Jul 9

“Stop Crying…”

“Stop crying! Now just settle down and stop crying.” – Postpartum nurse to mother who birthed a baby who had passed away during labor.

182 people dislike these words.

There are 39 comments to this post.

Mary had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 6:52 pm (Quote)

Wow. I hope that there was someone there with that poor mama who punched that nurse in the face.

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Megan Reply:
July 9th, 2011 at 6:57 pm Megan(Quote)

This… ditto… or at the very least told her to “Stop talking! Just settle down and stop Talking!”

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Ashley Bean had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 6:54 pm (Quote)

If that happened to me: Stop bleeding, now just settle down and stop bleeding after I beat the snot out of her. At that point nothing would stop me from going postal on her.
I’m so sorry for the OP that you had to experience that, much less get those kind of remarks. I sincerely hope you filed a complaint at least. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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Sarah had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 6:56 pm (Quote)

There are no words for how insensitive that is! I am so sorry you were treated that way mama!

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Sherwood had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 6:57 pm (Quote)

I’m convinced that this type of insensitivity is just the consequence of a person’s own deep-seated traumas. the nurse needs to face her own repressed emotions and cry. my sympathies mama.

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Krista Reply:
July 9th, 2011 at 8:40 pm Krista(Quote)

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

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Argentina had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:00 pm (Quote)

I’m so sorry OP, I hope you are ok and that that incredibly insensitive “nurse” got fired ASAP… Her comment was completly uncalled for and damaging…

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Christina had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:00 pm (Quote)

This is absolutely the worst thing I have read on this site. There are plenty of dumb comments that are not rooted in any thing resembling truth, but this is just plain cruel. I can’t believe there are actually people in this world that would say something this to a grieving mother.

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Lisa Reply:
July 9th, 2011 at 7:02 pm Lisa(Quote)

Yes – “cruel” is the perfect word.

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Kate had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:20 pm (Quote)

The level of insensitivity in these comments continue to be heartbreaking. OP I am so sorry you experienced the loss of a child and then had to deal with a horrible nurse.

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Allie had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:25 pm (Quote)

I’m so sorry to the OP, I wish I were a nurse and could have been there to be a shoulder to cry on and a warm hug. My heart breaks for you and that you had to go through what you did. There are no words for that “person” no words

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kristy had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:26 pm (Quote)

wow just wow I have no words for this.

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Tee had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:28 pm (Quote)

Oh my word! I can not believe anyone could say this to a grieving mother! For the person that wrote this, I am so incredibly sorry… for both your loss and for the insensitivity of the medical staff that “took care” of you.

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Kat had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:30 pm (Quote)

SETTLE DOWN?

RRRAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

This just enrages the beast within. Nobody gets to say shit like this to one of my loss sisters and get away with it!

I know that what goes around comes around, and some day, in whatever form it takes, this piece of asshattery will come full circle and bite her HARD. But knowing that doesn’t make the words hurt any less when they stab like a knife in your back.

Ugh. My deepest love and empathy to you dear Mom who had to say goodbye too soon. I hope you will be able to find peace and healing, and that you have many loving people in your life who will cry with you and not tell you to “settle down” when all you need is a friend.

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Lindsey had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 7:33 pm (Quote)

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, I am sure you were a wonderful mother to your child while you grew him or her.

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Lisa had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 8:07 pm (Quote)

What an utterly vile comment. I hope this nurse was fired.

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Amanda had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 9:38 pm (Quote)

Wow, that makes me want to cry.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

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Jena had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 10:15 pm (Quote)

A part of my heart just withered from reading this.

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first time mommy had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 10:22 pm (Quote)

How insensitive! This sounds like the previous nurse who made that poor little guy comment! Awful! OP, I am so sorry =(

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Stacie Hogan had this to say, Jul 9, 2011 @ 11:20 pm (Quote)

this just made me gasp. How could anyone say something so cruel??! I’m so sorry for your loss and having to deal with this asshat.

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JustSarah had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 1:10 am (Quote)

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Am I allowed to swear here? I don’t care.

*hugs* OP. I think I’ve run out of words, but oh, I hope you’ve found some peace with the loss of your babe. <3

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Jade Reply:
September 8th, 2011 at 7:10 pm Jade(Quote)

totally agree with you!

So sorry OP

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Nicci P had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 3:59 am (Quote)

I know it doesnt need to be said but a mother who has lost her baby *needs* to grieve and *needs* to cry. What was this nurse expecting?

OP, I hope so much that you have found some healing with your loss and with having to deal with this awful excuse for a human being. xxxxx

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amanda had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 8:12 am (Quote)

another candidate for the button some one mentioned the other day. definately in the wrong proffession. op, i’m so very sorry for your loss.

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Kara had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 8:52 am (Quote)

This makes me want to cry. What a heartless thing to say. One of the worst things to say to someone experiencing a loss is that they shouldn’t grieve however they need to. It doesn’t nearly compare to OPs loss, but when I had a m/c my little sister called me 2 days later and told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get over it. Good thing it was on the phone and not in person or I may have slapped her. I only forgave her for that because she was 16 and had no idea how hurtful it was.

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CNicole had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 9:14 am (Quote)

This comment is just horrible. A friend of mine just lost her baby during labour last month. If I found out a nurse said this to her there would be hell to pay. Arg.

I mean this nurse would likely cry if, say, her cat died (not to say it isn’t a real loss to lose a pet, I will cry when my parrot dies), this woman just lost her BABY. A baby she has been looking forward to meeting for at least 9 months. Her body is telling her there should be a baby in her arms, it is producing colostrum and milk with no baby to feed. She is recovering physically from the birth, whether it was vaginal or by cesarean. She is in a ward full of crying babies, she never got to hear her baby cry. And instead of nursing her baby, holding him or her, planning on taking baby home, she is now planning a funeral. If anyone has any reason to cry, it is this woman. This nurse has no place around any postpartum woman (how is a woman supposed to watch for PPD etc if she is suppressing her emotions?) let alone a mom who has had a loss until she gets some sensitivity training.

To the OP. I am so very forty for your loss and how utterly insensitive this nurse was to you. I sincerely hope that you have family and friends around you who were more supportive and sensitive during this hard time. Hugs to you.

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CNicole had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 9:17 am (Quote)

That should say SORRY for your loss. On my iPod didn’t notice that typo.

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Jewels had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 9:53 am (Quote)

I think this is honestly the most revolting, cruel & heartless thing ever posted on this site!

*Hugs* to the OP! I’m so sorry you had to deal with this disgusting piece of scum claiming to be a nurse! I really hope you reported him/her & that s/he was fired!

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C.Pratt had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 10:06 am (Quote)

I’ve seen a lot of stupid, deceptive, and abusive stuff on this site, but this one takes the cake. Absolutely disgusting.
I am so so so sorry for your loss, OP.

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Kathryn had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 10:42 am (Quote)

I burst into tears when I read this. What a horrible, horrible thing for someone to say.

OP, I echo all the others here who are crying with and for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Heather had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 12:01 pm (Quote)

I had a nurse tell me that while I was sitting on the street, having just been in a car accident where both vehicles were totaled and our van rolled over the SUV that caused the accident down a hill. I was 19 weeks pregnant with my first baby.

I informed her that I got to cry right then, that I had every right and it was a normal reaction and to leave me alone. She nodded and left me alone with sympathy (I think she was worried I was in hysterics–no, but I wasn’t in shock yet, either… that would come).

But if I’d just lost a baby? There wouldn’t have been words, other than, “You get the fuck our of my room, out of this hospital and get a new job, because that was not okay, you insensitive bitch.”

Assuming that my husband didn’t just point to the door and demand she walk out, right then.

There’s a time to be trying to get someone to calm down and there’s a time to let them grieve. After someone has just lost a child is NEVER the time to interrupt their grief like this.

How hard is it to say, “I’m sorry? I’m so sorry. I’m hear if you need me.” or even to go get another nurse who can? Sick. Sick. Sick.

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NewMommy had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 3:04 pm (Quote)

Despicable. I wonder how Nurse Ahole would have reacted when I was crying when the Doctor told me I needed a C section!

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Kristin had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 3:53 pm (Quote)

OH MY WORD.
I hope this jerkface was fired. Sometimes Blacklisting might still be appropriate.

And I am very sorry for your lose.

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Lisa had this to say, Jul 10, 2011 @ 7:42 pm (Quote)

I don’t swear, but I don’t know if I would be able to keep myself from telling that nurse to STFU if I were there. That is unacceptable.

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Samantha had this to say, Jul 11, 2011 @ 5:40 am (Quote)

This nurse truly deserved to be slapped. There are very few instances in life when someone just flat out deserves a slap, but this defiantly qualifies.

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SarahM had this to say, Jul 11, 2011 @ 12:05 pm (Quote)

This is quite possibly the most heartless thing imaginable. Shame on that nurse for forgetting how to be a human being.

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Magpie30 had this to say, Jul 13, 2011 @ 3:22 pm (Quote)

When I worked as an aide on OB, I saw my favorite nurse climb up into the bed with a mother who had lost her baby during labor, hold her in her arms, and sway back and forth, stroking her hair until the mother finally fell asleep.

That nurse quit 6 months later to become a homebith midwife.

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