Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
9
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Hey, I Get To Violate You Today!”
“Hey! I get to violate you today!” — OB to mother upon walking into the exam room while the mother waited under a sheet for the first vaginal exam for her pregnancy.
There are 48 comments to this post.
I just threw up in my mouth a little. I am a victim of sexual abuse as a child and I can tell you right now, this person would loose their medical license if they said this to me, I would fight for it. I would also, just to dig, report them to the police for their disgusting disregard of sexual abuse. I mean, someone who even jokes about that would do it, I think.
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Caryn Webe Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 12:56 pm (Quote)
What scares me is that if he/she even thinks this is funny is sick and there’s no telling what he’s said or physically done to other patients. I hope this OP ran out of there as fast as her feet would carry her.
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Oh my goodness. Only someone who really wanted to violate women would joke about something like that. It’s like the doctor is blowing off aggressive energy and letting the woman know she’s powerless.
I hope this comment was reported to the practice manager, the hospital where the doctor has privileges, the insurance company, and the state licensing board.
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shannon Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 12:54 pm (Quote)
That’s the same thing I thought. The comment belies the OB’s mentality that he really IS violating women. He must see it that way or he would never say such a thing. I can’t even imagine my dr. saying this to me. How creepy! And I want to know what happened next. Did the OP get the exam, knowing the perv doc was getting a thrill out of it? Or did she get up and run? I’m not sure what I would do honestly, I mean you’re already sitting there naked from the waist down… not really in a position of strength.
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Charity had this to say,
Mar 9, 2011 @ 12:42 pm (Quote)
Gotta love OB “humor.” My answer: “My vagina has teeth and will use them if she feels violated.”
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Going2BeRN Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 5:19 pm (Quote)
I would totally say that to the doctor if that was said to me.
But I like your zing comment in return. Reminds me of a movie – for some reasin :O
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road2vba2c had this to say,
Mar 9, 2011 @ 12:54 pm (Quote)
No you don’t.
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There are probably some people who would think that’s funny (I might snicker at it if I were REALLY comfortable with my doctor), but clearly some people would NOT, and the possible offense or anxiety it could cause in those people would make me, if I were a doctor, just decide to NEVER EVER make a joke like that!
I hope the doctor was at LEAST a woman. Coming from a (presumably straight) man, it takes on yet another level of creepy.
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Kali Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 8:35 pm (Quote)
I agree. It is 100% unprofessional and gross, but to be honest, I don’t think it means the OB is automatically a sicko at heart. I think he/she meant it as a joke, no matter how inappropriate it may be. Some people honestly do not know the difference between things you could say to your family/intimate friends and things you say to the rest of the world. *sigh*
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Cassaundra had this to say,
Mar 9, 2011 @ 1:21 pm (Quote)
I would be delivering in prison, because I would have leapt out of the stirrups, grabbed the stool and bashed in the skull of the hateful fucking evil scum-sucking useless shiteball that said this
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Unless a person needed a pap and/or a regular check-up is there a need to do a vaginal exam in early pregnancy if she doesn’t want one?
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Maddy Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 1:54 pm (Quote)
I don’t think so. Even if there was a “need” for one, you still have the right to say NO. It’s your body; YOU decide who touches it & why.
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mommymichael had this to say,
Mar 9, 2011 @ 1:44 pm (Quote)
Waiting for the pink link, waiting for the pink link, waiting for the pink link.
Please comment! I do hope you didn’t allow them anywhere near you!
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laura grace had this to say,
Mar 9, 2011 @ 1:51 pm (Quote)
OMG OMG OMG, there is no universe in which this is appropriate. My teenage boy students would get that this is inappropriate. Anyone with a rudimentary grasp of a) English, b) patient-doctor relationships, and c) being a FREAKING HUMAN BEING should know that this is inappropriate.
Horrible, horrible, horrible.
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How disgusting! OP, PLEASE tell us what happened!
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Sheva Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 2:25 pm (Quote)
MOBSW, if the original submission has the ending, can you please post it, too, so we don’t have to wait? Thanks!
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My OB said WHAT?!? Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 3:55 pm (Quote)
nothing more but the submitted quotes (there were more than one!) The OP was sent an email with the post date. Maybe they will come back and add some more?
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Susan Peterson had this to say,
Mar 9, 2011 @ 7:55 pm (Quote)
I suppose he could have been reading about the protest of doctors doing vaginal exams on anesthetized women, or about “birth rape” and could have been thinking to himself that vaginal exams are just another part of work to him, and feeling very unfairly judged and put upon, and this all came out in this comment.
But it is beyond the pale unprofessional! With all the connotations of violate, many of them sexual, by saying this he has shifted the exam out of the realm of the medical and right into a sexual context, and an assaultive one. How is the woman then going to feel as he proceeds? He has changed the meaning of his movements and of her body in that situation by that remark. I’d say that after such a remark the exam just cannot proceed.
I believe that this is a person who has been bothered by this characterization of what he (or she?) often does in the course of his practice, and he hasn’t been able to deal with the feedback and integrate it and respond by taking a more respectful approach, asking permission instead. He is still processing it in an emotive and chaotic way, and this is what spilled out of his mouth. I have some pity on him.
But nevertheless, it is beyond the pale unprofessional, and I hope the woman declined the exam
Susan Peterson
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Elysiarenee Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 2:47 am (Quote)
this is the only explanation that makes any sense to me but I’m still in “what? I can’t believe this really happened” territory
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This reminds me of my (former) dentist. I stopped going to his office after he made a joke, during a cavity filling procedure, about how a very unusual feature of one of my teeth “would make it easy to identify your dead body.” It was so remarkably inappropriate that the dental assistant’s mouth fell open.
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Amber Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 3:18 pm (Quote)
Completely NOT discounting what you are saying, but for me personally, a dentist making that comment to me would be wildly hilarious even if he did not look like he was joking when he said it. Then again, my dentist is an extremely awkward man who rarely speaks. I know his wife and father-in-law well enough that I have a good perspective on his personality. So if he said that to me, I would probably roll on the floor laughing!
But regardless, providing records to identify human remains IS in the normal realm of something that dentists have to do in their profession. He could have chosen a little more tact, or found an obvious way to make it a joke if that is what he intended. “Violating” a patient should not be in the normal realm of anyone’s profession, so there would never be a tactful or funny way of saying that!
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Serene Reply:
April 3rd, 2011 at 12:39 am (Quote)
Mine is ukrainian, so I just imagined him saying this with his accent, all the while knowing that his job used to be identifying deceased soldiers with no ID 
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Amber Reply:
April 3rd, 2011 at 6:18 am (Quote)
Oh, my. I know that accent well – my son is Russian and we have many eastern European friends. I also know that they (all of them that I know) are “harder” than most Americans. They lived such a hard life, things are so very black and white, and they think Americans are very “soft” and too compassionate. I can certainly see how that statement would be inappropriate given his history. That’s a LOT different than your average dentist in the US saying that!
I wonder if he just thought that it was a good thing, that it was useful knowledge for you? Knowing so many eastern Europeans, I can truly say that I would not be surprised in the least if he thought that.
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This has been my doctor for years, and this was just the first vaginal exam since my pregnancy had started–not my first exam with her. It is a woman and she really didn’t mean it in a mean way or mean to take sexual abuse lightly. I’m sure she was just saying, “hey–first vaginal exam today”–which I had heard wasn’t pleasant during pregnancy, so I wasn’t excited to begin with. The humor actually made me feel better.
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Kristin Reply:
March 17th, 2011 at 6:02 pm (Quote)
Well, I’m glad you know her so well and she knows where your boundaries are as far as humor is concerned. I think I would have been furious with my OB, and I’ve known her for a while too. Honestly, to me, even if I was actually friends with my doctor, I would have reported her for such a callous and off colored remark.
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WTF???
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