…This is just crazy (my hubbys sisters all delivered their 3 boys at between 29 and 31 weeks, all healthy functioning children) I mean, wow… How can a spontaneous rupture be someones fault… Maybe he’s worried that the baby will turn out like him? IDK either way doesn’t matter, if mama makes the call its hers to make…. I hope the OP found support and Drs that weren’t dip$hits…

I love the “This baby WILL be born…” with all said issues “and IF that happens…” it’ll be all mom’s fault. Ugh! Make up your mind! Is it going to happen or not? Or is your crystal ball giving fuzzy readings again?
Trust a mother’s instincts. If there are issues and she says baby is safe inside, he’s safe inside. If she says she wants him out, get him out! Going back to instincts from a few days ago: I believe that we’re all born with a certain amount of ingrained instincts. I’ve always known when something is wrong with my babies. ALWAYS. Why does no one ever just trust a mother with her own body?

Ok, I can kinda agree with this OBs worry. From what I’m reading, its not the SROM the doctor was talking about but the mom’s decision that she wanted to go ahead and have the baby (stopping treatment for preterm labor) There are risks to having a 31 week baby, and while everything may (and G-d willing did!) turn out well, its not something I’d want to bet on.

Even so “It will all be your fault” is not the way to say it. How about “I understand your frustration. I can only imagine what its like to be fighting against your body. Usually I’d say trust your body, but in this case there are some serious risks to going ahead and having the baby. [List risks] Of course the final decision is up to you, but every day that baby stays inside you, reduces those risks. How would you feel about taking a tour of the NICU before making your decision?”

Good way of saying it: “Before we make an irreversible decision like delivering your baby at 31 weeks, I’d like to have a conference with you and the pediatrician and the head of NICU to go over the risks to your baby from a delivery at this gestation. If delivered now, your baby could be facing lung issues or worse, and we need to do a thorough assessment.”

Bad way of saying it: see the OP.

See, doctor, it’s possible to disagree without being disagreeable.

and if the mother agrees with the doctor and the baby gets infection is the doctor then going to say – and it is all MY fault? No, it is always the mother’s fault, isn’t it?
P.S. I agree that maybe it was medically better to wait longer, but this is no way of speaking to a mother in a situation like this.

OP, i’m sorry your doctor was such an ass about this. i hope all was well with your little one. i had pprom and at 31 weeks they tested surfactant levels and decided bub wasn’t ready and would do better on the inside. i didn’t agree but didn’t argue either – figuring the doctor knew best and so i ignored my intuition. at 33 weeks we were to be doing the test again and see what surfactant levels were at but i had an abruption. i wish i had been able to stand up to my docs – though i couldn’t imagine how i would have responded to something like this.

The interesting thing is that research indicates that most PROM is due to an infection in the mother. So I can completely see the mother’s viewpoint. But I agree, instead of pulling the guilt card, the doctor could have called in a neonatologist and they could have had a discussion about risks and benefits, which is the way ANY decision should be made.

Ok, I’m confused, is it the mother or the doctor who wants the baby out? Because I read it as either way.

I am the OP. This was my second premature baby so I wasn’t some ignorant woman who didn’t know the risks. This was also my 5th baby. My 4th had me on bed rest the entire pregnancy. He was born at 32 weeks due to a very large uterine fibroid that they removed upon my sons birth. My 5th child was not expected to be born preterm because the fibroid was no longer present.

My water broke at 30 weeks. I went to the hospital and was put on bedrest

I am the OP. This was my second premature baby so I wasn’t some ignorant woman who didn’t know the risks. This was also my 5th baby. My 4th had me on bed rest the entire pregnancy. He was born at 32 weeks due to a very large uterine fibroid that they removed upon my sons birth. My 5th child was not expected to be born preterm because the fibroid was no longer present.

My water broke at 30 weeks. I went to the hospital and was put on bedrest. My fluids were checked every day and every day they got lower and lower. I had to weigh the risks of insufficient fluids for the baby or being born prematurely. I felt that something was wrong and she was ready to be born so I asked them to take me off my meds and let my body do what it wanted to do. 5 hours later my baby was born. Very small and with a true knot in her cord. She was also breech. They told me that if they had known about either of those things that they would have MADE me have a c-section. One nurse actually told me I’d done the right thing because the baby wasn’t getting enough nutrients and probably wouldn’t have lived to term.

After she was born I told them I was going to nurse her. They rolled their eyes and said she wouldn’t latch. She did. Then they refused to release her from the NICU after she had reached every milestone necessary except drinking from the bottle even though she nursed around the clock.

She’s perfect, btw. In ways I can’t even explain. My other children joke that they’d be jealous of her except that they can’t help but live her as much as everyone else does. She’s still small but highly intelligent (her kindergarten teacher wrote glowing report cards wishing all her students were like my daughter). She reads and writes above grade level. She’s athletic, she’s stronger than her big brothers, she’s got the best sense of humor. She’s built like a little pixie. A tad smaller than her friends but not enough to be noticeable. She’s also never been to the doctor for an illness. Not once in her 6 years of life.

My fluids were checked every day and every day they got lower and lower. I had to weigh the risks of insufficient fluids for the baby or being born prematurely. I felt that something was wrong and she was ready to be born so I asked them to take me off my meds and let my body do what it wanted to do. 5 hours later my baby was born. Very small and with a true knot in her cord. She was also breech. They told me that if they had known about either of those things that they would have MADE me have a c-section. One nurse actually told me I’d done the right thing because the baby wasn’t getting enough nutrients and probably wouldn’t have lived to term.

After she was born I told them I was going to nurse her. They rolled their eyes and said she wouldn’t latch. She did. Then they refused to release her from the NICU after she had reached every milestone necessary except drinking from the bottle even though she nursed around the clock.

She’s perfect, btw. In ways I can’t even explain. My other children joke that they’d be jealous of her except that they can’t help but live her as much as everyone else does. She’s still small but highly intelligent (her kindergarten teacher wrote glowing report cards wishing all her students were like my daughter). She reads and writes above grade level. She’s athletic, she’s stronger than her big brothers, she’s got the best sense of humor. She’s built like a little pixie. A tad smaller than her friends but not enough to be noticeable. She’s also never been to the doctor for an illness. Not once in her 6 years of life.

My fluids were checked every day and every day they got lower and lower. I had to weigh the risks of insufficient fluids for the baby or being born prematurely. I felt that something was wrong and she was ready to be born so I asked them to take me off my meds and let my body do what it wanted to do. 5 hours later my baby was born. Very small and with a true knot in her cord. She was also breech. They told me that if they had known about either of those things that they would have MADE me have a c-section. One nurse actually told me I’d done the right thing because the baby wasn’t getting enough nutrients and probably wouldn’t have lived to term.

After she was born I told them I was going to nurse her. They rolled their eyes and said she wouldn’t latch. She did. Then they refused to release her from the NICU after she had reached every milestone necessary except drinking from the bottle even though she nursed around the clock.

She’s perfect, btw. In ways I can’t even explain. My other children joke that they’d be jealous of her except that they can’t help but live her as much as everyone else does. She’s still small but highly intelligent (her kindergarten teacher wrote glowing report cards wishing all her students were like my daughter). She reads and writes above grade level. She’s athletic, she’s stronger than her big brothers, she’s got the best sense of humor. She’s built like a little pixie. A tad smaller than her friends but not enough to be noticeable. She’s also never been to the doctor for an illness. Not once in her 6 years of life.

Every mum who loses a baby or has a baby with any degree of deformity goes through a horrific time blaming themselves, and that is without some idiot doctor telling her it *is* her fault! Give facts, give figures, provide someone with some degree of sensitivity if the doc can’t manage it themselves…don’t play the blame game.

Comments like this one always have me shaking my head because if mom was term the 0OB would be stressing that she could only have ruptured membranes for X number of hours before necessitating intervention… Lol. Funny how all that works eh.

Thanks everyone! Also, I appologise for the multiple postings. I’m typing from my phone and it somehow only posted half the first time and then after that it didn’t look like it was posting at all so I kept trying, thinking it only allowed so many characters per comment or something.

Good on you, I wish I had been stronger against my doctors. Eventually I was. I had cholestasis, the docs told me the risks of stillbirth and said they would induce around 37/38 weeks, probably nearing the end of 38 weeks. I didn’t want to at first and considered continuing to term, and then one morning I just woke up and thought “she needs to come out, now” She was induced at 37 weeks exactly. I’ll never know what would have happened had I waited, but I trust my body, and my worry about induction or the risks was gone, I was at peace with it and I knew she needed to come out.

Funny thing is, because of the pattern the induction took, I’m pretty sure I actually went into natural labour around the same time, and I ended up actually labouring without pitocin/ocytocin. Coincidence?