Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Aug
17
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Thank You For Being A Woman With Common Sense.”
“Thank you for being a woman with common sense.” – OB to mother who stated that she was afraid of having a home birth.
There are 29 comments to this post.
first time mommy had this to say,
Aug 17, 2011 @ 7:29 pm (Quote)
As someone who is actually afraid of home birth, this hurts! It’s not common sense; it’s my fears of “what if” and trusting myself =(
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Abby Reply:
August 17th, 2011 at 8:55 pm (Quote)
I wish I’d had the opportunity to have a “what if” when I was 16 and about to give birth to my first- I was threatened with CPS’s involvement… Hon, I do get it, I really do. More than you know. The fear that makes you second guess yourself—> if you’re feel conflicted, it is because something isn’t right. HB is not for all women, neither is birth rape…
If you feel conflicted, the *only* thing to set you at ease is unbiased information, which there is plenty of.
If I had known then, what I know now, I would have laid in my own bed and had an amazing birth- instead, I was in the hospital for less than 20 minutes and scarred for life… That doesn’t happen to *everyone* but it happens often.
The simple reality is, that your body will know what to do, even if you don’t. That baby will come out of you with, or without help- despite what you are lead to believe by the medical community… your little one will come when he/she is ready and no sooner… even if you never, ever push, your uterus will and that baby will be born.
***Do Not*** lose faith in your ability because of the lies you’ve been fed- OWN your body. OWN your birth. ONLY you can 
Birth is nothing to fear, embrace what your body can do and you’ll feel a high like none other that exists on the planet!!!
*steps down from podium*
…..and, I know a lot of women who enjoy their hospital birth- they own that, nothing wrong with it. But, the reality does not change that we do not need it. We choose it. Choose what *feels* natural to you…
*ok, really stepping down now*
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Melissa Reply:
August 17th, 2011 at 11:22 pm (Quote)
I had a home birth with my first child (only so far). These are two pieces that move me.
http://www.mamaeve.com/natural-childbirth/birth-without-fear-doesnt-mean-you-cant-be-scared/
http://motherwitdoula.blogspot.com/2011/05/mental-toughness-approaching-natural.html
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Astraea Reply:
August 21st, 2011 at 2:29 pm (Quote)
You’re not weak, you’re right to be afraid. Read my story on my blog (linked in my username).
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Kat Reply:
August 21st, 2011 at 2:46 pm (Quote)
It’s awful you were treated that way, and sadly homebirth care practitioners are not immune to the same problem that exists in medical-setting care practitioners:
Some of them are bad apples.
It’s not homeBIRTH itself that is to blame, it’s people who have no business being around laboring women, regardless of the setting.
Your former midwife and my former midwife seem to both belong in that category. And while I completely agree that every woman should trust her instincts, get away from “bad care providers” etc. it’s not right to blame the victims of those care providers for not being smart enough, perceptive enough, strong enough to recognize what was happening to them at the time. I’m not saying you are, I’m saying that’s the temptation we have inside us. “If only I had…”
It takes a long time and a lot of work to let go of that “If only…” and insist on the truth: this person that I trusted/thought I trusted FAILED ME.
That being said, if a woman feels that homebirth is not the best option for her, no one should shame her or make her feel that her choice is inferior. EVERY WOMAN deserves competent, respectful, evidence-based birth care, whether at home, in the hospital, or in a birthing center. No exceptions.
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Mama Wrench had this to say,
Aug 17, 2011 @ 8:46 pm (Quote)
Maybe it’s not that all those other Mommies lack sense. Maybe it’s that *this particular mom* had instincts about *this particular birth* that made her feel more comfortable in a more medical setting.
JUST A THOUGHT.
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Well yeah, that’s what an OB will say about the competition. It’s like asking a cattle or chicken farmer if I should become a vegetarian.
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Jane Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 4:49 am (Quote)
I totally agree. When someone can’t beat the opposition with facts, mockery is the next option, and this doctor has a financial interest in making sure this woman doesn’t think any more about homebirth than she already has.
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Wendy Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 8:04 am (Quote)
It goes even deeper than money. A French sociologist (I forgot who. D’oh!) stated that each profession’s PRIMARY goal is to look out for itself—protecting its image and the interests of its members. The SECONDARY goal is whatever it’s actually designed to do—deliver the mail, teach children, fly airplanes, sell real estate, provide psychotherapy, etc. (Yes, even midwives can get pretty territorial about their image and interests. Have you ever heard CNMs and CPMs duke it out? It does happen!)
This could explain why so many teachers oppose homeschooling and so many realtors oppose to FSBO houses. (No flames, please! I come from a family of teachers and respect them all deeply).
So just THINK of the impact that this theory would have on the medical profession! I work with medical professionals and once went to a conference with a doctor-dominated audience. I repeatedly heard the phrase, “Doctors are the new priests.” While in the old western world you were revered for your collar and cassock, today it’s for your white coat and stethoscope. What doctor would want to give up that kind of respect, prestige, and self-validation? Is it any wonder we hear their lofty rhetoric about “scope of practice?” Is it any surprise that they want a say in even our non-medical personal lives, like how we should parent our children? (Priests once did, after all! Again, no flames…I’m Catholic. ) Is it any wonder that they oppose women seeking midwives as an alternative?
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Kit Reply:
August 19th, 2011 at 6:19 pm (Quote)
Fortunately, there are exceptions. I am a teacher who loves the idea of homeschool and work with my mom (a former teacher) to homeschool my preschool age daughter. When she gets a bit older, I will quit teaching to homeschool fulltime. I know the public school system and don’t want to see her in it. I’m sure there are equivalents in other professions, including OBs. But we are the exception, not the rule.
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silverhawkwarrior had this to say,
Aug 17, 2011 @ 10:09 pm (Quote)
Hmm. Try again. How about:
“It sounds like you have some legitimate concerns. Let’s find some information on both home births and hospital births, so that you can look at the pros and cons of each option and make a decision for you and your baby that makes you feel safe and confident. It’s great that you’re a woman of good sense who wants to make an educated decision that works for her! You’re already being an awesome mom for your little one.”
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juliewashere88 had this to say,
Aug 18, 2011 @ 5:35 am (Quote)
Fear of home birth is totally rational, and so is fear of hospital birth, for the same and for different reasons. No one should be coerced one way or the other, they should choose what they’re most comfortable with.
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Aug 18, 2011 @ 5:55 am (Quote)
Personally I’d be afraid of being treated like a criminal in case of a transfer to hospital, more than the actual home birth. If I lived a long way from any hospital, I’d be afraid of how long it would take to transfer in case of an emergency. I think that birth, in general, would end up being a lot less scary, no matter the location, if we didn’t have to worry about having CPS called on us or having a judge called into the L&D ward.
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Samantha Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 6:38 am (Quote)
It really depends on where you live, and where you transfer. In Austin, all home births transfer to St. Davids. Several of the OBs there are super midwife friendly, and have good working relationships with each other. When I transfered with my son, my Dr. told me how sorry he was that my birth didn’t work out. My nurse told me that she had two home births, and was sorry as well. Every one was lovely, and there was no judgement at all.
Nor should there be. We are all well within our right to choose where we birth. It is just really sucky that birth in this country is in the place that it is. We all just want a good birth experience that makes us happy, and a sweet baby in our arms.
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Abby Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 7:48 am (Quote)
It truly does depend on where you live- I was threatened by an interviewing OB in NC with my second birth for what I did with my first (labor at home, I was only in the hospital less than 30 min when my daughter was born). Needless to say, I didn’t see that OB ever again, but I was threatened with CPS involvement if I “accidentally give birth at home”.
That is the only thing that brought me into the hospital with my second- the knowledge that they weren’t empty threats. NC is known for their “interventions” when a mother “recklessly endangers her child” (ie labors and births at home).
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Rebecca Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 10:48 am (Quote)
And its even happened that women have been investigated after accidently having their baby not in the hospital- even when told to wait by medical personnel or giving birth en route to the hospital. I think that goes back to the thinking that labor and delivery are so hard and take so long that Mom should have been able to know earlier
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Abby Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 12:47 pm (Quote)
Precisely. I have a good friend who is pregnant with number 7 and has scheduled an induction for 39 weeks because her labors are so short… and they’ve moved to the country, she has some legitimate medical issues which make it unsafe for her to birth at home (or she would, she’s a total NCB momma).
What she is more afraid of though, is DSS investigating her and causing hell right after the baby comes- It’s happened very recently in the county she resides in. They’re pushing to make it absolutely illegal to birth out of hospital.
This is the reason I moved to SC when I was pregnant with #3- so I could have an unhindered birth experience, because I am one of those women who labors FOREVER (shortest was 36 hours), I’d have been sectioned three times if I’d labored in hospital.
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Charity Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 6:51 pm (Quote)
You know, I’m kinda surprised my midwife didn’t call CPS after the UC with my last one. She was rather angry with me and thought I’d only used her to make sure the baby was healthy and had planned the UC all along. In actuality, I knew I wouldn’t have the birth I wanted without her and she wasn’t on call that weekend. My labor lasted all of 2.5 hours and I just didn’t have time to get to the hospital. I would have had her in my SUV on the side of the road. I’m sure I was much more comfortable in my own home in my own bathtub.
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Well if more OB’s and hospitals used common sense I might not feel the need to birth at home. Starving a woman, surrounding her with strangers who poke and prod at her and strap her to a bed in an unnatural position and then wondering why her labor doesn’t progress…doesn’t sound like a whole lotta common sense going on there to me.
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Maybe if there were uniform, consistent standards for midwives and openness about each midwife’s track record she wouldn’t have to be afraid.
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Nikki Reply:
August 22nd, 2011 at 10:39 am (Quote)
well if you arent smart enough to check your midwives certifications and track record what makes you think you’d be smart enough to check your OB’s certs and records?
FYI, there is uniform certification for midwives, both CNM and CPM, the problem is that in some states you can practice without either license. As both a CNM and CPM you can face consequences through your certification agency. A laymidwife, however, has no licence to revoke, no guidelines needed to be followed, or no way to file a complaint against her behavior/actions.
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P.O.'d Reply:
September 1st, 2011 at 12:16 am (Quote)
Let me tell you what your uniform standards get–tyranny. The state where I live recently passed a law imposing a laundry list of restrictions on professional midwives (but not certified midwives partnered with OBs and delivering only in hospitals). I am having a complication-free pregnancy, and I am in good health, but I weigh exactly 20 pounds too much to have a birth with a midwife at home or a birthing center, thanks to their new BMI restrictions.
Midwives are licensed in most states. They don’t need the additional draconian measures like my state has imposed (to eliminate competition for the OBs and nurse “med”wives, not to protect patients). As Nikki said, any woman with an ounce of intelligence will check the credentials of her provider before hiring them. There is no cause to assume a certified or direct-entry midwife is inexperienced or dangerous, simply because she doesn’t have a nursing degree with her midwifery training.
Patients don’t need someone to tell us we can’t birth with the practitioner of our choice because of an arbitrary reason, like being too fat. Some overweight women do have complications, and they might or might not be related to their weight, but it doesn’t make every woman carrying extra pounds a ticking time bomb. Thanks to this nonsense, I’m stuck with my previous CNM and a hospital birth. I had a horrible experience last time and fully expect the same, or worse, this time. It has put me in a state of constant anxiety, and I was really looking forward to birth before finding out this news. So, those so-called safety measures have done nothing for my health.
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Details Reply:
September 1st, 2011 at 6:07 am (Quote)
You know our state used to publish each hospital’s track record on line. For some reason I can’t find that information this year. And guess what, the c-section rate around here is 40% – multiple hospitals at close to 40%- some over. Why do you think they took that information off the state health department web site?
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Of course. Wouldn’t expect more or less.
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