Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Oct
4
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Maybe This Will Teach You To Keep Your Legs Closed.”
“Maybe this will teach you to keep your legs closed.” – OB to 17 year old mother who birthed her baby after 33 hours of labor, with a face presentation, episiotomy and significant tear.
There are 59 comments to this post.
Sydnie had this to say,
Oct 4, 2011 @ 11:05 am (Quote)
This is terrible! I hope this sorry excuse for a human being was reported. As if that poor girl wasn’t chastised enough by the public, a medical area should be a safe place. Ugh! Seemed like this asshat was just being spiteful, I bet she didn’t even need an episiotamy! That probably caused her to tear more. I’m so sorry, OP. You didn’t deserve this.
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Here is the thing doc, people are going to have sex. Just because she is 17 and pregnant doesn’t mean she didn’t take precautions. NO birth control is 100%.
Or she could have been raped?
Or you could just keep your judgmental mouth shut!
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road2vba2c Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 11:22 am (Quote)
Or she’s married?? This doc is ridiculous.
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BeckyJ Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 12:54 pm (Quote)
My birth control failed me. And since my son was born, almost 5 years ago, my birth control(2 different kinds) has failed me another 3 times!
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Jade Reply:
October 6th, 2011 at 2:59 am (Quote)
Since I was 16 I have fallen pregnant 4 times while using contraception. twice using the pill and condoms, once using just condoms and once with an implanon and condoms. Out of 5 pregnancies, ONE was conceived deliberately.
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BeckyJ Reply:
October 6th, 2011 at 3:55 am (Quote)
Same here. I miscarried one of the babies I conceived on birth control and decided to try to get pregnant after that, because I had wanted the baby after getting used to the idea. Now we have the most beautiful little girl! She’ll be 2 on the 7th.
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Jessica had this to say,
Oct 4, 2011 @ 11:16 am (Quote)
Face presentations are pretty difficult from what I hear but I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be a “learning” experience for young mothers. Ugh! That comment just suckens me!
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Lisa Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 11:38 am (Quote)
Is face presentation the same as posterior? Where the baby comes out face up instead of face down? Or is this something else?
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Tee Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 11:41 am (Quote)
No, face presentation is when the baby’s neck is flexed backwards and the face itself enters the birth canal first instead of the top of the head.
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Kali Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 3:22 pm (Quote)
Here is a face presentation. WARNING GRAPHIC IMAGE: http://mamamattersdoula.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/web-brittanyjoiner_facepresentbw.jpg I took this picture of s VBAC client. She did NOT tear. It was amazing.
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Katy Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 3:34 pm (Quote)
Kali, may I repost this pic to a midiwfery forum? That is incredible.
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Kali Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 3:35 pm (Quote)
You may if you post it with a link back to my website http://www.mamamatters.com and send me a link to where you posted. Thanks! 
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first time mommy had this to say,
Oct 4, 2011 @ 11:20 am (Quote)
This could have happened to ANY mother regardless of age 
Regardless of how old anyone is when they give birth, they deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect and support.
OP, I’m so sorry this was said to you!
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Yes, by all means lets provide inconsistent, untrue, and misleading ‘sex education’ to school students, then blame THEM when they turn up pregnant. That ends well for EVERYONE.
I really hope they got reported, but OP, if you didn’t feel comfortable to do that, I hope that you at least got some closure from attitudes like that somehow. You in NO WAY ‘deserve’ pain from labor for being pregnant at a young age. In fact, very many women have painful labors–and many women are treated that way no matter what their age, as well. You’re not alone, and you’re not to blame.
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Robyn Reply:
October 5th, 2011 at 5:04 am (Quote)
The first part of your comment makes me think of what my friend said happened in her sex ed class. The teacher showed a video (VHS tape) of a baby being born. After the baby was born the teacher says “Let’s watch that again!” and rewinds it with the video still on the screen so the kids not only saw the baby come out, but go back in, and come out again.
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Kit Reply:
October 5th, 2011 at 11:08 am (Quote)
This happened in our sex ed class. And the boy beside me provided sound effects too. (It was a silent tape in the first place) Kinda disturbing watching a kid go flying back up into it mom, the forceps get “sucked” in and the episiotomy “heal” itself. All with a 15 year old making weird noises into your ear.
Same boy named his “robot baby” (baby think it over) “Optimus Prime”.
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No, all it taught her was that doctors can be cruel and punishing, and that she shouldn’t trust the medical establishment to look out for her best interests.
So doctor, you stifled her criticism of your mismanagement of her birth. You defending your self- definition as a good doctor was definitely not worth what it cost her.
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jaed Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 2:52 pm (Quote)
Or – I hope this wasn’t so, but it could be – it taught her that she was to blame for anything about the birth that was bad, that she was a Bad Person and it was All Her Fault because she had sex. That’s pretty clearly the bully-doctor’s goal here. And it works on people who are emotionally vulnerable or who are prone to put responsibility on themselves.
I’m hoping that the mother’s having sent it in to this site meant she saw through the manipulation… but it’s easy to imagine young mothers who wouldn’t, who would believe the doctor’s lie and internalize blame, maybe for years afterward. Makes me ill to think about.
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Mamaspud had this to say,
Oct 4, 2011 @ 12:18 pm (Quote)
When I read this title, I just kept whispering to myself, “Please don’t let her have been raped…” until the page loaded. Ugh…
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Annemarie Vinci Chagnon Reply:
December 1st, 2011 at 8:57 am (Quote)
thankfully no I was not.though my very soon to be husband was not a stellar man.
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a) I’m pretty sure at least one of my kiddos was conceived during doggy style. There are lots of creative sex positions that don’t involve having your legs open.
b) It’s cool that this baby wasn’t an automatic c/s.
and c)
This doctor shouldn’t be touching anyone EVER. totally horrible, OP. So sorry this happened to you.
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mary Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 12:25 pm (Quote)
^^^
I was going to say that some of the best sex I’ve ever had was with my legs firmly closed.
OP, I was a 17-year old mother myself, and I’m so sorry this Douchewaffle said that to you.
What an Assclown!
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Annemarie Vinci Chagnon Reply:
December 1st, 2011 at 8:56 am (Quote)
hahaha douchewaffle I will now adopt this word!
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Annemarie Vinci Chagnon Reply:
December 1st, 2011 at 8:59 am (Quote)
Actually one of the nurses suggested sectioning me and the dr said “no, why let her take the easy way out, the baby is fine”
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Mama Wrench Reply:
December 1st, 2011 at 10:17 am (Quote)
I really hope her c/s patients know that she thinks they’re getting off “easily” when they need someone to help them sit up just to feed their babies, are being yelled at to poop or fart 12 hours after surgery, and get inadequate pain medication because they don’t want to poison the baby with tainted breastmilk.
Yup, WAY easier than vaginal birth. *gag*
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I’m so sick of these young mothers being made examples of. I hear stories from doulas who work with teens and it’s just awful what they are told and how they are treated during labor and delivery. It’s like Samantha said and the OB most likely has no idea the back story behind the pregnancy. Judgemental jacka$$.
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Emily D. Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 7:15 pm (Quote)
I have heard horrible stories, too. I don’t understand why doctors think that shame, fear, and pain are going to be more memorable and effective than deep, compassionate humanity at this moment in the young woman’s life. She’s already made the incredibly hard and brave decision to carry the baby to term. I just can’t wrap my mind around the idea that browbeating this heroic girl would ever be a good idea!
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You have got to be kidding me. This comment makes me sick…This dr is a sadistic disgusting excuse for a medical professional. How dare he/she say this?!!! I really, really hope someone spoke up & gave this jerk a verbal whiplash!
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Oct 4, 2011 @ 2:10 pm (Quote)
So, did Dr. Stabby-Hands state any indication for the episiotomy, or was it just to teach the young mom a lesson? Because that’s been an entry here at least once before.
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Maddy Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 4:57 pm (Quote)
Is there EVER an indication for episiotomy?
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first time mommy Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 5:10 pm (Quote)
Yup. It’s called “I’ve got a tee time in x amount of minutes and to make I need to leave in x amount of minutes which means baby needs to be born in x amount of minutes so we need to do this FAST” syndrome.
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Alyson Miers Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 5:24 pm (Quote)
Occasionally, it’s necessary to facilitate a forceps or vacuum extraction, or to get a baby out who’s showing signs of distress. But usually there’s no medical benefit.
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Heaven forbid maybe she even *wanted* to have a baby??
Shit.
I was 19 when I had my first and AS SOON AS my baby was out and cord was cut, the nurse made a smug “Bet you won’t ever do THAT again” at me and my husband.
I was in another zone so without my usual attitude, but I really felt part of my mind reach out and slap her in the mouth.
RRRRG!
I am so so sorry, OP. That was extremely out of line.
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What a thoroughly disgusting excuse for a human being, let alone a doctor. Judgementalism of a particularly ugly and personal sort, presumptuousness (did the patient request your unpleasant opinions, doctor?), unprofessionalism (is that a medical opinion, doctor?), and just sheer cruelty and malice, deliberate infliction of suffering. Even the doctor’s language is disgusting.
Worst of all, framing birth as punishment for sex. (And I suspect this doctor may have helped that along – both by cutting an episiotomy and possibly at other points during the birth.) A doctor who thinks that way about birth – that it’s a bad thing that will teach women a lesson – has no business attending the event of a child’s coming into the world, or being around a new mother. Ever.
This mother was entitled to her doctor’s best professional efforts on her behalf. Instead, this doctor chose to bully someone who was vulnerable and in pain.
Some of these comments just make me laugh, some make me shudder, but for some reason these are the ones that really make me angry.
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What a jerk. You know, doc, there are some moms out there who are very good moms, while still very young, and often very married.
Your job, as you so often shove down our throats, is to keep birth safe. And that’s your only job. Not to judge. And if you can’t control the judgmental attitude, then keep your opinion to yourself. OK?
Also, the demographic that the mom comes from should not change the doc’s treatment of her.
Age, height, weight, color, race, religion, sexual orientation – none of these things change the fact that mom deserves patience, kindness, and professionalism from everyone attending her birth.
OP, I’m so sorry you were treated that way, and then spoken to so inappropriately.
The way you were treated was DEFINITELY NOT your fault. It was the doc’s fault, and he blamed it on you so you wouldn’t blame it on him.
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this is mine but i was waiting for the email to make sure and didn’t get one. hope there aren’t two stories exactly like this!
my ob has a great reputation for her skills in emergencies and a HORRIBLE reputation for working with young mothers, but i had no choice who i could see. i went into labour 2 days before my due date, on Canada day. amazingly, i was the only one delivering that day (our hospital usually delivers about 10 a day). i got settled in and the nurses checked me – i had ruptured at home and was about 3cm. the contractions began to get painful and i was given a shot of demoral. because the ob wasn’t at the hospital, i couldn’t have an epidural until she got there and ordered it (she must have ordered the demoral over the phone?). in any case, about an hour after that they did a check and i could tell something was wrong. all four nurses took a turn checking me and then they told me i could no longer have ice or water or any more drugs. this was about 6am.
i was in the room right at the desk and i could hear them calling the ob, who was obviously in no hurry to come. every half our or so a nurse would come and say about how she should be here soon. at 9am i was in alot of pain and had horrible pressure and was fully dialated. the nurses were trying to get me in as many positions as possible to push but after about 2 hours i had no strength and was in alot of pain and couldn’t support myself very well. this went on all morning. the nurses were still trying to get the ob to come and were getting upset by this point.
the last two hours were awful and i honestly don’t remember a lot of it. what i do remember is the ob coming in at 2:00, watching me push for a couple contractions and then doing the episiotomy. she had to reach in and turn my daughter who was then born immediately.
it took about 45 minutes for her to do the sutures as i had internal tears and external. she wouldn’t give me any freezing and this was when she made the above comment.
in the original post i had said she was a ‘face presentation’ as that’s what the nurses had told me after, but after seeing the (amazing!) photo posted above, maybe that’t the wrong word. she came with one ear/cheek first, and one ear against her shoulder, so instead of just her head molding, her cheeckbone got a bit squished. she had some partial paralysis from it (would only root on one side)and needed 6 months of physio to regain the movement in her neck but she was fine by the time she was a year old.
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Alyson Miers Reply:
October 5th, 2011 at 9:46 am (Quote)
Sounds like your daughter was asynclitic. And your OB was a punitive, judgmental piece of work.
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Annemarie Vinci Chagnon had this to say,
Dec 1, 2011 @ 8:50 am (Quote)
Actually I think This was me. I was 17 and suffered with a horrid long labor,stuck in the bed. Finally 30hrs into the decided for me it was time to break my water. I was crawling up the bed away from the doctor and was terrified. the nurses kept making snide comments and they were just horrid to me because I was so young.
after the nurse dropped my leg while pushing to talk to my mother like I wasnt there and after I kept telling them I WAS pushing and being threatened with forceps and such. the doctor cut the episiotomy and I tore anyway.
my 8lb baby came out face first and face up. The doctor was stitching me while they whisked the baby away and I was crying because I could feel the needle every single time. His response was this “maybe it will teach you to keep your legs closed”
baby came to me with the lovely bruised face. I wish I had gotten pictures.
I did attempt to report the dr. and was told I probably heard him wrong and that its “normal” for young mothers like myself to get “overemotional” air quotes and all.
I have since had 4 more babies. finally dealt with the trauma from the first birth this time.
he is now 16 and a truly amazing young man.I am so proud of him
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Monica Reply:
January 26th, 2012 at 9:54 am (Quote)
Unfortunately you were never any good at keeping your legs closed since about the age of 13 or so. Faking pregnancies, lying about rapes, faking relationship stories. You have left a trail of wounded men in your sloppy wake. A book could be made about your past Anne and it would be a best seller. Man killer 101. Maybe now god is punishing you and that autism factory you call a womb.
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first time mommy had this to say,
Jan 26, 2012 @ 12:51 pm (Quote)
Agreed, MOSW. I, too, appreciate how we can discuss openly and honestly, but that comment above goes too far and personally attacks, which isn’t cool.
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Up yours. You must have a very sad, unfulfilled and pathetic existence.
Unfortunately you were never any good at keeping your legs closed since about the age of 13 or so.Faking pregnancies, lying about rapes, faking relationship stories.You have left a trail of wounded men in your sloppy wake.A book could be made about your past Anne and it would be a best seller.Man killer 101.Maybe now god is punishing you and that autism factory you call a womb.
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Add Your Comment.
Unbelievable. Wow. Just…wow. I’m so sorry.
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