Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Jul
2
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“We Only Use Episiotomies, Vacuums & Forceps When There’s A Real Emergency…They’re Actually Very Nice.”
“We only use episiotomies, vacuums and forceps when there’s a real emergency, like maternal exhaustion. Don’t worry though, they’re actually very nice.” – OB while going over the informed consent form for labor and birth.
There are 34 comments to this post.
road2vba2c had this to say,
Jul 2, 2011 @ 11:14 am (Quote)
Since when is maternal exhaustion a “real emergency”?
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 4:52 pm (Quote)
When the doctor says so, of course! All that matters is a healthy baby! And a “controlled” birth with the mother on her back with her legs in stirrups or held knees-to-ears, so the doctor can see what he’s doing. And an unimpeded game of golf.
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Jane Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 5:02 pm (Quote)
See, “maternal exhaustion” is the perfect use of an epidural: turn it on and let her sleep for a few hours, then when she wakes up, turn it off again and she can push that baby out.
But if the doctor thinks of pushing as something that happens when and only when the doctor walks in the room, then the idea of giving a mom and babe couplet more time (assuming baby is tolerating contractions well) is just anathema. Doctor is HERE now, which means the baby needs to be HERE now too, and Doctor says it’s time to push, therefore it is. 
Maternal exhaustion should be fixed by prescribing maternal rest, but what do I know? I didn’t go through medical school.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 6:43 pm (Quote)
Medical school teaches would-be doctors to go without rest; rather like learning to be an air traffic controller, only the interns get less sleep and more back-to-back shifts. It’s no wonder none of them think of rest as an antidote to exhaustion.
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As someone whose OB used a vacuum on the baby, after pushing for 2 hours (posterior baby) when the epidural had completely worn off, so that when the vacuum was turned on I felt the WORST PAIN OF MY ENTIRE LIFE (my subsequent natural labors didn’t even come close) – no doctor, I have to disagree. There is nothing “nice” about the pain of having your baby ripped from your body. Thank goodness it only lasted a second or two.
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Samantha had this to say,
Jul 2, 2011 @ 11:43 am (Quote)
Sorry but no. Slicing my pernium & shoving some oversized salad tongs in my vagina dont sound any where near pleasant. Ever! As far as the vacuum goes, it needs to stay in the hall closet till I need to use it on the floor not my vagina!!!
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Perfectionist Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 12:36 pm (Quote)
LOL @ oversize salad tongs.
I picture the OB pulling out 2 heads- a baby, and a head of lettuce.
“See, doc, I DID eat healthy!” XD
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Jespren had this to say,
Jul 2, 2011 @ 11:43 am (Quote)
While certainly maternal exhaustion (when diagnosied by MOM not OB) is a good reason to try *something* else…when did that in and of itself become a ‘real emergency’? That’s like saying ‘only call 911 for *real* emergencies, like when you see blood’.
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I seriously doubt a procedure where scissors are taken to your genitals should ever, ever be described as “nice”.
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1. Maternal exhaustion is not a real emergency.
2. I don’t know anyone who has had an episiotomy, forceps, or vacuum call it nice. Both my mother and myself bear scars from my own birth. Mine is on my face.
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Heather P Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 2:40 pm (Quote)
Oops. Those scars are from forceps. My hospital baby picture is pretty gruesome.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 4:56 pm (Quote)
Sylvester Stallone’s face is scarred the way it is because of forceps injury. He also had a speech impediment and a few other things happen as a result of forceps.
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Heather P Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 6:47 pm (Quote)
I know. Milo Ventimiglia who plays Sly’s son in Rocky Balboa (and Peter from Heroes) also has some forceps damage. Though people do complement me on my smile, apparently crooked smiles are “cute”. I can live with it but I’d rather my children didn’t have to.
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Janessa Reply:
July 3rd, 2011 at 6:40 am (Quote)
My husband is missing a chunk of his left ear due to a forceps “slip”. The doctor that delivered him never even apologized to my MIL for the incident, instead saying that it could have been a lot worse than a “scratched” ear if he hadn’t been there.
He also refused to suture it saying the scars from the stitches would be worse than the injury. The top of his ear is split about 4 cm in a V shape. I’m no specialist, but I’m pretty sure a stitch or two would have looked quite a bit better.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
July 3rd, 2011 at 8:32 am (Quote)
What a painful way to enter the world.
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I know my sister who had forceps and a 2nd degree episiotomy that extended to a 4th degree tear wouldn’t describe either as nice. And I had the vacuum used for a few pushes with my second twin because his heartrate wasn’t recovering after cntrxs, but he was left with a huge bruise on his head for a week from it.
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Having attended a birth recently where the (naturally-minded) OB resorted to a vacuum extraction rather than resort to C-section, I can confirm that there are situations where the vacuum is actually “nice”. (He didn’t cut an episiotomy to use it, either.)
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
July 3rd, 2011 at 8:40 am (Quote)
If that were the case with this particular situation, though, the quote would not have ben submitted to MOBSW.
(And I personally find pushing when my body tells me to push rather than when I am told I am dilated enough, opening my pelvis via squatting, and enlisting gravity via staying upright when I birth, to be a lot nicer than birthing on my back. I tend to give birth to supposedly “macrosomic” babies, and variations on the lithotomy position don’t work well for me, I’ve found.)
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I had one of those “nice” forceps deliveries with my first. The emergency? It was the night before labor day, and it was 10:30 at night. I was young, didn’t know any better, and didn’t realize that he just wanted to go home.
I couldn’t sit without a cushion for 3 weeks. Nice? I don’t think so!
It was that birth that taught me no more epidurals…ever…
It is not natural to have a baby’s head, a man’s hands and a pair of forceps inside the birth canal at the same time.
I am blown away by the “it’s nice” comment.
Although I guess I should be grateful that he didn’t c-section me. I went past that magic 5 hour mark. That labor was 6 1/2 hours, so I should feel fortunate I was “allowed” to deliver vaginally at all.
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I once supported a birth during which I commented to the nurse that on a previous birth she and I did together, the baby was born with the vacuum assistance, and then screamed inconsolably for the next hour. I mention my thought that the baby could have had quite a headache/neckache from the vacuum extraction and the nurse said “oh, no, it couldn’t be that, the vacuum doesn’t hurt at all!”
I would love to hook up a few of these folks to a scaled-up size vacuum extractor and drag them through a narrow tunnel with all my strength, and see if they get a headache or not….
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Aron Reply:
July 5th, 2011 at 6:21 pm (Quote)
This. Exactly. I’ve seen doctors literally haul on babies’ heads with all their strength! You can’t tell me that doesn’t hurt and isn’t dangerous. Could you imagine the reaction a pair of parent would get if one held the baby and the other pulled on its head with that kind of force??? Can we say child abuse?
For a genuine emergency, they have their place: to save lives. But let’s not pretend it’s pleasant.
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Add Your Comment.
The episiotomies are SO nice that sometimes the doctor just self-administers one for no reason! And on slow nights, the staff attach the vacuum extractors to one another’s heads and pull each other around the hallways of the L&D unit.
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Maddy Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 1:34 pm Maddy(Quote)
The exact same picture popped into my head!
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Jena Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 3:24 pm Jena(Quote)
*cracks up*
If you hear shouting in the halls, it’s because they’re running races by dragging each other with forceps.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 4:49 pm Sarah Dorrance-Minch(Quote)
What a horrid misuse of the forceps! Put them back in the salad bowl where they belong. Stat!
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Jane Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 5:00 pm Jane(Quote)
“Paging three stretchers to L&D, stat!”
“Is there some kind of emergency?”
“No, but we’re about to have a race and we need them! I’m pulling Tanya today!”
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Ellen Reply:
July 3rd, 2011 at 7:56 am Ellen(Quote)
I have to say that this is one of the funniest things I’ve read in the MOBSW comments yet, which is high praise
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