Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
26
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Have Five Minutes To Get Him Latched On…”
“You have five minutes to get him latched on or you will have to give him a bottle.” – NICU nurse to mother who was meeting her baby for the first time, 15 hours after birth, as baby had been immediately taken to the NICU due to the presence of meconium.
There are 72 comments to this post.
Time to speak to a charge nurse or have things switched. Mec, 15 hours? Was there an infection? They took my 4th born baby for 6 hours because of a LOT of mec and her being born with no one watching but me and my hubby in the hosptial. I struggled to nurse, but no one restricted me once she was back with me. Sorry about that OP!
[Reply]
So, wait, the kid hasn’t had anything to eat in 15 hours and now waiting any more than 5 minutes is going to make that kind of a difference? I seriously doubt that a newborn starved for 15 hours is going to be in a restful state of mind to find the breast, not to mention the trauma of separation and NICU treatment.
[Reply]
first time mommy had this to say,
Mar 26, 2011 @ 5:19 pm (Quote)
You have 5 SECONDS to get the hell out of my room or I’ll throw the bottle at your head!
[Reply]
devil is in the details Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 5:16 am (Quote)
like*
but I was also thinking I’m going to spend the first 5 minutes just staring into his or her eyes. We will get to the nursing part when we get to it. And if I need help the LC had better be available because this nurse is obviously useless!
[Reply]
This kind of stuff is why I never want to deal with the NICU. Nurses like this abound. If I ever have to deal with a NICU, they’re going to be reeling for months after, because I will bull my way through them, even if I have to do it with a patient advocate on one arm and a lawyer on the other. I’m already well-versed on how NICU mothers are treated and I find it unacceptable.
[Reply]
Robyn Reply:
March 26th, 2011 at 6:10 pm (Quote)
For the most part I’ve heard that the NICU nurses are pretty compassionate. Yeah, a little stuck on protocol, but more encouraging of evidence-based care such as skin-to-skin kangaroo care and breastfeeding. It’s usually the L&D nurses and the post-partum nurses that you hear being real witches towards the parents.
[Reply]
Sheva Reply:
March 26th, 2011 at 6:34 pm (Quote)
I found that NICU nurses were all sweet and sugar until I made a tiny peep about doing something a bit different than their tiny brains were programmed to do it. Then they went all Jekyll and Hyde on me. Nightmare.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 26th, 2011 at 6:49 pm (Quote)
None of the hospitals locally seem to have NICU nurses that have any desire to do anything except keep mother and baby separated while they feed them formula regardless of mother’s wishes. I swear listening to friends who’ve been through the NICU, it sounds like those nurses want the parents to go home and not show up again until baby’s stable. Then again, my friends all wanted to do crazy things like breastfeed or hold their babies.
And there was always a gem or three that were completely different, but it seemed like a crap shoot which one they’d get 
[Reply]
Jane Reply:
March 26th, 2011 at 7:06 pm (Quote)
Like the time I called the NICU and said I was coming over to breastfeed the baby, it was 5 minutes until I’d be there, and by the time I arrived, they’d fed him a bottle of formula?
My experience was 1 in 3 L&D nurses were battleaxes, but there was some stupidity going around the NICU as well.
(OTOH, the one night my daughter was in the pediatric ward and there were NICU nurses staffing there, those two were awesome and were able to figure out some things that had stumped the pediatric nurses. Go figure.)
[Reply]
Robyn Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 7:20 am (Quote)
Ok, I stand corrected. I was simply stating what I’d heard. I have absolutely no experience with the NICU or their staff. I would not be so presumptuous as to state this as fact. I’d always heard people talk about the NICU staff (for the most part) as sweet, caring, compassionate people. I’m sorry you ladies have dealt with and know others who have dealt with such horrible people in such a difficult time.
[Reply]
Rebecca Reply:
March 26th, 2011 at 8:02 pm (Quote)
I’m a NICU mom and I have never, ever met a NICU nurse like this. Nor have I heard any of my friends in the NICU parent support group talk of such nurses. Maybe it’s different in a place like where my son was, a Level IV NICU. When every baby is barely above 1 lb at birth, fighting for life, nobody sweat the small stuff. At my son’s NICU, the nurses bent the rules a bit, when they could, in the interests of bonding, or comforting, or other things not strictly medical. They were polite and caring when answering my questions over and over. They always took my calls at 2am or later, when I couldn’t be there but just had to know what my son’s sats were. And were kind when I again called at 4:15am, and then on the ride over. They knew every member of my family by name. And they made sure, that whenever my son was ready for something new, even something as seemingly silly like a bath, that they coordinated with our schedules so that we could do it. They even taught us to do his “cares”, taking his temp, moving his pulse ox monitor to a new location – just so we could be provide care for him, like parents do, like normal parents take for granted. I would shower my son’s nurses with gold and jewels if I had them to give. They saved my son’s life on more than one occasion and you know, I think they saved my husband’s and mine as well.
I’m not sure who versed you on how NICU mothers are treated, but I think their experience may be personal, and not universal. I really hope you don’t have to be a NICU mom either, because in addition to being a horrible situation to be in, it sounds like you would go in being focused on your own expected mistreatment, and not give the nurses a chance to show you – and your child – how truly awesome they can be.
[Reply]
Kayla Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 3:03 pm (Quote)
Same experience here! My sons NICU nurses were absolute angels, he never got formula and at first when I was only pumping colostrum, they said they had to give him 20ccs, but when I would only pump 10 or 12, they said that’ll do, and never supplemented. They bent a lot of rules for me as long as it really didn’t affect my son’s health, they waited for me numerous times so I could come and breastfeed instead of giving him the bottle. They understood that feeding him was really the only time I could hold him and some would even call my cell phone and let me know when he was awake and alert. They were amazing and supportive during that horrible time.
The smallest things like letting me change his diapers or onesies or give him a sponge bath, just made all the difference, because it was the only chance of interaction with my newborn that I got with him being covered with tubes and cords.
There were sometimes I was asked to leave or give my son some rest because his stats would go down because of overstimulation, but overall they were kind and compassionate. Its a shame that not all mothers have that type of experience, especially during such a hard time.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 12:42 pm (Quote)
I’m glad you had an awesome experience. I wish all moms had experiences like that (but there shouldn’t have to be any rule bending, that alone makes me sad… rules should be there to facilitate parental bonding AND healthy babies in such a sad situation).
All of the NICUs in our area (that I know of) are Level IVs. I didn’t know there were lower level NICUs left. And I was ‘versed’ by about 5 different local NICU moms. When they get together, they talk about those experiences as very common amongst the other moms in their support groups in the area, too. For all you know, it’s your experiences that are personal and not universal.
I know about 1lb babies–one of my friends that I’m talking about had a 31 week baby with dwarfism. She had a really awesome doctor, though, that got her past nurse stupidity when she needed it.
You’re right that I’d go in preparing to fight and that wouldn’t be good for any of us. I hope I’m never a NICU mom because no one should ever have to go through that. No mom and no baby. You might have meant that in a snarky way (that’s how it came out, sorry if that’s not how it was intended), but I agree entirely.
I also can’t drive, have agoraphobia, two kids already that I can’t handle being separated from for very long and severe recurrent depression. So it’s about as much of a nightmare as I could imagine and I have no idea how we could do it.
It’s also sad how many NICU moms are SO defensive that they have to jump on people who have different experiences than they do (not you, one particular mom I know is very bad about it, but I do notice that many moms who’ve suffered through this do get pretty defensive).
I’m sorry that you had to deal with a NICU, even if you had good nurses, btw, and I hope you don’t have to do it again.
[Reply]
Lol, if a nurse talked to me like that I might squirt breastmilk at her… ok, not really, but it would be a temptation!
[Reply]
Robyn Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 7:25 am (Quote)
I wish the milk would be there to squirt, but at only 15 hours post-partum it’s not likely; especially if the baby hasn’t suckled at all up to this point. Unfortunately, the little droplets of colostrum that come out don’t typically have the same effect as a full-on squirt.
[Reply]
Bonita Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 7:23 pm (Quote)
Yeah, I’m aware of this. 
It was just a fun image in my mind. Maybe I could wait until my milk came in and then chase her down and squirt her. 
I have pretty good range after my milk first comes in.
[Reply]
Sheva Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 7:52 pm (Quote)
Can you enlighten me – how does one squirt milk? I’ve never tried it, and I must try it next time around. Any tips?
[Reply]
My NICU nurses were so, SO wonderful that I still keep in contact with them. One of them I even consider to be one of my best friends. They told me what my child needed, no matter how hard it was to hear. After 113 days in the NICU I pray I never have to set foot in one again, but not for the nurses who are among the most kind hearted, loving and intelligent people I have ever met. These nurses have nothing but the best interest of the child in mind. You’ve had 1, or 2 or maybe even 4 kids. But they’ve cared for dozens, or hundreds. And they’ve seen and helped babies survive the unthinkable. Tiny Brains? Bull!
[Reply]
Lindsey had this to say,
Mar 26, 2011 @ 10:16 pm (Quote)
Another mom here was a horrible NICU nurse experience. We had one nurse who treated us with kindness, dignity and respect. The remaining women were calloused and rude, they spoke to my husband and I without respect or dignity and did not even attempt to hide the fact that our wishes (NO FORMULA!) would more than likely not be followed. In turn I refused to leave the NICU, and was told I would be escorted off the property if I didn’t comply with their care plan for my son and leave them to do their job. (I didn’t leave my sons side, and when challenged they didn’t remove me from anywhere).
OP, I am sorry that you were made to feel so much pressure at a time that should have been about calm bonding.
[Reply]
Beth Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 7:49 am (Quote)
I had the opposite experience: in 9 weeks in the NICU, we had exactly 2 bad nurses and the rest were angels. They were fully supportive of using breast milk–they kept calling it “liquid gold”–and sent in lactation consultants to help with nursing. And they encouraged us to be there with our son as much as possible–the only time we had to leave was at shift changes, since there were HIPAA/privacy issues involved (with 6 babies in a room) as they were briefing the new shift coming on. That was 15 minutes twice a day, otherwise we could be there round the clock if we wanted.
I am really sorry for those of you who had bad experiences in the NICU. Our son was also in a higher-level NICU (he was a 27 weeker) so perhaps those nurses are just more compassionate because they see more death and suffering than NICUs where kids are farther along and just need a few days to be ready to come home.
[Reply]
Now I have the Mission: Impossible theme running through my head.
[Reply]
Maddy Reply:
March 26th, 2011 at 11:50 pm (Quote)
LOL Same thing went through my mind.
Also. When my baby boy was delivered via c-section, we were told there was meconium (not surprising), but he wasn’t rushed to NICU for it, much less for 15 hours. I feel so bad for you, OP! That is NOT an ideal way to meet your brand new baby!
[Reply]
I am so sorry that someone said this to you OP. Our child was a NICU baby and we weren’t able to feed him for 13 days (one day before he came home) but the nurses were always wonderful about me wanting to breastfeed. They let us be with our son any time except for shift changes, and even reminded me to pump when I would forget because I didn’t want to leave his side. They even helped diagnose me with PPD and PTSD and when I got an infection in my uterus, they were the ones to wheel me down to the ER and later visited me in my hospital room. They even reminded me to get sleep and the only thing that I wish they would have done is let us give him his first bath, but they did it while I was still being discharged from the hospital I delivered at. (He was transferred to a NICU hospital.) NICU nurses can be terrifying, because they do, in some ways, control your relationship with your child, but I’ve never met one who didn’t really want to be there. All of the nurses I met I adored and I still stay in contact with two!
[Reply]
My NICU with my son was pretty good, but mostly because we had an “in”- my husband worked there as a RT at the time, most nights in the NICU.
We still got a little attitude when my hubby got a call that they wanted to place an IV in his skull, because other areas weren’t working, and he refused. (the nerve!) He just laughed it off and said- well you got it so it all worked out. Other than that, I only missed 1 feeding (even though I was sleeping in the room for parents of NICU babies, not more than 20 feet from him!) because of a crappy nurse. the rest were fabulous!
[Reply]
I had identical twin girls born at 28 weeks. One spent 2 months 2 days in the NICU. The other was born with a Diaphragmatic Hernia and spent 5 months 2 days in the NICU before she passed away. We had awesome NICU Nurses and Doctors. They were like family and did everything they could to get us involved and tell us how the girls were. I am still friends with quite a few of them after 3 years. We had a few nurses that did minor things that annoyed us but it was more of how long we were their and how sick our daughter was. I don’t think you can judge NICU Nurses without ever being in one. We were in a fairly big NICU.
[Reply]
Dana Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 5:20 pm (Quote)
“I don’t think you can judge NICU Nurses without ever being in one.”
I have to disagree. I’m glad you had a relatively positive experience, but even though I have never been a NICU nurse I’m confident in my ability to judge this one as particularly terrible.
[Reply]
Laura Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 6:12 pm (Quote)
My response was to the people who have never ever had a baby in a NICU and judge nurses as good or bad. I had great nurses and doctors but far from a positive experience due to losing my baby.
[Reply]
Dana Reply:
March 31st, 2011 at 10:18 pm (Quote)
Why does it matter whether someone has had a baby in the NICU? A bad nurse is a bad nurse. You don’t need a NICU stay to figure that out.
Your comment is made all the more inflammatory by the fact that you used the pink link, which states that you were the original poster. The rude bitches in my son’s NICU were most definitely not “like family”, nor were we ever friends. There are quite a few I would have liked to drop-kick off the roof of the hospital, and if I thought it would do anything I would have reported them to the appropriate licensing board.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 12:47 pm (Quote)
ITA with you and I understood that she meant babies in the NICU and not the nurses. You can definitely see a terrible nurse without ever having had to deal with a baby in the NICU. They become just as bitter and jaded as any other pediatric nurse… perhaps more so since they see some horrible things and probably have to have a degree of separation to save their own psyches from the things they have to see.
That doesn’t mean they get to treat the parents badly.
[Reply]
Laura Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 3:14 pm (Quote)
I disagree. When my daughter died the nurses and doctors their were very helpful and all of them felt the pain of losing her. It was a little different since they knew her for 5 months and most babies that pass away do so shortly after birth. They do have classes on how to deal with the hard things that come with working in the NICU.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 1:30 pm (Quote)
I’m talking about a minority. It happens. I’m not attacking your wonderful nurses. I’m talking about the ones who don’t bother to take the classes (that is, assuming every NICU in the country offers them and every nurse has the same opportunities and the same base personality). People go bad in EVERY profession. They get jaded in EVERY profession. That’s not a reflection of the profession or the majority and certainly not your own nurses.
I have very good friends who are nurses. One of them is admittedly not a nice nurse. That’s why she works in ICU–so she has to deal with people as little as possible. She loves her job, she doesn’t like people. I wouldn’t be shocked if comments from her OB rotation as a nursing student ended up here–and neither would she.
She’d even admit it was fair, as she despised that rotation, but it was required. She’d never go into L&D voluntarily. And it was the parents that were the reason she didn’t go into NICU, because she loves babies, but she doesn’t love their parents.
Not everyone is self-aware enough to make that same decision and they still go in to save babies and don’t want to deal with the parents. Then you get situations like this.
It’s not a judgment on their skill, but their bedside manner. Clearly, this one failed, if you read the OP’s post at all.
[Reply]
I think just like every other profession, there are good nurses and bad nurses. There are OK nurses who have bad days. There are nurses who are typically grouchy or gruff who are not always gruff.
There are some NICUs where the “culture” may be hostile toward breastfeeding simply because of the way procedures are set up. There are NICUs where they have a LC who is amazing, and who has worked hard to get procedures in place that are BF-friendly, and to help the nurses understand the importance.
THIS particular mother was apparently treated in a manner that a reasonable person would find unacceptable, if this quote is accurate. This particular situation was not handled well by this particular NICU.
I do not doubt that many (if not most) NICU nurses are outstanding. I also know that even the best nurses can get burnout, or can be under pressure from outdated and unhelpful hospital policies.
Side note: people have GOT to stop abusing the “pink link” feature to call attention to themselves. It’s on the honor system, and if it keeps getting abused, the site admin have stated it will be removed. I realize it can happen as a mistake, but when it happens multiple times in the space of a day or two, it gets old.
[Reply]
This was mine. My son was taken from the O.R. to the NICU due to meconium and was kept there for 10 days due to a “suspected infection” (read, no good or real reason). This hospital was all-around horrible
I asked this particular nurse for help getting my son latched and she refused. I was not able to get him latched and was forced to give him a bottle. I was also “reminded” that I could and would be removed from the NICU for being disruptive. So while I’m sure it’s easy to sit here and that you might tell the nurse to get the hell out, when that nurse has the real possibility of keeping you from your child it’s a completely different experience.
Our breastfeeding was sabotaged in other ways — nurses “forgetting” that he was a BF baby, nurses lying and telling me there was no milk left to give him (when he was discharged they turned over bags and bags of frozen milk I had provided, including bags of pumped colostrum), nurses giving him bottles of forumla shortly before they knew I was to arrive.
It took some work, but we were able to form a solid breastfeeding relationship that lasted more than a year. My son is turning 2 this week and is, and always has been, exceptionally healty.
[Reply]
shannon Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 3:27 pm (Quote)
I would be just like you. As soon as they threatened to kick me out, I’m sure I would clam right up. I’m so sorry! It really does sound like they were deliberately sabotaging your breastfeeding. Which is truly bizarre since there are studies that show breastfed babies recover and are discharged from the nicu earlier than formula fed babies. I would be especially angry over the bags of unfed breastmilk. I know when I pumped, if the milk didn’t get used early enough and had to be discarded I was always so upset. To know I had spent all that time pumping and the nurses were passing it over for FORMULA would have me seriously irate. Again, so sorry!
[Reply]
Rebecca Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 5:17 pm (Quote)
As I stated above, I think that most NICU nurses are awesome, but even one lousy NICU nurse is too many. I remember having a lousy PP nurse when my first child was stillborn, and I still bear a lot of anger and resentment towards her for making a horrible situation horrible-er. (She was my PP nurse for my living child too and I kicked her butt out of my room and got a better nurse.) Having lived through the nightmare of my child being in the NICU, I can only imagine how much harder it must be to have a bitchy nurse interfering with your first – or any – moments with your child.
OP, I’m sorry that you were treated that way. Sometimes medical professionals get a god complex, and while no one in my NICU had one, I can’t imagine a more terrifying situation. I knew from conception that I had to formula feed, but was lucky that no one pressured me about not breastfeeding (some nurses, NICU or otherwise, will do that). I am relieved to hear that your nursing relationship prevailed in spite of your mistreatment. I am also glad to hear that he is happy and healthy.
[Reply]
Texas Mama Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 7:00 pm (Quote)
I’m so glad that you were able to nurse your son! My 5th child was in the NICU for 39 days after having been born via emergency c-section at 31 weeks. I pumped day and night and delivered milk to the NICU twice a day. I wasn’t able to stay all the time because I had 4 other children under the age of 10 at home. I know that they gave her every drop of breastmilk I provided as well as donated breastmilk for a while. Eventually they said they couldn’t do the donated milk anymore because of the cost and her age. I should have been able to produce enough for her but I wasn’t. They had to start supplementing with formula. She did latch on some in the NICU and nursed a couple of times a day but overall she received too many bottles and it damaged our nursing relationship. I quit nursing/pumping when she was about 4 months old because she literally forgot how to latch on. Sadly I just wasn’t able to emotionally take any more so I quit and she’s exclusively formula fed now. If she had been my first child I would have been able to spend all my time there at the hospital and I think we’d still be nursing today. I felt very guilty for that for a long time. But I wonder how many babies leave the NICU after spending that many weeks there and go on to nurse successfully.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 12:54 pm (Quote)
I’m sorry if our anger for you seemed like we felt anything except outrage for how you were treated.
I think we respond in our ‘ideal’ way on this site, because it’s safe. When push comes to shove, it’s very rare for anyone to actually respond in the way that they WANT to. Like you pointed out, they really can bully you, even keep you away from your baby (although I know for a fact that’s illegal in my state, from my OB and the nurses at my first hospital and the nurses from my second hospital–I also know that’s not true everywhere).
I’m truly sorry you were treated this way. I agree that even one power-tripping jerk is too many. Especially when your baby shouldn’t have even been there I am really, really sorry that they got away with that. Especially since you’re an attorney, I imagine that would have made me feel even *more* helpless.
[Reply]
My NICU was great in supporting breastfeeding. I had twins and one was given solely breast milk for two months. My other daughter had health issues so she was about two months old before she started taking breast milk. I did not make enough for both. We decided to give the one with health issues breast milk. The other did well with formula. I pumped for another two months but with one baby home and the other in the NICU it was too hard. They supported me in my decisions. I wish I could have produced more milk for both but it worked for us.
[Reply]
All the NICU moms popping up to talk about their great NICU experiences are completely missing the point of this entire post. The baby shouldn’t have even BEEN in the NICU and she WAS bullied and mistreated by the hospital and this nurse. That has nothing to do with babies who have a true need or your great nurses. If you can’t handle medical professionals being bitched out by people who’ve been hurt by them or watched their friends/family being hurt by them, you should NOT be on this site.
[Reply]
Laura Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 3:19 pm (Quote)
I get that her baby probably did not need the NICU, but maybe he/she did for a short period. Better safe than sorry when it comes to a newborn. She had a bad experience and I get that. I am sorry that she had to deal with that after just having a baby. I also did not want other people to think all NICU Nurses or Doctors don’t care or anti breastfeeding.
[Reply]
Dana Reply:
March 31st, 2011 at 10:02 pm (Quote)
No. He did not need the NICU at all. And I’m not certain why me sharing MY horrendous experience is perceived as an attack on all NICU nurses or doctors. I don’t think that any other experience shared on here is intended to be a blanket condemnation of O.B.s, nurses, midwives, what have you. Heather’s comment is absolutely correct.
[Reply]
Rebecca Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 4:46 pm (Quote)
My response was not to the OP, only to you, because you were making sweeping generalizations. Also, from something you posted above – I don’t know where you live that every NICU is a Level IV NICU, because I want to live there.
“Level IV – Regional Subspecialty NICU’s (Level IV is a designation about the Level II, only found in a limited number of the states). The Level IV NICU’s are often found in regional academic medical centers and can provide the most complex level of neonatal care including advance diagnoses [and] treatment of fetuses, preemies and newborns with complicated conditions.”
It is such apparently uninformed/misinformed statements “every NICU is or is becoming a Level IV NICU)” that you keep making that I object to. I did not say anything about the OP’s post – she had a legitimately horrible experience that was clearly not as serious as that lousy ass nurse seemed to think it was. Believe me, as a parent whose child was as severely ill as mine was, I fully appreciate that her situation was rather dramatically viewed by the hospital. And I am angry for her that she was kept from her child and the breastfeeding relationship was disrupted. I know the pain she feels – because of my son’s medical situation, I was unable to feed him for 7 days, because 1) he couldn’t be held and 2) actual food, even PROTEIN could have killed him. I know what it is like to wake up in recovery desperate to see your baby, to only remember saying “why isn’t he crying, why isn’t he crying” over and over. And I am absolutely outraged that she was kept from her child for 15 hours for swallowing meconium – I got to see my son in only 5 hours, and he was born having a seizure and then promptly stopped breathing. Every other NICU mom posting on here has the same horrible experience, and I guarantee you that we are all outraged that she was kept from her baby and her interactions and feeding were interfered with for something as straightforward and common as the baby passing meconium.
It is YOUR statement(s) that I was addressing. And if you were in my shoes, you too would defend the honor of the profession whose members saved your child’s life – more than once – and helped save yours (you’re not the only one with pre-existing mental health conditions).
I take no exception to the assertion that shitty NICU nurses exist. I DO take exception to your statement that the entire profession is FILLED with horrible people who do a bad job and that one must go into the NICU girded for battle like some military tank before ever having met the nurses who will care for your child, without giving them the chance to be nice and kind, because most of them are. Why not meet them first, and get a patient advocate and a lawyer involved later IF you get someone terrible?
I don’t think you seem to realize that none of us NICU moms are talking to the OP – we all empathize with her experience and sorely wish it didn’t happen. It’s YOU we’re talking to.
[Reply]
Lindsay Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:32 pm (Quote)
I completely agree with you. I feel very, very bad for OP and the situation she was put into. My husband could not even believe that a NICU nurse would be so callous and cold, and he normally tries to explain away the comments on this site. I think NICU moms are defending the profession because we weren’t just given the dead baby card orally, the majority of us didn’t even know if our children would live. We were in much the same position as you, in terms of feeding and holding, and I have PTSD and PPD still from knowing that other people took my child away from me before I could hold him and then got to do all of his firsts. However, I was still determined enough to pump and we have a wonderful nursing relationship after not being able to feed for almost two weeks. I understand that some women can’t, and I almost didn’t, but what we are upset about is that the NICUs we experienced were completely different than the ones you’ve heard about Heather. If you haven’t been a NICU mom, you can feel sympathy, but you cannot judge our experiences and others from what you believe should or shouldn’t be done.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 1:20 pm (Quote)
I’m not judging anyone’s experiences! I was stating the experiences that MY FRIENDS had, that’s all! Read my post. If you don’t understand that’s all I was saying, then I’m sorry. I have nothing but empathy–I watched them suffer for weeks and months helplessly, sometimes having to get legal involvement just to FEED their own babies.
I’m really getting tired of being attacked by defensive people (Not you, you actually seem to have some empathy in your reply) deliberately misconstruing what I wrote. It wasn’t that different from what anyone else wrote, but because I wrote it from a defensive place, facing my own fear of the NICU based on the situation and my friends’ experiences (which are more likely to give me an indication of what the NICU nurses are going to be like, than yours, since they live HERE, where I would be dealing with the same nurses–and I would be asking them for nurse and other recommendations left and right).
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 1:14 pm (Quote)
Something that I never said.
All of the local hospitals advertise that they have Level IV NICUs. I don’t even really know what that means beyond what they say in their adverts. By saying I didn’t know there were any lower levels left, I’m referring ENTIRELY to my OWN area, based on the advertisements of the hospitals.
And no, you do NOT want to live here. They have those NICUs because the maternity care here sucks so badly. I had a friend watch her baby die, despite being born in a hospital with a Level IV, because they refused to resuscitate her, while at another hospital in the SAME WEEK, a baby was born at the exact same gestational age, weighing even LESS than that baby (who weighted the same as Josie Duggar) and is still alive today. The mother’s wishes were ignored and her baby was allowed to die when she met all the criteria to save.
I even said that there were gems in the garbage, but you are so focused on a few of the things I said, you are unwilling to see anything in my words other than what you want to see. I never ONCE said “All NICU nurses suck.” I said that in my friends’ experiences, most of the LOCAL NICU nurses suck, which seems to offend you to no end. I’m sorry that it’s so bothersome to you that every friend I’ve had with a baby in the NICU has been driven to tears repeatedly by nurses who make them fight for every contact with their babies and one was even told that she may as well go home and come back when the baby was ready to go home. Seriously told that–one nurse made it clear parents were entirely unwelcome in that NICU.
I never said my experiences go further than my own area and local hospitals. Never once. Because they don’t.
[Reply]
Rebecca Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 5:06 pm (Quote)
Actually, your statement that bad nurses abound was not NICU specific. Had I known it was just your area, I would not have responded the way I did. I am all too aware that some areas have horrible MFM care. Being a mom to a stillborn child, I am involved in the support community, and it seems like every day I hear another mom tell me about a child that might have lived, yet for horrible prenatal/childbirth care. And I am painfully aware that, had I delivered my living son in a number of large areas of the country, I would have two dead children instead of one.
I know that lousy practitioners exist in every profession, and I believe you when you say that all of your friends had horrible experiences. And my heart breaks to hear that one of your friends lost their child when, were it for the right neonatal care, her child might have lived. I know what it is to lose a child, but my child could not have been saved. Hers could and I cannot imagine the pain she must be in.
Your original post was very aggressive, and no where did you indicate that your opinion was particular to your own area, to your own outrage at the substandard care available to you and your friends. That is why NICU moms are jumping on you – we don’t like hearing that all NICU nurses are bad, that our OWN experiences are invalid. But we all know very well that good NICU care is not universal, which is why we are all (I am quite sure) involved in fundraising for the March of Dimes, so that hospitals like the ones near you can get the training and funding and staffing they need to properly care for all babies born prematurely or with serious medical issues. There is a lot of anti-doctor and anti-nurse sentiment on MOBSW, which I get, because I have had some lousy MFM practitioners (and other types too). But not ALL doctors and nurses are lousy/evil/uncaring, so I do tend to jump in and point that out. So I’m not singling you out. But you seemed at first to think that we object to the OP’s statement, which isn’t true – I cannot tell you how ridiculous I find it when medical practitioners overreact and treat every complication like the baby is going to die right then and there. And then you misunderstood why we jumped on you.
I’m not trying to invalidate the OP’s experience, but neither do I want my own experience invalidated. And I didn’t want other readers to be scared of NICU nurses, because the majority of them are amazing, and honestly, the NICU experience alone is so terrifying that adding fear of the staff to it really won’t help any future NICU moms.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 7:13 pm (Quote)
Yes, my post was a knee-jerk reaction from fear at the thought of having to go through all of that.
The friend who lost her baby birthed at an absolutely HORRIBLE hospital. Not just their L&D department, but they have wrongful death suits filed at them on a disturbing basis–in fact, my mother’s physician filed one against them for his wife. The worst part? It replaced two hospitals where one actually had a fairly decent L&D department. I won’t go there if I have a precipitous birth across the street, that place is so bad (ha! me, a precipitous birth!).
I’ve done my MOD walk, too, and fundraising. My husband was a preemie and spent the beginning of his life in a NICU.
I’ve had some awesome nurses and good doctors. But when I’m here, my mind jumps to the ones that hurt me or my friends or family and so, I empathize with the poster. Sometimes a little too emphatically
[Reply]
The Deranged Housewife had this to say,
Mar 28, 2011 @ 7:35 pm (Quote)
It makes me sad to think that there are even nurses out there who hate their jobs so much that they treat patients this way.
[Reply]
i know I think fairly highly of my NICU because without them my daughter would not be here or I would not have had 5 months 2 days with her twin sister. I know some hospitals would not have done anything to try to save a baby born at 28 weeks with a Diaphragmatic Hernia. I know bad hospitals and nurses exist. I am just greatful that their are good ones. I also know their are differences between having a micro preemie and having a baby that is in a NICU for a few days. Both are hard but their are a lot of differences when you are not sure if your baby is going to live or die.
[Reply]
Dana Reply:
March 31st, 2011 at 10:07 pm (Quote)
I’m not sure why you feel so threatened by my experience. Please understand that we had very different experiences, at presumably different hospitals. My experience is simply my experience, and not a reflection of whatever you may think of the nurses at your NICU.
[Reply]
This one hurts, because I also had my baby (firstborn) taken away from me to the NICU and kept for fourteen hours before I was “permitted” to hold him and attempt to nurse.
Naturally this supposedly baby-friendly hospital, in contravention of our birth plan, had given him formula and sugar water to confirm that he knew how to suck, rather than just GIVING HIM TO HIS MOTHER. Guess how much fun our attempts to latch were when they finally gave him back!
(Took us weeks to get nursing comfortably, but by god, he never had another bottle of formula and we wound up nursing over three years….)
[Reply]
My local health network has a policy that no baby is given formula or sugar-water without mum’s written permission. Its a first in Australia, and as they don’t keep it on the wards, they need that written permission to have the formula dispensed from the pharmacy. Its brilliant. I love it. It makes me proud to work for them, and I hope to god that it filters into other local health networks too. OP, I cannot believe she said that to you! It would be akin to me putting some of my stroke patients over the toilet and saying “you’ve got 5 minutes to have a bowel movement or Im going to manually evacuate you without stool softeners”. Ergh!
[Reply]
Add Your Comment.
Previous Post
« “Sorry, No Visitors Allowed In Here.” Next Post
“I Think That There Should Be A Law Against Home Birth. It’s Child Abuse!” »
« “Sorry, No Visitors Allowed In Here.” Next Post
“I Think That There Should Be A Law Against Home Birth. It’s Child Abuse!” »
Oh, for goodness sakes. So now the nurse can’t be bothered to wait? They’ve had the baby for fifteen hours. Give the mom at least one.
Poor little nurse. Must be sooooo hard for you. I know they kidnap women off street corners and enslave them in hospitals against their wills and without any kind of compensation in order to minister to the women who come there to have a vacation…
Oh, wait, no, this nurse went to school of her own free will and is being paid to do her job. So yeah, do your darned job and give the mom as much time as she needs.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 1:32 pm Heather(Quote)
How did you not get attacked by all the NICU moms that flooded in to yell at me for saying I would do everything in my power to keep from being treated this way since all of my local friends who had to go through the NICU came out with stories like this every. day.?
Oh, I forgot, you’re awesomesauce, that’s how
You really do rock, Jane.
[Reply]
Rebecca Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 4:43 pm Rebecca(Quote)
It’s very simple Heather. She mocked the nurse, the one who clearly had an attitude problem. You made sweeping generalizations about the entire profession. I don’t understand why you don’t get that.
I have no idea if Jane is awesomesauce, but I will take your word for it.
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 7:16 pm Heather(Quote)
She totally is. Look around the site at her other responses. She can usually say it best.
I went back and reread what I wrote and realized that that’s how it came out. It’s not how I intended it, but when you’re mad for someone, sometimes you make sweeping generalizations. It was the number of people who jumped on me that made it worse–I react very badly, very, very badly, to being ganged up on. Add in pregnancy hormones and being a lifeline for suicidal teenagers and having a bad week and the timing couldn’t have been much worse.
[Reply]
Rebecca Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 7:22 pm Rebecca(Quote)
I apologize for the unintentional bad timing, and congrats on being pregnant!
[Reply]