on the subject, but I’m not ashamed about it either so that won’t be a problem. My 3 year old son already knows proper terms and that mamas bleed once a month (I keep it at the appropriate age level).
When my daugher grows up I want her to know her anatomy and how to use a cup, pad or tampon (and where to put it, lol).
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Jane Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 2:05 pm (Quote)
I actually didn’t know how to insert a tampon until I was in my 20s, but just because I had never wanted to do it. So it’s entirely possible that a person could be tampon-stupid by her own choice. (Eventually I did want to use one, and I learned how.)
But not knowing the names of the body parts is just weird. It’s a woman’s own body. There’s nothing wrong with knowing how it works.
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Correction: I mean people find the applicator-less tampons gross because you will get more blood on your fingers… Not that I care cause I switched to a menstrual cup. Best thing ever 
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Blue Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 8:23 am (Quote)
I love the moon cup! And yeah, the concept totally freaks some people out. I always say, hey, it’s a lot less “gross” than having a trash can in your bathroom filled with bloody cotton.
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amanda Reply:
October 20th, 2011 at 7:51 am (Quote)
i switched to the diva cup a couple years ago – cheaper, better on the environment, can go 8-12 hours before it has to be changed so i don’t have to do it in public bathrooms, has NEVER leaked like tampons did… not sure what people think is gross about it – but i will never go back!!
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The doctor is right though. I can’t stand when women refer to their vulva, labia etc. as their “vagina.” Drives me bonkers, LOL.
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Kate, Ren's Mama Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 6:44 pm (Quote)
Me, too! It’s a pet-peeve, I know. But how hard is it to learn the correct term? I don’t say “my throat” when I’m talking about my mouth…
An aside, but it also bugs me when people teach kids that mamas grow babies in their “tummies” or “bellies.” It’s so prevalent that I know it’s a silly thing to be bugs by, but I have a vivid recollection of being a kid and thinking that babies grew in the same place that food was digested, and I was REALLY confused.
Therefore, my 3 year old knows where her vulva is; and that boys and men have penises, not vulvas; and that our baby is growing in my womb. It’s really not that difficult.
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Why are you all getting so offended by this? It’s a shame more grown women aren’t comfortable saying the technical words or don’t even know them. The doctor is surprised. Isn’t is possible he thinks it’s a good thing she knows the right words?
The vet’s office I used to go to, the receptionist turned bright red when I mentioned my dog’s testicles once. They never will say it back, they just refer to whatever most general term they can use.
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Darsy Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 5:48 pm (Quote)
When people submit stories for this site, they generally know that the point of the site itself is to ridicule and refute the terrible/hurtful/ignorant/insulting things that birth ‘professionals’ have said. Submitting something here in the first place that isn’t designated for Thoughtful Thursdays means the OP found the statement hurtful. Thus, knowing this context, people are responding in kind.
Even if it WAS meant as a ‘wow, good for you for even knowing your terms’ statement, the submitter didn’t take it that way.
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This thread has me wondering if I really know what is what down there. I know all the terms… I’m just wondering if I’m really thinking of exactly the right pieces when I think of the terms. (IE difference between vulva and labia) I’m gonna have to snitch the sex ed books I got my son to supplement our talks and review a bit myself!
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Kate, Ren's Mama Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 7:51 pm (Quote)
The vulva is the whole external shebang, while the vagina is the actual birth canal (internal). The vulva includes the labia (major: the two big external lips, and minor: the more delicate, petal-like inner lips, although some women have minor labia that stick out past the major labia), the clitoris and the openings to the urethra and vagina. Some might include part or all of the perineum as part of the vulva, too.
Hope that helps!
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Kristy Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 9:20 pm (Quote)
Thanks… I feel so silly. I’m sure I knew the details at one point… but five kids later and I’ve lost a few brain cells… or at least I’ve replaced some pieces of information with the pieces more needed in my current day to day life.
But now that my oldest son is 14 yrs and my daughter is 7 yrs… these details are becoming important again to answer the questions they may ask along the way!
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Yeah, the whole “baby growing in the tummy” thing is a major peeve of mine, too. I always tell my kids (starting with my pregnancy with daughter #2 when my oldest was 1) that I have a baby in my body. Simple and factual. They get more technical terms as they’re ready (and being the children of a birth professional, my kids have been quite enlightened from an early age).
I’ll never forget when one of my friends asked my one-year old oldest when I was pregnant with my second, “Does Mommy have a baby in her tummy?” Oldest looked at her and said, “No.” “My BODY!” I whispered. Friend corrected her terminology, and got a data dump from my daughter about the “mommy baby body!”
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This reminds me of my stay in the hospital after having my first son. I had an episiotomy that tore all the way through, and the nurses kept coming in and asking me how my “bottom” felt. I was so confused, thinking they were trying to ask about pooping or something. It took me quite a while to figure out that they were referring to my incision site. I wondered why they didn’t just say so. I can understand that they wouldn’t want to offend or embarrass some women by asking how their vagina or vulva felt, but why not ask, “Is your incision giving you discomfort?” “Have you noticed an increase in pain?”
On a side note, one of my aunts is extemely conservative about body parts and names, and she has four sons. She was pregnant with her fifth child a few years ago and finally was confronted by one of her sons about where babies come out. She lied, sort of. She told him that there is a special place called the birth canal, implying that it appears during pregnancy or something. I thought it was such a shame that she missed a good teaching opportunity. It’s hard to get boys to pay attention to sex ed about women, so I will seize every opportunity I have to educate my sons.
Another quick one, another of my aunts recently had her sixth child, and one of her oldest sons was around when she was talking about birth. She was trying to tailor the conversation to be less graphic and he said, “It’s okay, mom. I know where babies come out.” She asked him how he found out, and he said from the TV show Lost. “It’s kind of obvious when the lady is on her back and everyone is staring between her legs.” So congrats, America. Your awful forced birthing position forces children to understand the dangerous secret of where babies come from. Oh, the horror!
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I actually have a blog post (except no blog so it is in my notes on facebook) about this situation.. except from the male side. I say “penis”. My sons say “penis”. Our home says “penis”.. (yea.. try talking dirty during sex and say penis instead of the dirtier.. well.. you know.. lol.. oops)… anyway.. I was berated (thankfully through private message) for saying PENIS and teaching my sons to say PENIS after a post about something cute and penis related that my oldest had done. I don’t even remember what it was but I was told I should teach him something “less vulgar” and that wasn’t so obvious. I was asked what I would do if he shouted his PENIS hurt or something in a store (cause if we were in a penis and he started yelling about his peter, willy, etc wouldn’t be as obvious??). So I had a rant about it. It’s incredible that we aren’t supposed to teach our children the names of their body parts 
Or that people are surprised when our kids can use the name of their body parts accurately. Though in typing this, I did realize we have just taught “penis” and not been specific (ie foreskin, glans, etc), but he’s only four so I guess I have plenty of time lol
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Vulva, penis, eyes ,nose, arms, legs…
All my kids know these body parts and they are all under 7 years old.
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