Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Oct
10
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Still Could’ve Delivered Vaginally.”
“You still could’ve delivered vaginally.” – Midwife to mother who experienced a traumatic labor and cesarean section for her 12 pound baby.
There are 31 comments to this post.
nicola sunnyboo had this to say,
Oct 10, 2011 @ 4:31 am (Quote)
i dont get what is wrong with this statement.. We complain when the medical world says a baby is too big to birth naturally,… We complain when they say a big baby could have been born naturally… Maybe they done others things wrong in labour, but i dont think this statement is one of them…
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Billie Jo Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 4:49 am (Quote)
I think it may be because most women already feel as though they failed at Labor and Delivery or *Gave Up*.
This sort of comment after the fact would just enforce in some women’s minds that they failed.
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Jane Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 5:05 am (Quote)
It says the mom had a traumatic labor. The objection when they say a big baby can’t be born vaginally is that they say it at the 39 week checkup and recommend going straight for cesarean, or they say it during labor when there are normal labor discomforts and it ends up discouraging the mom. “Oh, you pushed twice and didn’t have the baby? Must be a HUGE baby!”
But after a mother gave it her all and endured trauma and then had a c-section, that’s not the time to tell her she could have birthed vaginally. Where was this midwife when the mom was laboring? Why wasn’t she there helping the mom have that vaginal birth she thinks the mom could have had?
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Sam Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 5:49 am (Quote)
Where was this midwife when the mom was laboring? Why wasn’t she there helping the mom have that vaginal birth she thinks the mom could have had?
<<< – - – THAT!!!
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Jennifer Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 5:20 am (Quote)
The problem with the statement is that it serves no purpose other than to shame the mother which is the problem with the majority of the statements on this site.
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Alyson Miers Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 3:14 pm (Quote)
Without having seen the pink link, I thought it was possible that the midwife honestly thought she was saying what the mother needed to hear. Even so, the comment could go in two directions: 1) the midwife wasn’t there with the mother during her traumatic labor, in which case, where was she? and 2) the midwife was there for the labor when the mother opted for the c-section, and now she’s telling the mother she didn’t try hard enough. It’s a tactless comment, at best.
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joslyn had this to say,
Oct 10, 2011 @ 5:07 am (Quote)
Well if it was still possible in the midwifes eyes why is she saying this AFTER the c-section? I mean words of encouragement during labor probably would have been nice.
And he’d I think I would have felt like a failure after a c-section to begin with and then basically be told I was a Nimrod for going with it when I could have delivered vaginally?
Pshaw I can imagine the condescending tone of voice to this.
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Kate, Ren's Mama had this to say,
Oct 10, 2011 @ 6:39 am (Quote)
It doesn’t matter whether the midwife’s statement was factually correct or not, telling someone who’s just suffered a trauma “You didn’t try hard enough” is neither helpful nor compassionate.
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Whether this was a recap of the birth or even a consultation for a future birth, the correct way to have expressed this would be to say something along the lines of,”If a similar scenario happens again, there may be some things we could do to attain a successful VBAC”.
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Mama Wrench had this to say,
Oct 10, 2011 @ 8:10 am (Quote)
The only way this would be okay is if she followed it with, “but sometimes ‘necessary’ doesn’t mean medically necessary. You did everything you had to to get your baby out safely and you shouldn’t feel like you did anything wrong.”
After my c-section (following 17 hours of unmedicated birth and 2 hours of pushing) the nurse told me it was too bad I “gave in” and had a c-section (this while I was still waiting to see my baby). Because apparently I just didn’t feel like enough of a failure already.
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This one is mine. This birth was supposed to be an HBAC. I was nervous because my belly was massive and an ultrasound at 30 weeks already showed my baby at 8lbs. She reminded me that u/s is often wrong and kept reassuring me that it was just the way my baby was laying and I’d have a 9lb’er tops. My water was broken for 2 days before I went into labor and when the contractions came, they were strong fast and incredibly painful no matter what I did or tried. My husband called our midwife and she came, checked baby’s heartrate, said it was good and said that I was fine and she left. I labored all day like this, in screaming pain. It got so bad I could’nt even move or walk due to the pain in my hips and pelvis. We called her again and she said if I wanted to get some pain relief she’d meet us at the hospital. We went. She didnt. In fact she never showed up at all. So I got an epidural to ease the pain and let me rest. The hospital wanted to section me right away due to the fact that my water had already been broken for two days and I wouldnt let them because I was waiting for my midwife. If I couldn’t have a homebirth maybe I could still deliver vaginally. They called her, we called her, she never came she stopped answering her phone. After 2 days in labor at the hospital, never dialating past 7cm and baby’s heartrate starting to decel, I let them section me. Turns out she was stuck in my pelvis and it took him a little bit to get her out. She was 12lbs 1oz. He said ” this isn’t failure to progress”. He called it something else but I don’t remember what it was. Basically, she was stuck and any longer in there could’ve killed us (his words.)He also recommended not having any more children. In my half drugged and feverish state, I agreed. So I had a csection and a tubal. Thankfully my daughter is perfectly fine. The midwife showed up the next day and said ” oh well I figured you were handling it okay and I think you still could’ve delivered vaginally.” My mom kicked her out. We tried to file a complaint against her but thats when we learned my province has no governing body for midwives even though they’re funded by healthcare. I still have nightmares about what happened. I still suffer from severe back and pelvic pain.
sorry for such a long story..
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silverhawkwarrior Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 8:32 am (Quote)
My gosh.
Oh, my blessed gosh.
Is there such a charge as ‘attempted negligent homicide?’
Liz, thank goodness you were all right, thank goodness you made the right call for yourself and your little girl, thank goodness for your OB’s training and skill, thank goodness for your guts and your courage. That midwife should be run out of town on a rail. This is way up there among the most atrocious stories I’ve read.
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Krista Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 8:46 am (Quote)
I am so sorry for the horrible treatment you received from your “midwife”. Just, ew. It’s for times like this that c-sections were created. I hope you’re able to resolve your back and pelvic pain soon.
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Lisa Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 8:51 am (Quote)
There must be something you can do to make sure this midwife doesn’t practice anymore. Inform the medical board of her negligence, call a local news station and tell them about your story. Anything that gets this out. What she did was cruel to you and she is obviously not a very good midwife if she couldn’t figure out that baby was stuck. A midwife is there to help you birth and to give you options, not pass judgement. When I suggested breaking my waters to my midwife since labor wasn’t progressing, she gave me several options (break the waters like I suggested, go to the hospital for pit or keep on laboring). Had I decided to go to the hospital she would have been there to at least hold my hand and be supportive. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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BeckyJ Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 9:35 am (Quote)
That midwife sounds like a flaky b**ch! I’m sorry you had to go through so much to get your precious daughter.
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Heather Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 10:50 am (Quote)
OMG, I am so sorry. That is just plain horrible. WTF was wrong with your midwife? And for the doctor to take advantage of you like that while you were drugged: I mean, isn’t that what repeat cesareans are FOR? I am just so, so sorry you were failed like that. You worked so hard and did such an awesome job 
Congrats on your little girl 
You sure did grow a big healthy’un, right? 
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Elizabeth Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 12:25 pm (Quote)
Wow, I am so sorry you had to go through that, and your midwife was horrible! I’m even more sorry if you didn’t want the tubal. i guess that’s why here in Germany woman aren’t even allowed to choose to get an epidural in labor without having met with and counseled by an anesthesiologist and signed forms during pregnancy.
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Arzt4Empfaenger Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 2:57 pm (Quote)
(So far for the theory, but when a woman without previous “anesthesiological” information/work-up and paperwork comes in, there *is* the unbeaurocratic way to just give a quick run-down and signing the papers. Forensically it’s not 100% waterproof, but no one who asks for an epi is denied one because they didn’t get a timely pre-talk.)
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Alyson Miers Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 3:18 pm (Quote)
It sounds like you had obstructed labor, and the c-section was absolutely necessary and your midwife was not only negligent but actually wrong to say such a thing. Did the OB call it CPD, or cephalo-pelvic disproportion?
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Audrey had this to say,
Oct 10, 2011 @ 11:18 am (Quote)
Wow, I am sorry your midwife was such a b*tch. What surprises me about your story is that they performed a tubal ligation while you were, as you stated, in a “drugged and feverish state.” Having a BTL is a huge deal and I’m surprised they had you make that call while out of it. A c-section, they have to get consent when you’re out of it, because the well-being of 2 patients are on the line. But I’m surprised about the tubal. How did you feel about it?
Best,
A
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So sorry for this horrible experience! I’m glad your little girl is well, that is the silver lining isn’t it? This is an important lesson for everyone reading here- that no matter what title someone is practicing under, it doesn’t guarantee they are good at it. There is a hb midwife in my area who is known to be very similar, and when I interviewed her the hair on the back of my neck stood up, just as it does in most OB offices. I am so sorry for your loss… can tubals be reversed?
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Arzt4Empfaenger had this to say,
Oct 10, 2011 @ 3:00 pm (Quote)
A Midwife who leaves you in painful labour and doesn’t respond to calls is the worst, how irresponsible! We labored for 7 hours and she was there all the time (sometimes in the next room but never gone), never left after she checked and confirmed the real contractions.
I’m sorry you had this experience, usually one would think that midwifes only chose this profession out of pure passion for birthing.
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Unfortunately, there are bully midwives out there that are only interested in furthering thier agenda. I had a bad experience with one myself.
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Mama Wrench Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 5:08 pm (Quote)
And since less than 1% of American births are home births and less than 5% are attended by MWs, even just a few bad eggs make the whole system look bad.
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Add Your Comment.
What is it with medical professionals needing to have one last “gotcha”?
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