Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
29
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…We Don’t Allow Doulas…Just Trust Us.”
Oh, no, we don’t allow doulas. You don’t need a doula, just trust us.” – OB to family who wanted to hire a doula.
There are 41 comments to this post.
devil is in the details had this to say,
Mar 29, 2011 @ 4:37 am (Quote)
When picking an OB I want one who works with midwives in his/her office and/or acts as back-up for the area homebirth midwives. One who thinks doulas are a wonderful thing. If you don’t work with doulas, then I won’t work with you. So unless I start hemerraging at home and have to get to the nearest hospital (which happens to have a sucky maternity ward) I won’t be bothering with your sorry sour self.
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Mar 29, 2011 @ 4:41 am (Quote)
RUN!
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No? Ok, then I’ll have my ‘sister’ at the birth as well as my partner…
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Dana K Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 5:49 am (Quote)
EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read it…
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Mar 29, 2011 @ 6:36 am (Quote)
If you want me to TRUST you, Dr. Douchewaffle, then tell me the risks, benefit and necessity (including none) of all the interventions you want to run on me, be honest with me about what to expect at the hospital, shoot straight with me on any issues in my pregnancy, don’t try to pull any Dead Baby Cards on me, and…let me bring in a doula. Then I’ll trust you.
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This one scares me. It can almost be creepy, if said in other contexts.
I used to trust people. I stopped trusting anyone after my first birth (and the lies I was fed). It took years of love, patience, and therapy to regain some of it.
I now choose who gets my trust.
If you’re scared of a birth professional who will support me unconditionally, is supportive of non-medical options whenever possible, and who would never lie to me, rush me, or disrespect me, then maybe it says something about you.
Earn my trust, doc. Then we’ll talk.
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Trust YOU?!
After you performed an episiotomy WITHOUT my consent!? And then gave me a full dose of pain medication after I requested a fourth of a dose and I was so woozy and out of it I COULDN’T EVEN HOLD MY NEWBORN BABY!?!?!? Trust YOU!?
Sure, and I’ll trust EVERYTHING I read on the internet.
I’m totally getting a doula next time.
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OK doc then I want it IN WRITING, signed and notarized, that you will be present during my labor the entire time, that you will support my preferences for minimal intervention, that you will encourage me and support me emotionally without pressuring me to take drugs or have other medical interventions without clear indication that an emergency situation requires them, and that you will support immediate skin-to-skin contact for mother and baby as long as the baby is stable.
Oh, that’s not a service you offer here either? But you SAID I didn’t need a doula! If you’re not planning to fill the place of a doula, then I guess I DO need one. I’ll just show myself out now, and find a doctor who practices evidence based care.
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Roe Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 7:49 am (Quote)
This!
The doctor obviously has no idea what a doula does, it isn’t just about different opinion (though that can be useful), it’s about the continuous support during labour.
I trusted my midwives very much but still hired a doula, even though the midwives were with me throughout the labour, they did have other responsibilities (like paperwork and preparing my antibiotics) and I wanted someone to support me and my husband.
I could not imagine my first child’s birth without my doula and she was a great help with my second but I didn’t depend on her as much.
However if this was said to me, I would not continued to trust my midwives.
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Jessica had this to say,
Mar 29, 2011 @ 7:58 am (Quote)
So Doc, what you’re telling me is that you want increase the chances that I will have a lengthy labor, increase the chances that I will have complications, create or increase negative feelings about my birth, increase my need for a pitocin/vacuum/forceps assisted delivery (and the frequently associated epidural and/or episiotomy)?
http://www.dona.org/mothers/why_use_a_doula.php
I think not.
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laura grace Reply:
March 30th, 2011 at 5:08 pm (Quote)
THIS, THIS, THIS. And what Autumn said below. Doulas improve outcomes! GAH!
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first time mommy had this to say,
Mar 29, 2011 @ 10:57 am (Quote)
this creepily reminds me of a tshirt I’ve seen that says “Trust me. I’m a doctor”
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Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 11:09 am (Quote)
I thought that was a Doctor Who t-shirt. That’s a Doctor I’d trust with ANYTHING 
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Kat Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 11:19 am (Quote)
Hee hee! Yeah I saw a photo of David Tennant wearing that T-shirt. It was… very becoming. Wink wink. As someone who has been a Doctor Who fan since the early 80s, it’s been really neat to see it take off in popularity the last 6 years.
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Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 11:30 am (Quote)
My mom watched it in the 80s, so I have memories of it terrifying me, LOL. Her doctor was Tom Baker, but I distinctly remember William Hartnell, because I remember four people in the box and I remember it being in black and white. I decided to give it a chance when I saw it pop up on Netflix and never regretted it for a second 
My daughter was playing with her friend the other day, who stole my fedora and her mom’s sonic screwdriver and they were running around the house together. It was pretty hilarious.
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xanthina Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 11:58 am (Quote)
I first “met” The Doctor while I was pregnant with my daughter. 9th Doctor/Christopher Eccleston was my first, and I have Enjoyed 10th/Tennant as well. 11th is still growing on me, and I’m meeting the Originals in bits and pieces now.
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Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 12:57 pm (Quote)
It’s been barely a year since I met my first Doctor–Nine, as well. I loved Ten and Eleven is a good doctor, I do enjoy him, but I still miss Ten from time to time. I’ve bits and pieced the older Doctors, too. I have Eight in the mail right now
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Patrice London had this to say,
Mar 29, 2011 @ 2:50 pm (Quote)
Hi! I was the doula in this situation. Interestingly enough, the hospital where this birth took place actually *loves* doulas and has it on their website, lol! I told the client about this and even hospital staff said to her, “If you want a doula, hire one!”
She fired that ob and went on to have a wonderful totally unmedicated birth (that she wanted all along) with a midwife!
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Can someone on here help me?
I don’t trust my OB. Pregnant with first at 27 weeks. At my first appt. with her I asked “What about midwives and stuff?” (I didn’t know anything about doulas, midwives, etc. at this time, and just wanted to know what they did) Her response was simply, “No.” I’ve continued seeing her because the clinic didn’t didn’t seem to give me a choice. Now, I’m smarter. I’ve got a doula I want to use, I want to have a natural childbirth in the hospital. But I know for a fact my OB will not tolerate her. Whenever I call the clinic, trying to ask around, wanting to talk to some other OBs, or their nurses, to find out if I can switch/if they’ll work with my birth wishes. Instead of getting assistance, I get tossed around and ignored.
What can I do? I don’t want to offend my OB, she’s a nice lady…..help?
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Kat Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 9:53 am (Quote)
That’s not a nice lady. A nice lady would listen to your concerns, respect your wishes, and be willing to accept your choice of support people to have with you in labor. It’s not your job to coddle a rude care provider. It’s HER job to inform you and work with you, and apparently she can’t be bothered.
Find another doctor. Don’t ask your current doc about it, ask your doula about nurse-midwives and doctors who are supportive. Go to the new doctor or midwife, they will request your medical records from the other office. You don’t have to go back, and you have no reason to be worried about the emotional state of your previous care provider, it’s not your job to make her happy. Your job is to take good care of yourself and your baby, and find care providers you can trust!
Best wishes for finding a care provider who is willing to treat you with the level of care you need!
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Melissa Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 10:23 am (Quote)
Who cares if you offend her?
Really?
Who cares if she’s “nice”? It’s much more important to find someone who will be good at the thing you are hiring them to do: help you have a safe, gentle birth. If you don’t trust her, it doesn’t matter if she’s “nice.”
Just stop making appointments with her. No need to explain. You don’t have to apologize. You’re the one in charge here. (You’re the one who hired an expert. If the “expert” is no good at what you hired her for, get another, better one!) Just call around, do some internet searches on CNM and other midwifery practices in your area. Look at birth centers. Look into homebirth midwifery services. Call around. The web and the phone are your friends. It is NOT too late…not by a long stretch. I’ve heard of a woman firing her OB while in labor…best thing she ever did. You can spare yourself the stress of another 13 plus weeks with this “nice” (but also manipulative, ill-informed, and unsupportive, perhaps even dangerous) OB.
That whole clinic sounds like a wash.
Here’s what I did: checked out Certified Nurse Midwives (CNMs) in the area. Got an appointment with CNM who shares a practice with another CNM and several OBs. Talked to her about VBAC, because that’s what important to me and my situation. Liked what she said. Then I called the hospital I would deliver at, to check the info from the other end of things. Asked the charge nurse on the delivery floor about how common VBACs are for them, what they typically do, and what doctor/CNM/practice they would recommend if that’s what I wanted. Nurses can tell you a lot about the doctors at their hospital! The nurse suggested the very CNMs and practice that I had chosen.
Oooh…one more thought. Ask your doula for suggestions. She ought to have some information about doctors and midwifes in the are who are supportive of natural childbirth. And by the way…I LOVE my midwife. Best decision ever. Good luck.
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Options here:
1) I don’t need a doula, and I hire one. Result: bored doula, wasted money.
2) I need a doula, and I hire one. Result: better birth, happy mom
3) I don’t need a doula, and I didn’t hire one. Result: Not a big deal, no wasted money.
4) I do need a doula, and I didn’t hire one: Result: Sad, upset mom, wrecked birth, unhappy family, months of PPD, confused and bitter husband, mom who mistrusts the entire hospital system for the rest of her life and tells people about it in a restless search for closure and understanding.
I’m not going to trust you, doc. If you don’t “allow” doulas, then let me introduce you to my “sister” who will be my labor support.
–
What do these people have against the idea of paid labor support? Aren’t THEY paid labor support? THey have no problem with the husband or the mother’s mother showing up for labor support. But write the person a check and suddenly she’s not “allowed.”
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Becca Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 5:59 am Becca(Quote)
sadly, I think they’re just threatened that another birth professional who may have a different opinion will be in the room. And then *gasp* the mom might choose to listen to the doula’s advice instead of just blindly following the OB.
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Jane Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 11:24 am Jane(Quote)
But my understanding is that most doulas don’t give advice. They just let the mother know her rights and restate them for the doctor if the doctor or nurses fail to hear the mother asserting her rights the first time around. How could they object to that?
Oh…hmm….yeah uh… All righty then. Well, look at the time!
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Becca Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 11:26 am Becca(Quote)
thanks for the clarification, Jane. That, along with enumerating risks and benefits of suggested treatment and how they relate to the mother’s labor plan, is what I meant by advice. Boss was over shoulder, couldn’t type much.
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Jane Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 11:54 am Jane(Quote)
I was being totally, absolutely sarcastic. And had a kid coming at me and couldn’t type much.
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Jen Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 8:00 am Jen(Quote)
Sadly, it’s not always just doulas. Some hospitals really do have a problem with the mother’s mom or sister being there. The hospital I delivered in only a few years ago didn’t even want my husband to be with me. Chock that up to outdated ideals, not wanting any witnesses to what they do, or whatever, but it’s definitely not limited to doulas. That said, short of major emergency where I can’t drive the extra few minutes to a different hospital, I will never set foot, knowingly, in a hospital with that policy again. Regardless of motivation, when a hospital has blanket policies like that, it tells me immediately how little they care about what I want or trust that I am able to make decisions for myself.
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Charity Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 3:24 pm Charity(Quote)
“4) I do need a doula, and I didn’t hire one: Result: Sad, upset mom, wrecked birth, unhappy family, months of PPD, confused and bitter husband, mom who mistrusts the entire hospital system for the rest of her life and tells people about it in a restless search for closure and understanding.”
Raises hand… That’s me.
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Louisa Reply:
March 30th, 2011 at 4:19 am Louisa(Quote)
sorry you went through that sweetie. I went through it all but I did have a doula and she is the only reason I am a) still here today and b) pregnant again and planning a nice calm homebirth
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